Key: I’m Lazy, Incompetent

Written By: - Date published: 8:16 pm, November 25th, 2014 - 9 comments
Categories: john key, Satire - Tags: , ,

It may just be the quality of John Key’s analysis, but apparently the Gwyn report has done something impressive in scientific circles and proved a negative. It comprehensively shows that John Key never knew about the Goff SIS OIA release.

Or not.

JK: but at least didn’t show I did know about it and whatever, I’m relaxed about any difference there anyway.

So we are led to conclude that Key was just too lazy to oversee the vital democratic function of guarding the guards and that there was no abuse of power by the Secret Services, with their immensely privileged rights and responsibilities.

JK: oh, I just trusted my deputy chief of staff Phil de Joux, he’s a competent bloke, and he’s also gone now, so no responsibility there, eh?

Phil de Joux, a political appointee? Answerable to you, and as a political animal not at all suited to oversight of the strictly non-political Secret Services?

JK: Yeah, I’m pretty relaxed about those distinctions.

So Phil de Joux said to Jason Ede that we need to get this partisan highly confidential SIS info needed to get out there…

JK: I was absolutely nowhere near that conversation I might add…

And somehow, just while Jason happened to be chatting to Cameron Slater on the phone, Slater came up with the precise details for a perfectly precise OIA to the SIS to get maximum speed.

JK: Precisely, nothing to do with me, or the political functions of my office, which I only bear responsibility for when I’m wearing my Office Hat, obviously.  Just a random personal phone call that happened to take place in my office.  Just like all those personal emails between Jas and Cam.

So we can expect Jason Ede to be prosecuted to the full extent of the law for destroying all those personal emails so that no inquiry could find out what he and your office were up to?  And indeed for putting our nation’s security at risk by putting security information through that non-secure email?

JK: We all make mistakes, and I’m very relaxed about it, I wouldn’t want to see anything bad happen to poor ol’ Jas.

Just like nothing will happen to Judith for deleting her Facebook, so her conversations with Slater couldn’t be found?   Why didn’t the Chisholm Report get her phone calls for that matter?  How can they be sure she didn’t pass info to Slater?

JK: Her report fully clears her, just like mine fully clears me, let’s not worry about little things like missing evidence…

So, no oversight of your office, none of your staff, you’re claiming you’re incompetent and lazy, not corrupt then?

JK: I prefer relaxed.  Just like we were about doing anything about passports for criminals when we were warned 2 years ago.

JK: You couldn’t call me lazy and incompetent – look at that media management!  We leak the Gwyn report to ruin the Labour caucus announcement, blame Goff, and then have 2 enquiries released on the same day and also other news like the passport management – get it all over and done with in one hit!

Yes, fantastic Mr Key…

9 comments on “Key: I’m Lazy, Incompetent”

  1. In Vino 1

    Dead right. The serious point for JK is that he won the 2011 election by only a tiny margin, and any recognition of guilt would involve the possibility that it was this dirty trick that made the winning difference.

    The whole result of the 2011 election should be made invalid. A nice conundrum?

  2. les 2

    well Key did warn his team about arrogance in this 3rd term…he is obviously setting the standard…whens Gerrys next flight?

  3. Weepus beard 3

    It can’t have been a very far reaching enquiry by Cheryl Gwyn if deleted evidence was met with a shrug.

    Why couldn’t she have subpoenaed Slater’s machine? He’ll still have all the emails to and from the 9th floor.

    • karol 3.1

      Nicky Hager explains – the IG’s brief was only to investigate the role of the SIS – any information about staff in the PM’s office was only relevant if it shed light on the SIS activities:

      The IG’s responsibility is the intelligence agencies and so her review could only ever cover the prime minister’s office is a passing way. Nonetheless, the report contains well researched detail that backs up (and in places takes further) all the main issues in my book about the actions of the PM’s staff.
      John Key has claimed the IG’s report found no fault with his office. This is not correct. It was not the IG’s role to comment on abuse of power by the PM’s staff, but her findings confirm the abuse of power about which I wrote. Moreover her report shows that there were efforts to stop the inquiry from investigating the Key’s staff. She wrote: “In the course of my inquiry, I considered a submission made by counsel acting for several of the current and former staff of the Prime Minister’s Office (PMO) that the actions of PMO staff in relation to Mr Slater’s OIA request were beyond the jurisdiction of the inquiry, except to the extent that those actions affected or reflected the maintenance, or failure, of political neutrality on the part of the NZSIS.” This raises various questions. Was Key aware of and involved in trying to limit the inquiry (ie was it his office that tried to stop the IG investigating Jason Ede’s and Phil de Joux’s actions)? And who were the lawyers she writes about and who paid them to try to stop the IG investigating the role of Key’s staff.

      • Weepus beard 3.1.1

        Thanks Karol. Somehow I feel even worse having read that.

        They framed and limited the enquiry then made sure the enquirer did not stray 1 mm from the boundary.

        • Tracey

          Dont feel bad. It’s the role of the media to point this out when fraing their news items, instead of replaying Key’s framing.

          Key either

          a. didnt read the Collins or Gwyn reports; or
          b. didnt understand what the words on the pages meant

          Either ought not make us feel confident in our leader.

  4. adam 4

    Honest John strikes again.

    Love the post BUNJI, I think people should compare Key to the national parties first PM he was a deceitful two faced … as well.

  5. Murray Rawshark 5

    Bit of a contrast between the attitude to Nicky Hager’s computers and the approach taken to Whalespew’s, Ede’s, and Collins’. Their offences are arguably much more serious than hacking a private computer, and Hager hadn’t even done that. Bloody Mickey Mouse, these inquiries.

  6. North 6

    ” Yeah……I am lazy…….I am incompetent……but fuck, I just LOVE struttin’ those boards. Besides…….the suckers out there buy it, whatever I do or don’t. Akshully, they cream. Why change ? ”

    News for you Mr Gauche Emperor With No Clothes. The lusted after third term it all goes wrong. Methinks “cut the crap” resonates. Your half-arsed carry-on is a magnet for that pithy line.

    Imagine it – Balmoral, Washington DC – “Oh cut the crap John !”

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