Scientology awarded major contract by new Ministry for Vulnerable Children
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7:59 am, April 1st, 2017 - 46 comments
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Scientology has been awarded a major contract by the new Ministry for Vulnerable Children. The Xenu-fearing organisation has been brought on board by the fledgling ministry to train staff on how best to overcome any qualms likely to arise in their duties regarding the commodification of children.
It has long been a wet dream of neoliberals to commodify all human beings. To this end, the National Ltd™ Government is adopting a gradient approach, the first step being sold to the public as a “social investment” approach to dealing with children of the poor. While the public are, generally speaking, easy to fool, studies have shown that the staff actually carrying out the commodification process are likely to suffer significant emotional angst. And this is where Scientology comes in.
Scientology has, since the 1950s, been especially successful at commodifying human beings. Its staff are sufficiently and covertly indoctrinated into a totalistic world view which entirely obscures the reality of what they are actually doing. Rather than observing that they themselves, and anyone else they attract into the organisation, are being turned into money-making units, Scientology staff are firmly of the view that they are working in the best interests of the whole planet. It is this highly effective indoctrination process which results in the masking of reality that National Ltd™ is most interested in delivering to staff at the Ministry for Vulnerable Children.
Founder of Scientology, L Ron Hubbard
Significant work in this regard has already been underway for some time within the Ministry of Social Development. Using a device known as the “Human Synergistics Circumplex“, staff most likely to comply with neoliberal mandates have been identified and placed into key positions in order to carefully monitor other staff wavering from the required adoration of the “social investment” wooden horse. Scientology’s first task is to commence delivery of its mind-warping “Communication Course”. Of course, improving communication is only ever ostensible. The real task of the Communications Course is to covertly introduce new language which encapsulates hidden concepts which are unconsciously agreed-to by the very use of the terms introduced.
The course also hardens people up emotionally and slowly induces largely automatic and spontaneous compliance to instructions. People who do not agree or who wise-up to what’s going on are, as per the instructions of Scientology founder, L Ron Hubbard, to be “disposed of quietly and without sorrow”.
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New independent analysis has revealed that the Government’s Emissions Reduction Plan (ERP) will reduce emissions by a measly 1 per cent by 2030, failing to set us up for the future and meeting upcoming targets. ...1 week ago
- Greens stand in solidarity with Whakaata Māori on sad day
The loss of 27 kaimahi at Whakaata Māori and the end of its daily news bulletin is a sad day for Māori media and another step backwards for Te Tiriti o Waitangi justice. ...1 week ago
- Sanctions regime to create more hardship for families
Yesterday the Government passed cruel legislation through first reading to establish a new beneficiary sanction regime that will ultimately mean more households cannot afford the basic essentials. ...1 week ago
- Govt gifts renters housing anxiety for Christmas
Today's passing of the Government's Residential Tenancies Amendment Bill–which allows landlords to end tenancies with no reason–ignores the voice of the people and leaves renters in limbo ahead of the festive season. ...1 week ago
- Release: National Party urged to support modern slavery legislation
Labour is urging the Prime Minister to walk the talk and support legislation combating modern slavery. ...2 weeks ago
- Release: Labour has lost confidence in the Speaker
The Speaker of the New Zealand Parliament made an unprecedented decision on the government amendment to the Fast Track Approvals Bill last night. ...2 weeks ago
- One year on, still no progress on new ferries
Today’s announcement from the Government on its plan for new ferries throws more uncertainty on the future of the country’s rail network. ...2 weeks ago
- Release: Nicola Willis’ smaller ferries will cost more
After wasting a year, Nicola Willis has delivered a worse deal for the Cook Strait ferries that will end up being more expensive and take longer to arrive. ...2 weeks ago
- Bill to sanction unlawful occupation of Palestine
Green Party co-leader Chlöe Swarbrick has today launched a Member’s Bill to sanction Israel for its unlawful presence in the Occupied Palestinian Territory, as the All Out For Gaza rally reaches Parliament. ...2 weeks ago
- Release: Labour fully supports greyhound racing ban
The Government has done the right thing in moving to ban greyhound racing. ...2 weeks ago
