ImperatorFish: I did not order this – again
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- Date published:
10:30 am, July 29th, 2014 - 3 comments
Categories: Satire -
Tags: nick smith
Scott at Imperator Fish kindly allows us to syndicate his material – the original for this is here.
I originally posted this back in September 2013. The passage of time is relentless, but some things, and people, don’t ever seem to change.
Gee I’m a bit peckish. I never had time for breakfast this morning, and it’s been meeting after meeting since I got up, and I’ve got Question Time to deal with later in the day. Time to recharge.
Well I have an hour before the next meeting, and this café looks pleasant enough.
Righto, that’s my order sorted. Now to wait, and what better way to while away the hours than to examine one’s ministerial papers?
Goodness me, that was quick. Wait. What’s that?
No, this isn’t good enough. I didn’t order that. I didn’t order any food at all. I just came here for the coffee.
What do you mean? How can I have ordered the Big Brunch Fry-up? I haven’t even seen the menu. How can I order a meal if I haven’t even seen the menu? Just the coffee!
Oh, that? So there’s a piece of card on the table on which are printed the names of various meal items. So what of it? I didn’t even notice it there. I did not know of the existence of this menu until you showed it to me just now.
Well, yes, I may have actually held the menu in my hands, if what you say is true. I don’t recall, but if that’s what you say you saw, then I admit I may have picked the menu up. But that doesn’t mean I knew the menu existed. I may have thought I was pawing something else, like an important ministerial paper, or a paper towel, or perhaps a real estate brochure. I expect that my attention would have been drawn to more important matters as I handled it, if indeed I even touched it. As a busy minister I have a lot on my plate, although I certainly never ordered that particular plate.
But I never read the menu, I never ordered anything from it, and I won’t pay for a meal I never asked for!
No, I certainly don’t recall holding the menu up close to my eyes, and I’m sure I would remember asking you what the Big Brunch Fry-up contained. This is your word against mine, and I won’t sit here and allow my good name to be impugned. These allegations are baseless and without any factual foundation whatsoever. I did not order this meal!
Well, what proof do you have? Oh, you have a piece of paper on which you took down the order, and which says “Table Six: Big Brunch Fry-up. Hold mushrooms, eggs poached.” Well what does that prove? All that proves is that you took an order down, and so what if this just happens to be Table Six? It’s clear that what we are dealing with here is a catalogue of mistakes made by mostly junior staff, and I’m confident that it doesn’t reflect badly on me in any way.
You say you’re sure I asked for the Big Brunch Fry-up, but I wonder what your real motives are. Are they malicious? Would you by chance be a member of the Green Party? Are you a party activist? You have an anti-business-agenda look about you, young lady, and I don’t like it at all.
Not that I’ve got anything against green issues. I like to think of myself as a blue green, which makes your claim that I ordered a greasy fry-up all the more risible. Had I ordered any food I would have chosen a light chicken salad, although, and let me be very clear about this, I have no recollection of ordering any food, and if any food was ordered it was entirely due to a junior member of staff at this establishment misunderstanding what was a very clear request just for coffee.
Your notes may well suggest that I ordered the Big Brunch Fry-up, but that’s just one interpretation, and with respect I think some people here may be guilty of dancing on the head of a pin in order to score political points. I came here just for coffee, not to be interrogated by aggressive party activists.
No, this isn’t acceptable. Please summon the manager. Oh, you are the manager? Well then, I think a review of the behaviour of all staff involved in this matter is called for. There are obviously problems with the processes your staff have followed, and I am confident that any review will show that I acted entirely appropriately.
So you have CCTV footage of me ordering something from the menu? Just hang on a moment here. I never claimed that I didn’t ask for food. No no no! If you look back at my statements in this matter you will see that I have been quite clear all along that I never denied asking for food. What I have made very clear from the beginning was that I did not order the Big Brunch Fry-up.
Oh, the camera has a microphone and my words can be heard? Well, you see, that doesn’t prove that I ordered the Big Brunch Fry-up. It wasn’t an order as such, was it? No, it was a request. I said “May I please have the Big Brunch Fry-up, and can you please hold the mushrooms?” How could anyone possibly frame such a polite and reasonable request for food as an order? I may be a minister with considerable legal powers, but I do not have the power of command in your own establishment. No, it was a request, not an order, a request that you kindly fulfilled.
Now let’s hear no more of this. I have no time for this nonsense. I have a non-existent housing crisis to grapple with. Good day, Madam!
