Caption contest

Written By: - Date published: 11:59 am, July 29th, 2018 - 76 comments
Categories: caption contest, john key, Simon Bridges, uncategorized - Tags:

Simon BRidges John Key John Howard

Keep it seemly …

76 comments on “Caption contest ”

  1. Clive Macann 1

    Say cheese. Then the meltdown and you are all toast.

  2. Andre Hock 2

    You can see the petroleum on their breath.

  3. marty mars 3

    The Gree Dees – greatest hits – how deep is your depravity, tragedy part 43, staying a slime, im really a joke, and of course the big favorite – lonely dazed, lonely tight when am I gonna get my money…

  4. Incognito 4

    The Elders having a good laugh at Simon.

  5. Incognito 5

    When you don’t get the joke, you are the joke.

  6. Incognito 6

    Simon photobombs selfie.

  7. Incognito 7

    The Goof, the Bad, and the Ugly.

  8. Robert Guyton 8

    A sneak of weasels
    (What is the collective noun for weasels)

  9. Wensleydale 9

    “Thanks to the vile necromantic arts of John Key and his young apprentice Simon Bridges, the National Party Conference was graced by the reanimated corpse of John Howard.”

  10. marty mars 10

    The moment Simon realises he’s taken far too much acid…

  11. Drowsy M. Kram 11

    Blue-green anyone?

    Send in the clowns

  12. Paul Campbell 12

    Fuck your flag Winston

  13. Stuart Munro 13

    We want New Zealanders living in cars and under bridges.

  14. Carolyn_Nth 14

    Hair today, gone tomorrow.

  15. Pete 15

    Simon and da Finkels

  16. marty mars 16

    sack, back and crack

  17. SPC 17

    The goon, the gone and the going aka the hirsute, the bald and the pony tail.

  18. veutoviper 18

    I will probably get condemned here – and there – but this poster on Your NZ (or rather someone in their house) nailed it in one with this (slightly abbreviated) playing on Bridges’ tweet of this photo plus “Me and two Johns”:

    Simon and two Johns = three Dicks

    h/t Duperez – https://yournz.org/2018/07/29/at-least-bridges-is-getting-some-publicity/#comment-294598

  19. mary_a 19

    OMG, the resurrection of Larry, Moe and Curly. Sad the lengths Natz will go to make itself seem a viable alternative to government!

  20. KJT 20

    The long term beneficiary, the war criminal and the White collar fraudster.

  21. Tricledrown 21

    The exclusive brethren

    • Robert Guyton 21.1

      That’s really funny, Tricledown!
      What!? Just noticed it’s “drown”, not “down”.
      Apologies.

  22. ianmac 22

    Going, Gone, and Gone.

  23. millsy 23

    The Three Stooges reboot has finally beencast.

  24. Adrian Thornton 24

    Blood Sucking Zombies from Hell….Now playing in a country near you…even one little taste of the housing market will turn into one of their mindless minions!

    • Incognito 24.1

      The Prosecutor, the Solicitor, the Banker.

      • David Mac 24.1.1

        walked into a bar…

        • Incognito 24.1.1.1

          … the Banker horses around gets the attention of the barmaid …

          • David Mac 24.1.1.1.1

            …she tucks her pony-tail into her collar as the 2 Johns slide their bottoms across the soft leather of a booth. Simon shakes hands with a ‘Say Cheese’ smile, orders a Shandy for himself and cocktails for the right pair of Johns. Mr Howard ordered a ‘Snowball in Hell’ and Key asked Simon to get him an Inspiration Wasteland on the rocks.’

            • greywarshark 24.1.1.1.1.1

              A gallon of eau de vie, three straws and quick now we have finished the speeches schmoozing the punters.

              • David Mac

                The barmaid thanked Simon for his tip and slid the coin into the video jukebox. A fan of early Clint Eastwood movies and choral music she selected the theme/trailer of an old movie called Kelly’s Heroes.