- Greyhound racing industry ban marks new era for animal welfare
After years of advocacy, the Green Party is very happy to hear the Government has listened to our collective voices and announced the closure of the greyhound racing industry, by 1 August 2026. ...2 weeks ago
- Rangatahi voices must be centred in Government’s Relationship and Sexuality Education refresh
In response to a new report from ERO, the Government has acknowledged the urgent need for consistency across the curriculum for Relationship and Sexuality Education (RSE) in schools. ...2 weeks ago
- Govt introduces archaic anti-worker legislation
The Green Party is appalled at the Government introducing legislation that will make it easier to penalise workers fighting for better pay and conditions. ...2 weeks ago
- Winston Peters – Kinleith Mill Speech
Thank you for the invitation to speak with you tonight on behalf of the political party I belong to - which is New Zealand First. As we have heard before this evening the Kinleith Mill is proposing to reduce operations by focusing on pulp and discontinuing “lossmaking paper production”. They say that they are currently consulting on the plan to permanently shut ...2 weeks ago - Swarbrick calls on Auckland Mayor to end delay of revival of St James Theatre
Auckland Central MP, Chlöe Swarbrick, has written to Mayor Wayne Brown requesting he stop the unnecessary delays on St James Theatre’s restoration. ...2 weeks ago
- He Ara Anamata: Greens launch Emissions Reduction Plan
Today, the Green Party of Aotearoa proudly unveils its new Emissions Reduction Plan–He Ara Anamata–a blueprint reimagining our collective future. ...2 weeks ago
- Internationally-trained doctors jump at chance to boost health workforce
Health Minister Dr Shane Reti says Health New Zealand will move swiftly to support dozens of internationally-trained doctors already in New Zealand on their journey to employment here, after a tripling of sought-after examination places. “The Medical Council has delivered great news for hardworking overseas doctors who want to contribute ...19 hours ago - PM appoints business leader to APEC Business Advisory Council
Prime Minister Christopher Luxon has appointed Sarah Ottrey to the APEC Business Advisory Council (ABAC). “At my first APEC Summit in Lima, I experienced firsthand the role that ABAC plays in guaranteeing political leaders hear the voice of business,” Mr Luxon says. “New Zealand’s ABAC representatives are very well respected and ...3 days ago
- New intelligence oversight appointments
Prime Minister Christopher Luxon has announced four appointments to New Zealand’s intelligence oversight functions. The Honourable Robert Dobson KC has been appointed Chief Commissioner of Intelligence Warrants, and the Honourable Brendan Brown KC has been appointed as a Commissioner of Intelligence Warrants. The appointments of Hon Robert Dobson and Hon ...3 days ago
- New housing developments able to progress more quickly
Improvements in the average time it takes to process survey and title applications means housing developments can progress more quickly, Minister for Land Information Chris Penk says. “The government is resolutely focused on improving the building and construction pipeline,” Mr Penk says. “Applications to issue titles and subdivide land are ...3 days ago
- Actions to speed up air travel delivering results
The Government’s measures to reduce airport wait times, and better transparency around flight disruptions is delivering encouraging early results for passengers ahead of the busy summer period, Transport Minister Simeon Brown says. “Improving the efficiency of air travel is a priority for the Government to give passengers a smoother, more reliable ...3 days ago
- Ending contracted emergency housing in Rotorua
The Government today announced the intended closure of the Apollo Hotel as Contracted Emergency Housing (CEH) in Rotorua, Associate Housing Minister Tama Potaka says. This follows a 30 per cent reduction in the number of households in CEH in Rotorua since National came into Government. “Our focus is on ending CEH in the Whakarewarewa area starting ...3 days ago
- Vocational education and training decisions support return to regions
The Government will reshape vocational education and training to return decision making to regions and enable greater industry input into work-based learning Tertiary Education and Skills Minister, Penny Simmonds says. “The redesigned system will better meet the needs of learners, industry, and the economy. It includes re-establishing regional polytechnics that ...3 days ago
- Reducing the environmental impact of synthetic refrigerants
The Government is taking action to better manage synthetic refrigerants and reduce emissions caused by greenhouse gases found in heating and cooling products, Environment Minister Penny Simmonds says. “Regulations will be drafted to support a product stewardship scheme for synthetic refrigerants, Ms. Simmonds says. “Synthetic refrigerants are found in a ...3 days ago
- Ngāruawāhia section of Waikato Expressway back to 4 lanes for Christmas
