Caption contest

Written By: - Date published: 2:52 pm, August 2nd, 2013 - 77 comments
Categories: caption contest - Tags:

key-caption

77 comments on “Caption contest ”

  1. unclemuzza 1

    Hey kids! hands up if you have mum and dad investors as parents?

  2. Michael Nolan 2

    George Bush on the morning of 9/11

  3. Zorr 3

    “Hands up if you want to know what your teacher was Googling last night?”

  4. vto 4

    “ha ha, no your Mum is wrong, I’m not a liar” *blush*

  5. vto 5

    “oh….. *blush*……. as red as dotcom said you reckon ?”

  6. chrissy 6

    “What was the question again young man? You’re using too many big words, and complete sentences. I can’t understand the question”

  7. Jackal 7

    Key: Yes! The little subversive in the back?

    Where are the Kiwi terrorists trained by Al-Qaeda and could you show me the WMB please Mr President?

    Key: Look over there at this lovely polling kiddies…would you like to play another game to see who will resign next? I like ice cream.

  8. alwyn 8

    Well goodness me it’s young Hipkins. The truancy officer caught up with you at last.

  9. tc 9

    Whaddya mean why aren’t I at question time see you are asking me questions so THIS IS question time.

    OK next question yes thanks you whose father enjoys blogging under the handle ‘Tyranny4All’

  10. Treetop 10

    Can I get away with telling bullshit?

    You know how honest children can be.

  11. weka 11

    gawd, it’s good to be back with my peers again.

  12. fabregas4 12

    You only have half a teacher now because all the money is in private and charter schools.

  13. fabregas4 13

    Yes we only really want centre-right teachers – for too long it was the left that dominated education.

  14. sweetd 14

    …and by the time you kids are old enough to vote I will still be PM.

  15. Yeah, I used to be prime minster but i got caught lying too much so now I’m just Mr Key your new history teacher, so lets get into it – who can tell me the capital of wellington?

  16. fabregas4 16

    I’m laughing because I don’t really give a rats arse about any of you – you’re not my kids.

  17. fabregas4 17

    Yes Mrs Parata is the Minister of Education but she is so bloody useless that we don’t let her anywhere near schools.

  18. Papa Tuanuku 18

    And when you grow up, you can be an Australian too.

  19. chris73 19

    No I don’t know why I’m so popular but its a good thing

  20. King Kong 20

    Kids, Did you know that there are a bunch of sad losers on the Standard who just can’t stop thinking about me.

    • Mary 20.1

      But of course I never read what they say.

      • Mary 20.1.1

        Then how do you know they’re sad losers who can’t stop thinking about you?

        • Mary 20.1.1.1

          I honestly can’t remember.

        • Private baldric 20.1.1.2

          Greg Presland is one of the authors… guilt by association don’t you know.

          [lprent: Baldric, baldric… Yes I remember, should be dead. Will shortly be a silent zombie unless there is a change in behaviour.

          If I see you start that crap again then you will be permanently banned. I am a whole lot less tolerant about silly games towards authors.

          Are you quite clear on that? ]

    • Murray Olsen 20.2

      Yes, the sad losers worship me. The monkey one even names his fleas after me. The others are subversives.

  21. rod 21

    Mr Key, can we play I Spy, my mum says you are an expert at it.

  22. BLiP 22

    Hello underclass. Hands up whose mummy or daddy has a job . . .

  23. chris73 23

    Yes thats right kids there is a good chance that you’ll have left school before Labour are back in power

  24. Old Ted 24

    Please put your hand up if you think your dad is a terrorist.

  25. jaymam 25

    Hey kids! Wanna see this centrefold of Vance?

  26. Postie 26

    He-He-He my mates will be making $10k each out of you little focker soon He-He-he

  27. Blue 27

    PM: Hands up who knows who David Shearer is?

  28. Blue 28

    PM explains what polls are. Now all those voting Labour put your hands up.

  29. peterlepaysan 29

    You all know how to play “I Spy with my little eye?”

    Let me show you my way of playing that game.

    It is called “protecting John’s back”.

