Caption contest

Written By: - Date published: 10:00 am, January 7th, 2019 - 74 comments
Categories: caption contest, humour, Simon Bridges, The Standard - Tags:

Keep it seemly …

74 comments on “Caption contest ”

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  1. Cindy 1
    7 January 2019 at 10:08 am

    NZ’s next PM.

  2. te reo putake 2
    7 January 2019 at 10:41 am

    “I’m not exactly sure what this glass is called, but I did overhear the barman talking about a mug.”

  3. fender 3
    7 January 2019 at 10:49 am

    ” I drink alone
    yeah with nobody else….”
    [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4E9ydw_aDMg&w=560&h=315%5D

  4. te reo putake 4
    7 January 2019 at 10:55 am

    They said I’m welcome to come outside when the BBQ is fired up. I think it’s powered by dry grass. Well, Judith did say something about a straw poll.

  5. David Mac 5
    7 January 2019 at 10:56 am

    NZ Pub Etiquette #1. Every bar has one, never ever engage with the rooster settled in at the end.

  6. Muttonbird 6
    7 January 2019 at 11:13 am

    “This is what John would do.”

  7. JohnSelway 7
    7 January 2019 at 11:15 am

    Never mind the caption – I just wanted to point out what a horrible fucking shirt that is

  8. fender 8
    7 January 2019 at 11:16 am

    “See Nu Zullind I’m a real man, real men drink beer, drink it straight from the bottle (they wouldn’t let me) and we wear black singlets (they said I couldn’t), and we never let others tell us what we can or can’t do (yes Judith, right away).”

  9. DJ Ward 9
    7 January 2019 at 11:21 am

    Warren being Trumped by a right winger. My bottles bigger. So biggly he needed a glass.

    Simon needs a drink before doing attempting the breakfast club dance.

    If I was doing this for real I would have filled my glass.

    • te reo putake 9.1
      7 January 2019 at 11:31 am

      “If I was doing this for real I would have filled my glass.”

      Weirdly, it looks like there is more beer in the handle than there is gone from the bottle. It’s almost like it’s totally staged.

      • mickysavage 9.1.1
        7 January 2019 at 1:31 pm

        Gee you are right. He can’t even drink a beer without staging it and failing!

        • te reo putake 9.1.1.1
          7 January 2019 at 2:13 pm

          Cheers, ms. I did a bit of a search and here are my findings.

          It’s a 500 ml bottle, with over two thirds left. Most handles are between 440 and 560 ml. Simon’s one looks to be a larger one and it appears to be at least half full.

          So either it’s fakeity fake fake fake or Simon is an alcoholic who cannot wait to finish his current drink before cracking open the next bottle.

          Now, I cannot say for sure that the leader of the National Party is a drink sodden dipso, but I do think we should be told.

          • mickysavage 9.1.1.1.1
            7 January 2019 at 4:17 pm

            Freaking unable to organise a proper piss up in a brewery!

          • fender 9.1.1.1.2
            7 January 2019 at 4:22 pm

            “It’s a 500 ml bottle….”

            Are you sure, looks like a 750 ml, like the old swappa-crate ones (?)

            • te reo putake 9.1.1.1.2.1
              7 January 2019 at 4:34 pm

              Pretty sure it’s not a quart bottle. I had a look on a couple of wholesalers websites and stubbies and 500ml were the only options. However, happy to be corrected.

              • fender …
                7 January 2019 at 4:57 pm

                Yes you’re correct, sorry, just looked at their products online.

                  • fender …
                    7 January 2019 at 6:48 pm

                    Yes, I knew it wouldn’t be that Jamie, I was just being facetious.

                  • veutoviper …
                    8 January 2019 at 10:47 am

                    Snap!

                    I was about to post that link as well. Pleased to see I was not the only ‘tragic’ who just had to track down the actual beer he was drinking.

                    Here is another Herald one in Oct 2017 with link to an audio of the interview explaining that:

                    “Last year (2016) The Country got together with Emerson’s brewery and came up with a delightful brew called The Mackaiser. The run was so popular that we’re doing it all again this year!

                    Jamie Mackay caught up with Emerson’s Head Brewer Jim Falconer and Sales and Marketing Manager Greg Menzies for an update on Season Two of The Mackaiser which is going to be bigger and bolder…you have been warned.

