Key: I’m Lazy, Incompetent

Written By: - Date published: 8:16 pm, November 25th, 2014 - 9 comments
Categories: john key, Satire - Tags: , ,

It may just be the quality of John Key’s analysis, but apparently the Gwyn report has done something impressive in scientific circles and proved a negative. It comprehensively shows that John Key never knew about the Goff SIS OIA release.

Or not.

JK: but at least didn’t show I did know about it and whatever, I’m relaxed about any difference there anyway.

So we are led to conclude that Key was just too lazy to oversee the vital democratic function of guarding the guards and that there was no abuse of power by the Secret Services, with their immensely privileged rights and responsibilities.

JK: oh, I just trusted my deputy chief of staff Phil de Joux, he’s a competent bloke, and he’s also gone now, so no responsibility there, eh?

Phil de Joux, a political appointee? Answerable to you, and as a political animal not at all suited to oversight of the strictly non-political Secret Services?

JK: Yeah, I’m pretty relaxed about those distinctions.

So Phil de Joux said to Jason Ede that we need to get this partisan highly confidential SIS info needed to get out there…

JK: I was absolutely nowhere near that conversation I might add…

And somehow, just while Jason happened to be chatting to Cameron Slater on the phone, Slater came up with the precise details for a perfectly precise OIA to the SIS to get maximum speed.

JK: Precisely, nothing to do with me, or the political functions of my office, which I only bear responsibility for when I’m wearing my Office Hat, obviously.  Just a random personal phone call that happened to take place in my office.  Just like all those personal emails between Jas and Cam.

So we can expect Jason Ede to be prosecuted to the full extent of the law for destroying all those personal emails so that no inquiry could find out what he and your office were up to?  And indeed for putting our nation’s security at risk by putting security information through that non-secure email?

JK: We all make mistakes, and I’m very relaxed about it, I wouldn’t want to see anything bad happen to poor ol’ Jas.

Just like nothing will happen to Judith for deleting her Facebook, so her conversations with Slater couldn’t be found?   Why didn’t the Chisholm Report get her phone calls for that matter?  How can they be sure she didn’t pass info to Slater?

JK: Her report fully clears her, just like mine fully clears me, let’s not worry about little things like missing evidence…

So, no oversight of your office, none of your staff, you’re claiming you’re incompetent and lazy, not corrupt then?

JK: I prefer relaxed.  Just like we were about doing anything about passports for criminals when we were warned 2 years ago.

JK: You couldn’t call me lazy and incompetent – look at that media management!  We leak the Gwyn report to ruin the Labour caucus announcement, blame Goff, and then have 2 enquiries released on the same day and also other news like the passport management – get it all over and done with in one hit!

Yes, fantastic Mr Key…

9 comments on “Key: I’m Lazy, Incompetent ”

  1. In Vino 1

    Dead right. The serious point for JK is that he won the 2011 election by only a tiny margin, and any recognition of guilt would involve the possibility that it was this dirty trick that made the winning difference.

    The whole result of the 2011 election should be made invalid. A nice conundrum?

  2. les 2

    well Key did warn his team about arrogance in this 3rd term…he is obviously setting the standard…whens Gerrys next flight?

  3. Weepus beard 3

    It can’t have been a very far reaching enquiry by Cheryl Gwyn if deleted evidence was met with a shrug.

    Why couldn’t she have subpoenaed Slater’s machine? He’ll still have all the emails to and from the 9th floor.