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- Release: Labour supports urgent changes to emergency management systemLabour welcomes the release of the report into the North Island weather events and looks forward to working with the Government to ensure that New Zealand is as prepared as it can be for the next natural disaster. ...1 week ago
- Release: Labour calls for New Zealand to recognise PalestineThe Labour Party has called for the New Zealand Government to recognise Palestine, as a material step towards progressing the two-State solution needed to achieve a lasting peace in the region. ...1 week ago
- Release: Three strikes law political posturing of worst kindThe Government is bringing back a law that has little evidential backing just to look tough, Labour justice spokesperson Duncan Webb said. ...1 week ago
- Release: Government cuts unbelievably target child exploitation, violent extremism, ports and airpor...Some of our country’s most important work, stopping the sexual exploitation of children and violent extremism could go along with staff on the frontline at ports and airports. ...1 week ago
- Three strikes has failed before and will fail againResurrecting the archaic three-strikes legislation is an unwelcome return to a failed American-style approach to justice. ...1 week ago
- Release: Environmental protection vital, not ‘onerous’The Government’s Fast Track Approvals Bill will give projects such as new coal mines a ‘get out of jail free’ card to wreak havoc on the environment, Labour Leader Chris Hipkins said today. ...1 week ago
- Ferris – Three Strikes targets those ‘too brown to be white’The government's decision to reintroduce Three Strikes is a destructive and ineffective piece of law-making that will only exacerbate an inherently biased and racist criminal justice system, said Te Pāti Māori Justice Spokesperson, Tākuta Ferris, today. During the time Three Strikes was in place in Aotearoa, Māori and Pasifika received ...1 week ago
- Release: Govt cuts doctors and nurses in hiring freezeCuts to frontline hospital staff are not only a broken election promise, it shows the reckless tax cuts have well and truly hit the frontline of the health system, says Labour Health spokesperson Ayesha Verrall. ...2 weeks ago
- Fast-track submissions period must be extendedThe Green Party has joined the call for public submissions on the fast-track legislation to be extended after the Ombudsman forced the Government to release the list of organisations invited to apply just hours before submissions close. ...2 weeks ago
- Release: Progress on climate will be undone by GovtNew Zealand’s good work at reducing climate emissions for three years in a row will be undone by the National government’s lack of ambition and scrapping programmes that were making a difference, Labour Party climate spokesperson Megan Woods said today. ...2 weeks ago
- Release: Dark day for Kiwi kids as a third of Govt cuts affect themNews that 1000 jobs at the Ministry of Education and Oranga Tamariki could go is devastating for future generations of New Zealanders. ...2 weeks ago
- Release: Alarm as Government signals further blow to school lunchesMore essential jobs could be on the chopping block, this time Ministry of Education staff on the school lunches team are set to find out whether they're in line to lose their jobs. ...2 weeks ago
- Oranga Tamariki cuts commit tamariki to state abuseTe Pāti Māori is disgusted at the confirmation that hundreds are set to lose their jobs at Oranga Tamariki, and the disestablishment of the Treaty Response Unit. “This act of absolute carelessness and out of touch decision making is committing tamariki to state abuse.” Said Te Pāti Māori Oranga Tamariki ...2 weeks ago
- Release: Quick, submit – stop Govt’s dodgy approvals billThe Government is trying to bring in a law that will allow Ministers to cut corners and kill off native species, Labour environment spokesperson Rachel Brooking said. ...2 weeks ago
- Government throws coal on the climate crisis fireThe Government’s policy announced today to ease consenting for coal mining will have a lasting impact across generations. ...2 weeks ago
- Release: Public transport costs to double as National looks at unaffordable roading project insteadCancelling urgently needed new Cook Strait ferries and hiking the cost of public transport for many Kiwis so that National can announce the prospect of another tunnel for Wellington is not making good choices, Labour Transport Spokesperson Tangi Utikere said. ...2 weeks ago
- Release: Cost of living in Auckland still not a priorityA laundry list of additional costs for Tāmaki Makarau Auckland shows the Minister for the city is not delivering for the people who live there, says Labour Auckland Issues spokesperson Shanan Halbert. ...2 weeks ago
- Te Pāti Māori to visit Queensland to strengthen ties with Māori in AustraliaTe Pāti Māori co-leader Rawiri Waititi, and Mema Paremata mō Tāmaki-Makaurau, Takutai Tarsh Kemp, will travel to the Gold Coast to strengthen ties with Māori in Australia next week (15-21 April). The visit, in the lead-up to the 9th Australian National Kapa haka Festival, will be an opportunity for both ...3 weeks ago
- Government recommits to equal pay
The coalition Government is refreshing its approach to supporting pay equity claims as time-limited funding for the Pay Equity Taskforce comes to an end, Public Service Minister Nicola Willis says. “Three years ago, the then-government introduced changes to the Equal Pay Act to support pay equity bargaining. The changes were ...57 mins ago - Transforming how our children learn to readStructured literacy will change the way New Zealand children learn to read - improving achievement and setting students up for success, Education Minister Erica Stanford says. “Being able to read and write is a fundamental life skill that too many young people are missing out on. Recent data shows that ...2 hours ago
- NZ not backing down in Canada dairy disputeTrade Minister Todd McClay says Canada’s refusal to comply in full with a CPTPP trade dispute ruling in our favour over dairy trade is cynical and New Zealand has no intention of backing down. Mr McClay said he has asked for urgent legal advice in respect of our ‘next move’ ...4 hours ago