  30. rob 30

    That’s an interesting question
    Yes, how did I get to be worth $50M and yet my company
    still managed to go tits up?

  31. mac1 31

    “Your teacher introduced me as the eponymous reader of this book. Hands up if you know whatever that means.”

  32. georgecom 32

    Now kids, shall we read some more of Peter Dunnes emails?

  33. Arfamo 33

    Yes I know sometimes I use the wrong words on tv but that doesn’t mean I’m an ignorotamus.

  34. georgecom 34

    Yes kids, if you do work hard at school ou may get a job in my personal spy agency.

  35. Akldnut 35

    This is the smile I use when I know the commoners don’t believe my lies, it works a real treat.

    I taught the rest of my party how to do it, just keep an eye out for Hekia, Paula, Simon Bridges or Nick Smith when they’re talking bullshit to the media or screwing the underclass.

  36. georgecom 36

    Yes kids, if you do work hard at school you may get a job in my personal spy agency.

  37. BrucetheMoose 37

    “…the end. Well, I’m glad you liked my story telling kids, I get plenty of practice as Prime Minister.”

  38. woodpecker 38

    The PM just sat there……wondering who fucked him? Who was it that leaked? Later that evening a lone private jet left AKL with a small hunched man and a group of heavy set men ( wearing sunglasses) on a one way flight to Hawaii ………………….fin.

  39. Jackal 39

    By the time you reach intermediate kiddies, under a National government well all be $208 billion in debt. Anybody got a spare kidney to sell?

  40. the pigman 40

    “Can anyone tell me who stuck this enlarged version of Labour’s 1999 pledge card under the white board?”

  41. Jackal 41

    That’s the end of our economic slavery lesson for today kids. Now lets sing the National anthem: Oh, say! can you see by the dawn’s early light…

  42. key:..’do you kids know..that by the time you grow up…the state will know absolutely everything about you..?..’

    phillip ure..

  43. keys’ stunned-mullet reactions to the news (whispered in his ear) that david cunnliffe has just replaced david shearer as leader of labour..

    ..(heard to mutter under his breath:..’oh shit..!’..he then pretends nothing is wrong/has happened..

    ..and goes on to read the storybook to the school-children..

    ..and just ignores the baying-media at the schoolhouse door….)

    phillip ure..

  44. key:..’how many of you kids are in the permanent-underclass..?’

    phillip ure..

  45. key:..”..do you kids know that i am doing all i can to make sure you grow up to live in a third world/low-wage/surveillance-state..?..”

    phillip ure..

  46. key:..’why am i smiling and laughing/so happy..?

    ..i am just thinking how expendable you all are..

    ..you are all just the children of pissant-peasants..

    ..and you will all grow up to be pissant-peasants..

    ..if i get my way..

    ..they don’t call me the smiling-assasin for nothing..eh..?’

    phillip ure..

  47. key:..’i grew up in a state house too..

    ..just like the ones i am throwing your families out of…’

    phillip ure..

  48. key:..’boo..!..i’m the chief-spook..!’.

    ..scary..eh..?..’

    phillip ure..

  49. key:.’have you kids heard what i have been doing to the new zealand economy and environment..?

    ..no..?..that’s good..!’..

    phillip ure..

  50. ruup 50

    Ewww, was that you?

  51. key:

    “i’m rich..and you’re not..haha!..”

    phillip ure..

  52. key:

    “..hello kids..ackshully i’m here to present you all with the invoices for your futures..”

    phillip ure..

