Caption contest

Written By: - Date published: 3:40 pm, May 27th, 2013 - 109 comments
Categories: caption contest, john key - Tags:

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key-wine

109 comments on “Caption contest ”

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  1. Roy 1
    27 May 2013 at 3:43 pm

    Some phallic symbols are less subtle than others.

  2. BLiP 2
    27 May 2013 at 3:51 pm

    ‘

    No thanks, you can have the weetbix and milk for breakfast . . . suckers

  3. ghostwhowalksnz 3
    27 May 2013 at 3:57 pm

    As you can see we have decided to go ‘aspirational’

    for the new breakfast in schools program

  4. Winston Smith 4
    27 May 2013 at 3:58 pm

    Not up to the usual standards…but it’ll do

  5. marty mars 5
    27 May 2013 at 4:07 pm

    Mirror mirror on the wall
    Who’s the biggest lying shit of all?

  6. phillip ure 6
    27 May 2013 at 4:07 pm

    (key on holiday in hawaii..)

    ..”..i don’t feel like any fizz right now…i’ve just been down to visit the boys in the pot-shop..”

    phillip ure..

  7. phillip ure 7
    27 May 2013 at 4:08 pm

    key:..”..is it true fizz will take the edge off the coke..?”

    phillip ure..

  8. phillip ure 8
    27 May 2013 at 4:10 pm

    key:..”often when i can’t get it up…i strap on the moet..”

    phillip ure..

  9. phillip ure 9
    27 May 2013 at 4:12 pm

    key:..”what is a nose for..?..if not for looking down on/at peasants..?”

    phillip ure..

  10. phillip ure 10
    27 May 2013 at 4:13 pm

    key:..”poverty..?..what fucken poverty..?..”

    phillip ure..

  11. One Anonymous Knucklehead 11
    27 May 2013 at 4:14 pm

    The annual Creep of the Year award goes to…

  12. Adrian 12
    27 May 2013 at 4:16 pm

    ” Oh shit, caught out, I usually get it put into Stienie bottles by my personal cellar keeper, you know to sorta look like one of the boys cos personally I don’t know how they can drink that beer muck”

    • North 12.1
      27 May 2013 at 10:31 pm

      “Yeah, they’re all fuck’n’ “munters”. They buy my shit just like that !

  13. phillip ure 13
    27 May 2013 at 4:17 pm

    key:..”why is it..that i have so much money..?

    ..yet i get such crap haircuts..?..”

    ..phillip ure..

  14. phillip ure 14
    27 May 2013 at 4:19 pm

    key:..”gay..?..me..?..”

    phillip ure..

  15. LeeFluff 15
    27 May 2013 at 4:23 pm

    It’s Chandon… eh?

  16. David H 16
    27 May 2013 at 4:23 pm

    See you lot drink water. Me I drink this can’t you tell by my behavior in the house?

  17. McFlock 17
    27 May 2013 at 4:23 pm

    Moet’s a charity, right? Because this is my latest salary donation.

    …..

    Whaddya mean I’m not on the same planet as most New Zealanders? Look – my top button’s undone!

    …..

    Too early in the day, you say? But it’s lunchtime!

  18. David H 18
    27 May 2013 at 4:24 pm

    Ha this costs more than your benefit, scummy bene’s

  19. ropata 19
    27 May 2013 at 4:24 pm

    we “nactoids” keep our policies in this magic bottle!
    look at the economy fizz from cheap credit
    wheeeee down with CGT!!

    PS. i pissed in it lol

  20. LeeFluff 20
    27 May 2013 at 4:25 pm

    Representing ALL New Zealanders since 2008. Yeah Right

  21. mickysavage 21
    27 May 2013 at 4:26 pm

    I can’t think of anything funny. The only thing that springs to mind when I look at the photo is “plonker”.

    • Anne 21.1
      27 May 2013 at 7:15 pm

      Me too. The look on his face – so supercilious and… aren’t I just wonderful.

      I reckon Labour should use that photo (the fuller length version) on a bill board with the caption at the bottom “Plonker?” during the election campaign. I wouldn’t put it up in all electorates – just those where people are really struggling and unemployment is rife. Remind them what a plonker… prick… he really is.

    • Tanz 21.2
      27 May 2013 at 9:01 pm

      It is a chilling look on his face. Stuff you lot, I’m Ok.

      And he is our leader. Worst in history.