People travelling on State Highway 1 north of Hamilton will be relieved that remedial works and safety improvements on the Ngāruawāhia section of the Waikato Expressway were finished today, with all lanes now open to traffic, Transport Minister Simeon Brown says.“I would like to acknowledge the patience of road users ...3 days ago
- Appointments to the ENZ board
Tertiary Education and Skills Minister, Penny Simmonds, has announced a new appointment to the board of Education New Zealand (ENZ). Dr Erik Lithander has been appointed as a new member of the ENZ board for a three-year term until 30 January 2028. “I would like to welcome Dr Erik Lithander to the ...4 days ago
- Government to celebrate Waitangi Day around NZ
The Government will have senior representatives at Waitangi Day events around the country, including at the Waitangi Treaty Grounds, but next year Prime Minister Christopher Luxon has chosen to take part in celebrations elsewhere. “It has always been my intention to celebrate Waitangi Day around the country with different ...4 days ago
- More gangs added to Gangs Act list
Two more criminal gangs will be subject to the raft of laws passed by the Coalition Government that give Police more powers to disrupt gang activity, and the intimidation they impose in our communities, Police Minister Mark Mitchell says. Following an Order passed by Cabinet, from 3 February 2025 the ...4 days ago
- Judicial appointment announced
Attorney-General Judith Collins today announced the appointment of Justice Christian Whata as a Judge of the Court of Appeal. Justice Whata’s appointment as a Judge of the Court of Appeal will take effect on 1 August 2025 and fill a vacancy created by the retirement of Hon Justice David Goddard on ...4 days ago
- GDP data highlights importance of growth
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- Strengthening Free Speech in Universities
Tertiary Education and Skills Minister Penny Simmonds and Associate Minister of Education David Seymour today announced legislation changes to strengthen freedom of speech obligations on universities. “Freedom of speech is fundamental to the concept of academic freedom and there is concern that universities seem to be taking a more risk-averse ...4 days ago
- Launch of Emergency Cellular Priority Service
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- Minister reopens Mangamuka Gorge
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- Funding confirmed for second Ashburton Bridge
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- Government boosts support for avian influenza response
The Government is backing the response into high pathogenic avian influenza (HPAI) in Otago, Biosecurity Minister Andrew Hoggard says. “Cabinet has approved new funding of $20 million to enable MPI to meet unbudgeted ongoing expenses associated with the H7N6 response including rigorous scientific testing of samples at the enhanced PC3 ...4 days ago
- Levelling the playing field for media advertising
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- Inspector-General of Defence appointed
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- Fire and Emergency New Zealand final levy rates confirmed
Minister of Internal Affairs Brooke van Velden says the Government has agreed to the final regulations for the levy on insurance contracts that will fund Fire and Emergency New Zealand from July 2026. “Earlier this year the Government agreed to a 2.2 percent increase to the rate of levy. Fire ...5 days ago
- More AML relief on the way for Kiwi businesses
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- Hawke’s Bay Expressway moving at pace
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- Government seeks partnerships to plant trees on Crown-owned-land
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Court timeliness, access to justice, and improving the quality of existing regulation are the focus of a series of law changes introduced to Parliament today by Associate Minister of Justice Nicole McKee. The three Bills in the Regulatory Systems (Justice) Amendment Bill package each improve a different part of the ...5 days ago
- Diverse skills in community trust appointments
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- Torture redress for survivors of the Lake Alice Unit
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- A busy year in the House
It has been a busy, productive year in the House as the coalition Government works hard to get New Zealand back on track, Leader of the House Chris Bishop says. “This Government promised to rebuild the economy, restore law and order and reduce the cost of living. Our record this ...5 days ago
- Consultation opens on working with engineered stone
“Accelerated silicosis is an emerging occupational disease caused by unsafe work such as engineered stone benchtops. I am running a standalone consultation on engineered stone to understand what the industry is currently doing to manage the risks, and whether further regulatory intervention is needed,” says Workplace Relations and Safety Minister ...5 days ago