  53. See, not all dictators are scary

Recent Comments

Recent Posts

  • Speech to the 2024 Infrastructure Symposium
    Introduction Good morning. It’s a great privilege to be here at the 2024 Infrastructure Symposium. I was extremely happy when the Prime Minister asked me to be his Minister for Infrastructure. It is one of the great barriers holding the New Zealand economy back from achieving its potential. Building high ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    14 hours ago
  • $571 million for Defence pay and projects
    Defence Minister Judith Collins today announced the upcoming Budget will include new funding of $571 million for Defence Force pay and projects. “Our servicemen and women do New Zealand proud throughout the world and this funding will help ensure we retain their services and expertise as we navigate an increasingly ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    19 hours ago
  • Climate change – mitigating the risks and costs
    New Zealand’s ability to cope with climate change will be strengthened as part of the Government’s focus to build resilience as we rebuild the economy, Climate Change Minister Simon Watts says. “An enduring and long-term approach is needed to provide New Zealanders and the economy with certainty as the climate ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    19 hours ago
  • Getting new job seekers on the pathway to work
    Jobseeker beneficiaries who have work obligations must now meet with MSD within two weeks of their benefit starting to determine their next step towards finding a job, Social Development and Employment Minister Louise Upston says. “A key part of the coalition Government’s plan to have 50,000 fewer people on Jobseeker ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 days ago
  • Accelerating Social Investment
    A new standalone Social Investment Agency will power-up the social investment approach, driving positive change for our most vulnerable New Zealanders, Social Investment Minister Nicola Willis says.  “Despite the Government currently investing more than $70 billion every year into social services, we are not seeing the outcomes we want for ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 days ago
  • Getting Back on Track
    Check against delivery Good morning. It is a pleasure to be with you to outline the Coalition Government’s approach to our first Budget. Thank you Mark Skelly, President of the Hutt Valley Chamber of Commerce, together with  your Board and team, for hosting me.   I’d like to acknowledge His Worship ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 days ago
  • NZ – European Union ties more critical than ever
    Your Excellency Ambassador Meredith,   Members of the Diplomatic Corps and Ambassadors from European Union Member States,   Ministerial colleagues, Members of Parliament, and other distinguished guests, Thank you everyone for joining us.   Ladies and gentlemen -    In diplomacy, we often speak of ‘close’ and ‘long-standing’ relations.   ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 days ago
  • Therapeutic Products Act to be repealed
    The Therapeutic Products Act (TPA) will be repealed this year so that a better regime can be put in place to provide New Zealanders safe and timely access to medicines, medical devices and health products, Associate Health Minister Casey Costello announced today. “The medicines and products we are talking about ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • Decisions on Wellington City Council’s District Plan
    The Minister Responsible for RMA Reform, Chris Bishop, today released his decision on twenty recommendations referred to him by the Wellington City Council relating to its Intensification Planning Instrument, after the Council rejected those recommendations of the Independent Hearings Panel and made alternative recommendations. “Wellington notified its District Plan on ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • Rape Awareness Week: Government committed to action on sexual violence
    Rape Awareness Week (6-10 May) is an important opportunity to acknowledge the continued effort required by government and communities to ensure that all New Zealanders can live free from violence, say Ministers Karen Chhour and Louise Upston.  “With 1 in 3 women and 1 in 8 men experiencing sexual violence ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • Smarter lunch programme feeds more, costs less
    Associate Education Minister David Seymour has today announced that the Government will be delivering a more efficient Healthy School Lunches Programme, saving taxpayers approximately $107 million a year compared to how Labour funded it, by embracing innovation and commercial expertise. “We are delivering on our commitment to treat taxpayers’ money ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • Report provides insights into marine recovery
    New research on the impacts of extreme weather on coastal marine habitats in Tairāwhiti and Hawke’s Bay will help fishery managers plan for and respond to any future events, Oceans and Fisheries Minister Shane Jones says. A report released today on research by Niwa on behalf of Fisheries New Zealand ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • NZ to send political delegation to the Pacific
    Deputy Prime Minister and Foreign Minister Winston Peters will lead a broad political delegation on a five-stop Pacific tour next week to strengthen New Zealand’s engagement with the region.   The delegation will visit Solomon Islands, Papua New Guinea, Vanuatu, New Caledonia, and Tuvalu.    “New Zealand has deep and ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • Low gas production threatens energy security
