Tai Poutini finds new funding stream

Written By: - Date published: 5:10 pm, July 7th, 2011 - 4 comments
Categories: education, Satire, transport - Tags:

Stolen without permission from the Tertiary Education Union (here) – but I pays my dues so I figure they wont mind. — r0b

Te Tai Poutini Polytechnic is receiving an additional $750 million funding from Minister Steven Joyce after changing its name to the South Western Motorway. Outgoing chief executive Paul Wilson said that once the polytechnic registered itself as a road of national significance (RONS) rather than a tertiary education institution it found that the government coffers were no longer locked.

Mr Wilson told Tertiary Update’s transport reporter Paki Taunuhia that the government expected Te Tai Poutini, as a road of national significance, to prove it was contributing to national economic growth and that it was helping people in the region to get to where they wanted to be faster than they would otherwise be able to.

“Well, we’ve been doing that for years, even before we changed from being a polytechnic to a road,” said Mr Wilson.

Transport Minister Steven Joyce welcomed the decision, noting that the government believes that the productivity and growth that come from roads such as Te Tai Poutini make the spending an investment rather than a cost.

Meanwhile Tertiary Education Minister Steven Joyce also welcomed the decision saying that there was too much duplication in the tertiary education system, so turning the polytechnic into a road not only gave the country a much needed new road, but it also eliminated one unnecessary polytechnic.

“This is the type of innovative thinking we would like to see other tertiary institutions consider,” Mr Joyce told Mr Paunuhia.

4 comments on “Tai Poutini finds new funding stream ”

  • Comments are now closed

  1. ianmac 1
    7 July 2011 at 5:29 pm

    And Mr Joyce says that it was the reasoning which lead to Mr Key being declared a “Celebrity of Note” which exempts him from serious scrutiny and gives him the the right to avoid questions which are too hard to answer. Representitives of MSM outlets confirm that Mr Key’s status does indeed exempt him from scrutiny.

    • Lanthanide 1.1
      7 July 2011 at 5:45 pm

      Hey, didn’t some financial watchdog or other recently change the rules around celebrity endorsement. They’re held liable if what they’re selling turns out to be a dud.

      Why not apply it to our Celebrity in Chief re the Budget? Our taxes are going into this ‘investment product’ after all, it stands to reason he should be held liable if the returns don’t match his promises.

  2. Stephen Day 2
    8 July 2011 at 11:32 am

    Thanks r0b for cross posting! TEU occasionally tries its hand at satire, with varying degrees of success. In this instance, I’m not sure whether to count the significant number of people who have responded to this story believing it was true, or worried that people might think it was true, as a success or failure? But’s lovely to be featured on The Standard. Cheers.