- Stronger oversight for our most vulnerable childrenThe rights of our children and young people will be enhanced by changes the coalition Government will make to strengthen oversight of the Oranga Tamariki system, including restoring a single Children’s Commissioner. “The Government is committed to delivering better public services that care for our most at-risk young people and ...6 hours ago
- Streamlining Building Consent ChangesThe Government is making it easier for minor changes to be made to a building consent so building a home is easier and more affordable, Building and Construction Minister Chris Penk says. “The coalition Government is focused on making it easier and cheaper to build homes so we can ...11 hours ago
- Minister acknowledges passing of Sir Robert Martin (KNZM)New Zealand lost a true legend when internationally renowned disability advocate Sir Robert Martin (KNZM) passed away at his home in Whanganui last night, Disabilities Issues Minister Louise Upston says. “Our Government’s thoughts are with his wife Lynda, family and community, those he has worked with, the disability community in ...22 hours ago
- Speech to New Zealand Institute of International Affairs, Parliament – Annual Lecture: Challenges ...Good evening – Before discussing the challenges and opportunities facing New Zealand’s foreign policy, we’d like to first acknowledge the New Zealand Institute of International Affairs. You have contributed to debates about New Zealand foreign policy over a long period of time, and we thank you for hosting us. ...22 hours ago
- Accelerating airport security linesFrom today, passengers travelling internationally from Auckland Airport will be able to keep laptops and liquids in their carry-on bags for security screening thanks to new technology, Transport Minister Simeon Brown says. “Creating a more efficient and seamless travel experience is important for holidaymakers and businesses, enabling faster movement through ...1 day ago
- Community hui to talk about kina barrensPeople with an interest in the health of Northland’s marine ecosystems are invited to a public meeting to discuss how to deal with kina barrens, Oceans and Fisheries Minister Shane Jones says. Mr Jones will lead the discussion, which will take place on Friday, 10 May, at Awanui Hotel in ...1 day ago
- Kiwi exporters win as NZ-EU FTA enters into forceKiwi exporters are $100 million better off today with the NZ EU FTA entering into force says Trade Minister Todd McClay. “This is all part of our plan to grow the economy. New Zealand's prosperity depends on international trade, making up 60 per cent of the country’s total economic activity. ...1 day ago
- Mining resurgence a welcome signThere are heartening signs that the extractive sector is once again becoming an attractive prospect for investors and a source of economic prosperity for New Zealand, Resources Minister Shane Jones says. “The beginnings of a resurgence in extractive industries are apparent in media reports of the sector in the past ...1 day ago
- Ō-Rākau Remembrance Bill passes first readingThe return of the historic Ō-Rākau battle site to the descendants of those who fought there moved one step closer today with the first reading of Te Pire mō Ō-Rākau, Te Pae o Maumahara / The Ō-Rākau Remembrance Bill. The Bill will entrust the 9.7-hectare battle site, five kilometres west ...2 days ago
- Government to boost public EV charging networkEnergy Minister Simeon Brown has announced 25 new high-speed EV charging hubs along key routes between major urban centres and outlined the Government’s plan to supercharge New Zealand’s EV infrastructure. The hubs will each have several chargers and be capable of charging at least four – and up to 10 ...2 days ago
- Residential Property Managers Bill to not progressThe coalition Government will not proceed with the previous Government’s plans to regulate residential property managers, Housing Minister Chris Bishop says. “I have written to the Chairperson of the Social Services and Community Committee to inform him that the Government does not intend to support the Residential Property Managers Bill ...2 days ago
- Independent review into disability support servicesThe Government has announced an independent review into the disability support system funded by the Ministry of Disabled People – Whaikaha. Disability Issues Minister Louise Upston says the review will look at what can be done to strengthen the long-term sustainability of Disability Support Services to provide disabled people and ...2 days ago
- Justice Minister updates UN on law & order planJustice Minister Paul Goldsmith has attended the Universal Periodic Review in Geneva and outlined the Government’s plan to restore law and order. “Speaking to the United Nations Human Rights Council provided us with an opportunity to present New Zealand’s human rights progress, priorities, and challenges, while responding to issues and ...2 days ago
- Ending emergency housing motels in RotoruaThe Government and Rotorua Lakes Council are committed to working closely together to end the use of contracted emergency housing motels in Rotorua. Associate Minister of Housing (Social Housing) Tama Potaka says the Government remains committed to ending the long-term use of contracted emergency housing motels in Rotorua by the ...2 days ago
- Trade Minister travels to Riyadh, OECD, and DubaiTrade Minister Todd McClay heads overseas today for high-level trade talks in the Gulf region, and a key OECD meeting in Paris. Mr McClay will travel to Riyadh to meet with counterparts from Saudi Arabia and the Gulf Cooperation Council (GCC). “New Zealand’s goods and services exports to the Gulf region ...3 days ago
- Education priorities focused on lifting achievementEducation Minister Erica Stanford has outlined six education priorities to deliver a world-leading education system that sets Kiwi kids up for future success. “I’m putting ambition, achievement and outcomes at the heart of our education system. I want every child to be inspired and engaged in their learning so they ...3 days ago
- NZTA App first step towards digital driver licenceThe new NZ Transport Agency (NZTA) App is a secure ‘one stop shop’ to provide the services drivers need, Transport Minister Simeon Brown and Digitising Government Minister Judith Collins say. “The NZTA App will enable an easier way for Kiwis to pay for Vehicle Registration and Road User Charges (RUC). ...3 days ago