  22. Akldnut 22
    27 May 2013 at 4:26 pm

    oww Bro – got me a champagne to go wifa coupla power companys and this flash shirt I stole.
    Have any you fullas seen my hoodie or scarf.

  23. tracey 23
    27 May 2013 at 4:29 pm

    my shit dont stink either

  24. phillip ure 24
    27 May 2013 at 4:31 pm

    (not a caption:..more an observation..)

    ..back when i used to drink that stuff on a too-regular basis..i seem to remember moet being fairly low-rent..(something to sniff disdainfully at/to endure only if there was nothing better..)..

    ..definitely at the low-end of the up-market fizz-market..

    ..the sort of over-priced cheap crap drunk by the likes of hype-swallowing/loud/shiny-panted stockbrokers/lawyers..

    ..very declasse/to be avoided at all costs..

    ..what we here would know as the key-market…

    ..phillip ure..

  25. Morrissey 25
    27 May 2013 at 4:33 pm

    After I drink this bottle of Moët, will I be too drunk to fuck up the country?

    • David H 25.1
      27 May 2013 at 8:24 pm

      “After I drink this bottle of Moët, I will, be drunk enough to fuck up the country!”

      • jaymam 25.1.1
        31 May 2013 at 9:19 pm

        “It Doeshn’t Give My Opponents Musch Time To Prepare For an Elecshun Either”

  26. Tigger 26
    27 May 2013 at 4:37 pm

    Let me just put the tip in…

  27. Roy 27
    27 May 2013 at 4:42 pm

    I know all my fans have always wanted to see the view inside my nose, so here you go!

  28. prism 28
    27 May 2013 at 4:42 pm

    Aren’t I the clever bank robber then – and got away to a far-off island where all is sweet and no-one can touch me, or not unless I want them to. Nudge, nudge, wink, wink.

  29. phillip ure 29
    27 May 2013 at 4:44 pm

    key:..”let them drink moet..”

    phillip ure..

  30. Treetop 30
    27 May 2013 at 4:45 pm

    Don’t you tell the PM he can’t have another bottle.

  31. phillip ure 31
    27 May 2013 at 4:47 pm

    key:..”heh..!..i call it a ‘blind-trust’..’cos i am usually ‘blind’ when i ring the caymans..and demand to know how my squillions are going..eh..?..”

    phillip ure..

  32. Arfamo 32
    27 May 2013 at 4:53 pm

    Waiter – why have you brought me this cheap shit? Do you know who I am?

  33. Rhinocrates 33
    27 May 2013 at 5:06 pm

    May I nominate this for the next caption contest?:

    http://www.nzherald.co.nz/business/news/article.cfm?c_id=3&objectid=10886490

    It looks so North Korean, doesn’t it? There’s the visionary leaders looking of into the distance, the obvious display of unity. It’s just so inspiring.

    To paraphrase Hannibal Lecter, “Love the suits!”

  34. phillip ure 34
    27 May 2013 at 5:16 pm

    key:.”…this is a pressie from one of me mates who bought up big in mighty river power..

    ..and ackshully..!..what a cheap bastard..!..eh..?..

    ..only moet..?

    ..after all i’ve done for for him..?..”

    phillip ure..

  35. phillip ure 35
    27 May 2013 at 5:22 pm

    key:..”..heh..!..i just gilmore(d) the waiter..

    ..told him he is not grovelling enough..

    ..he is shitting himself..”

    phillip ure

  36. burt 36
    27 May 2013 at 5:43 pm

    What do we say about this Clint ?

    • ak 36.1
      27 May 2013 at 9:54 pm

      “Get this inside you my faithful burt…….while I slip into something more comfortable”

  37. Zaz 37
    27 May 2013 at 5:59 pm

    “I’m just out of prison… want to celebrate?”

  38. felix 38
    27 May 2013 at 6:05 pm

    National unveils its 2014 billboard.

  39. freedom 39
    27 May 2013 at 6:08 pm

    “I always tell the truth, even when I lie.”

  40. emergency mike 40
    27 May 2013 at 6:09 pm

    Normally when posing for a photo he looks so awkward in that “what do I do with my hands” way. But when assuming the “I’m a rich prick” look he’s got it down pat.

    Oh a caption:

    “Hey does my beer-gut look big with my shirt untucked like this? Oh wait, it doesn’t matter, coz I’m a rich prick! hahahahaha so awesome.”

  41. tc 41
    27 May 2013 at 6:17 pm

    And very accurate, Moet is to champagne what Lion red and DB are to beer……low end mass produced for a price point.