- Greater reporting on Treaty settlement commitments
Mehemea he pai mō te tangata, mahia – if it’s good for the people, get on with it. Enhanced reporting on the public sector’s delivery of Treaty settlement commitments will help improve outcomes for Māori and all New Zealanders, Māori Crown Relations Minister Tama Potaka says. Compiled together for the ...5 days ago
- New appointments to the Charities Registration Board
Mr Roger Holmes Miller and Ms Tarita Hutchinson have been appointed to the Charities Registration Board, Community and Voluntary Sector Minister Louise Upston says. “I would like to welcome the new members joining the Charities Registration Board. “The appointment of Ms Hutchinson and Mr Miller will strengthen the Board’s capacity ...5 days ago
- Building consent processing times improve
More building consent and code compliance applications are being processed within the statutory timeframe since the Government required councils to submit quarterly data, Building and Construction Minister Chris Penk says. “In the midst of a housing shortage we need to look at every step of the build process for efficiencies ...5 days ago
- Faster access to support through Innovation Fund
Mental Health Minister Matt Doocey is proud to announce the first three recipients of the Government’s $10 million Mental Health and Addiction Community Sector Innovation Fund which will enable more Kiwis faster access to mental health and addiction support. “This fund is part of the Government’s commitment to investing in ...5 days ago
- New Zealand to assist Vanuatu on earthquake response
New Zealand is providing Vanuatu assistance following yesterday's devastating earthquake, Foreign Minister Winston Peters says. "Vanuatu is a member of our Pacific family and we are supporting it in this time of acute need," Mr Peters says. "Our thoughts are with the people of Vanuatu, and we will be ...5 days ago
- Government takes steps to reduce card fees for Kiwis
The Government welcomes the Commerce Commission’s plan to reduce card fees for Kiwis by an estimated $260 million a year, Commerce and Consumer Affairs Minister Andrew Bayly says.“The Government is relentlessly focused on reducing the cost of living, so Kiwis can keep more of their hard-earned income and live a ...5 days ago
- Review recommends ECE regulation shakeup
Regulation Minister David Seymour has welcomed the Early Childhood Education (ECE) regulatory review report, the first major report from the Ministry for Regulation. The report makes 15 recommendations to modernise and simplify regulations across ECE so services can get on with what they do best – providing safe, high-quality care ...5 days ago
- Offshore Renewable Energy Bill passes first reading
The Government‘s Offshore Renewable Energy Bill to create a new regulatory regime that will enable firms to construct offshore wind generation has passed its first reading in Parliament, Energy Minister Simeon Brown says.“New Zealand currently does not have a regulatory regime for offshore renewable energy as the previous government failed ...5 days ago
- Local Government (Water Services) Bill passes first reading
Legislation to enable new water service delivery models that will drive critical investment in infrastructure has passed its first reading in Parliament, marking a significant step towards the delivery of Local Water Done Well, Local Government Minister Simeon Brown and Commerce and Consumer Affairs Minister Andrew Bayly say.“Councils and voters ...5 days ago
- Gene Technology Bill passes first reading
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- Newsroom daily quiz, Monday 23 December
Loading…(function(i,s,o,g,r,a,m){var ql=document.querySelectorAll('A[data-quiz],DIV[data-quiz]'); if(ql){if(ql.length){for(var k=0;k<ql.length;k++){ql[k].id='quiz-embed-'+k;ql[k].href="javascript:var i=document.getElementById('quiz-embed-"+k+"');try{qz.startQuiz(i)}catch(e){i.start=1;i.style.cursor='wait';i.style.opacity='0.5'};void(0);"}}};i['QP']=r;i[r]=i[r]||function(){(i[r].q=i[r].q||[]).push(arguments)},i[r].l=1*new Date();a=s.createElement(o),m=s.getElementsByTagName(o)[0];a.async=1;a.src=g;m.parentNode.insertBefore(a,m)})(window,document,'script','https://take.quiz-maker.com/3012/CDN/quiz-embed-v1.js','qp');Got a good quiz question? Send Newsroom your questions.The post Newsroom daily quiz, Monday 23 December appeared first on Newsroom. ...42 minutes ago - Govt walks away from infrastructure alliance
The Government’s social housing agency has backed out of a billion-dollar infrastructure alliance that would have built about 6000 new homes in Auckland – less than 18 months after signing a five-year extension.Labour says the decision to rip up the contract and sell off existing state houses could lead to ...42 minutes ago
- Daily crossword, Monday 23 December
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- Vanuatu quake: Warnings as bad weather threat looms for Port Vila
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It is now obvious how Paula Bennett got raised.