- Supporting whānau out of emergency housingWhānau with tamariki growing up in emergency housing motels will be prioritised for social housing starting this week, says Associate Housing Minister Tama Potaka. “Giving these whānau a better opportunity to build healthy stable lives for themselves and future generations is an essential part of the Government’s goal of reducing ...3 days ago
- Tribute to Dave O'SullivanRacing Minister Winston Peters has paid tribute to an icon of the industry with the recent passing of Dave O’Sullivan (OBE). “Our sympathies are with the O’Sullivan family with the sad news of Dave O’Sullivan’s recent passing,” Mr Peters says. “His contribution to racing, initially as a jockey and then ...3 days ago
- Speech – Eid al-FitrAssalaamu alaikum, greetings to you all. Eid Mubarak, everyone! I want to extend my warmest wishes to you and everyone celebrating this joyous occasion. It is a pleasure to be here. I have enjoyed Eid celebrations at Parliament before, but this is my first time joining you as the Minister ...3 days ago
- Government saves access to medicinesAssociate Health Minister David Seymour has announced Pharmac’s largest ever budget of $6.294 billion over four years, fixing a $1.774 billion fiscal cliff. “Access to medicines is a crucial part of many Kiwis’ lives. We’ve committed to a budget allocation of $1.774 billion over four years so Kiwis are ...3 days ago
- Pharmac Chair appointedHon Paula Bennett has been appointed as member and chair of the Pharmac board, Associate Health Minister David Seymour announced today. "Pharmac is a critical part of New Zealand's health system and plays a significant role in ensuring that Kiwis have the best possible access to medicines,” says Mr Seymour. ...4 days ago
- Taking action on Fetal Alcohol Spectrum DisorderHundreds of New Zealand families affected by Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD) will benefit from a new Government focus on prevention and treatment, says Health Minister Dr Shane Reti. “We know FASD is a leading cause of preventable intellectual and neurodevelopmental disability in New Zealand,” Dr Reti says. “Every day, ...5 days ago
- New sports complex opens in KaikoheRegional Development Minister Shane Jones today attended the official opening of Kaikohe’s new $14.7 million sports complex. “The completion of the Kaikohe Multi Sports Complex is a fantastic achievement for the Far North,” Mr Jones says. “This facility not only fulfils a long-held dream for local athletes, but also creates ...5 days ago
- Diplomacy needed more than everForeign Minister Winston Peters’ engagements in Türkiye this week underlined the importance of diplomacy to meet growing global challenges. “Returning to the Gallipoli Peninsula to represent New Zealand at Anzac commemorations was a sombre reminder of the critical importance of diplomacy for de-escalating conflicts and easing tensions,” Mr Peters ...5 days ago
- Anzac Commemorative Address, Buttes New British Cemetery BelgiumAmbassador Millar, Burgemeester, Vandepitte, Excellencies, military representatives, distinguished guests, ladies and gentlemen – good morning and welcome to this sacred Anzac Day dawn service. It is an honour to be here on behalf of the Government and people of New Zealand at Buttes New British Cemetery, Polygon Wood – a deeply ...6 days ago
- Anzac Commemorative Address – NZ National Service, Chunuk BairDistinguished guests - It is an honour to return once again to this site which, as the resting place for so many of our war-dead, has become a sacred place for generations of New Zealanders. Our presence here and at the other special spaces of Gallipoli is made ...7 days ago
- Anzac Commemorative Address – Dawn Service, Gallipoli, TürkiyeMai ia tawhiti pamamao, te moana nui a Kiwa, kua tae whakaiti mai matou, ki to koutou papa whenua. No koutou te tapuwae, no matou te tapuwae, kua honoa pumautia. Ko nga toa kua hinga nei, o te Waipounamu, o te Ika a Maui, he okioki tahi me o ...1 week ago
- PM announces changes to portfoliosPaul Goldsmith will take on responsibility for the Media and Communications portfolio, while Louise Upston will pick up the Disability Issues portfolio, Prime Minister Christopher Luxon announced today. “Our Government is relentlessly focused on getting New Zealand back on track. As issues change in prominence, I plan to adjust Ministerial ...1 week ago
- New catch limits for unique fishery areasRecreational catch limits will be reduced in areas of Fiordland and the Chatham Islands to help keep those fisheries healthy and sustainable, Oceans and Fisheries Minister Shane Jones says. The lower recreational daily catch limits for a range of finfish and shellfish species caught in the Fiordland Marine Area and ...1 week ago
- Minister welcomes hydrogen milestoneEnergy Minister Simeon Brown has welcomed an important milestone in New Zealand’s hydrogen future, with the opening of the country’s first network of hydrogen refuelling stations in Wiri. “I want to congratulate the team at Hiringa Energy and its partners K one W one (K1W1), Mitsui & Co New Zealand ...1 week ago
- Urgent changes to system through first RMA Amendment BillThe coalition Government is delivering on its commitment to improve resource management laws and give greater certainty to consent applicants, with a Bill to amend the Resource Management Act (RMA) expected to be introduced to Parliament next month. RMA Reform Minister Chris Bishop has today outlined the first RMA Amendment ...1 week ago
- Overseas decommissioning models consideredOverseas models for regulating the oil and gas sector, including their decommissioning regimes, are being carefully scrutinised as a potential template for New Zealand’s own sector, Resources Minister Shane Jones says. The Coalition Government is focused on rebuilding investor confidence in New Zealand’s energy sector as it looks to strengthen ...1 week ago
- Release of North Island Severe Weather Event InquiryEmergency Management and Recovery Minister Mark Mitchell has today released the Report of the Government Inquiry into the response to the North Island Severe Weather Events. “The report shows that New Zealand’s emergency management system is not fit-for-purpose and there are some significant gaps we need to address,” Mr Mitchell ...1 week ago