                • Incognito

                  Key casts a dark glance at his conspiracy fellows, checks for hidden mikes in the pepper & salt shakers, and opens the conversation: “I’ve got some dirt in my top drawer that will change our fortunes. What I’m saying is that with a bit of help from our friends in the MSM we’re on the brink of something exceptional”. Simon lets escape a deep sigh of relief that sounds more like rumbling flatulence, which attracts the attention of some other dodgy characters hidden in the dark shadows of the bar: “Thank you Sir John, I was getting a little concerned about my lack of popularity”. Key, making a throat slitting gesture, hushes Simon “Zip it sweetie, John and I are having a conversation. You need to learn to respect your elders”.

                  • David Mac

                    Simon leaned in and said “I think Grant Robertson fiddles with another man’s thing.”

                    • Incognito

                      It says “[k]eep it seemly …” at the top of the post so here goes:

                      Key, after a long gulp from his Inspiration Wasteland and lowering his voice with a slight slurring of his words: “I have it on good authority that all Ministers of Finance fiddle while Rome burns. Tell me, have you fed your chickens lately? It is a question that every PM and aspiring PM gets asked. You’ll need to be prepared with a wise-cracking answer or you’re gone by lunch time. Don will see to it.” Simon lets rip an even louder sigh of relief that unsettles other punters in the shadows and some rustling noises can be heard. John and John smile at each other, knowingly, and nod; the GCSB is in the bar doing important reconnaissance work on unsuspecting innocent law-abiding citizens minding their own business and trying to have a quiet beer in the bar.

  25. What an “ashpirational” group.

  26. JanM 26

    The Three Little Pigs

  27. David Mac 27

    Howard’s End remake flounders.

  28. Cinny 28

    Cheesy grins and hidden hands….. things that make you go hmmmmmmmm…

  29. AB 29

    Rough as guts, blood and guts, get some guts

  30. UncookedSelachimorpha 30

    No such thing as poverty! SMILE!!

  31. Incognito 31

    The Three Muppeteers: one for us, all for us!

  32. AB 32

    Rough as guts, blood and guts, get some guts

  33. mauī 33

    Introducing “National” the stage show. Bringing to life past elections wins that never existed – 1817, 1917 and 2017.

    What the critics say,

    “Jesus Christ Superstar meets dead Cats”

  34. Craig H 34

    Yeah, nah, yeah…

  35. peterlepaysan 35

    Spot the idiot.

  36. mac1 36

    “No. Simon, that’s not what ‘a meeting in camera’ means!”

  37. NZJester 37

    So a seat warmer, a racist and, a has been walk into a bar.
    They all hit their heads on it and fall over as that bar was their moral bar and it was extremely low.