    • Shona 41.1
      27 May 2013 at 7:53 pm

      exactly ! we make much better champagne than Moet in NZ. This illustrates what a cretinous drunk Key is. He clearly knows nothing about wine.I was a food and wine waiter for many years.Had to know the restaurant cellar backwards or I wouldn’t have had a job. I loathed plonkers like Key.

      • Colonial Viper 41.1.1
        28 May 2013 at 12:31 am

        What are your favourite NZ bubbly recommendations, Shona?

        • Shona 41.1.1.1
          28 May 2013 at 11:09 am

          Bouldervines from Renwick a sparkling Chardonnay crisp , not too dry as European bubbly often is, and guaranteed headache free regardless of the quantity you quaff. Second choice Deutz in any shape or form especially the blanc de blanc, followed by Morton blanc de blanc or Morton black label.
          Run of the Mill (often on special at Pak n Save )Morton always a winner and superior to Moet. Crisp and not too dry.
          Always check out Cuisine recommendations each year as the boutique wineries in Marlborough and Hawkes Bay produce winners each year but aren’t always consistently the same wineries.
          Dom Perignon , Tattingers,Veuve Cliquot Bollinger are all much better French champagne the grotty old Moet.

          • tarkwin 41.1.1.1.1
            28 May 2013 at 1:55 pm

            What are your thoughts on Trinity Bay Homage Syrah The greens were sipping at their KPMG hosted dinner the other week? I hear it’s only $120 a bottle.

            • Shona 41.1.1.1.1.1
              28 May 2013 at 2:11 pm

              Different grape w’ere talking champers here dahling!
              At the affordable end. The point being the industrial nature of Moet compared to the affordable kiwi bubbly. Which is so superior the French bought Deutz.
              And if Key was a Kiwi he would promote Kiwi wine. He doesn’t because he’s a cretinous greedy drunk!

              • tarkwin …
                28 May 2013 at 2:22 pm

                Tend to agree, could never work out why people buy imported trash when we make the good stuff here. still, thought the Greens would have gone for kiwifruit or feijoa – both of which I find bloody awful.

      • Roy 41.1.2
        28 May 2013 at 4:29 pm

        Tut tut Shona, NZ may have methode champagnoise plonk but only Champagne produces champagne.

        • Shona 41.1.2.1
          28 May 2013 at 9:01 pm

          Whateva be a pedant then! Same shit different bucket . I am well aware of the naming rights regarding French champagne. Doesn’t alter the fact that it is the old French champagne houses who are buying up Marlborough vineyards and bubbly manufacturers!Because our bubbly really is that good. Fat chance our dickhead PM will ever understand that!.

  42. risildo 42
    27 May 2013 at 6:21 pm

    If i stand like a twat hopefully no one will see my moobs

  43. Lanthanide 43
    27 May 2013 at 6:27 pm

    From the BF: John Key plonking.

  44. irascible 44
    27 May 2013 at 6:27 pm

    Take the cork out and the contents ejaculate… just like I do every time my mates ring me up thanking me for selling them the cute country estate once called New Zealand.

  45. Wendy 45
    27 May 2013 at 6:32 pm

    Toupee Moet!

  46. phillip ure 46
    27 May 2013 at 7:05 pm

    key:..”i like to rub a cold moet on my power-belly..eh..?..”

    phillip ure..

  47. Eduardo Kawak 47
    27 May 2013 at 7:37 pm

    She keeps her Moet & Chandon in a pretty cabinet. “Let them eat cake,” she says. Just like Mary Antionette…

  48. vto 48
    27 May 2013 at 7:40 pm

    ” mmm … (mince mince)… I do so like pouring moet on my man boobs..

  49. Drake_NZ 49
    27 May 2013 at 8:33 pm

    “New poll results just in… can’t wait to see the inevitable post on the standard within minutes of the results”

  50. dpalenski 50
    27 May 2013 at 8:39 pm

    See this I’m drinking all of it tonight and I mean it the only thing I don’t lie about

  52. infused 52
    27 May 2013 at 9:13 pm

    Moet is meh.

  53. Jonny 53
    27 May 2013 at 9:31 pm

    Pretentious? Moet?

  54. North 54
    27 May 2013 at 10:06 pm

    OK…….my bottle of Moet…….plus a sinecure, take your take your pick, commissioner, ambassador…….for your bottle of Dom. Nah, sorry, the Race one’s gone.