                    Sign up for The Country’s online newsletter and go in the draw to win an Emerson’s gift pack here.”

                    https://www.nzherald.co.nz/the-country/news/article.cfm?c_id=16&objectid=11931775

                    Seems that this brew is not widely available and is brewed for Jamie Mackay/The Country, so:

                    1. Was the beer a gift to Simon Bridges from Jamie Mackay and “The Country” (Newstalk ZB weekdays 12pm – 1pm )?

                    2. If so, will Bridges declare the gift in his 2019 Declaration of Pecunary Interests required under Parliamentary Standing Orders, under s.12 of the form requiring gifts and donations to be declared?

                    3. Will the contents of his form be leaked before the full 2019 Register of Pecunary Interests is made public mid-2019?

                    These and more questions remain to be answered in the turbulent months ahead …

          • Andre 9.1.1.1.3
            7 January 2019 at 4:25 pm

            Maybe it’s all a trick of camera lens, angle and perspective, like that pic of Key and Whitelock. Could be it’s really a smaller handle shoved close to the camera to make it look bigger, and the bottle is tucked in close to his left moob away from the camera so it looks smaller.

            On the other hand, the one time I saw Key in person I was surprised at what a runt he was, so maybe not.

      • veutoviper 9.1.2
        7 January 2019 at 1:44 pm

        Well spotted! What an idiot- him not you (she hastily adds …).

      • ianmac 9.1.3
        7 January 2019 at 3:30 pm

        Staged? Surely not. Well spotted TRP.

      • DJ Ward 9.1.4
        7 January 2019 at 6:27 pm

        I’ll do the maths.

        The bottle.
        It looks like the cone of the bottle is about 1/3 of its height. A cone has 1/3 of the volume of a cylinder of the same height. So the cone is 1 part (what’s used) and there’s 2 more equal height cylinders giving a total 7 parts of volume for the bottle. 500ml / 7 parts equals 71.4 ml.
        So it looks like 71.4 ml is missing from the bottle.

        The glass.
        You can guess the original filling height by the foam ring of the glass. The glass is more of a cylinder than the cone shaped volume used in the bottle. So by height it has 3 times the volume (it changes Diameter so say its 2 times). The glass is at least, further from the camera. So the glass is at least (looks bigger) the same diameter of the bottle. The depth filled in or height in the glass looks the same as removed from the bottle.
        So it looks like the glass has a minimum of 2 volumes of beer, or 142.8 ml.

        Faked picture.

        • jimmy 9.1.4.1
          8 January 2019 at 8:49 am

          Wow…..you have too much time on your hands!

          • mac1 9.1.4.1.1
            8 January 2019 at 9:22 am

            I admire the ability to do such maths personally. it’s a useful skill. As a farm worker, the shepherds would enlist my help in calculating the amount of chemical to go into an irregularly shaped sheep dip at a certain concentration.
            Things earlier must have been haphazard and possibly ineffective, or overly expensive.

            That was in the days before craft beer when Macs came onto the market and changed New Zealand. “You mean we can have a beer that actually tastes good at a reasonable price rather than commercial preparations made by industrial continuous fermentation processes, the most worthwhile product of which was the waste yeast that was made into Marmite?”

            Maybe with this Labour government the same change can happen. “You mean we can have a government that actually works for the good of all providng reasonable services rather than a commercially-oriented kleptocracy the most worthwhile product of which was to run an ultimately futile exercise in flag changing?”

      • ken 9.1.5
        7 January 2019 at 10:44 pm

        A shandy?

  10. veutoviper 10
    7 January 2019 at 11:21 am

    “A man well out of his time ”

    Inspired by this from NZ Art parallels – Seated man 1939

    @NZAHParallels
    16h16 hours ago
    More
    Simon Bridges having an @EmersonsBrewery beer / Willem de Kooning, Seated Man, 1939.
    (Image: @simonjbridges )
    #nzartparallels

    https://twitter.com/NZAHParallels/status/1081793220814635009

  11. NZJester 11
    7 January 2019 at 11:27 am

    Who is that a photo of, I don’t recognize him. Is he famous?
    ;-p

  12. te reo putake 12
    7 January 2019 at 11:55 am

    Well, I woke up this morning, I got myself a beer
    Well, I woke up this morning, and I got myself a beer
    The future’s uncertain, and the end is always near

    The Doors

  13. David Mac 13
    7 January 2019 at 12:00 pm

    “Where can I take a leak?”

  14. mauī 14
    7 January 2019 at 12:01 pm

    Woman’s Day cover photo with caption,

    “Simon on drinking his own urine for political survival.”

  15. Cinny 15
    7 January 2019 at 12:11 pm

    Beer, my drug of choice, you can get it at the supermarket we made sure of that.