  38. Doogs 38

    Gog, Magog and the Progeny

  39. peterh 39

    Well two people thought it was a good idea to bring him over

  40. marty mars 41

    meat and two vege

  41. Drongo, Dingo. and Dorkey.

  42. Philj 43

    First I’ll build 10 bridges, then I’ll lower class size then I’ll …

Recent Comments

Recent Posts

  • Gaza and the Pacific on the agenda with Germany
    Foreign Minister Winston Peters discussed the need for an immediate ceasefire in Gaza, and enhanced cooperation in the Pacific with German Foreign Minister Annalena Baerbock during her first official visit to New Zealand today.    "New Zealand and Germany enjoy shared interests and values, including the rule of law, democracy, respect for the international system ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    19 hours ago
  • Decision allows for housing growth in Western Bay of Plenty
    The Minister Responsible for RMA Reform, Chris Bishop today released his decision on four recommendations referred to him by the Western Bay of Plenty District Council, opening the door to housing growth in the area. The Council’s Plan Change 92 allows more homes to be built in existing and new ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 days ago
  • Speech to New Zealand China Council
    Thank you, John McKinnon and the New Zealand China Council for the invitation to speak to you today.    Thank you too, all members of the China Council. Your effort has played an essential role in helping to build, shape, and grow a balanced and resilient relationship between our two ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 days ago
  • Modern insurance law will protect Kiwi households
    The Government is modernising insurance law to better protect Kiwis and provide security in the event of a disaster, Commerce and Consumer Affairs Minister Andrew Bayly announced today. “These reforms are long overdue. New Zealand’s insurance law is complicated and dated, some of which is more than 100 years old. ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • Government recommits to equal pay
    The coalition Government is refreshing its approach to supporting pay equity claims as time-limited funding for the Pay Equity Taskforce comes to an end, Public Service Minister Nicola Willis says.  “Three years ago, the then-government introduced changes to the Equal Pay Act to support pay equity bargaining. The changes were ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • Transforming how our children learn to read
    Structured literacy will change the way New Zealand children learn to read - improving achievement and setting students up for success, Education Minister Erica Stanford says.  “Being able to read and write is a fundamental life skill that too many young people are missing out on. Recent data shows that ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • NZ not backing down in Canada dairy dispute
    Trade Minister Todd McClay says Canada’s refusal to comply in full with a CPTPP trade dispute ruling in our favour over dairy trade is cynical and New Zealand has no intention of backing down. Mr McClay said he has asked for urgent legal advice in respect of our ‘next move’ ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • Stronger oversight for our most vulnerable children
    The rights of our children and young people will be enhanced by changes the coalition Government will make to strengthen oversight of the Oranga Tamariki system, including restoring a single Children’s Commissioner. “The Government is committed to delivering better public services that care for our most at-risk young people and ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • Streamlining Building Consent Changes
    The Government is making it easier for minor changes to be made to a building consent so building a home is easier and more affordable, Building and Construction Minister Chris Penk says.      “The coalition Government is focused on making it easier and cheaper to build homes so we can ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • Minister acknowledges passing of Sir Robert Martin (KNZM)
    New Zealand lost a true legend when internationally renowned disability advocate Sir Robert Martin (KNZM) passed away at his home in Whanganui last night, Disabilities Issues Minister Louise Upston says. “Our Government’s thoughts are with his wife Lynda, family and community, those he has worked with, the disability community in ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    4 days ago
  • Speech to New Zealand Institute of International Affairs, Parliament – Annual Lecture: Challenges ...
    Good evening –   Before discussing the challenges and opportunities facing New Zealand’s foreign policy, we’d like to first acknowledge the New Zealand Institute of International Affairs. You have contributed to debates about New Zealand foreign policy over a long period of time, and we thank you for hosting us.  ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    4 days ago
  • Accelerating airport security lines
    From today, passengers travelling internationally from Auckland Airport will be able to keep laptops and liquids in their carry-on bags for security screening thanks to new technology, Transport Minister Simeon Brown says. “Creating a more efficient and seamless travel experience is important for holidaymakers and businesses, enabling faster movement through ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    4 days ago
  • Community hui to talk about kina barrens
    People with an interest in the health of Northland’s marine ecosystems are invited to a public meeting to discuss how to deal with kina barrens, Oceans and Fisheries Minister Shane Jones says. Mr Jones will lead the discussion, which will take place on Friday, 10 May, at Awanui Hotel in ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    4 days ago
