web analytics

Imperator Fish: Let’s shut down the internet

Written By: - Date published: 1:40 pm, May 22nd, 2014 - 18 comments
Categories: humour, internet, Satire, twitter - Tags: , ,

There appears to have been a hiatus in the flood of posts today. Perhaps it is because of the wise words of Imperator Fish pausing the world as they consider his wise words… And those of Speaker Carter (who appears to have a problem with most current culture). We are generously given permission to put repost these words.

I have had a good run at this blogging thing, but it seems that I may be contributing to a growing problem.

The problem is the internet.

Just about every modern-day problem can be blamed on the internet. Hackers, viruses, cyber-bullying, internet fraud, and an overwhelming preponderance of cat pictures. It’s all the internet’s fault.

This internet thing has got out of control, and it’s time to stop. Let me explain how bad the problem has become.

The Law Commission has recently pointed the finger at irresponsible bloggers who will write just about anything to get attention, and it’s now causing problems for our justice system. The recent Law Commission report into our contempt laws (which refers to “Internet blogs” at page 51, in order to distinguish them from that other type of blog) reveals that jurors are going online and using Google to find out all sorts of things about the cases they are involved in. Something must be done to stop this terrible modern innovation.

The behaviour of these irresponsible jurors is inexcusable. Why can’t they be like our judges, who I’m sure never ever use Google to check out the people before them? But even if one of our judges did go online to investigate a party to a case before them, that judge would almost certainly remain completely impartial. You see, our judges are magical beings.

And then there’s social media. It’s turning us all into narcissists and attention-seekers, and what possible good can come out of people communicating with each other and making new connections? With all this tweeting and Facebooking, our every thought, our every movement (including our bowel ones), can be shared online. It’s a terrible thing, and we’re all turning into ego-driven monsters.

Twitter’s causing all sorts of problems for people, especially those in positions of authority. It’s even being used by politicians to question the integrity of our Parliament’s Speaker. It’s all a bit tough on poor old David Carter, who I happen to think is doing a splendid job for his party. He’s possibly the best Speaker National’s ever had.

Twitter regularly gets politicians into trouble, perhaps because it allows voters to see the real side of our elected representatives. Sometimes what we see isn’t particularly pretty, so obviously we need to blame all of Twitter, rather than the tweeter.

Twitter has even been used by people to express opinions that some would rather not be heard, and it has proven to be a powerful tool for activism when properly harnessed. No wonder John Key’s agin’ it.

King CanuteAnd then there’s Google. If you have ever posted anything online, or had someone post something online about you, Google will be able to find it. This vast and powerful search engine never forgets. But imagine if you’re a dodgy doctor, a politician with an unfortunate back-story, or someone who has been caught possessing child abuse images. What if you could make that regrettable past just go away? The European Court of Justice is doing its best to accommodate the wishes of those who would like us to forget all those terrible things they once did, but in attempting to control the behemoth that is Google they are acting more like modern-day Canutes trying to command the tides.

So let’s just make their jobs easier and shut Google down.

People will do stupid things online, because people do incredibly stupid things offline all the time. People can be cruel and hurtful when they engage in online activity, but the internet doesn’t have a monopoly on cruel and hurtful behaviour.

The difference now is that when we are stupid, or cruel, or crazy or racist online, our words remain for all to see. This is obviously a major problem for those among us who are stupid, cruel, crazy or racist, because people can use the same medium to challenge or denounce, or simply share, our offensive or oafish behaviour. Before the internet I could be as racist as I liked, and only my closest friends would know I was a racist prick. Now if I go online and express an opinion about black people or Asians, I’m likely to end up in a huge fight with people. Which is obviously not fair. I was only saying what I thought everyone else was thinking.

Look, I’m not saying things were always better in the days before the internet, but they were certainly simpler and less challenging. And I bet nobody ever received a spam telegram.

So let’s all call it a day. Let’s just make everything easier for regulators, politicians and health officials. Shut down your Twitter account, delete your Facebook profile, and walk away from your blogsite. Ring your internet provider right now and tell them you’ve had enough. You need your life back. You want to go back to the way things used to be. Do you remember that golden age of humanity when we trusted everything our leaders told us, and didn’t use Google and Wikipedia to fact-check what they were saying? Do you remember how if you wanted to listen to some new band, you had to go down to the record shop or borrow your mate’s CD? Remember how hard it used to be to buy stuff from overseas?

When regulators and officials worry about the internet and propose ways of banning it, or controlling it, or punishing people for using it, what they’re really trying to do is control the information people can access. And for good reason. Information is power, so why should they let those stupid peasants have any? Why let people think for themselves?