    • karol 3.1

      Nicky Hager explains – the IG’s brief was only to investigate the role of the SIS – any information about staff in the PM’s office was only relevant if it shed light on the SIS activities:

      The IG’s responsibility is the intelligence agencies and so her review could only ever cover the prime minister’s office is a passing way. Nonetheless, the report contains well researched detail that backs up (and in places takes further) all the main issues in my book about the actions of the PM’s staff.
      […]
      John Key has claimed the IG’s report found no fault with his office. This is not correct. It was not the IG’s role to comment on abuse of power by the PM’s staff, but her findings confirm the abuse of power about which I wrote. Moreover her report shows that there were efforts to stop the inquiry from investigating the Key’s staff. She wrote: “In the course of my inquiry, I considered a submission made by counsel acting for several of the current and former staff of the Prime Minister’s Office (PMO) that the actions of PMO staff in relation to Mr Slater’s OIA request were beyond the jurisdiction of the inquiry, except to the extent that those actions affected or reflected the maintenance, or failure, of political neutrality on the part of the NZSIS.” This raises various questions. Was Key aware of and involved in trying to limit the inquiry (ie was it his office that tried to stop the IG investigating Jason Ede’s and Phil de Joux’s actions)? And who were the lawyers she writes about and who paid them to try to stop the IG investigating the role of Key’s staff.

      • Weepus beard 3.1.1

        Thanks Karol. Somehow I feel even worse having read that.

        They framed and limited the enquiry then made sure the enquirer did not stray 1 mm from the boundary.

        • Tracey 3.1.1.1

          Dont feel bad. It’s the role of the media to point this out when fraing their news items, instead of replaying Key’s framing.

          Key either

          a. didnt read the Collins or Gwyn reports; or
          b. didnt understand what the words on the pages meant

          Either ought not make us feel confident in our leader.

  4. adam 4

    Honest John strikes again.

    Love the post BUNJI, I think people should compare Key to the national parties first PM he was a deceitful two faced … as well.

  5. Murray Rawshark 5

    Bit of a contrast between the attitude to Nicky Hager’s computers and the approach taken to Whalespew’s, Ede’s, and Collins’. Their offences are arguably much more serious than hacking a private computer, and Hager hadn’t even done that. Bloody Mickey Mouse, these inquiries.

  6. North 6

    ” Yeah……I am lazy…….I am incompetent……but fuck, I just LOVE struttin’ those boards. Besides…….the suckers out there buy it, whatever I do or don’t. Akshully, they cream. Why change ? ”

    News for you Mr Gauche Emperor With No Clothes. The lusted after third term it all goes wrong. Methinks “cut the crap” resonates. Your half-arsed carry-on is a magnet for that pithy line.

    Imagine it – Balmoral, Washington DC – “Oh cut the crap John !”