This is despicable. April 1st. 2017 will go down in history as a day of infamy!!!
Scientologists will whip you out into obscurity Miko! Doubter!
All hail Lord Xenu !
I am in deep shock to hear this. Why? Why would they?
So let me get this right, staff from the new Ministry for Vulnerable Children are to be trained in communication by one of the largest ‘cults’ on the planet.
Celebrity Lisa Remini joined Scientology when she was child and left just a few years ago, she went on to make a documentary series about it. Her series aired in the USA last year with such high ratings that there will be a second series this year.
Maybe TVNZ should air the series here, maybe the Ministry should watch the documentary series?
….check the date…
And the tags.
And a pinch and a punch for you too, BLIP.
The brilliance of this post is why it’s also so scary, and that’s that it’s not so far from the truth. Ace commentary BLiP.
Please correct if I am wrong, but is not April 1st designated ‘Fools Day’ on your planet ?
Regards,
Xenu.
[r0b: sorry – you’re still serving a ban https://thestandard.org.nz/call-to-teach-consent-in-schools/#comment-1309685 ]
[After looking at what you’ve been up to of late (your submissions dropping into ‘pending’) I see that you’ve been actively seeking a ‘get around’ with regards your ban…which has now been extended by one month. Next step will be to make it permanent.] – Bill
ha! good job rape supporter!
~tui
should be permanent. rapists not welcome here!
~ tui
the nasty nats have done a good job turning women into commodities!
~ tui
Compassionate christian conservatives. Yeah, april fools, no such thing as a compassionate christian conservative.
Tags: satire …
TS very slow opening up today. Is it me, or another April Fools prank?
“TS very slow opening up today. Is it me, or another April Fools prank?”
Struggling under the weight of its own crapulence ?
So says the thick fish.
So writes dear..
Has seemed fine to me. However it will be getting an upgrade shortly. Picked up a new motherboard, memory, and Ryzen processor today.
I just figured it was the extra processing required for the new commenting policy. But it seems fine now.
Moving along OK now Lyn (10.2), but it was very slow earlier today.
Has been slow for me too. But after a small time of being inaccessible in the last half hour, it’s got faster.
Rebooted twice. Fixed an issue with the database permissions, then rebooted again to install a recent linux kernel 4.10.8 in preparation for a new motherboard and CPU.
It has had an outstanding reboot after a php upgrade on the 22nd, and there were a number of things dying in the background that were slowing the system down.
But I have been a bit busy. Was meant to do it Wednesday night but the Netsafe stuff came up.
Same here; it has been very sluggish or not even opening at all with Edge but seems to be o.k. with Chrome!?
For a moment I thought this was the nadir of National politics.
Then I realised the date.
So the “Ministry for Vulnerable Children” is a National govt April Fools joke?! Whodathunk neo-libs have a sense of humour that doesn’t involve pointing and laughing at poor folk?
Then I wondered if National would probably go for it anyway. Let’s not put any more stupid ideas into their heads than they already have.