So let’s put a stop to the internet right now. But I might just wait for others to start first, before I shut this site down. If that’s okay with you.

18 comments on “Imperator Fish: Let’s shut down the internet ”

  1. lprent 1

    Of course Imperator Fish does rather destroy his case with his next post, as he agonises over the question of allowing people to comment on his posts.

    But then he throws caution to the winds as he says:-

    The problem with posing such questions here is… well, I have disabled comments. How are people meant to give me feedback on this very issue? I suppose you could send me an email, but most people won’t bother.

    So I will enable comments – just this once – in order for readers to tell me what they think.

    You have to laugh at Tom Semmens response.

    Comments! I’d keep them off. Just look how much norightturn upsets the righties. And then there is the ever present danger of Pete George showing up.

    At the risk of having a unread tirade of hurt feelings heading in my direction, I feel forced to utter a mischievous “Indeed”…

    • Tracey 1.1

      does judith know this could impact the cretacean?

      • lprent 1.1.1

        You mean he might have to learn how to hold down a real job?

        I dare say it would be a shock to the system. However after he deals with some of the Paula indoctrination at WINZ for a while, I’m sure that he will overcome his fear of change.

        Of course there is the issue of finding anyone willing to pay him for his limited range of skills.

        • Tracey 1.1.1.1

          well any recommendations from the law commission will go through the minister of Justice 😉

    • weka 1.2

      Tracey pointed to PG on Public Address the other day, and it was such a classic, top of his game comment from dear old Petey, erudite nonsense. I think his ban from ts has clarified his thinking and approach 🙂

    • veutoviper 1.3

      LOL. Indeed, indeed.

      And Russell Brown and his readers/commenters on his latest post aat Public Address are feeling the PG phenomena at present.

      Snap – Weka’s comment.

  2. Philj 2

    xox

    RIP PG.

    You have gone but are not forgotten, or forgiven.

    • lprent 2.1

      Don’t forget that he only got a time ban… He’ll be back..

      Maybe shutting down the internet?

      • greywarbler 2.1.1

        What about an RWNJ tag team. Say only ? 2 or 4 enabled in the standard at one time with a change every month. It seems unfair not to let some swim in the deep end to get the experience because others are always in the pool. Limiting numbers would enable The Standard to prevent flooding from too many not restraining themselves.

  3. Philj 3

    xox
    oh no, I didn’t know! The Gossman has carried on the baton. How many RSNJ’ s can this site handle?

    • Tracey 3.1

      if you go to the site where gosman blogs you see a clear patern and ideology.

  4. weka 4

    “But even if one of our judges did go online to investigate a party to a case before them, that judge would almost certainly remain completely impartial. You see, our judges are magical beings.”

    So where exactly do judges learn to be impartial? I assume it’s not at law school.

  5. Chooky 5

    love the picture of the kitty with its paw in its mouth!

  6. Chooky 6

    ….the internet is really really important for grassroots democracy and letting the plebs have a say

    …..anyone who wants to close down the internet or restrict internet freedom for civil discourse, discussion , knowledge , dialectic …is trying to undermine democracy and civil liberties

    • Populuxe1 6.1

      How about kiddieporn, bullying and hate speech?

      • Chooky 6.1.1

        i was talking about closing down the internet or restricting internet freedom for “civil discourse, discussion , knowledge , dialectic …is trying to undermine democracy and civil liberties”

        you are the one who is talking about “kiddieporn, bullying and hate speech”…. and you are using the internet

        • Populuxe1 6.1.1.1

          Just pointing out the other side of the net – I can’t stand black and white thinking

          • Chooky 6.1.1.1.1

            @Pop…you prefer shades of grey?…naughty , naughty …who would have thought at your age!?