Recent Comments

Recent Posts

  • Ambassador to United States appointed
    Foreign Minister Winston Peters has announced Rosemary Banks will be New Zealand’s next Ambassador to the United States of America.    “Our relationship with the United States is crucial for New Zealand in strategic, security and economic terms,” Mr Peters says.    “New Zealand and the United States have a ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 hours ago
  • New permit proposed for recreational gold mining
    The Government is considering creating a new tier of minerals permitting that will make it easier for hobby miners to prospect for gold. “New Zealand was built on gold, it’s in our DNA. Our gold deposits, particularly in regions such as Otago and the West Coast have always attracted fortune-hunters. ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 hours ago
  • NZ and the UAE launch FTA negotiations
    Minister for Trade Todd McClay today announced that New Zealand and the United Arab Emirates (UAE) will commence negotiations on a free trade agreement (FTA). Minister McClay met with his counterpart UAE Trade Minister Dr Thani bin Ahmed Al Zeyoudi in Dubai, where they announced the launch of negotiations on a ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    7 hours ago
  • New Zealand Sign Language Week an opportunity for anyone to sign
    New Zealand Sign Language Week is an excellent opportunity for all Kiwis to give the language a go, Disabilities Issues Minister Louise Upston says. This week (May 6 to 12) is New Zealand Sign Language (NZSL) Week. The theme is “an Aotearoa where anyone can sign anywhere” and aims to ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    18 hours ago
  • Next stop NASA for New Zealand students
    Six tertiary students have been selected to work on NASA projects in the US through a New Zealand Space Scholarship, Space Minister Judith Collins announced today. “This is a fantastic opportunity for these talented students. They will undertake internships at NASA’s Ames Research Center or its Jet Propulsion Laboratory (JPL), where ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    18 hours ago
  • $1.9 billion investment to keep NZ safe from crime
    New Zealanders will be safer because of a $1.9 billion investment in more frontline Corrections officers, more support for offenders to turn away from crime, and more prison capacity, Corrections Minister Mark Mitchell says. “Our Government said we would crack down on crime. We promised to restore law and order, ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    19 hours ago
  • OECD reinforces need to control spending
    The OECD’s latest report on New Zealand reinforces the importance of bringing Government spending under control, Finance Minister Nicola Willis says. The OECD conducts country surveys every two years to review its members’ economic policies. The 2024 New Zealand survey was presented in Wellington today by OECD Chief Economist Clare Lombardelli.   ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    21 hours ago
  • Agreement delivers Local Water Done Well for Auckland
    The Government has delivered on its election promise to provide a financially sustainable model for Auckland under its Local Water Done Well plan. The plan, which has been unanimously endorsed by Auckland Council’s Governing Body, will see Aucklanders avoid the previously projected 25.8 per cent water rates increases while retaining ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 days ago
  • Gaza and the Pacific on the agenda with Germany
    Foreign Minister Winston Peters discussed the need for an immediate ceasefire in Gaza, and enhanced cooperation in the Pacific with German Foreign Minister Annalena Baerbock during her first official visit to New Zealand today.    "New Zealand and Germany enjoy shared interests and values, including the rule of law, democracy, respect for the international system ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • Decision allows for housing growth in Western Bay of Plenty
    The Minister Responsible for RMA Reform, Chris Bishop today released his decision on four recommendations referred to him by the Western Bay of Plenty District Council, opening the door to housing growth in the area. The Council’s Plan Change 92 allows more homes to be built in existing and new ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    4 days ago
  • Speech to New Zealand China Council
    Thank you, John McKinnon and the New Zealand China Council for the invitation to speak to you today.    Thank you too, all members of the China Council. Your effort has played an essential role in helping to build, shape, and grow a balanced and resilient relationship between our two ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    4 days ago
  • Modern insurance law will protect Kiwi households
    The Government is modernising insurance law to better protect Kiwis and provide security in the event of a disaster, Commerce and Consumer Affairs Minister Andrew Bayly announced today. “These reforms are long overdue. New Zealand’s insurance law is complicated and dated, some of which is more than 100 years old. ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    5 days ago
  • Government recommits to equal pay
    The coalition Government is refreshing its approach to supporting pay equity claims as time-limited funding for the Pay Equity Taskforce comes to an end, Public Service Minister Nicola Willis says.  “Three years ago, the then-government introduced changes to the Equal Pay Act to support pay equity bargaining. The changes were ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    5 days ago
  • Transforming how our children learn to read