  55. ianmac 55
    27 May 2013 at 11:14 pm

    Wasn’t there a famous photo of Mussolini looking just like that?

  56. North 56
    27 May 2013 at 11:16 pm

    No, Mussolini was abstinent wasn’t he ?

  57. felix 57
    27 May 2013 at 11:27 pm

    “I never drink in the daytime” (but I totally will, unprompted, with strangers, in front of a camera) http://tvnz.co.nz/seven-sharp/inside-john-key-s-private-office-video-5333041

  58. felix 58
    27 May 2013 at 11:27 pm

    “I never drink in the daytime” (but I totally will, unprompted, with strangers, in front of a camera) http://tvnz.co.nz/seven-sharp/inside-john-key-s-private-office-video-5333041

    • prism 58.1
      28 May 2013 at 9:47 am

      I never drink in the daytime. I know that I’ve said that twice but it’s only words isn’t it and besides this is a nice little drop from a National supporter who has a great vineyard up the East Coast. If you like the taste I can get you a special deal!

  59. mac1 59
    27 May 2013 at 11:44 pm

    “Say, wouldn’t you like to know what’s going on in my mind?
    So let me get right to the point. I don’t pop my cork for every guy I see.
    Hey, Big Spender, spend a little time with me.”

  60. joe90 60
    27 May 2013 at 11:49 pm

    John: There was one thing ma’am, a fine wine from the far east. A most delicious beverage.

    Judith: Have a taste boys; tell us what you think.

    Peter: It certainly has plenty of nose.

    Winston: Oh yes, this is very familiar.

    John: You’ll be delighted to hear there’s an inexhaustible supply of the stuff.

  61. North 61
    27 May 2013 at 11:57 pm

    Yeah, I’ve got a highly professionally qualified, alpha male Samoan mate, who’s a bit of a social, as opposed to a political conservative, who repeatedly says to me – “You know, I reckon that Mister Key, well, I’m sure he’s a bit of a g…”

    Means nothing, just saying.

  62. xtasy 62
    28 May 2013 at 2:00 am

    Minister Plopp Flop, Flip Flop and Sparkle Flop Plop

  63. North 63
    28 May 2013 at 7:46 am

    Stop !

  64. Brian 64
    28 May 2013 at 8:11 am

    John Key practices looking down his nose

  65. amirite 65
    28 May 2013 at 9:46 am

    ‘In a moment I’m gonna show you the trickle down effect.”

  66. ruup 66
    28 May 2013 at 10:02 am

    “LOOK AT ME…LOOK AT MEEEEEEEEEE!”

  67. Chrissy 67
    28 May 2013 at 10:40 am

    This is the real me.Better than you,mean spirited, arrogant supercilious, dishonest,don’t care about anyone unless they are rich like me,sneaky, underhanded,devious and no I’m not lying this time. Time for a mowit.

  68. Chrissy 68
    28 May 2013 at 10:41 am

    Is that his handbag behind him?

  69. matt edwords 69
    28 May 2013 at 11:28 am

    Er… plonk-er shows bottle for once?

  70. Roy 70
    28 May 2013 at 12:35 pm

    You want this bottle? Huh? You want it? You know what to do then, down on your knees…

  71. Roy 71
    28 May 2013 at 12:39 pm

    This is my ‘I am too sexy for my shirt look’…what’s so funny?

  72. Roy 72
    28 May 2013 at 1:18 pm

    Not a caption, but a serious comment, how can anyone be such a tosser as to pose like this for a photo?!

  73. Chrissy 73
    28 May 2013 at 2:07 pm

    Not a caption but this photo is chilling!Very creepy.

  74. Richard B. 74
    28 May 2013 at 2:39 pm

    Congratulations John on a great 4 1/2 years.
    I look forward to many more.

  75. Roy 75
    28 May 2013 at 4:19 pm

    Not gonna vote for me? Well, you can just sit on this and rotate.

  76. Roy 76
    28 May 2013 at 4:24 pm

    I sent this photo of me to Moet et Chandon in hopes of scoring a modelling contract for their advertisements. Strangely, they haven’t got back to me yet.

  77. Roy 77
    28 May 2013 at 4:30 pm

    Banksie drinks this stuff out of my bellybutton.

  78. AC 78
    30 May 2013 at 6:43 pm

    You can have your fruit in schools, we’ve got our Champagne, free travel and ministerial cars on the tax payer.

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