- Justice Minister to attend Human Rights CouncilJustice Minister Paul Goldsmith is today travelling to Europe where he’ll update the United Nations Human Rights Council on the Government’s work to restore law and order. “Attending the Universal Periodic Review in Geneva provides us with an opportunity to present New Zealand’s human rights progress, priorities, and challenges, while ...1 week ago
- Patterson reopens world’s largest wool scouring facilityAssociate Agriculture Minister, Mark Patterson, formally reopened the world’s largest wool processing facility today in Awatoto, Napier, following a $50 million rebuild and refurbishment project. “The reopening of this facility will significantly lift the economic opportunities available to New Zealand’s wool sector, which already accounts for 20 per cent of ...1 week ago
- Speech to the Southland Otago Regional Engineering Collective Summit, 18 April 2024Hon Andrew Bayly, Minister for Small Business and Manufacturing At the Southland Otago Regional Engineering Collective (SOREC) Summit, 18 April, Dunedin Ngā mihi nui, Ko Andrew Bayly aho, Ko Whanganui aho Good Afternoon and thank you for inviting me to open your summit today. I am delighted ...1 week ago
- A clock in the rocks: what cosmic rays tell us about Earth’s changing surface and climate
Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Shaun Eaves, Senior Lecturer in Physical Geography, Te Herenga Waka — Victoria University of Wellington Jamey Stutz, CC BY-SA How often do mountains collapse, volcanoes erupt or ice sheets melt? For Earth scientists, these are important questions as we try ...52 mins ago - Multiple parties complain over Green MP Julie Anne Genter's conduct
Speaker Gerry Brownlee won't say which parties have taken issue with Julie Anne Genter's outburst. ...1 hour ago - Aggressive? Homophobic? Stoic? Here’s what thousands of Australian men told us about modern mascul...Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Michael Flood, Professor of Sociology, Queensland University of Technology Shutterstock Most young adult men in Australia reject traditional ideas of masculinity that endorse aggression, stoicism and homophobia. Nonetheless, the ongoing influence of those ideas continues to harm men and the people ...1 hour ago
- Watch live as the PM makes pre-Budget education announcementFrom next year, the government expects all public schools to take a "proven structured literacy approach". ...2 hours ago
- NZQA Jobs To Go As Government Education Cuts Roll On
The NZQA proposal released to staff today would involve a net loss of 35 roles. There are 66 roles being disestablished with 13 of those currently vacant, and 31 new roles proposed, said Fleur Fitzsimons Public Service Association Te Pūkenga Here Tikanga ...2 hours ago - The star-studded New Zealand movie you need to see as soon as possible
Alex Casey talks to Loren Taylor, the writer, director and star of new film The Moon is Upside Down, about assembling her dream ensemble cast, toilet paper pads and turning literal dreams into reality. There’s a moment in The Moon is Upside Down where frazzled anaesthetist Briar (Loren Taylor) gets ...2 hours ago - Ministry of Housing and Urban Development to cut 40 jobs, NZQA to cut 35The total number of job losses in the public services has now gone over 3500. ...2 hours ago
- You’ve been ‘volun-told’ to coach junior sport – here’s how to best handle the parents inv...Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Cassy Dittman, Senior Lecturer/Head of Course (Undergraduate Psychology), Research Fellow, Manna Institute, CQUniversity Australia With winter sports swinging into action, adults around the country have volunteered or been volunteered by others (humorously known as being “volun-told”) to coach junior sports teams. ...3 hours ago
- Do we really need to burp babies? Here’s what the research saysSource: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Karleen Gribble, Adjunct Associate Professor, School of Nursing and Midwifery, Western Sydney University richardernestyap/Shutterstock Parents are often advised to burp their babies after feeding them. Some people think burping after feeding is important to reduce or prevent discomfort crying, or to ...3 hours ago
- ASB Workers To Strike As Bank Proposes An Effective Pay CutWorkers at a major ASB contact centre in Auckland have voted to take strike action and withdraw their labour following disappointing pay negotiations with the employer and an "offer" to workers that would leave them worse off than the previous year. ...4 hours ago
- Where else should phones be banned? The most unruly classroom of all – parliamentAs the government tries to get the country back on track with a school phone ban, Tara Ward has an idea for where they should turn their attention to next. New Zealand students returned to school on Monday morning, but their cellphones did not. The government’s new phone ban began ...4 hours ago
- Winston Peters accused of 'entirely defamatory' remarks about ex-Australian ministerThe Labour Party is demanding Peters be stood down, saying "he's embarrassed the country" with a "totally unacceptable" attack on a prominent AUKUS critic. ...4 hours ago
- Watch: Labour leader Chris Hipkins speaks to mediaThe opposition leader speaks to media during a visit with community advocate Dave Letele . ...5 hours ago
- Watch live: Labour leader Chris Hipkins speaks to mediaThe opposition leader speaks to media during a visit with community advocate Dave Letele . ...5 hours ago
- Public sector job cuts: All Stats NZ staff offered voluntary redundanciesThe PSA is concerned the cuts will hit the department's ability to deliver on its core functions. ...5 hours ago
- IPAC wants to see acknowledgement of all cyber breaches against public figuresThe Inter-Parliamentary Alliance, whose members were victims of a China-backed cyber attack, is discussing forming a standing committee to deal with foreign influence. ...5 hours ago
- Government’s Cuts Put Work Of Stats NZ At RiskThe PSA is concerned that the voluntary redundancies being offered to staff by Stats NZ will impact on the agency’s ability to deliver on its core functions. ...5 hours ago