    There has been a material decline in gas production according to figures released today by the Gas Industry Co.  Figures released by the Gas Industry Company show that there was a 12.5 per cent reduction in gas production during 2023, and a 27.8 per cent reduction in gas production in the ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • Defence industry talent, commitment recognised
    Defence Minister Judith Collins tonight announced the recipients of the Minister of Defence Awards of Excellence for Industry, saying they all contribute to New Zealanders’ security and wellbeing. “Congratulations to this year’s recipients, whose innovative products and services play a critical role in the delivery of New Zealand’s defence capabilities, ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • Speech to the Minister of Defence Awards of Excellence for Industry
    Welcome to you all - it is a pleasure to be here this evening.I would like to start by thanking Greg Lowe, Chair of the New Zealand Defence Industry Advisory Council, for co-hosting this reception with me. This evening is about recognising businesses from across New Zealand and overseas who in ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • Speech to the Sixth Annual New Zealand Government Data Summit
    It is a pleasure to be speaking to you as the Minister for Digitising Government.  I would like to thank Akolade for the invitation to address this Summit, and to acknowledge the great effort you are making to grow New Zealand’s digital future. Today, we stand at the cusp of ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • Ceasefire agreement needed now: Peters
    New Zealand is urging both Israel and Hamas to agree to an immediate ceasefire to avoid the further humanitarian catastrophe that military action in Rafah would unleash, Foreign Minister Winston Peters says.   “The immense suffering in Gaza cannot be allowed to worsen further. Both sides have a responsibility to ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    4 days ago
  • Daily school attendance data now available
    A new online data dashboard released today as part of the Government’s school attendance action plan makes more timely daily attendance data available to the public and parents, says Associate Education Minister David Seymour.  The interactive dashboard will be updated once a week to show a national average of how ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    4 days ago
  • Ambassador to United States appointed
    Foreign Minister Winston Peters has announced Rosemary Banks will be New Zealand’s next Ambassador to the United States of America.    “Our relationship with the United States is crucial for New Zealand in strategic, security and economic terms,” Mr Peters says.    “New Zealand and the United States have a ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    4 days ago
  • New permit proposed for recreational gold mining
    The Government is considering creating a new tier of minerals permitting that will make it easier for hobby miners to prospect for gold. “New Zealand was built on gold, it’s in our DNA. Our gold deposits, particularly in regions such as Otago and the West Coast have always attracted fortune-hunters. ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    4 days ago
  • NZ and the UAE launch FTA negotiations
    Minister for Trade Todd McClay today announced that New Zealand and the United Arab Emirates (UAE) will commence negotiations on a free trade agreement (FTA). Minister McClay met with his counterpart UAE Trade Minister Dr Thani bin Ahmed Al Zeyoudi in Dubai, where they announced the launch of negotiations on a ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    4 days ago
  • New Zealand Sign Language Week an opportunity for anyone to sign
    New Zealand Sign Language Week is an excellent opportunity for all Kiwis to give the language a go, Disabilities Issues Minister Louise Upston says. This week (May 6 to 12) is New Zealand Sign Language (NZSL) Week. The theme is “an Aotearoa where anyone can sign anywhere” and aims to ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    4 days ago
  • Next stop NASA for New Zealand students
    Six tertiary students have been selected to work on NASA projects in the US through a New Zealand Space Scholarship, Space Minister Judith Collins announced today. “This is a fantastic opportunity for these talented students. They will undertake internships at NASA’s Ames Research Center or its Jet Propulsion Laboratory (JPL), where ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    4 days ago
  • $1.9 billion investment to keep NZ safe from crime
    New Zealanders will be safer because of a $1.9 billion investment in more frontline Corrections officers, more support for offenders to turn away from crime, and more prison capacity, Corrections Minister Mark Mitchell says. “Our Government said we would crack down on crime. We promised to restore law and order, ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    4 days ago
  • OECD reinforces need to control spending
    The OECD’s latest report on New Zealand reinforces the importance of bringing Government spending under control, Finance Minister Nicola Willis says. The OECD conducts country surveys every two years to review its members’ economic policies. The 2024 New Zealand survey was presented in Wellington today by OECD Chief Economist Clare Lombardelli.   ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    5 days ago
  • Agreement delivers Local Water Done Well for Auckland