Recent Comments

Recent Posts

  • The Ahuriri Hapū Claims Settlement Bill passes Third Reading – Pānuitanga Tuatoru o te Pire ...
    Kua pahure te Pire Whakataunga Kerēme a ngā Hapū o Ahuriri i tōna pānuitanga tuatoru i te pāremata - he pae nunui i te hātepe whakataunga Tiriti o Waitangi hītori mō ngā Hapū o Ahuriri. “Ko te pae whakahirahira nei te tohu o te tīmatanga hou mō te whakahoanga i ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    9 hours ago
  • Launch of Te Aorerekura – the national strategy for the elimination of family violence and sex...
    Tēnā tātou katoa Kei a koutou e Te Ātiawa, koutou e kaha tiaki nei, koutou e mau tonu nei ki te mana o tēnei o ngā whenua taurikura, tēnā koutou e te manawhenua, e Te Ātiawa. Kaha tautoko ana ahau i ngā kōrero kua kōrerotia, e ngā mihi kua mihia, ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    11 hours ago
  • A guiding star sets a new path for the elimination of family violence and sexual violence
    Today the Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern and Minister for the Prevention of Family Violence Marama Davidson joined tangata whenua and sector representatives to launch Te Aorerekura, the country’s first National Strategy to Eliminate Family Violence and Sexual Violence. “Te Aorerekura sets a collective ambition to create peaceful homes where children, ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    13 hours ago
  • NZ secures new Pfizer COVID-19 medicine
    New Zealand has secured supplies of another medicine to treat COVID-19, Health Minister Andrew Little announced today. “In October, New Zealand was one of the first countries in the world to make an advance purchase of a promising new antiviral drug, molnupiravir,” Andrew Little said. “Today I am pleased to ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 day ago
  • Strong Pipeline for Construction Sector
    Strong pipeline ahead for the construction sector Infrastructure activity forecast to reach $11.2 billion in 2026 Construction sector now the fourth biggest employer with more than 280 000 people working in the industry Residential construction the largest contributor to national construction activity. Minister for Building and Construction Poto Williams says ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 day ago
  • Regenerative agriculture research receives Government boost
    The Government continues to invest in farm sustainability, this time backing two new research projects to investigate the impacts of regenerative farming practices, Agriculture Minister Damien O’Connor announced today. Soil health and regenerative agriculture “We’re contributing $2.8 million to a $3.85 million five-year project with co-investment by Synlait Milk and ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • David McLean appointed as KiwiRail chair
    David McLean has been appointed as Chair of KiwiRail Holdings Ltd, the Minister for State Owned Enterprises Dr David Clark and Minister of Finance Grant Robertson announced today. “Minister Clark and I are confident that David’s extensive business knowledge and leadership experience, including his time as former Chief Executive and ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    4 days ago
  • New Ambassador to Turkey announced
    Foreign Affairs Minister Nanaia Mahuta today announced the appointment of Zoe Coulson-Sinclair as New Zealand’s next Ambassador to Turkey. “Aotearoa New Zealand and Turkey’s relationship is one of mutual respect and underpinned by our shared Gallipoli experience,” Nanaia Mahuta said. “Turkey is also a generous ANZAC Day host and has ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    4 days ago
  • Announcement of new Consul-General in Guangzhou
    Foreign Affairs Minister Nanaia Mahuta today announced the appointment of Rachel Crump as New Zealand’s next Consul-General in Guangzhou, China. “China is one of Aotearoa New Zealand’s most significant relationships – it is our largest trading partner, and an influential regional and global actor,” Nanaia Mahuta said. “As the capital of ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    4 days ago
  • Government marks International Day of Persons with Disabilities
    The Government joins the disabled community of Aotearoa New Zealand in marking and celebrating the International Day of Persons with Disabilities, Minister for Disabilty Issues Carmel Sepuloni said. The theme for this year’s International Day of Persons with Disabilities is “Leadership and participation of persons with disabilities toward an inclusive, ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    5 days ago
  • Deputy Inspector-General of Intelligence and Security, and Advisory panel member appointed
    Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern has announced the appointments of Graeme Speden as the Deputy Inspector-General of Intelligence and Security, and Ben Bateman as a member of the Inspector-General’s Advisory Panel.  “These are significant roles that assist the Inspector-General with independent oversight of New Zealand’s intelligence agencies,” Jacinda Ardern said. “While ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    5 days ago
  • Five million COVID-19 tests processed
    Associate Minister of Health, Dr Ayesha Verrall has congratulated testing teams right around New Zealand for reaching the five million tests milestone. Today, an additional 31,780 tests were processed, taking the total since the beginning of the pandemic in 2020 to 5,005,959. “This really is an incredible and sustained team ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    5 days ago
  • Funding for extra ICU capacity
    Care for the sickest New Zealanders is getting a major boost from the Government, with plans to spend hundreds of millions of dollars on expanding intensive care-type services, Health Minister Andrew Little announced today. “Through good planning, we have avoided what the COVID-19 pandemic has done in some countries, where ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    5 days ago