- Is cooking with dog food instead of meat actually fine? I gave it a goResults ranged from surprisingly yum to soul-destroying. I love cooking. The kitchen is a hearth of culinary creation, of sensory delights, of gastronomic poetry. I also can’t afford anything nice. Why does a pack of instant noodles and some milk cost ten bucks? I love you, Aotearoa, but I miss ...6 hours ago
- Zero tolerance – Solomon Islands police on high alert ahead of PM electionBy Koroi Hawkins, RNZ Pacific editor Police in Solomon Islands are on high alert ahead of the election of the prime minister today. The two candidates for the top job are former foreign affairs minister Jeremiah Manele at the head of the Coalition for National Unity and Transformation, which is ...6 hours ago
- Fast-track Submitters Must Not Be Silenced Through Poor Select Committee Process“We’re concerned that if the Select Committee process is poorly run members of the public will be silenced on this deeply troubling Bill.” ...6 hours ago
- Number of businesses seeking help to downsize doubles as unemployment growsAn advocate says businesses are hurting and are reluctantly having to lay off workers. ...6 hours ago
- Help Me Hera: My friend’s boyfriend Steve is always, always, always aroundHe’s fine but it feels like I’m losing a friend and it’s making me bitter. How do I say ‘enough is enough’? Want Hera’s help? Email your problem to helpme@thespinoff.co.nz Hey Hera, I’ve recently moved in with a girlfriend, her partner Steve, and his friend. We all live in a lovely little house. ...7 hours ago
- What junior doctors’ unpaid overtime tells us about the toxic side of medicineSource: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Claire Hooker, Senior Lecturer and Coordinator, Health and Medical Humanities, University of Sydney PeopleImages.com – Yuri A/Shutterstock What’s been described as the largest underpayment class action in Australian legal history has just been settled. Who was allegedly underpaid? Thousands of junior ...8 hours ago
- We think we control our health – but corporations selling forever chemicals, fossil fuels and ult...Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Nick Chartres, Senior Research Fellow, Faculty of Medicine & Health, University of Sydney shutterstock Ahmet Misirligul/Shutterstock You go to the gym, eat healthy and walk as much as possible. You wash your hands and get vaccinated. You control your health. This is ...8 hours ago
- Here’s how you can talk to your kids about gendered violence, and 7 ways to model good behaviourSource: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Jacqueline Hendriks, Research Fellow and Lecturer, Curtin University Children and young people may be seeing news headlines about men murdering women or footage of people rallying to call for action. Perhaps they or their friends have even gone to the protests. ...8 hours ago
- Why are adults without kids hooked on Bluey? And should we still be calling it a ‘kids’ show’?Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Jessica Balanzategui, Senior Lecturer in Media, RMIT University ABC “Bluey mania” shows no sign of abating. Bluey’s season finale, The Sign, was the most viewed ABC program of all time on iView. A “hidden” follow-up episode, aptly named The Surprise, created ...8 hours ago
- Over $300K spent on slushy syrup and maintaining machines for prison staffCorrections has spent over $305,000 on slushy syrup and maintaining frozen ice machines in the past six years. ...8 hours ago
- Winston Peters still trying to find out what Aukus Pillar 2 is aboutThe Foreign Minister says he is continuing work started by the previous Labour government. ...8 hours ago
- Unemployment up, business confidence downLabour market figures came in softer than the Reserve Bank had forecast, but they won’t be enough to move the needle on interest rates, writes Catherine McGregor in this excerpt from The Bulletin, The Spinoff’s morning news round-up. To receive The Bulletin in full each weekday, sign up here. Unemployment ...9 hours ago
- Luxon’s leadership test: what would it take to win back unimpressed NZ voters?Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Suze Wilson, Senior Lecturer, School of Management, Massey University Christopher Luxon’s sacking of two struggling cabinet ministers last week was praised by pundits as a sign of decisive – even “brutal” and “ruthless” – leadership. But this week’s 1News-Verian poll suggests the ...9 hours ago
- Government to tweak Building Act to make building a home easierBuilding and Construction Minister Chris Penk says it takes nearly 600 days to build a house in NZ - and that is simply too long. ...9 hours ago
- Citizenship (Western Samoa) Act 1982 Bill Steering Committee Launches Community Engagement CampaignThe campaign will engage the community and encourage submissions on the bill to the New Zealand government by the closing submission deadline of Friday 31st of May 2024 4pm. ...10 hours ago
- Shaky Foundations: Why Our Democracy Needs Trust | Limit Urgency To Rebuild Trust: New ResearchThe paper raises concerns about declining trust in New Zealand's political institutions and democratic processes, and the role that the overuse of Parliamentary urgency plays in that. ...11 hours ago
- My co-housing project failed, but I still think it’s a great ideaThe Urban Habitat Collective was an attempt to built an innovative new form of apartment building in Wellington. Here’s why it failed, and why the idea could still work, writes co-founder Bronwen Newton. When we started the Urban Habitat Collective in November 2018, we thought we were starting a revolution, ...11 hours ago
- A new generation of activism: Marking 20 years since the foreshore and seabed hīkoiTwo decades ago this week, a controversial law that attempted to define ownership of the foreshore and seabed prompted a formidable display of outrage and kōtahitanga as 15,000 marched to parliament. Jamie Tahana looks back. ‘Hīkoi, hīkoi,” they chanted by the thousands as the biggest Māori march in a generation ...11 hours ago
- Concerning proliferation of working groups, jobs for mates
Governments are increasingly opting for working groups – led by their mates – over the core public service The post Concerning proliferation of working groups, jobs for mates appeared first on Newsroom. ...11 hours ago - Concerns of spending spree if disability funding changes were consulted onWhaikaha had no intention of giving anyone – even other agencies – advance warning of its plan to limit what disabled people and their carers could buy The post Concerns of spending spree if disability funding changes were consulted on appeared first on Newsroom. ...11 hours ago