  • Kiwi exporters win as NZ-EU FTA enters into force
    Kiwi exporters are $100 million better off today with the NZ EU FTA entering into force says Trade Minister Todd McClay. “This is all part of our plan to grow the economy. New Zealand's prosperity depends on international trade, making up 60 per cent of the country’s total economic activity. ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    4 days ago
  • Mining resurgence a welcome sign
    There are heartening signs that the extractive sector is once again becoming an attractive prospect for investors and a source of economic prosperity for New Zealand, Resources Minister Shane Jones says. “The beginnings of a resurgence in extractive industries are apparent in media reports of the sector in the past ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    4 days ago
  • Ō-Rākau Remembrance Bill passes first reading
    The return of the historic Ō-Rākau battle site to the descendants of those who fought there moved one step closer today with the first reading of Te Pire mō Ō-Rākau, Te Pae o Maumahara / The Ō-Rākau Remembrance Bill. The Bill will entrust the 9.7-hectare battle site, five kilometres west ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    5 days ago
  • Government to boost public EV charging network
    Energy Minister Simeon Brown has announced 25 new high-speed EV charging hubs along key routes between major urban centres and outlined the Government’s plan to supercharge New Zealand’s EV infrastructure.  The hubs will each have several chargers and be capable of charging at least four – and up to 10 ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    5 days ago
  • Residential Property Managers Bill to not progress
    The coalition Government will not proceed with the previous Government’s plans to regulate residential property managers, Housing Minister Chris Bishop says. “I have written to the Chairperson of the Social Services and Community Committee to inform him that the Government does not intend to support the Residential Property Managers Bill ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    5 days ago
  • Independent review into disability support services
    The Government has announced an independent review into the disability support system funded by the Ministry of Disabled People – Whaikaha. Disability Issues Minister Louise Upston says the review will look at what can be done to strengthen the long-term sustainability of Disability Support Services to provide disabled people and ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    5 days ago
  • Justice Minister updates UN on law & order plan
    Justice Minister Paul Goldsmith has attended the Universal Periodic Review in Geneva and outlined the Government’s plan to restore law and order. “Speaking to the United Nations Human Rights Council provided us with an opportunity to present New Zealand’s human rights progress, priorities, and challenges, while responding to issues and ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    5 days ago
  • Ending emergency housing motels in Rotorua
    The Government and Rotorua Lakes Council are committed to working closely together to end the use of contracted emergency housing motels in Rotorua. Associate Minister of Housing (Social Housing) Tama Potaka says the Government remains committed to ending the long-term use of contracted emergency housing motels in Rotorua by the ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    5 days ago
  • Trade Minister travels to Riyadh, OECD, and Dubai
    Trade Minister Todd McClay heads overseas today for high-level trade talks in the Gulf region, and a key OECD meeting in Paris. Mr McClay will travel to Riyadh to meet with counterparts from Saudi Arabia and the Gulf Cooperation Council (GCC). “New Zealand’s goods and services exports to the Gulf region ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    6 days ago
  • Education priorities focused on lifting achievement
    Education Minister Erica Stanford has outlined six education priorities to deliver a world-leading education system that sets Kiwi kids up for future success. “I’m putting ambition, achievement and outcomes at the heart of our education system. I want every child to be inspired and engaged in their learning so they ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    6 days ago
  • NZTA App first step towards digital driver licence
    The new NZ Transport Agency (NZTA) App is a secure ‘one stop shop’ to provide the services drivers need, Transport Minister Simeon Brown and Digitising Government Minister Judith Collins say.  “The NZTA App will enable an easier way for Kiwis to pay for Vehicle Registration and Road User Charges (RUC). ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    6 days ago
  • Supporting whānau out of emergency housing
    Whānau with tamariki growing up in emergency housing motels will be prioritised for social housing starting this week, says Associate Housing Minister Tama Potaka. “Giving these whānau a better opportunity to build healthy stable lives for themselves and future generations is an essential part of the Government’s goal of reducing ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    6 days ago
  • Tribute to Dave O'Sullivan
    Racing Minister Winston Peters has paid tribute to an icon of the industry with the recent passing of Dave O’Sullivan (OBE). “Our sympathies are with the O’Sullivan family with the sad news of Dave O’Sullivan’s recent passing,” Mr Peters says. “His contribution to racing, initially as a jockey and then ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    6 days ago
  • Speech – Eid al-Fitr