  • “THE LEGAL AND CONSTITUTIONAL IMPLICATIONS OF NEW ZEALAND’S FIGHT AGAINST COVID.”
    Speech to the New Zealand Centre for Public Law Tēnā koutou katoa Thank you for providing this opportunity to speak with you today as Attorney General. I’m here to talk about the constitutional consequences of Covid -19. I love the law. The way it exists with the consent of the ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    5 days ago
  • The legal and constitutional implications of New Zealand’s fight against COVID
    Speech to the New Zealand Centre for Public Law Tēnā koutou katoa Thank you for providing this opportunity to speak with you today as Attorney General. I’m here to talk about the constitutional consequences of Covid -19. I love the law. The way it exists with the consent of the ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    5 days ago
  • Pharmac Review interim report released
    Health Minister Andrew Little has released an interim report by an independent panel reviewing the national pharmaceuticals-buying agency Pharmac. Pharmac was established in 1993 and is responsible for purchasing publicly funded medicines for New Zealanders, including those prescribed by GPs or administered in hospitals. The review, chaired by former Consumer ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    5 days ago
  • Appointment to Network for Learning board
    Former MP Clare Curran has been appointed to the board of Crown company Network for Learning (N4L), Education Minister Chris Hipkins says. Hon Clare Curran served as a Member of Parliament for Dunedin South from 2008-2010. During this time, she held a number of ministerial portfolios including Broadcasting, Communications and ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    6 days ago
  • Putting home ownership within reach of Pacific Aotearoa
    Pacific community groups and organisations will get tools to help them achieve home ownership with the implementation of the Ministry for Pacific Peoples (MPP) Pacific Housing Initiative, said Pacific Peoples Minister Aupito William Sio. In July 2021, MPP launched the Pacific Community Housing Provider Registration Support programme and the Pacific ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    6 days ago
  • Coastal shipping will help keep New Zealand’s supply chain buoyant
    Transport Minister Michael Wood today welcomed the release of the Coastal Shipping Investment Approach State-of-Play report as an important step towards a more sustainable coastal shipping sector, which will further diversify New Zealand’s supply chain. “This Government is committed to strengthening our domestic supply chain by making coastal shipping a ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    6 days ago
  • Response to Human Rights Commission's reports into violence towards disable people
    Tēnā koutou, tēnā koutou, tēnā tātou katoa.   Thank you for that introduction Hemi and thank you for inviting me to respond on behalf of Government to the release of these two important reports (Whakamanahia Te Tiriti, Whakahaumarutia te Tangata -Honour the Treaty, Protect the Person and Whakamahia te Tūkino kore ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    6 days ago
  • Law change strengthens petroleum decommissioning regulation
    Petroleum permit and licence holders operating in New Zealand will now have an explicit statutory requirement to carry out and fund the decommissioning of oil and gas fields after a new law was given Royal assent today, says Energy and Resources Minister Dr Megan Woods. Once in effect The Crown ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    6 days ago
  • New Zealand Response to assist peace and stability in Solomon Islands
    The New Zealand government has announced that it will deploy Defence Force and Police personnel to Honiara to help restore peace and stability. “New Zealand is committed to its responsibilities and playing its part in upholding regional security,” Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern said.  “We are deeply concerned by the recent ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    6 days ago
  • Continued growth in volume of new home consents
    In the year ended October 2021, 47,715 new homes were consented, up 26 per cent from the October 2020 year. In October 2021, 4,043 new dwellings were consented Canterbury’s new homes consented numbers rose 31% to higher than post-earthquake peak. New home consents continue to reach remarkable levels of growth, ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    6 days ago
  • Saddle up for summer with cycle trail funding
    New investment will keep the best of New Zealand’s cycle trails in top condition as regions prepare to welcome back Kiwi visitors over summer and international tourists from next year. “Cycle tourism is one of the most popular ways to see the country ‘off the beaten track’ but the trails ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    6 days ago
  • New Zealand provides additional funding to COVAX for vaccine delivery
    Foreign Affairs Minister Nanaia Mahuta today announced additional funding will be provided to COVAX to support vaccine delivery in developing countries. “New Zealand remains cognisant of the dangers of COVID-19, especially as new variants continue to emerge. No one is safe from this virus until we all are and this ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    7 days ago
  • COVID-19 Community fund providing support for 160 organisations focused on women and girls
    Minister for Women Jan Tinetti today announced financial support will be allocated to the 160 successful applicants for the COVID-19 Community Fund, to support organisations helping women/wāhine and girls/kōtiro in Aotearoa New Zealand affected by the pandemic. “COVID-19 has had a disproportionate effect on women around the world including in ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    7 days ago
  • Government delivers reactivation package as Aucklanders reconnect for summer