- Newsroom daily quiz, Thursday 2 MayLoading…(function(i,s,o,g,r,a,m){var ql=document.querySelectorAll('A,DIV,A[data-quiz],DIV[data-quiz]'); if(ql){if(ql.length){for(var k=0;k<ql.length;k++){ql[k].id='quiz-embed-'+k;ql[k].href="javascript:var i=document.getElementById('quiz-embed-"+k+"');try{qz.startQuiz(i)}catch(e){i.start=1;i.style.cursor='wait';i.style.opacity='0.5'};void(0);"}}};i['QP']=r;i[r]=i[r]||function(){(i[r].q=i[r].q||[]).push(arguments)},i[r].l=1*new Date();a=s.createElement(o),m=s.getElementsByTagName(o)[0];a.async=1;a.src=g;m.parentNode.insertBefore(a,m)})(window,document,'script','https://take.quiz-maker.com/3012/CDN/quiz-embed-v1.js','qp'); Got a good quiz question? Send Newsroom your questions. The post Newsroom daily quiz, Thursday 2 May appeared first on Newsroom. ...11 hours ago
- Daily crossword, Thursday 2 MayThe post Daily crossword, Thursday 2 May appeared first on Newsroom. ...11 hours ago
- Palestinian activist ‘perplexed’ by minister’s special visa argumentAs Palestinians escape the war zone in Gaza, activists say emergency visas, like those issued to Ukrainians, are needed The post Palestinian activist ‘perplexed’ by minister’s special visa argument appeared first on Newsroom. ...11 hours ago
- When dying well is out of reachWhy has New Zealand slipped from third to 12th on Quality of Death Indexes over the past decade or so? Hospice New Zealand Chief Executive Wayne Naylor has a list of reasons. “We don’t have a current national strategy – the Government hasn’t renewed our 2001 strategy, so we don’t ...11 hours ago
- New SASS Talk podcast sparks convo in sportWhile women’s sport is exploding in Aotearoa and around the world, you still don’t hear a lot of talk about athletes and their periods, RED-S, breastfeeding and visible panty-lines. SASS (Suze and Sez Sports) Talk isn’t afraid to have that kōrero. LockerRoom founder Suzanne McFadden and Olympian broadcaster Sarah ...11 hours ago
- Season two of The Boy in the WaterOn an unusually hot night in January 2019, a little boy’s lifeless body was found face up in a small town’s sewage oxidation pond. To the police, it was an open and shut case: three-year-old Lachlan Jones had run away from his home in the Southland town of Gore, climbed ...11 hours ago
- New push for corporate killing lawsA Labour Party Member’s Bill aims to plug a culpability gap between manslaughter and health and safety breaches The post New push for corporate killing laws appeared first on Newsroom. ...11 hours ago
- Book of the Week: The naked civil servantTerence O’Brien had the rare and no doubt undesired distinction of rising to one of the most exalted positions in New Zealand diplomacy, then being unceremoniously recalled to Wellington without explanation just when his career was at its zenith. What is perhaps more surprising is that he appears to have ...11 hours ago
- Green MP Julie Anne Genter apologises for 'intimidating' actions in ParliamentRongotai MP Julie Anne Genter has apologised in Parliament after National accused her of intimidating and attacking one of its ministers in the House. ...18 hours ago
- Politics with Michelle Grattan: Anne Summers says we need much more information on male perpetrators...Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Michelle Grattan, Professorial Fellow, University of Canberra The Prime Minister and state and territory leaders met on Wednesday as the national cabinet to discuss a crisis gripping Australia – the horrific number of women murdered this year. The killings have shocked ...18 hours ago
- Live cattle exports help farmers diversify income – Associate Agriculture MinisterThe government is hoping live animal exports will resume next year, but with a strict gold standard in place. ...20 hours ago
- Who were the real courtesans at the heart of Netflix’s Heeramandi?Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Radhika Raghav, Teaching Fellow, School of Humanities and Social Sciences, University of Otago Netflix Indian director Sanjay Leela Bhansali is known for his big-budget Bollywood production, featuring grand sets, star casts, meticulously choreographed dance sequences and lavish costumes, jewellery and furnishings. ...20 hours ago
- Police Minister Mark Mitchell heads to Australia to discuss crime trends, youth offendersMark Mitchell will be chewing the fat with police chiefs as officers in this country talk openly about the appeal of crossing the Tasman. ...21 hours ago
- Te Kāhui Tika Tangata Human Rights Commission Pays Tribute To Sir Robert Martin MNZMSir Robert devoted his life to disability rights after living in institutions in his younger years, says Kaihautū Tika Hauātanga | Disability Rights Commissioner Prudence Walker. ...22 hours ago
- Passing Of Sir Robert Martin KNZMPeople First New Zealand Ngā Tāngata Tuatahi is deeply saddened by the passing of Life Member Sir Robert Martin KNZM. ...22 hours ago
- James Shaw's valedictory – and his new roleShaw has bowed out of Parliament, and has already revealed details of what he is doing next. ...22 hours ago
- James Shaw's valedictory – and his new rolesShaw has bowed out of Parliament, and has already revealed details of what he is doing next. ...22 hours ago
- AUKUS: Winston Peters says NZ 'long way' from deciding on Pillar 2Peters spoke about the military pact in an annual 'scene setter' speech at Parliament on Wednesday evening. ...22 hours ago
- National Cabinet has committed to a range of strategies to stop violence against women, but has it d...Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Anastasia Powell, Professor, Family and Sexual Violence, RMIT University Violence against women is not a women’s problem to solve, it is a whole of society problem to solve; and men in particular have to take responsibility. Those were the ...22 hours ago
- Is bioenergy ever truly green? It depends on 5 key questionsSource: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Jessica Allen, Senior Lecturer in Chemical and Renewable Energy Engineering, University of Newcastle Snapshot freddy/Shutterstock Plans to revive an old coal-fired power station using bioenergy are being considered in the Hunter region of New South Wales. Similar plans for the station ...23 hours ago