    Assalaamu alaikum, greetings to you all. Eid Mubarak, everyone! I want to extend my warmest wishes to you and everyone celebrating this joyous occasion. It is a pleasure to be here. I have enjoyed Eid celebrations at Parliament before, but this is my first time joining you as the Minister ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    6 days ago
  • Government saves access to medicines
    Associate Health Minister David Seymour has announced Pharmac’s largest ever budget of $6.294 billion over four years, fixing a $1.774 billion fiscal cliff.    “Access to medicines is a crucial part of many Kiwis’ lives. We’ve committed to a budget allocation of $1.774 billion over four years so Kiwis are ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    6 days ago
  • Pharmac Chair appointed
    Hon Paula Bennett has been appointed as member and chair of the Pharmac board, Associate Health Minister David Seymour announced today. "Pharmac is a critical part of New Zealand's health system and plays a significant role in ensuring that Kiwis have the best possible access to medicines,” says Mr Seymour. ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    7 days ago
  • Taking action on Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder
    Hundreds of New Zealand families affected by Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD) will benefit from a new Government focus on prevention and treatment, says Health Minister Dr Shane Reti. “We know FASD is a leading cause of preventable intellectual and neurodevelopmental disability in New Zealand,” Dr Reti says.  “Every day, ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • New sports complex opens in Kaikohe
    Regional Development Minister Shane Jones today attended the official opening of Kaikohe’s new $14.7 million sports complex. “The completion of the Kaikohe Multi Sports Complex is a fantastic achievement for the Far North,” Mr Jones says. “This facility not only fulfils a long-held dream for local athletes, but also creates ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Diplomacy needed more than ever
    Foreign Minister Winston Peters’ engagements in Türkiye this week underlined the importance of diplomacy to meet growing global challenges.    “Returning to the Gallipoli Peninsula to represent New Zealand at Anzac commemorations was a sombre reminder of the critical importance of diplomacy for de-escalating conflicts and easing tensions,” Mr Peters ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Anzac Commemorative Address, Buttes New British Cemetery Belgium
    Ambassador Millar, Burgemeester, Vandepitte, Excellencies, military representatives, distinguished guests, ladies and gentlemen – good morning and welcome to this sacred Anzac Day dawn service.  It is an honour to be here on behalf of the Government and people of New Zealand at Buttes New British Cemetery, Polygon Wood – a deeply ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Anzac Commemorative Address – NZ National Service, Chunuk Bair
    Distinguished guests -   It is an honour to return once again to this site which, as the resting place for so many of our war-dead, has become a sacred place for generations of New Zealanders.   Our presence here and at the other special spaces of Gallipoli is made ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Anzac Commemorative Address – Dawn Service, Gallipoli, Türkiye
    Mai ia tawhiti pamamao, te moana nui a Kiwa, kua tae whakaiti mai matou, ki to koutou papa whenua. No koutou te tapuwae, no matou te tapuwae, kua honoa pumautia.   Ko nga toa kua hinga nei, o te Waipounamu, o te Ika a Maui, he okioki tahi me o ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • PM announces changes to portfolios
    Paul Goldsmith will take on responsibility for the Media and Communications portfolio, while Louise Upston will pick up the Disability Issues portfolio, Prime Minister Christopher Luxon announced today. “Our Government is relentlessly focused on getting New Zealand back on track. As issues change in prominence, I plan to adjust Ministerial ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • New catch limits for unique fishery areas
    Recreational catch limits will be reduced in areas of Fiordland and the Chatham Islands to help keep those fisheries healthy and sustainable, Oceans and Fisheries Minister Shane Jones says. The lower recreational daily catch limits for a range of finfish and shellfish species caught in the Fiordland Marine Area and ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Minister welcomes hydrogen milestone
    Energy Minister Simeon Brown has welcomed an important milestone in New Zealand’s hydrogen future, with the opening of the country’s first network of hydrogen refuelling stations in Wiri. “I want to congratulate the team at Hiringa Energy and its partners K one W one (K1W1), Mitsui & Co New Zealand ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Urgent changes to system through first RMA Amendment Bill
    The coalition Government is delivering on its commitment to improve resource management laws and give greater certainty to consent applicants, with a Bill to amend the Resource Management Act (RMA) expected to be introduced to Parliament next month. RMA Reform Minister Chris Bishop has today outlined the first RMA Amendment ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Overseas decommissioning models considered
    Overseas models for regulating the oil and gas sector, including their decommissioning regimes, are being carefully scrutinised as a potential template for New Zealand’s own sector, Resources Minister Shane Jones says. The Coalition Government is focused on rebuilding investor confidence in New Zealand’s energy sector as it looks to strengthen ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago

Page generated in The Standard by Wordpress at 2024-05-04T20:04:30+00:00