    The Government has delivered on its election promise to provide a financially sustainable model for Auckland under its Local Water Done Well plan. The plan, which has been unanimously endorsed by Auckland Council’s Governing Body, will see Aucklanders avoid the previously projected 25.8 per cent water rates increases while retaining ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    6 days ago
  • Gaza and the Pacific on the agenda with Germany
    Foreign Minister Winston Peters discussed the need for an immediate ceasefire in Gaza, and enhanced cooperation in the Pacific with German Foreign Minister Annalena Baerbock during her first official visit to New Zealand today.    "New Zealand and Germany enjoy shared interests and values, including the rule of law, democracy, respect for the international system ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    7 days ago
  • Decision allows for housing growth in Western Bay of Plenty
    The Minister Responsible for RMA Reform, Chris Bishop today released his decision on four recommendations referred to him by the Western Bay of Plenty District Council, opening the door to housing growth in the area. The Council’s Plan Change 92 allows more homes to be built in existing and new ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Speech to New Zealand China Council
    Thank you, John McKinnon and the New Zealand China Council for the invitation to speak to you today.    Thank you too, all members of the China Council. Your effort has played an essential role in helping to build, shape, and grow a balanced and resilient relationship between our two ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Modern insurance law will protect Kiwi households
    The Government is modernising insurance law to better protect Kiwis and provide security in the event of a disaster, Commerce and Consumer Affairs Minister Andrew Bayly announced today. “These reforms are long overdue. New Zealand’s insurance law is complicated and dated, some of which is more than 100 years old. ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Government recommits to equal pay
    The coalition Government is refreshing its approach to supporting pay equity claims as time-limited funding for the Pay Equity Taskforce comes to an end, Public Service Minister Nicola Willis says.  “Three years ago, the then-government introduced changes to the Equal Pay Act to support pay equity bargaining. The changes were ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Transforming how our children learn to read
    Structured literacy will change the way New Zealand children learn to read - improving achievement and setting students up for success, Education Minister Erica Stanford says.  “Being able to read and write is a fundamental life skill that too many young people are missing out on. Recent data shows that ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • NZ not backing down in Canada dairy dispute
    Trade Minister Todd McClay says Canada’s refusal to comply in full with a CPTPP trade dispute ruling in our favour over dairy trade is cynical and New Zealand has no intention of backing down. Mr McClay said he has asked for urgent legal advice in respect of our ‘next move’ ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Stronger oversight for our most vulnerable children
    The rights of our children and young people will be enhanced by changes the coalition Government will make to strengthen oversight of the Oranga Tamariki system, including restoring a single Children’s Commissioner. “The Government is committed to delivering better public services that care for our most at-risk young people and ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Streamlining Building Consent Changes
    The Government is making it easier for minor changes to be made to a building consent so building a home is easier and more affordable, Building and Construction Minister Chris Penk says.      “The coalition Government is focused on making it easier and cheaper to build homes so we can ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Minister acknowledges passing of Sir Robert Martin (KNZM)
    New Zealand lost a true legend when internationally renowned disability advocate Sir Robert Martin (KNZM) passed away at his home in Whanganui last night, Disabilities Issues Minister Louise Upston says. “Our Government’s thoughts are with his wife Lynda, family and community, those he has worked with, the disability community in ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Speech to New Zealand Institute of International Affairs, Parliament – Annual Lecture: Challenges ...
    Good evening –   Before discussing the challenges and opportunities facing New Zealand’s foreign policy, we’d like to first acknowledge the New Zealand Institute of International Affairs. You have contributed to debates about New Zealand foreign policy over a long period of time, and we thank you for hosting us.  ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Accelerating airport security lines
    From today, passengers travelling internationally from Auckland Airport will be able to keep laptops and liquids in their carry-on bags for security screening thanks to new technology, Transport Minister Simeon Brown says. “Creating a more efficient and seamless travel experience is important for holidaymakers and businesses, enabling faster movement through ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Community hui to talk about kina barrens
    People with an interest in the health of Northland’s marine ecosystems are invited to a public meeting to discuss how to deal with kina barrens, Oceans and Fisheries Minister Shane Jones says. Mr Jones will lead the discussion, which will take place on Friday, 10 May, at Awanui Hotel in ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago

Page generated in The Standard by Wordpress at 2024-05-10T16:48:45+00:00