Our man in Paris

Written By: - Date published: 9:23 am, December 2nd, 2015 - 17 comments
Categories: john key, Minister for International Embarrassment, uncategorized - Tags:

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Some time today, New Zealand’s Prime Minister, John Key, will be wandering around the hallways of his Paris hotel in his underpants. Or maybe his swimming togs.

Its tough to get  leadership “face time” at international events and John’s dress-code is part of his unique way of promoting New Zealand. By “accidently” bumping into world leaders who are staying at the same hotel, John immediately demonstrates first hand just how laid-back and casual Kiwis are. Should the world leader not run away, John then reminds Presidents and Kings alike just how happy he is as “junior world leader” to service their every need. Sheep farm in the middle of a desert in a land run by a despot who funds terrorists? No worries. Anything at all. Especially for any leader who would be be kind enough to actually talk to him. Even better, perhaps they could say something nice so he’s got material to feed the chooks with later on. The “media chooks”, that is.

He’s had a busy time in Paris, extolling the need to reduce fuel subsidies and shifting that public money into “the market” via privatised science. He also promised $200 million for “climate-related” development in the Pacific. Whether that means there will be new charter schools set up throughout the region to teach kids swimming skills is unclear at this stage.

John also tagged along to a tribute in honour of those killed in Paris on 18 November. Australian Prime Minister, Malcolm Turnbull, was there, loaded down with a glorious bouquet made up in the resplendent gold’n’green of the Lucky Country. Not wanting to interfere with the flag referendum back home, John brought a lovely wee posy in . . . umm . . . black and white,

Ooops.

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John Key with New Zealand's floral tribute in honour of the innocents slaughtered in Paris on 18 November

John Key with New Zealand’s floral tribute in honour of the innocents slaughtered by ISIS in Paris on 18 November

17 comments on “Our man in Paris ”

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  1. Kiwiri 1
    2 December 2015 at 10:56 am

    It was either tears of disappointment or tears of rage.

    But, thanks for this, BLiP, because it is …. L O L ….. *almost* tears of laughter.

  2. Macro 2
    2 December 2015 at 10:59 am

    Actually BLiP this is the best post I have ever had the pleasure of reading on The Standard… You have to laugh because to actually have to think about just what it is Key is doing in Paris brings me to rage. Thank you for making my day.

  3. ianmac 3
    2 December 2015 at 11:03 am

    Great work BLiP. But watch out. The Key-fans will be hurt and might lash-out in fear. Oh. Already.

  4. shorts 4
    2 December 2015 at 11:44 am

    if only Key could constrain himself to wandering the worlds best hotel halls in various states of undress – McCully and Grosser too, that way the kiwi holy trinity would do so much more to endorse our nation than their normal everyday doings

  6. savenz 6
    2 December 2015 at 12:51 pm

    Sounds completely accurate to me. JK in between selling out our country via the IDU and National increasing climate change while pretending to be doing something.

    What a joke he is.

  7. Rosie 7
    2 December 2015 at 2:20 pm

    Um yes, that floral tribute. From our country to yours, in sympathy. We had a whip round.

    Nice flowers for an anniversary with Bronagh, but in this solemn moment they seriously look like an after thought, like they’d been picked up at the only service station that was open.

    • emergency mike 7.1
      2 December 2015 at 4:18 pm

      Looks like he had to spend some of his own money instead of ours. No doubt he’s thinking, “Damn, if only I had a couple of bottles of JK pinot noir handy I could have brought that instead.”

      • Rosie 7.1.1
        2 December 2015 at 8:12 pm

        It definitely has the look of last minute about it. Mind you, you would think one of his aides would have been given the ol’ credit card to go to an approved florist to get a decent floral offering.

        I’m sure he has previously pulled the JK pinot noir out on several diplomatic occasions. Handy grease palm gift for dignitaries and abused wait staff alike.

  8. Ad 8
    2 December 2015 at 3:14 pm

    This is the New Zealand commentary cited by The Atlantic recently on the text of the proposed agreement:

    http://paristext2015.com/2015/11/going-in-circles-or-approaching-agreement-the-final-draft-text/

  9. Just Me 9
    2 December 2015 at 7:29 pm

    Someone please tell me if I am wrong but surely the colour black is the colour of death and worn at funerals? The colour white(if my memory in regards to say anything white during WW1)is the colour associated with being a coward?
    Key has promised NZ$200million for “climate-related” development in the Pacific.
    From what benevolent overseas loaner will he be borrowing the money from to fund this project?
    And considering after almost 7 1/2 years in government the best the Key government could obtain as a ‘surplus’ was about $440million. And so I guess the $200million from the so-called ‘surplus’ has now been spent on yet another of Key’s pet projects.He wants to impress other world leaders(not that he can ever enter into the category they are in)as to what a fantastic person he is. But to date, and if these world leaders are clued up to Key’s devious tactics, they know a dog when they see one i.e John Key.
    Considering also the President of the National Party who has companies around NZ e.g Cambridge Clothing Company; has a personal wealth of over $500million it does seem crazy Key hasn’t approached the well-to-do members of the National Party for a donation for ‘“climate-related” development in the Pacific’.
    Now also considering John Key often manipulates peoples passing e.g the Pike River 29 and just recently Jonah’s death for political purposes I do wonder what political manipulation Key will resort to to gain publicity for his photo opportunity with the Black and White Flower Show?

    • Draco T Bastard 9.1
      2 December 2015 at 8:50 pm

      Key hasn’t approached the well-to-do members of the National Party for a donation for ‘“climate-related” development in the Pacific’.

      As far as the National Party and Key are concerned the rich only do stuff if the poor pay them. If the rich actually started paying for stuff rather than being bludgers they wouldn’t be rich for long.

  10. Draco T Bastard 10
    2 December 2015 at 8:58 pm

    Black Roses

    The colour combination does seem to fit the occasion.

  11. George Hendry 11
    3 December 2015 at 12:18 am

    He tried to insult but, infused with admiration, complimented despite himself.

    “When you analyse a matter, you drill (bore) into it so deeply and trenchantly that it is as if you yourself are the drill.”

    And I agree. Finely expressed analysis, always a pleasure to read. 🙂

  12. North 12
    3 December 2015 at 5:52 am

    Confused gets Infused sorry other way round when BLiP points out the sans-humour Monty Python.