web analytics

Key: I’m Lazy, Incompetent

Written By: - Date published: 8:16 pm, November 25th, 2014 - 9 comments
Categories: john key, Satire - Tags: , ,

It may just be the quality of John Key’s analysis, but apparently the Gwyn report has done something impressive in scientific circles and proved a negative. It comprehensively shows that John Key never knew about the Goff SIS OIA release.

Or not.

JK: but at least didn’t show I did know about it and whatever, I’m relaxed about any difference there anyway.

So we are led to conclude that Key was just too lazy to oversee the vital democratic function of guarding the guards and that there was no abuse of power by the Secret Services, with their immensely privileged rights and responsibilities.

JK: oh, I just trusted my deputy chief of staff Phil de Joux, he’s a competent bloke, and he’s also gone now, so no responsibility there, eh?

Phil de Joux, a political appointee? Answerable to you, and as a political animal not at all suited to oversight of the strictly non-political Secret Services?

JK: Yeah, I’m pretty relaxed about those distinctions.

So Phil de Joux said to Jason Ede that we need to get this partisan highly confidential SIS info needed to get out there…

JK: I was absolutely nowhere near that conversation I might add…

And somehow, just while Jason happened to be chatting to Cameron Slater on the phone, Slater came up with the precise details for a perfectly precise OIA to the SIS to get maximum speed.

JK: Precisely, nothing to do with me, or the political functions of my office, which I only bear responsibility for when I’m wearing my Office Hat, obviously.  Just a random personal phone call that happened to take place in my office.  Just like all those personal emails between Jas and Cam.

So we can expect Jason Ede to be prosecuted to the full extent of the law for destroying all those personal emails so that no inquiry could find out what he and your office were up to?  And indeed for putting our nation’s security at risk by putting security information through that non-secure email?

JK: We all make mistakes, and I’m very relaxed about it, I wouldn’t want to see anything bad happen to poor ol’ Jas.

Just like nothing will happen to Judith for deleting her Facebook, so her conversations with Slater couldn’t be found?   Why didn’t the Chisholm Report get her phone calls for that matter?  How can they be sure she didn’t pass info to Slater?

JK: Her report fully clears her, just like mine fully clears me, let’s not worry about little things like missing evidence…

So, no oversight of your office, none of your staff, you’re claiming you’re incompetent and lazy, not corrupt then?

JK: I prefer relaxed.  Just like we were about doing anything about passports for criminals when we were warned 2 years ago.

JK: You couldn’t call me lazy and incompetent – look at that media management!  We leak the Gwyn report to ruin the Labour caucus announcement, blame Goff, and then have 2 enquiries released on the same day and also other news like the passport management – get it all over and done with in one hit!

Yes, fantastic Mr Key…

9 comments on “Key: I’m Lazy, Incompetent ”

  1. In Vino 1

    Dead right. The serious point for JK is that he won the 2011 election by only a tiny margin, and any recognition of guilt would involve the possibility that it was this dirty trick that made the winning difference.

    The whole result of the 2011 election should be made invalid. A nice conundrum?

  2. les 2

    well Key did warn his team about arrogance in this 3rd term…he is obviously setting the standard…whens Gerrys next flight?

  3. Weepus beard 3

    It can’t have been a very far reaching enquiry by Cheryl Gwyn if deleted evidence was met with a shrug.

    Why couldn’t she have subpoenaed Slater’s machine? He’ll still have all the emails to and from the 9th floor.

    • karol 3.1

      Nicky Hager explains – the IG’s brief was only to investigate the role of the SIS – any information about staff in the PM’s office was only relevant if it shed light on the SIS activities:

      The IG’s responsibility is the intelligence agencies and so her review could only ever cover the prime minister’s office is a passing way. Nonetheless, the report contains well researched detail that backs up (and in places takes further) all the main issues in my book about the actions of the PM’s staff.
      […]
      John Key has claimed the IG’s report found no fault with his office. This is not correct. It was not the IG’s role to comment on abuse of power by the PM’s staff, but her findings confirm the abuse of power about which I wrote. Moreover her report shows that there were efforts to stop the inquiry from investigating the Key’s staff. She wrote: “In the course of my inquiry, I considered a submission made by counsel acting for several of the current and former staff of the Prime Minister’s Office (PMO) that the actions of PMO staff in relation to Mr Slater’s OIA request were beyond the jurisdiction of the inquiry, except to the extent that those actions affected or reflected the maintenance, or failure, of political neutrality on the part of the NZSIS.” This raises various questions. Was Key aware of and involved in trying to limit the inquiry (ie was it his office that tried to stop the IG investigating Jason Ede’s and Phil de Joux’s actions)? And who were the lawyers she writes about and who paid them to try to stop the IG investigating the role of Key’s staff.

      • Weepus beard 3.1.1

        Thanks Karol. Somehow I feel even worse having read that.