    Structured literacy will change the way New Zealand children learn to read - improving achievement and setting students up for success, Education Minister Erica Stanford says.  “Being able to read and write is a fundamental life skill that too many young people are missing out on. Recent data shows that ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    5 days ago
  • NZ not backing down in Canada dairy dispute
    Trade Minister Todd McClay says Canada’s refusal to comply in full with a CPTPP trade dispute ruling in our favour over dairy trade is cynical and New Zealand has no intention of backing down. Mr McClay said he has asked for urgent legal advice in respect of our ‘next move’ ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    5 days ago
  • Stronger oversight for our most vulnerable children
    The rights of our children and young people will be enhanced by changes the coalition Government will make to strengthen oversight of the Oranga Tamariki system, including restoring a single Children’s Commissioner. “The Government is committed to delivering better public services that care for our most at-risk young people and ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    5 days ago
  • Streamlining Building Consent Changes
    The Government is making it easier for minor changes to be made to a building consent so building a home is easier and more affordable, Building and Construction Minister Chris Penk says.      “The coalition Government is focused on making it easier and cheaper to build homes so we can ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    5 days ago
  • Minister acknowledges passing of Sir Robert Martin (KNZM)
    New Zealand lost a true legend when internationally renowned disability advocate Sir Robert Martin (KNZM) passed away at his home in Whanganui last night, Disabilities Issues Minister Louise Upston says. “Our Government’s thoughts are with his wife Lynda, family and community, those he has worked with, the disability community in ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    6 days ago
  • Speech to New Zealand Institute of International Affairs, Parliament – Annual Lecture: Challenges ...
    Good evening –   Before discussing the challenges and opportunities facing New Zealand’s foreign policy, we’d like to first acknowledge the New Zealand Institute of International Affairs. You have contributed to debates about New Zealand foreign policy over a long period of time, and we thank you for hosting us.  ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    6 days ago
  • Accelerating airport security lines
    From today, passengers travelling internationally from Auckland Airport will be able to keep laptops and liquids in their carry-on bags for security screening thanks to new technology, Transport Minister Simeon Brown says. “Creating a more efficient and seamless travel experience is important for holidaymakers and businesses, enabling faster movement through ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    6 days ago
  • Community hui to talk about kina barrens
    People with an interest in the health of Northland’s marine ecosystems are invited to a public meeting to discuss how to deal with kina barrens, Oceans and Fisheries Minister Shane Jones says. Mr Jones will lead the discussion, which will take place on Friday, 10 May, at Awanui Hotel in ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    6 days ago
  • Kiwi exporters win as NZ-EU FTA enters into force
    Kiwi exporters are $100 million better off today with the NZ EU FTA entering into force says Trade Minister Todd McClay. “This is all part of our plan to grow the economy. New Zealand's prosperity depends on international trade, making up 60 per cent of the country’s total economic activity. ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    6 days ago
  • Mining resurgence a welcome sign
    There are heartening signs that the extractive sector is once again becoming an attractive prospect for investors and a source of economic prosperity for New Zealand, Resources Minister Shane Jones says. “The beginnings of a resurgence in extractive industries are apparent in media reports of the sector in the past ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    6 days ago
  • Ō-Rākau Remembrance Bill passes first reading
    The return of the historic Ō-Rākau battle site to the descendants of those who fought there moved one step closer today with the first reading of Te Pire mō Ō-Rākau, Te Pae o Maumahara / The Ō-Rākau Remembrance Bill. The Bill will entrust the 9.7-hectare battle site, five kilometres west ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    7 days ago
  • Government to boost public EV charging network
    Energy Minister Simeon Brown has announced 25 new high-speed EV charging hubs along key routes between major urban centres and outlined the Government’s plan to supercharge New Zealand’s EV infrastructure.  The hubs will each have several chargers and be capable of charging at least four – and up to 10 ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    7 days ago
  • Residential Property Managers Bill to not progress
    The coalition Government will not proceed with the previous Government’s plans to regulate residential property managers, Housing Minister Chris Bishop says. “I have written to the Chairperson of the Social Services and Community Committee to inform him that the Government does not intend to support the Residential Property Managers Bill ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    7 days ago
  • Independent review into disability support services