Had me fooled. Agree… too plausible to be cast aside as just an AF joke. Is there an emoticon for ‘horror’?
If only the MfVC was a joke!
But t’is just the scientology angle that’s a joke.
😉
Excellent leg pull – almost had me fooled. Who would have though we’d get April Fool’s Day on Daylight Saving ends Day and MVC start up together? Coincidence – serendipity? I suppose next we’ll hear that English has done a complete about face and is going to institute a UBI at the livable income level. And that temp and labour hire “contract” work is to be outlawed in NZ. Ah – if wishes were horses.
Technically, daylight saving ended on April 2nd.
Whoever believed this should have a serious think about their own credulity where National is concerned
Nah, I can see a star struck Paula fawning over Tom Cruise while signing on the line for a wrap around service for the Scientologists to provide communication services.
That’s the crazy thing, it’s almost believable because the outgoing government has done some strange things in the last eight years.
It’s not even close to believable. The Nats aren’t that bad, whoever believes they are has built up a cartoon ogre in their own mind.
Antione @ 13.1.1
Grow a sense of humour.
I have one, I thought this was a funny post and obviously a joke. It’s the people who thought it was dead serious that worry me.
Sorry. I misinterpreted your comment. I think some people took a bit longer to see it for the joke it was – that’s all.
Well hey, the outgoing government is moving towards importation of european manure to grow mushrooms in. Yes that is correct, how messed up is that?
http://www.scoop.co.nz/stories/PA1703/S00487/government-moves-to-allow-the-importation-of-manure.htm
The PM who quit helped to set the bar… http://www.stuff.co.nz/national/politics/67979337/top-10-awkward-john-key-moments
They may have special crap in Europe??
They’re not anywhere close to the reverso-world of trump, but you’ve read Dirty Politics, right? Seen the hash they made of housing and various disaster responses? Seen the private prison debacle? Watched the juked charter school stats? The Compass hospital meal savings that aren’t?
While contracting a cult for staff training would be exceptionally idiotic for the nats, if they worked hard they could definitely achieve that level of stupidity.
edit: just to clarify, it was a joke upon thinking, as opposed to a headline like “Nats contract lizard alien vampires to care for children”. Quite a good april fools
See, the first thing progressive do after thinking it seems too suspicious to be true is check for verified sources. It’s what I did. I found no sources, so immediately dismissed it. I then saw it was posted on April 1st.
Progressive voters tend to be increasingly more versed in critical thinking. There was even a story on RNZ late last year about how the creator of a fake news website based in Belarus (some other backwater Easter European country) designed to make money, just could not fool progressive voters with stories that were deliberately aimed at them (there were stories aimed at both sides of the spectrum). This is because they would most often cross-check what was stated in the article or even check the reliability of the website itself. Most of the time the stories aimed at progressives were debunked mere minutes after they were posted.
The conservative Trumptards on the other hand…
Hi Antoine, you are correct.
It is not as if this regime would alter water quality levels to meet standards.
Nor would they deny a housing crisis.
They certainly wouldn’t disband an elected environmental group and replace them with self interested locals.
Nor would they use my money to use for DOC to take a true environmental group to court, to force thru a dam.
SCF bailout, media works loan…
WHAT THE HELL?
http://www.brotherjohnf.com/russias-april-1-voicemail-press-2-services-russian-hackers-press-3-election-interference/
A good April Fool’s could cover how the bottom has fallen out of the seasteading market now that New Zealand citizenship is for sale so readily.
At $1m dollars the investment is significantly less than building, equipping and staffing a floating island.
This by Keith Johnson covers the territory nicely but sadly has more than a ring of truth.
https://kjohnsonnz.blogspot.co.nz/2017/03/new-zealand-bolt-hole-islands-good-buy.html
Well done.
For a minute I was like what the fuck?
Then I did what all rational thinking progressives do (unlike bottomfeeding Trump troll conservatives), and checked for the article’s sources. No sources? Probably garbage. Oh, it’s April 1st. You fooled me—briefly.