        They framed and limited the enquiry then made sure the enquirer did not stray 1 mm from the boundary.

        • Tracey 3.1.1.1

          Dont feel bad. It’s the role of the media to point this out when fraing their news items, instead of replaying Key’s framing.

          Key either

          a. didnt read the Collins or Gwyn reports; or
          b. didnt understand what the words on the pages meant

          Either ought not make us feel confident in our leader.

  4. adam 4

    Honest John strikes again.

    Love the post BUNJI, I think people should compare Key to the national parties first PM he was a deceitful two faced … as well.

  5. Murray Rawshark 5

    Bit of a contrast between the attitude to Nicky Hager’s computers and the approach taken to Whalespew’s, Ede’s, and Collins’. Their offences are arguably much more serious than hacking a private computer, and Hager hadn’t even done that. Bloody Mickey Mouse, these inquiries.

  6. North 6

    ” Yeah……I am lazy…….I am incompetent……but fuck, I just LOVE struttin’ those boards. Besides…….the suckers out there buy it, whatever I do or don’t. Akshully, they cream. Why change ? ”

    News for you Mr Gauche Emperor With No Clothes. The lusted after third term it all goes wrong. Methinks “cut the crap” resonates. Your half-arsed carry-on is a magnet for that pithy line.

    Imagine it – Balmoral, Washington DC – “Oh cut the crap John !”