  16. UncookedSelachimorpha 16
    7 January 2019 at 12:42 pm

    Brewskis! With my Mates!

  17. mikesh 17
    7 January 2019 at 12:53 pm

    Hmm … this home brew of Judith’s has a strange taste to it.

  18. cleangreen 18
    7 January 2019 at 1:21 pm

    “the looser and liar of our decade”

  19. Editractor 19
    7 January 2019 at 1:47 pm

    “…but I didn’t swallow”

  20. ianmac 20
    7 January 2019 at 2:14 pm

    “Its not that I fear the Kiwi house Build, but I do keep count with each little house representing 100 the other lot have built. The little houses stretch right round the windowsill damn it. Get me another crate Honey.”

  21. ropata 21
    7 January 2019 at 2:23 pm

    sipping from the poisoned chalice that is leadership of National 🍼

  22. Exkiwiforces 22
    7 January 2019 at 2:26 pm

    Seeing that photo of SB has driven me to drink @ 10:54 Darwin time. Damm you SB, now where’s my Darwin Stubbie 😂.

  23. ropata 23
    7 January 2019 at 2:27 pm

    trying to forget the latest leadership poll 😢

  24. ropata 24
    7 January 2019 at 2:31 pm

    Simple Simon met a pieman
    Going to the fair;
    Says Simple Simon to the pieman,
    “Let me taste your beer.”

    Says the pieman to Simple Simon,
    “Show me first your electoral mandate.”
    Says Simple Simon to the pieman,
    “Indeed, I have no friends.”

    • ianmac 24.1
      7 January 2019 at 3:28 pm

      Great Ropata. But how sad. Poor old Simple Simon. But wait. Simon, Cuddly Judy will snuggle up to you with great sincerity. She really really believes in you. She does. She does.

    • Charlie 24.2
      7 January 2019 at 6:54 pm

      Simple Simon met a pieman
      Going to the fair;
      Says Simple Simon to the pieman,
      “what have you there.”

      PIES CUNT………………

  25. Robert Guyton 25
    7 January 2019 at 3:23 pm

    Working on his “Key-belly”.

  26. JanM 26
    7 January 2019 at 3:33 pm

    All By Myself…

  27. mary_a 27
    7 January 2019 at 4:02 pm

    Not a good look drinking on your own Simon … oh yes that’s right, you have no friends do you?

    Poor poor Simon what you gonna do
    Things are lookin’ bad so
    What you gonna do …

    ( … Joseph and the Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat … with a relevant name change)

  28. mosa 28
    7 January 2019 at 6:04 pm

    Drink Emerson’s and look like a dick !!!

    • tc 28.1
      7 January 2019 at 6:48 pm

      How very national, rather than an actual kiwi craft brewer he chooses the product of a foreign owned brewer.

      It’s as if he’s being setup by his own PR folk as that’s an ‘epic’ fail.

  29. Chris 29
    7 January 2019 at 7:18 pm

    “Because Crosby-Textor told me to, that’s why.”

  30. ken 30
    7 January 2019 at 10:48 pm

    “I sent out the invites, and they said they might stop by if they had time……..they’ll be here soon.”

  31. smilin 31
    8 January 2019 at 12:10 am

    Great brew for a hot Sunday afternoon
    Cos Ive done nothing to deserve it, I dont work like real kiwis

    • mac1 31.1
      8 January 2019 at 9:41 am

      Shouldn’t work on a Sunday anyway- day of rest and all that- and especially on a hot Sunday…..

      Though, smilin, you accurately point to the hidden message behind much of National’s messaging which goes “We deserve it because we are hard working; you are part of us so you deserve a beer, too. ‘They’, on the other hand who are poor, bludgers, beneficiaries, the ‘others’ from a different tribe, the unemployed, they don’t deserve a beer, or tax cuts, or salaries over a hundred times the minimum wage, two lane highways to ‘our’ holiday destinations or knighthoods.”

      “Hard working Kiwis” is a modern version of ‘right-thinking people’ and ‘ordinary, decent New Zealanders” and is a justification for entitlement, prejudice and self-fulfilling puffery. It is a secular form of the religious belief that excuses the rich and justifies their hoarding of worldly goods saying that this wealth is a sign that the Almighty has blessed us because we are indeed righteous, and the poor must therefore be sinners and condemned.

      Hallelujah!

  32. phillip ure 32
    8 January 2019 at 4:23 pm

    the simon bridges xmas party was a sad lonely affair…

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