- Free school lunches scheme to get temporary funding until review is completeFunding for the scheme is set to continue for the "immediate few years" while officials work out what the alternative programme will look like. ...23 hours ago
- Taxpayers’ Union Slams Secret List Of Judges’ PerksResponding to the long-awaited release of judges’ special allowances, including free air travel and hotels for spouses, generous sabbaticals, and access to limousines, Taxpayers’ Union spokesman Alex Murphy said: “In what world does your employer ...23 hours ago
- Winston Peters expected to give update on AUKUS talks in speechAnalysis - The United States has unveiled plans to boost the weapons trade with Australia and the UK, on the same day that Winston Peters is expected to sketch NZ's position on AUKUS. ...23 hours ago
- Why did the Voice referendum fail? We crunched the data and found 6 reasonsSource: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Andrea Carson, Professor of Political Communication, Department of Politics, Media and Philosophy, La Trobe University Since Australia’s First Nations Voice to Parliament referendum in October 2023, diverse commentaries have sought to explain why it failed. But what does an analysis of media ...23 hours ago
- Court hears appeal of Waitangi Tribunal summons decisionLawyers representing two iwi as well as the Māori Women’s Welfare League on Wednesday asked the Court of Appeal to overturn last week’s High Court decision on the Waitangi Tribunal’s decision to summons Children’s Minister Karen Chhour. The Tribunal is currently investigating the Government’s decision to repeal section 7AA of ...24 hours ago
- Former MPs Louisa Wall, Simon O'Connor claim to be targets of China-backed cyber attackThe spy agencies are being questioned after two former MPs claim they were never informed they were victims of a China-backed cyber-attack. ...24 hours ago
- Kāinga Ora home vacancies 'trending downwards' after minister's letterThe agency recently changed the way it counts vacancies so it is more accurate. ...1 day ago
- Albanese government flags measures to tackle online misogyny in the battle against violence towards ...Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Michelle Grattan, Professorial Fellow, University of Canberra The Albanese government will introduce legislation to ban deepfake pornography and provide more funding for the eSafety Commission to pilot age-assurance technologies. The contribution of internet sites to gender-based violence was one major issue ...1 day ago
- Average Hourly Earnings Up 5.2 Percent Annually – Stats NZAverage ordinary time hourly earnings, as measured by the Quarterly Employment Survey (QES), increased 5.2 percent in the year to the March 2024 quarter, according to figures released by Stats NZ today. Annual wage cost inflation, as measured by the ...1 day ago
- Job scams are on the rise. What are they, and how can you protect yourself?Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Dimitrios Salampasis, FinTech Capability Lead | Senior Lecturer, Emerging Technologies and FinTech, Swinburne University of Technology Clem Onojeghuo/Unsplash In the digital era, the job market is increasingly becoming a minefield – demanding and difficult to navigate. According to the Australian Bureau ...1 day ago
- Two Decades Of Youth Employment And Education – Stats NZAs of the March 2024 quarter, we can now look back on 20 years of data related to youth not in employment, education, or training (NEET), as collected by the Household Labour Force Survey (HLFS), according to figures released by Stats NZ today. "The ...1 day ago
- May Day: The Biggest Threat To NZ Workers In 2024 Is Our GovernmentThousands of workers attended public events in Auckland, Wellington and Christchurch today to celebrate International Workers’ Day (May Day), but union representatives are urging caution and vigilance over the Government’s blatantly "anti-worker" ...1 day ago
- Unemployment Rate At 4.3 Percent – Stats NZThe seasonally adjusted unemployment rate was 4.3 percent in the March 2024 quarter, compared with 4.0 percent in the previous quarter, according to figures released by Stats NZ today. ...1 day ago
- David Seymour wants to stop 'lazily' categorising by raceThe ACT leader rails against "lazily looking at everyone through the lens of race" in latest episode of RNZ's new in depth interview show. ...1 day ago
- Private Info Of New Zealanders Will Be Breached By Latest Government CutsThe PSA is warning the Government that the sensitive information of New Zealanders held by various agencies will fall into the wrong hands if the latest round of proposed cuts goes ahead. ...1 day ago
- Curious Kids: how do sugar rushes work?Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Talitha Best, Professor of Psychology, CQUniversity Australia Victoria Rodriguez/Unsplash How do sugar rushes work? – W.H, age nine, from Canberra What a terrific question W.H! Let’s explore this, starting with some of the basics. What is sugar? ...1 day ago
- Our research shows a strong link between unemployment and domestic violence: what does this mean for...Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Karinna Saxby, Research Fellow, Melbourne Institute of Applied Economic and Social Research, The University of Melbourne MART PRODUCTION/Pexels Increasing income support could help keep women and children safe according to new work demonstrating strong links between financial insecurity and domestic violence. ...1 day ago
- From Gallipoli to Gaza: remembering the Anzacs not as a ‘coming of age’ tale but as a lesson for...ANALYSIS: By Olli Hellmann, University of Waikato When New Zealanders commemorate Anzac Day today on April 25, it’s not only to honour the soldiers who lost their lives in World War I and subsequent conflicts, but also to mark a defining event for national identity. The battle of Gallipoli against ...1 day ago
If Nick Smith is allowed to answer questions at QT today we will see a true life rerun of Imperator’s parody.
I imagine some one else will be delegated to answer on his behalf. Probably Steven Joyce who is so good at persuading us that daytime is actually nightime with lights on.
That is a long way of writing “Nick Smith is a liar and dishonest”
still very funny