Recent Comments

Recent Posts

  • Minister of Foreign Affairs makes three diplomatic appointments
    Foreign Affairs Minister Hon Nanaia Mahuta today announced three diplomatic appointments: Alana Hudson as Ambassador to Poland John Riley as Consul-General to Hong Kong Stephen Wong as Consul-General to Shanghai   Poland “New Zealand’s relationship with Poland is built on enduring personal, economic and historical connections. Poland is also an important ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 hours ago
  • Major redevelopment of Wainuiomata High School underway
    Work begins today at Wainuiomata High School to ensure buildings and teaching spaces are fit for purpose, Education Minister Chris Hipkins says. The Minister joined principal Janette Melrose and board chair Lynda Koia to kick off demolition for the project, which is worth close to $40 million, as the site ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    6 hours ago
  • New expert group appointed to advise Government on Oranga Tamariki
    A skilled and experienced group of people have been named as the newly established Oranga Tamariki Ministerial Advisory Board by Children’s Minister Kelvin Davis today. The Board will provide independent advice and assurance to the Minister for Children across three key areas of Oranga Tamariki: relationships with families, whānau, and ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    10 hours ago
  • COVID-19 vaccine slated for possible approval next week
    The green light for New Zealand’s first COVID-19 vaccine could be granted in just over a week, Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern said today. “We’re making swift progress towards vaccinating New Zealanders against the virus, but we’re also absolutely committed to ensuring the vaccines are safe and effective,” Jacinda Ardern said. ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    23 hours ago
  • New ACC Board members announced.
    The Minister for ACC is pleased to announce the appointment of three new members to join the Board of ACC on 1 February 2021. “All three bring diverse skills and experience to provide strong governance oversight to lead the direction of ACC” said Hon Carmel Sepuloni. Bella Takiari-Brame from Hamilton ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 day ago
  • Economic boost for Southland marae
    The Government is investing $9 million to upgrade a significant community facility in Invercargill, creating economic stimulus and jobs, Infrastructure Minister Grant Robertson and Te Tai Tonga MP Rino Tirikatene have announced.  The grant for Waihōpai Rūnaka Inc to make improvements to Murihiku Marae comes from the $3 billion set ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 day ago
  • Celebrating the Entry Into Force of the Treaty on the Prohibition of Nuclear Weapons
    [Opening comments, welcome and thank you to Auckland University etc] It is a great pleasure to be here this afternoon to celebrate such an historic occasion - the entry into force of the Treaty on the Prohibition of Nuclear Weapons. This is a moment many feared would never come, but ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    5 days ago
  • Supporting disabled people to stay connected
    The Government is providing $3 million in one-off seed funding to help disabled people around New Zealand stay connected and access support in their communities, Minister for Disability Issues, Carmel Sepuloni announced today. The funding will allow disability service providers to develop digital and community-based solutions over the next two ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    5 days ago
  • Voluntary saliva testing offered to quarantine workers from Monday
    Border workers in quarantine facilities will be offered voluntary daily COVID-19 saliva tests in addition to their regular weekly testing, COVID-19 Response Minister Chris Hipkins said today. This additional option will be rolled out at the Jet Park Quarantine facility in Auckland starting on Monday 25 January, and then to ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    5 days ago
  • Next steps in firearms buy-back
    The next steps in the Government’s ambitious firearms reform programme to include a three-month buy-back have been announced by Police Minister Poto Williams today.  “The last buy-back and amnesty was unprecedented for New Zealand and was successful in collecting 60,297 firearms, modifying a further 5,630 firearms, and collecting 299,837 prohibited ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    5 days ago
  • Jobs for Nature projects target iconic ecosystems
    Upscaling work already underway to restore two iconic ecosystems will deliver jobs and a lasting legacy, Conservation Minister Kiri Allan says.  “The Jobs for Nature programme provides $1.25 billion over four years to offer employment opportunities for people whose livelihoods have been impacted by the COVID-19 recession. “Two new projects ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    6 days ago
  • New Public Housing Plan announced
    The Government has released its Public Housing Plan 2021-2024 which outlines the intention of where 8,000 additional public and transitional housing places announced in Budget 2020, will go. “The Government is committed to continuing its public house build programme at pace and scale. The extra 8,000 homes – 6000 public ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    6 days ago
  • Prime Minister congratulates President Joe Biden on his inauguration
    Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern has congratulated President Joe Biden on his inauguration as the 46th President of the United States of America. “I look forward to building a close relationship with President Biden and working with him on issues that matter to both our countries,” Jacinda Ardern said. “New Zealand ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    6 days ago
  • Jobs for Nature funding will create training and employment opportunities
    A major investment to tackle wilding pines in Mt Richmond will create jobs and help protect the area’s unique ecosystems, Biosecurity Minister Damien O’Connor says. The Mt Richmond Forest Park has unique ecosystems developed on mineral-rich geology, including taonga plant species found nowhere else in the country. “These special plant ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Pre-departure testing extended to all passengers to New Zealand
    To further protect New Zealand from COVID-19, the Government is extending pre-departure testing to all passengers to New Zealand except from Australia, Antarctica and most Pacific Islands, COVID-19 Response Minister Chris Hipkins said today. “The change will come into force for all flights arriving in New Zealand after 11:59pm (NZT) on Monday ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Bay Cadets learn skills to protect environment
    Bay Conservation Cadets launched with first intake Supported with $3.5 million grant Part of $1.245b Jobs for Nature programme to accelerate recover from Covid Cadets will learn skills to protect and enhance environment Environment Minister David Parker today welcomed the first intake of cadets at the launch of the Bay ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Cook Islanders to resume travel to New Zealand
    The Prime Minister of New Zealand Jacinda Ardern and the Prime Minister of the Cook Islands Mark Brown have announced passengers from the Cook Islands can resume quarantine-free travel into New Zealand from 21 January, enabling access to essential services such as health. “Following confirmation of the Cook Islands’ COVID ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Supporting communities and landowners to grow employment opportunities
    Jobs for Nature funding is being made available to conservation groups and landowners to employ staff and contractors in a move aimed at boosting local biodiversity-focused projects, Conservation Minister Kiritapu Allan has announced. It is estimated some 400-plus jobs will be created with employment opportunities in ecology, restoration, trapping, ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Border exception for some returning international tertiary students
    The Government has approved an exception class for 1000 international tertiary students, degree level and above, who began their study in New Zealand but were caught offshore when border restrictions began. The exception will allow students to return to New Zealand in stages from April 2021. “Our top priority continues ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Tiwai deal gives time for managed transition
    Today’s deal between Meridian and Rio Tinto for the Tiwai smelter to remain open another four years provides time for a managed transition for Southland. “The deal provides welcome certainty to the Southland community by protecting jobs and incomes as the region plans for the future. The Government is committed ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • New member for APEC Business Advisory Council
    Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern has appointed Anna Curzon to the APEC Business Advisory Council (ABAC). The leader of each APEC economy appoints three private sector representatives to ABAC. ABAC provides advice to leaders annually on business priorities. “ABAC helps ensure that APEC’s work programme is informed by business community perspectives ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Govt’s careful economic management recognised
    The Government’s prudent fiscal management and strong policy programme in the face of the COVID-19 global pandemic have been acknowledged by the credit rating agency Fitch. Fitch has today affirmed New Zealand’s local currency rating at AA+ with a stable outlook and foreign currency rating at AA with a positive ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Additional actions to keep COVID-19 out of NZ
    The Government is putting in place a suite of additional actions to protect New Zealand from COVID-19, including new emerging variants, COVID-19 Response Minister Chris Hipkins said today. “Given the high rates of infection in many countries and evidence of the global spread of more transmissible variants, it’s clear that ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • 19 projects will clean up and protect waterways
    $36 million of Government funding alongside councils and others for 19 projects Investment will clean up and protect waterways and create local jobs Boots on the ground expected in Q2 of 2021 Funding part of the Jobs for Nature policy package A package of 19 projects will help clean up ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 weeks ago
  • New Zealand Government acknowledges 175th anniversary of Battle of Ruapekapeka
    The commemoration of the 175th anniversary of the Battle of Ruapekapeka represents an opportunity for all New Zealanders to reflect on the role these conflicts have had in creating our modern nation, says Associate Minister for Arts, Culture and Heritage Kiri Allan. “The Battle at Te Ruapekapeka Pā, which took ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 weeks ago