    The Government has announced an independent review into the disability support system funded by the Ministry of Disabled People – Whaikaha. Disability Issues Minister Louise Upston says the review will look at what can be done to strengthen the long-term sustainability of Disability Support Services to provide disabled people and ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Justice Minister updates UN on law & order plan
    Justice Minister Paul Goldsmith has attended the Universal Periodic Review in Geneva and outlined the Government’s plan to restore law and order. “Speaking to the United Nations Human Rights Council provided us with an opportunity to present New Zealand’s human rights progress, priorities, and challenges, while responding to issues and ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Ending emergency housing motels in Rotorua
    The Government and Rotorua Lakes Council are committed to working closely together to end the use of contracted emergency housing motels in Rotorua. Associate Minister of Housing (Social Housing) Tama Potaka says the Government remains committed to ending the long-term use of contracted emergency housing motels in Rotorua by the ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Trade Minister travels to Riyadh, OECD, and Dubai
    Trade Minister Todd McClay heads overseas today for high-level trade talks in the Gulf region, and a key OECD meeting in Paris. Mr McClay will travel to Riyadh to meet with counterparts from Saudi Arabia and the Gulf Cooperation Council (GCC). “New Zealand’s goods and services exports to the Gulf region ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Education priorities focused on lifting achievement
    Education Minister Erica Stanford has outlined six education priorities to deliver a world-leading education system that sets Kiwi kids up for future success. “I’m putting ambition, achievement and outcomes at the heart of our education system. I want every child to be inspired and engaged in their learning so they ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • NZTA App first step towards digital driver licence
    The new NZ Transport Agency (NZTA) App is a secure ‘one stop shop’ to provide the services drivers need, Transport Minister Simeon Brown and Digitising Government Minister Judith Collins say.  “The NZTA App will enable an easier way for Kiwis to pay for Vehicle Registration and Road User Charges (RUC). ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Supporting whānau out of emergency housing
    Whānau with tamariki growing up in emergency housing motels will be prioritised for social housing starting this week, says Associate Housing Minister Tama Potaka. “Giving these whānau a better opportunity to build healthy stable lives for themselves and future generations is an essential part of the Government’s goal of reducing ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Tribute to Dave O'Sullivan
    Racing Minister Winston Peters has paid tribute to an icon of the industry with the recent passing of Dave O’Sullivan (OBE). “Our sympathies are with the O’Sullivan family with the sad news of Dave O’Sullivan’s recent passing,” Mr Peters says. “His contribution to racing, initially as a jockey and then ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Speech – Eid al-Fitr
    Assalaamu alaikum, greetings to you all. Eid Mubarak, everyone! I want to extend my warmest wishes to you and everyone celebrating this joyous occasion. It is a pleasure to be here. I have enjoyed Eid celebrations at Parliament before, but this is my first time joining you as the Minister ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Government saves access to medicines
    Associate Health Minister David Seymour has announced Pharmac’s largest ever budget of $6.294 billion over four years, fixing a $1.774 billion fiscal cliff.    “Access to medicines is a crucial part of many Kiwis’ lives. We’ve committed to a budget allocation of $1.774 billion over four years so Kiwis are ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Pharmac Chair appointed
    Hon Paula Bennett has been appointed as member and chair of the Pharmac board, Associate Health Minister David Seymour announced today. "Pharmac is a critical part of New Zealand's health system and plays a significant role in ensuring that Kiwis have the best possible access to medicines,” says Mr Seymour. ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Taking action on Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder
    Hundreds of New Zealand families affected by Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD) will benefit from a new Government focus on prevention and treatment, says Health Minister Dr Shane Reti. “We know FASD is a leading cause of preventable intellectual and neurodevelopmental disability in New Zealand,” Dr Reti says.  “Every day, ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • New sports complex opens in Kaikohe
    Regional Development Minister Shane Jones today attended the official opening of Kaikohe’s new $14.7 million sports complex. “The completion of the Kaikohe Multi Sports Complex is a fantastic achievement for the Far North,” Mr Jones says. “This facility not only fulfils a long-held dream for local athletes, but also creates ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Diplomacy needed more than ever
    Foreign Minister Winston Peters’ engagements in Türkiye this week underlined the importance of diplomacy to meet growing global challenges.    “Returning to the Gallipoli Peninsula to represent New Zealand at Anzac commemorations was a sombre reminder of the critical importance of diplomacy for de-escalating conflicts and easing tensions,” Mr Peters ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago

Page generated in The Standard by Wordpress at 2024-05-06T23:56:15+00:00