    A new support package will help revive economic, social and cultural activities in our largest city over summer, and ensure those in hardship also get relief. The Social Development and Employment Minister Carmel Sepuloni and the Economic and Regional Development Minister Stuart Nash have announced a Reactivating Tāmaki Makaurau Auckland ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    7 days ago
  • Mobile services and broadband come to Chatham Islands for first time
    World class mobile and broadband services have been switched on for the 663 residents of the Chatham Islands, Minister for the Digital Economy and Communications, David Clark and Minister for Economic and Regional Development, Stuart Nash announced today. “This eagerly awaited network will provide fast broadband and mobile services to ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    7 days ago
  • Crown accounts reflect strong economy amid pandemic
    The Government’s financial accounts continue to reflect an economy that has performed better than expected, despite the latest Delta COVID-19 outbreak. The Crown accounts for the four months to the end of October factors in the improved starting position for the new financial year. Core Crown tax revenue was $2.5 ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    7 days ago
  • Applications open for new 2021 Resident Visa
    The first round of applications for New Zealand’s new 2021 Resident visa open today (6am). “This one-off pathway provides certainty for a great many migrant families who have faced disruption because of COVID-19 and it will help retain the skills New Zealand businesses need to support the economic recovery,” Minister ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    7 days ago
  • More Vietnam Veterans to receive compensation for Agent Orange Exposure
    Minister for Veterans, the Hon Meka Whaitiri announced today that two new conditions associated with Agent Orange exposure have been added to the Prescribed Conditions List. Under the 2006 Memorandum of Understanding signed between the Crown and representatives of Vietnam veterans and the Royal New Zealand RSA. Vietnam veterans in ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Government commits to international effort to ban and regulate killer robots
    Minister of Disarmament and Arms Control Phil Twyford announced today that New Zealand will push for new international law to ban and regulate autonomous weapons systems (AWS), which once activated can select and engage targets without further human intervention. “While the evidence suggests fully autonomous weapons systems are not yet ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • New freedom camping rules – right vehicle, right place
    Tougher freedom camping laws will be introduced to prevent abuse which has placed an unfair burden on small communities and damaged our reputation as a high quality visitor destination. Tourism Minister Stuart Nash has confirmed that new legislation will be introduced to Parliament following an extensive round of public consultation ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Government invests to support a classic Kiwi summer
    Vaccinated New Zealanders can look forward to Kiwi summer events with confidence, while artists and crew will have more certainty, following the launch of details of the Arts and Culture Event Support Scheme, Minister for Arts, Culture and Heritage Carmel Sepuloni announced today. “The Government recognises that the arts and ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Grace period for expired driver licences cruises into 2022
    Due to the ongoing Delta outbreak and extended lockdowns, all New Zealand driver licences and licence endorsements that expired on or after 21 July 2021 will now be valid until 31 May 2022, Transport Minister Michael Wood announced today. “This further extension to the validity of driver licenses recognises that ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Delivered: 1,000 extra transitional homes
    A further 1,000 transitional homes delivered  New housing development starts in Flaxmere, Hastings  The Government has delivered the next 1,000 transitional housing places it promised, as part of its work to reduce homelessness. Housing Minister Dr Megan Woods is marking the milestone in Hastings at a new development that includes ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Traffic light levels announced
    The levels at which different parts of New Zealand will move forward into the COVID-19 Protection Framework this Friday have been announced. Northland, Auckland, Taupō and Rotorua Lakes Districts, Kawerau, Whakatane, Ōpōtiki Districts, Gisborne District, Wairoa District, Rangitikei, Whanganui and Ruapehu Districts will move in at Red The rest of ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Financial support to move to traffic light system
    A new transition payment will be made available particularly for affected businesses in Auckland, Waikato and Northland to acknowledge the restrictions they have faced under the higher Alert Levels. Transition payment of up to $24,000 as businesses move into traffic light system Leave Support Scheme and Short Term Absence Payment ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • New Ambassador to Russia announced
    Foreign Affairs Minister Nanaia Mahuta today announced the appointment of Sarah Walsh as New Zealand’s next Ambassador to Russia. “Aotearoa New Zealand and Russia have a long-standing relationship, engaging on a range of regional and global interests including disarmament and Antarctica issues. We also work together as members of the East ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • New Permanent Representative to the UN announced
    Foreign Affairs Minister Nanaia Mahuta today announced the appointment of Carolyn Schwalger as Permanent Representative to the New Zealand Permanent Mission to the United Nations in New York. “Aotearoa New Zealand is a founding member of the UN and we have worked hard to ensure our stance on human rights, ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago