Caption contest
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2:04 pm, August 4th, 2014 - 93 comments
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- It’s Time to End Gender-Based Violence at Work
Everyone Deserves Safety and Respect at Work November 25 marks the International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women. This day reminds us of the urgent need to take action against gender-based violence in workplaces across Aotearoa and the globe. C190 is the Path to Safer Workplaces ILO Convention ...2 hours ago - PM Luxon is house proud as David Seymour continues to push the edges of social division
Mountain Tui is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.Luxon Is That Job Interviewee That’s All Sunshine And RainbowsCraig McCulloch (RNZ) has an unbeatable report this morning on Luxon’s reflections of his first year as PM.Allow me to replicate:On ...2 hours ago - Monday 25 November 2024
Maritime workers are joining opposition to the government’s plans for resuming live animal exports on the basis that the country “would benefit from being seen as a kind of modern and progressive exporter”. The TEU is slamming a proposal that would end an invaluable timber machining apprenticeship programme, while the ...3 hours ago
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7 hours ago - A visitor from the Hawkes Bay rides AT’s buses & trains.
This is a guest post from longtime supporter Mr Plod, whose previous contributions include a proposal that Hamilton become New Zealand’s capital city, an examination on cruise control and speed limits, and that we should switch which side of the road we drive on. Greater Auckland is brought to you by a ...8 hours ago - Bridges challenges Luxon’s foreign policy
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Hi,Watching New Zealand from afar offers a strange perspective. It can be a good thing — distance from Aotearoa helped keep me sane while I reported on abuse at New Zealand’s biggest megachurch over the course of a year. It helps fuel my silly podcast. But it can also be ...3 days ago - This is bad news
The speech yesterday by Treasury’s Chief Economic Advisor warning that the books are in worse shape than forecasted looks like it’s part of a softening-up process for either more cuts or a longer wait to get back into surplus. The speech was a highly unusual public preview of Treasury’s Half-Yearly ...3 days ago
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Back in 2022, RNZ took an in-depth look at the "Independent" Police Conduct Authority and its handling of killings by police. These are the most serious test of oversight, and you would expect the police's use of lethal force to receive the most severe scrutiny. But despite the police regularly ...4 days ago
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The Hīkoi mō Te Tiriti arrived at Parliament on Tuesday – the size is being debated but estimates range from 42,000 to 100,000. The Prime Minister is defending not attending due to some of the organisers being affiliated with Te Pāti Māori. The national gang patch ban came into force ...4 days ago
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6 days ago - How should we talk about change?
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There were urgent moves yesterday at Parliament to try and defuse the tension building up over ACT’s Treaty Principles Bill. The Bill’s author, ACT leader David Seymour, told reporters that he understood the Justice Select Committee met yesterday to discuss how long it should take to consider submissions on the ...6 days ago
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7 days ago - Kaamos: Accepted
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- Unstoppable.
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Louise Upston has revealed her diminished vision for vulnerable youth against a backdrop of snubbed advice, scrapped priorities, shifted goal posts and thousands more children projected to fall into poverty. ...4 days ago
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National Government’s backward-looking climate policy has seen New Zealand fall seven places on the Climate Change Performance Index to 41 out of 63 countries measured. ...4 days ago
- Release: Simple reason for drop in emergency housing
When the Government says it has reduced the number of people in emergency housing, what it means is it is stopping people from accessing it in the first place. ...4 days ago
- Govt’s child wellbeing strategy ‘shallow and shameful’
The Government is turning its back on children by not only weakening child poverty reduction targets, but also removing child mental wellbeing as a priority focus in their Child and Youth Wellbeing Strategy. ...4 days ago
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- Government plan to reinstate live animal exports a “national disgrace”
The Government has taken a giant step backwards by reinstating live animal exports. ...5 days ago
- Pasifika justice as Member’s Bill passes final reading
Teanau Tuiono’s Member’s Bill, the Citizenship (Western Samoa Restoration) Amendment Bill, has passed its third reading and will become law. ...5 days ago
- Release: Minister of Education thinks New Zealand ends at the Bombay Hills
The Minister of Education has shown complete disregard for rural communities and their school bus routes in Question Time today. ...5 days ago
- Economists sound alarm on Government’s slash-and-burn approach
A group of prominent economists has released an open letter to the Government, raising grave concerns about the far-reaching consequences of its fiscal policy. ...5 days ago
- Release: Smoking numbers up under Costello’s watch
National’s repeal of Labour’s smokefree legislation has taken New Zealand further away from achieving a Smokefree 2025 and a smokefree generation. ...5 days ago
- Release: Call for Palestine recognition by NZ, Australian and Canadian MPs
Parliamentarians from Australia, Canada and New Zealand have written an open letter to their respective Prime Ministers calling on them to recognise Palestine. ...5 days ago
- Justice Select Committee opens floor for Treaty Principles submissions
Today, the Justice Select Committee has decided to officially open submissions for the controversial Treaty Principles Bill. ...6 days ago
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Today, Hīkoi mō te Tiriti arrived in Wellington, with thousands gathering to march in unity against the divisive Treaty Principles Bill. ...6 days ago
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Te Whatu Ora’s bill for contracting and consulting staff has ballooned by nearly 20 percent under the National Government, breaking a promise they made during the election campaign to cut contractors. ...1 week ago
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The Green Party condemns the passing of the Treaty Principles Bill at first reading, and is clear that the fight is not over. ...2 weeks ago
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Te Tiriti o Waitangi is our country’s founding document. It forms the basis of the relationship between Māori and the Crown – and the Aotearoa New Zealand we live in today. ...2 weeks ago
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The fast-track legislation passing its second reading in Parliament is another step towards environmental ruin. ...2 weeks ago
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The Prime Minister must answer the call from a group of senior lawyers of the King’s Counsel to abandon the divisive Treaty Principles Bill. ...2 weeks ago
- Chris Hipkins’ apology statement to state and faith-based care survivors
...2 weeks ago
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Labour joins with the Government in unreservedly apologising for the abuse, neglect and trauma including torture in state and faith-based care and for ignoring the voices of survivors for too long. ...2 weeks ago
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Today, the Green Party stands alongside the survivors of abuse in state care and faith-based care as the Government issues an historic apology. ...2 weeks ago
- Green Party calls for conscience vote on Treaty Principles Bill
The Green Party has written to the Speaker of the House requesting he enable a personal vote on the Treaty Principles Bill. ...2 weeks ago
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The Green Party is alarmed by the Government’s move to exclude a journalist from covering this week’s apology for the survivors of abuse in state and faith-based care. ...2 weeks ago
- Without action, an apology will be empty air
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- Release: Concerns remain over tobacco interference
Concerns about the tobacco industry’s ability to interfere in government policy making remain, despite the inability of the Office of the Auditor-General to investigate the Government’s decision to halve the excise tax on heated tobacco products. ...2 weeks ago
- Urgent wake-up call on climate
The Climate Change Commission’s latest advice indicates Aotearoa needs to be stepping up on climate action. ...2 weeks ago
- Green MP’s Meme-ber’s Bill set to save the world
Break out the punchlines and dust off your meme folder: Green Party MP Kahurangi Carter’s Copyright (Parody and Satire) Amendment Bill was pulled from the Ballot yesterday. ...2 weeks ago
- Release: Poroporoaki: Ta Robert (Bom) Gillies
Kua hinga te manawa kairākau o Te Rua Tekau Ma Waru Tiwhatiwha te po! Kakarauru i te po! Ka rapuhia kei hea koe kua riro! Haere e te Ika a Whiro ki o tini hoa kua ngaro atu ki te Pō ...2 weeks ago
- Labour, Greens and Te Pāti Māori call on the Prime Minister to block the Treaty Principles Bill
The opposition parties stand united for an Aotearoa that honours Te Tiriti, rather than seeking to rewrite it. Labour, the Greens and Te Pāti Māori are working together against the Government’s divisive Treaty Principles Bill. ...3 weeks ago
- Release: Labour, Greens and Te Pāti Māori call on the Prime Minister to block the Treaty Principle...
The opposition parties stand united for an Aotearoa that honours Te Tiriti, rather than seeking to rewrite it. Labour, the Greens and Te Pāti Māori are working together against the Government’s divisive Treaty Principles Bill. ...3 weeks ago
- NZ must pursue independent foreign policy
The Green Party says the need is greater than ever for Aotearoa New Zealand to pursue an independent foreign policy. ...3 weeks ago
- Raising awareness of child exploitation
Customs Minister Casey Costello has praised the work of Customs’ Child Exploitation Operations Team (CEOT) for their commitment to combat the sexual exploitation and abuse of children. This specialist team in Customs features in an hour-long documentary, Unmasking the Monsters, which airs tonight on TVNZ 1. “It’s important that Customs has taken this ...1 hour ago - Prime Minister’s scholarships awarded
New Zealand is strengthening its global connections with Asia and Latin America, as 119 individual recipients have been awarded Prime Minister’s Scholarships for education experiences abroad, Tertiary Education and Skills Minister Penny Simmonds says. “Expanding New Zealand’s global engagement through world-class international education is a key government priority,” Ms Simmonds ...2 hours ago
- Climate Minister to see Antarctica research first-hand
Climate Change Minister Simon Watts is travelling to Antarctica on Monday to see the impacts of climate change first-hand and see New Zealand’s scientific work on the ice. “Antarctica is under increasing pressure from climate change, with rapid changes to the Antarctic ice sheet, ice shelves, sea ice, and biodiversity now ...7 hours ago
- Joint Statement: Singapore-New Zealand Article 6 Negotiations reach consensus
Countries have reached a deal on carbon markets at the annual United Nations climate change meeting (COP29) in Baku, Azerbaijan. Co-chaired by Singapore’s Minister for Sustainability and the Environment Grace Fu and New Zealand’s Minister of Climate Change Simon Watts, the negotiations on Article 6 (carbon markets) concluded successfully with ...8 hours ago
- Child Protection Investigation Unit established
A new Child Protection Investigation Unit is being established to ensure the safety and wellbeing of children in care, Minister for Children Karen Chhour says. “The report released by the Royal Commission into abuse in state care shows us all the risk of not acting immediately when there are serious ...3 days ago
- Speech at United States Business Summit 2024
Ka nui te mihi kia koutou. Ka mihi ki te mana whenua ko Ngāti Whātua Ōrākei. Kia ora and good morning everyone. Thank you Fran and Simon for inviting me here today, and importantly your leadership of this forum over several years now. I want to acknowledge David Gehrenbeck, Deputy ...3 days ago
- Record number of submissions received on granny flat proposal
Nearly 2,000 submissions have been received on the Government’s proposals aimed at making it easier to build a granny flat of up to 60 square metres without a resource or building consent, RMA Reform Minister Chris Bishop and Building and Construction Minister Chris Penk say. “This is the highest number ...3 days ago
- District Court Judge appointed
Attorney-General Judith Collins today announced the appointment of Rebecca Guthrie as a District Court Judge. Judge Guthrie was admitted to the bar in 1997 following her graduation from the University of Canterbury in 1996 (LLB, BA). She commenced her legal career in Hastings in 1997 before moving to London in ...3 days ago
- Appointments strengthen Predator Free 2050
The latest Predator Free 2050 Board appointments will help to strengthen biodiversity efforts across Aotearoa New Zealand, Conservation Minister Tama Potaka says. Mr Potaka today announced two appointments to the Board of Directors of Predator Free 2050 Limited, a key player in the wider Predator Free 2050 Programme. “The Predator ...3 days ago
- New facility in Christchurch will improve the lives of young New Zealanders
Mental Health Minister Matt Doocey today opened Kahurangi, an innovative and much-needed facility for Canterbury’s Child, Adolescent, and Family Mental Health Services. “The new state of the art outpatient facility opened today will be a gamechanger for the way mental health is delivered for young people in Canterbury,” says Mr ...3 days ago
- Driver safety screens to be installed on Auckland buses
Transport Minister Simeon Brown has welcomed news from the NZ Transport Agency (NZTA) that bus driver protection screens will be installed across Auckland’s bus fleet by 2026.“The Government is committed to improving the safety of working environments for bus drivers, and Budget 2024 allocated $15 million of Crown funding over ...3 days ago
- Government action provides Southland farmers more time to meet plan requirements
The Government is taking action to ensure Southland farmers and growers are not affected by unreasonable regional farm plan deadlines, Agriculture Minister Todd McClay, Environment Minister Penny Simmonds and Associate Environment Minister Andrew Hoggard say.“Cabinet has agreed to provide more time for farmers and growers to comply with regional rules ...4 days ago
- Bill reaffirms Government’s commitment to crack down on serious youth offending
The Oranga Tamariki (Responding to Serious Youth Offending) Bill had its first reading at Parliament today. The Bill reaffirms the Government’s commitment to crack down on serious youth offending, Minister for Children Karen Chhour says. “In recent years we have seen an unacceptable spike in youth offending. “This Bill makes ...4 days ago
- Critical milestones for earthquake buildings review
Fairer, more sensible rules about managing earthquake risks are a step closer with the passing of legislation and the appointment of an independent chair to provide expert advice, Minister for Building and Construction Chris Penk says. “The Government is committed to reinvigorating our cities and regions to support economic growth, ...4 days ago
- State of the art radiology machine for Auckland
People in Northland and Auckland will benefit from a new machine for cancer treatment installed at the Regional Cancer and Blood Service at Auckland City Hospital. The MV5 linear accelerator, or LINAC machine, officially opened today targets cancer tumours with pinpoint accuracy. Health Minister Dr Shane Reti says this new, ...4 days ago
- Foreign Minister to visit Europe
Deputy Prime Minister and Foreign Minister Winston Peters will travel to Europe for high-level talks with France, Germany and the United Kingdom next week. "Since taking office almost a year ago, the Coalition Government has emphasised the importance we place on New Zealand's traditional and likeminded diplomatic and ...4 days ago
- First arrests made under gang patch ban
Police have made their first arrests under the new gang patch legislation, with two gang members arrested, says Police Minister Mark Mitchell. “Just before 11 this morning, Police in Wairoa apprehended a gang member for wearing a patch to the supermarket. He has been arrested and will now face enforcement ...4 days ago
- Better support for victims of sexual violence
The Government is proposing two major changes to name suppression laws that will put the views of victims of sexual violence first, Justice Minister Paul Goldsmith says. “We are committed to restoring law and order and these two proposed changes will help ensure the victims of crime are put at ...4 days ago
- Government moving forward with Regional Deals
Cabinet has agreed to invite all regions to submit proposals for Regional Deals between central and local government that drive economic growth and deliver the infrastructure our country needs, Local Government Minister Simeon Brown and Infrastructure Minister Chris Bishop say. Inviting all regions to propose a Regional Deal that boosts ...4 days ago
- MSA pilot participant update
One of the ten young men selected to participate in the Military-Style Academy Pilot has allegedly reoffended. Children’s Minister Karen Chhour is disappointed but says it would be naïve to think that none of these young men would reoffend. “I’m saddened that this young person has not taken this opportunity ...4 days ago
- Fighting for Kiwis in Trade
Delivered at Auckland Trade and Economic Policy School Good morning and thank you Deputy Vice Chancellor Lithander for your warm welcome and for inviting me to open Auckland Trade and Economic Policy School today. A Special thanks to the University of Auckland, the Ministry of Foreign Affairs and Trade and ...4 days ago
- Attendance rates increase, again
Associate Education Minister David Seymour says that school attendance is continuing to rise. In Term 3 of 2024 51.3 per cent of students attended school regularly, an increase of 5.3 percentage points from 46 per cent in Term 3 of 2023. “This Government has prioritised student attendance and it is ...4 days ago
- Improving the lives of young New Zealanders
Ensuring New Zealand is the best place in the world for children and young people is the vision at the heart of the Government’s new Child and Youth Strategy, Child Poverty Reduction Minister Louise Upston says. “Childhood represents a huge opportunity to set people on a positive path towards living ...4 days ago
- Government continues work to reinstate livestock exports by sea
The Government is reinstating the trade of livestock exports by sea while ensuring the highest standards of animal welfare, says Associate Minister of Agriculture Andrew Hoggard.“The Government will introduce legislation changes to reinstate the trade, enhance oversight, and strengthen requirements for exporters to identify risks and manage the welfare of ...5 days ago
- Speech to the National Quality Forum 2024
Tēnā koutou katoa – it is a pleasure to be here today. I would like to begin by acknowledging the important leadership role you all play in ensuring a quality health system New Zealanders can trust. There is enormous clinical expertise in this room covering a wide range of disciplines. ...5 days ago
- New Zealand’s COP29 National Statement
Tēnā koutou katoa. Mr President, Excellencies, Delegates. New Zealand, and all nations represented here today, are already dealing with the impacts of climate change. Our households, businesses, and economies are bearing the costs of its effects. The choices we make now will shape the severity of these impacts for generations ...5 days ago
- Latest Quarterly Investment Report released
The Government has released its second Quarterly Investment Report (QIR) which shows substantial work still to be done by agencies to improve investment reporting and meet the Government’s expectations, Infrastructure and Acting Finance Minister Chris Bishop says. “New Zealand has significant infrastructure and investment needs. The Government is determined to get ...5 days ago
- New Zealand supporting loss and damage fund
Climate Change Minister Simon Watts announced New Zealand will contribute NZ$10 million to the new Fund for Responding to Loss and Damage while at the annual United Nations Climate Change Conference (COP29) in Baku, Azerbaijan. “New Zealand is joining the global effort to address the significant challenge of responding to ...5 days ago
- Gang crackdown begins at stroke of midnight
The free ride for gangs is over when the clock strikes midnight tonight, with tough new laws officially coming into effect, Justice Minister Paul Goldsmith and Police Minister Mark Mitchell say. “Gang patches will no longer be able to be worn in public. To earn the right to wear a ...5 days ago
- LGFA increases borrowing capacity to support high growth councils
The Government is welcoming the decision by the Local Government Funding Agency to increase access to financing tools for fast growing councils to support greater investment in critical infrastructure, Local Government Minister Simeon Brown says.“Communities across the country are facing an infrastructure deficit and significant population growth is projected in ...5 days ago
- Temporary Traffic Management costs revealed
The Government has revealed that over the past three years, the New Zealand Transport Agency (NZTA) has spent an eyewatering $786 million of taxpayers’ money on road cones and temporary traffic management (TTM), Transport Minister Simeon Brown says.“When I became Minister, I was surprised to learn that that NZTA did ...6 days ago
- Jurisdiction of Disputes Tribunal to double
Legislation that will double the financial jurisdiction of the Disputes Tribunal from $30,000 to $60,000 has passed first reading in Parliament today, Justice Minister Paul Goldsmith. “We need to improve court timeliness and access to justice so that Kiwis and get on with their lives. Court delays affect everyone, the ...6 days ago
- Protecting New Zealand from foreign interference
Legislation that will specifically criminalise foreign interference and strengthen espionage offences has passed first reading in Parliament today, Justice Minister Paul Goldsmith says. “It is normal and appropriate for states to interact and work to influence one another. This encourages cooperation and can have mutually beneficial outcomes. “However, the reality ...6 days ago
- Significant milestone for Canterbury Road of National Significance
Transport Minister Simeon Brown has welcomed news that the NZ Transport Agency (NZTA) Board has approved funding towards pre-implementation and early works on the State Highway 1 (SH1) Belfast to Pegasus Motorway and Woodend Bypass Road of National Significance (RoNS). “Reaching this significant milestone is a reflection of our Government’s ...6 days ago
- Health survey results to help drive change
Health Minister Dr Shane Reti says findings from the annual Health Survey highlight the need to continue driving better health outcomes for New Zealanders. The New Zealand Health Survey is an annual snapshot of key metrics measured from July 2023 – July 2024. Findings released this morning include: In 2023/24, ...6 days ago
- Final push needed to get to Smokefree 2025
A renewed effort to get people to quit smoking will build on what has worked to date and target the groups who most need support, Associate Health Minister Casey Costello said today. “The latest New Zealand Health Survey results show the daily smoking rate at 6.9 per cent and we ...6 days ago
- New diplomatic appointments
Foreign Affairs Minister Winston Peters has announced four new diplomatic appointments. “Our diplomats play an important role in ensuring New Zealand’s interests are maintained and enhanced across the world,” Mr Peters says. “It is a pleasure to announce the appointment of these senior diplomats from the Ministry of Foreign ...6 days ago
- Next steps for Regulatory Standards Bill
Regulation Minister David Seymour has today announced the next steps in the Government’s plan improve the quality of regulation by opening consultation on a proposed Regulatory Standards Bill. “New Zealand's low wages can be blamed on low productivity, and low productivity can be blamed on poor regulation,” says Mr Seymour. ...6 days ago
- Red Tape Tipline goes live
Minister for Regulation David Seymour has today announced that the Ministry for Regulation’s Red Tape Tipline is now live. “We want to hear about your red tape horror stories. From today, New Zealanders will have a say on how they are regulated through an online portal,” says Mr Seymour. The ...6 days ago
- Youth Parliament 2025 announced
The Minister for Youth Matt Doocey has today announced the eleventh Youth Parliament will be taking place in 2025. “Youth Parliament offers a unique youth development opportunity to young people from across New Zealand to experience the political process and learn about how government works,” says Mr Doocey. “The two-day ...1 week ago
- Character references tell a court you’re a good person. Why are convicted rapists allowed to use t...
Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Vicki Lowik, Adjunct Research Fellow, School of Nursing, Midwifery and Social Sciences, CQUniversity Australia The Conversation,Elīna Arāja/Pexels In a recent Newcastle trial, a jury found three men guilty on multiple charges of sexually assaulting three teenage girls over two nights. The ...2 hours ago - Human exclamations of pain are similar across the world, new study reveals
Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Maïa Ponsonnet, Researcher, Linguistics, The University of Western Australia KitohodkA/Shutterstock We all know what words we might shout out when we stub a toe or touch something hot. For those of us who speak English, it’s probably “ouch”. But what kinds ...2 hours ago
- NZ’s new cultural policy will be called Amplify. It is timely and needed, but not ambitious enough
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- Surgeries being rejected to game waitlist targets, Labour says
The Opposition alleges the number of people going onto waitlists is being limited, as GPs complain of referrals being rejected. ...2 hours ago - Surgeries being rejected to game waitlist targets, Labour alleges
The Opposition says the number of people going onto waitlists is being limited, as GPs complain of referrals being rejected. ...2 hours ago
- Louisa Wall says TJ Perenara’s Treaty statement during haka was censored
The former Black Fern, Silver Fern and Labour MP she "watched with pride" at how departing All Black TJ Perena used the side's haka. ...3 hours ago
- Warm and friendly or competent and straightforward? What students want from AI chatbots in the class...
Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Shahper Richter, Senior Lecturer in Digital Marketing, University of Auckland, Waipapa Taumata Rau Artificial intelligence (AI) is rapidly transforming education, with schools and universities increasingly experimenting with AI chatbots to assist students in self-directed learning. These digital assistants offer immediate feedback, ...3 hours ago
- Review: Thomasin McKenzie out-sasses Bill Nighy in Netflix’s Joy
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Taxpayers’ Union Communications Officer Alex Emes called the deal “a move towards global socialism” due to the agreed upon large transfer of wealth from countries like New Zealand to the third world. ...4 hours ago - New Zealand Ports Urged To End Live Animal Exports As Maritime Union Takes Stand
AJP Welcomes Maritime Union's Historic Stand Against Live Exports. ...4 hours ago
- Oxfam Says COP29 Deal Is A “Global Ponzi Scheme”
Oxfam Aotearoa’s Climate Justice Lead Nick Henry said: "The failure to meet the global need for climate finance is a failure of empathy from the leaders of rich countries." ...5 hours ago
- COP29 ‘Bandaid Over A Bullet Wound’, Polluters Should Expect Resistance – Greenpeace
We know how to cut emissions - we have all the technology and tools to do so. What’s needed is political will to put these tools into action. ...5 hours ago
- Here’s what was – and wasn’t – achieved at the Cop29 climate talks
At the outset, expectations were low – but even with considerable headwinds, progress was made. The petroleum-laden dust has settled on this year’s United Nations climate summit, Cop29, held over the past fortnight in Baku, Azerbaijan. Climate scientists, leaders, lobbyists and delegates are heading for home. The meeting achieved ...6 hours ago
- Principals’ anger over cutbacks to ‘jolly good’ school lunch scheme
At least two schools have opted out of the revised free lunch scheme for next year. ...6 hours ago
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- The great Spinoff summer 2024 tech gift guide
From hard-working headphones to top-of-the-line tablets, these are a few of our favourite gadgets. For some, the summer months are a time to switch off their devices, to venture out into the sunshine armed with nothing more than a paperback novel and a large floppy hat. Not us! This is ...6 hours ago
- Police Minister Mark Mitchell criticises cop posing with gang patch
Mark Mitchell say the behaviour of a police officer posing for cameras while wearing a gang patch in the office fell short . ...6 hours ago
- Security breach as Christopher Luxon’s itinerary left on police car dashboard
The itinerary was visible in the police car in Queenstown on Sunday. ...7 hours ago
- Why parents need to be like Big Ted and ‘talk aloud’ while they use screens with their kids
Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Kate Highfield, Associate Professor, Early Childhood Education Academic Lead, University of Canberra Screen use and internet safety are two of the top concerns Australian parents have about their kids’ health and wellbeing – even ranking ahead of diet, exercise and depression. ...8 hours ago
- TJ Perenara’s Tiriti haka addition welcomed by both Te Pāti Māori and David Seymour
The All Black used the side's haka ahead of their match against Italy to show support for the recent hikoi. ...8 hours ago
- Helen Clark Foundation Calls For Political Action To Reduce The Prevalence Of Junk Food And Improve ...
The report argues the long-standing government approach that relies on people taking sole responsibility for their health and the choices they make, will continue to fail unless the obesity conversation shifts from the individual to the wider food ...8 hours ago
- Australia in a baby bust? It’s not that simple – and a panic won’t help
Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Edith Gray, Professor, School of Demography, Australian National University Photo by ADIEL MALKA/Pexels There is a seemingly endless stream of news headlines about plummeting birth rates. Many have alarmist narratives about the perils of “baby busts” and “population decline”. This reflects ...8 hours ago
- Why Monday is the most dangerous day on a building site
Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Milad Haghani, Senior Lecturer of Urban Risk & Resilience, UNSW Sydney M2020/Shutterstock Australia’s construction industry employs more than 1.3 million workers. That’s about 9% of the workforce. But construction sites can be dangerous workplaces. There are also more accidents on a ...8 hours ago
- ‘Divorce’ in songbirds: extreme weather pushes couples past breaking point
Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Frigg Janne Daan Speelman, PhD Candidate in behavioural ecology, Macquarie University Coulanges/Shutterstock Like humans, many animals form lasting monogamous relationships. Most birds pair up to produce and raise offspring together over many years. However, as with humans, they also commonly “divorce” ...8 hours ago
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- Creative sector welcomes draft government strategy, but calls for more funds
Many say NZ is well behind the rest of the world in developing and supporting its creative professionals. ...10 hours ago
- Peters’ push to turn Europe’s eyes south
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- Defence Force holds flurry of high-tech meetings with Western power trio
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A sugar levy and removing sugary drinks from schools are among the obesity-fighting recommendations from a new report. ...10 hours ago
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The new target will "set the expectation" that NZ contributes more to help developing nations move away from using fossil fuels. ...11 hours ago
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- Newsroom daily quiz, Monday 25 November
Loading…(function(i,s,o,g,r,a,m){var ql=document.querySelectorAll('A[data-quiz],DIV[data-quiz]'); if(ql){if(ql.length){for(var k=0;k<ql.length;k++){ql[k].id='quiz-embed-'+k;ql[k].href="javascript:var i=document.getElementById('quiz-embed-"+k+"');try{qz.startQuiz(i)}catch(e){i.start=1;i.style.cursor='wait';i.style.opacity='0.5'};void(0);"}}};i['QP']=r;i[r]=i[r]||function(){(i[r].q=i[r].q||[]).push(arguments)},i[r].l=1*new Date();a=s.createElement(o),m=s.getElementsByTagName(o)[0];a.async=1;a.src=g;m.parentNode.insertBefore(a,m)})(window,document,'script','https://take.quiz-maker.com/3012/CDN/quiz-embed-v1.js','qp');Got a good quiz question? Send Newsroom your questions.The post Newsroom daily quiz, Monday 25 November appeared first on Newsroom. ...11 hours ago
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The server will be getting hardware changes this evening starting at 10pm NZDT.
The site will be off line for some hours.
Yes Lord Keyster, with this small implant we will replace the non functional parts of your brain with direct instructions from Galatic Emperor Jamie Dimond [CEO of JP Morgan]
shit…..
his battery packs come unplugged !
There that should do it….Now the strings are invisible again.
careful … we don’t want you to actually be able to hear the peasants.
right; this tiny invisible strip will keep your rug snug JK, no worries…
just needs a few final touches before we send it off to the madame Tussauds “crooks and villains” exhibition
I’m installing Crosby Textor spin cartridge no. CT-FO/714. It won’t hurt, but will feel a bit strange at first when you start speaking in coherent sentences. This is the foreign ownership module. This cartridge is incompatible with CT-BF/001 the ‘Brighter Future’ module which I’ve uninstalled. So steer clear of that topic, but if you can’t, then CT-DC/031 will fire up and you will just be able to say David Cunliffe is tricky and hates men.
OK- all good now
very good.
Nicely done, AB.
In this little scene, we see Malcolm unsuccessfully trying to install a new Crosby/Textor cartridge into the android PM…
Malcolm (to work colleague, Keith, off-camera) “Ah, Keith, how the hell do you get this thing to work ?”
Keith “Oh shit, what have you done, Malcolm ?”
Malcolm “I’ve hardly touched it ! I was just very carefully installing the new cartridge into it, completely according to the instruction booklet – absolutely followed it step-by-step ! And then….well… look at it !, the dumb thing’s just suddenly stopped, completely frozen, arms in mid-air !”
Keith “Ahhh shit !, well, look mate, all I know is: this android was the latest model, right ?, and I mean absolutely bloody state-of-the-art, when Crosby/Textor first purchased it in 2002. It’s needed one or two tweaks over the years, especially after it made a hash of the 2011 campaign, but overall it’s been working pretty bloody well since it became Prime Minister and now you’ve just gone and fucked it up ! I mean, Christ !, you do realise it’s got a current affairs interview in about an hour’s time and then a press conference tomorrow morning. What the hell are we gonna do ?”
yr nsa-implant has slipped..and is showing..
woops..!..rug-crisis..!
key:..’bloody huawei..!’..
It’s okay, he’s just a simple clockwork model. That’s why he is called ‘Key’. I’ll soon get him smiling and waving again.
key:..’is it still under warranty..?’..
key:..’i told bronagh i should have got the deluxe-model..!’..
man:..’now..say after me…’israel good..arabs bad’..!’
the poli-tron 3 gets a tune-up..
man:..’now..try and walk and chew at the same time..’
passer-bye gets in keys’ ear…
man:..’you’ve some big-mac in yr ear..’
key:..’this is the best way to use yr hands..in a group circle-jerk’..
Now… just connect this wire… and the drone will be operational again!
unidentified guest gets thrown out on his ear
Idlegus 100+
You’ve a scale showing … got it.
+1 haha
http://www.listener.co.nz/commentary/the-internaut/is-john-key-a-shapeshifting-reptilian-alien-ushering-humanity-towards-enslavement/
“We’ll just tape down your toupée with a bit of gaffa so the wind doesn’t catch it Prime Minister”.
Jackal earwig
Step1: Power down
….
Step 5: Insert brain.
Step 6: Turn on power.
Step 6: Press reset switch.
Now remember John, when someone asks you a question, pause for a moment and wait for the correct answer you should reply to be passed to you through this ear piece I’m putting in.
Figure 7: Primate social grooming behaviour
This chip is a massive RAM upgrade to the DevilTech® PoliticoBot™ KY-800
From 64 to a whole 128 kilobytes ! And overclocked at 200 mHz !!!
Able to multi-task up to 3 programs:
– basic OS (breathing, mumbling, obfuscating)
– muldoon v2.0 (wasteful spending, hamming up for cameras)
– rogernome v3.0 (appearance of moderation whilst slashing and selling sovereign assets)
Just hold still John, Lord Ashcroft has requested that I insert a wee something….
key:..’this is my colin craig impersonation..pretty good..!..eh..?..’
man:..’it..!..it looks like something out of ‘alien’..!..’
man:..’there’s a used condom in yr ear..!’..
It was great of the N.S.A to give us an update on our Hymie robot from the Get Smart days!
man:..’yr ayn rand is showing..!’
It’s the latest thing from the states, Prime Minister. It’s called Google Ass. Ah, fits perfectly.
Yes you will be able to listen as well as you hear, Heir Key come election day, to the sound of a Labour Victory
Now PM, I know it sucks but as youre incapable to sticking to what we tell you to say.. when you dont. you will get a couple hundred volts to keep you on track
National+Maori+United+ACT government falling apart, whose going to be talking in his ear now?
Don’t mention the Cons!
Recommend a picture of Key, glasses on, double chin showing as he looks down at his papers while sitting in parliament. Looking old and tired. Why do his opponents always show his best PR picture?
I mean Goff on the motorbike. Cunliffe bent forward sitting next to Mahota at the hustings. Why no Key images of off camera debranding.
John Key demonstrates his ” Popping & Locking” to attract the youth vote
“spin on your hands
now spin on your knees
spin on your head and now freeze”
Better insert the memory stick today
Yes, well, it may indeed be uncomfortable PM but if you want another proctologist then just get one.
John Banks has to do this himself.
key:..’goody..!..an upgrade..!’…
key:..’did you know that i was made in the same factory in the desert outside phoenix arizona..
..that they shot the moon-landing in..?’..
‘Ha, ha, I found some more wax for Banks!’
Imagine Key being unable to get his own earwax for a feed. The helper is called Waxman.
reptilian shape-shifter gets ear cleaned by lackey..
Have you tried turning it off and on again?
I can see right through sir!
New Zealand’s greatest ever Prime Minister gets ready for a television interview?
ha-ha..!..that’s the funniest..!
There’s a screw loose sir!
Is that you in there Mathew?
man:..’has banksie been foraging in here again..?
..it’s been cleaned right out..’
“Screw the babel fish! Where’s my fucking towel?!?!”
Alright. Who took the memory out?
Haha very good David
We have this solution for Middle NZ Ear.
It’s called Eustachian Glue. We will only apply this to your right ear – the left doesn’t matter.
Total deafness averted – Key’s left ear already lame by severance -Vince the St John in the now in the van man applies emergency surgery to Key’s right ear, enough ! – said John , will my insurance cover this?
The incept date is 1961 – if we reduce cognitive function we can extend the lifetime. There may be some brain fades… but the light that burns half as bright burns twice as long… and this one never burned very bright to begin with.
Is this really “Vote Positive”?
C’mon people, you want to gain the politically central voters- keep the positive message, not this childish teasing/ bullying type enabling that you decry…
let Labour vote positive.
I hope to help vote the bastards out, which is pretty negative.
it’s called laughing at the pricks..flippant..
Was that 100 rounds pertaining the Great Whore for the imperialists ?
Why was my comment not posted? Was not nasty or unfair- was that the problem?
Was genuinely pointing out this puts off us ‘centrist’ voters.. Id say same on “right wing” blogs….?
[It was stuck in spam. The machine did it … MS]
[lprent: Could also be that the system “knows” about you under a different name, and you have a ban. It is the most common reason.
I guess you’ll find out as I don’t remove morans from the spam listing until I know that they aren’t banned or their sentence is up.
Most of the time the self-evident stupidity that got them banned in the first place tends to show up over time. For a starter they tend to whine a lot Eh? ]
This government brought to you by the people who bought you the Thunderbirds!
Better let Labour win Sir, you know how bankrupt we are after lending 56 Billion we can never pay it back now!
It’s just a touch of deafness caused by Joyce’s non-stop shouting. That’s the trouble with having Joyce as your right hand man.
One of Christine Rankins earings got stuck in Keys earlobe during secret pre election cup of tea coalition deal!
ACT ACT guns were brought in to protect her from vapour trails.
Everyone wants a slice of
The jingoistic cake
“Well, Prime Minister, I can’t see the little man whose voice you can hear whispering “You’re going to lose!””
We’ve had a few problems with the AI on this one: the eyes go strange; he can’t shake hands and he lies all the time. I’ll just fiddle with the energiser battery!
Freakin heck I can see thru to the other side!
Can you find my chewing gum in there, I thought I stuck it behind my ear?
There you go darling, I’ll just dab this caviar off
You have such symmetry to your humor John
I mean, we are here to remember those who gave up their lives for their country and what do you do, you sell everything, I mean fxxkxxg everything in NZ, brilliant.
It’s hilarious, you even down sized the NZDF and were just lucky enough to get those 2 cannons in the background off trade me in exchange for some Twinkies.
I understand the symmetry of your humor, John, it’s just a reflection of the fact that there is nothing left to defend.
Well, except us against the proletariat. We have to keep them working in those foreign owned factories and farms at low pay don’t we. A good show of force every now and again keeps them in tow (I think, they call it in your business, “leverage”).
Don’t the banks win in all of this?
Even with your strange quirk of sticking caviar in your ear,
I will always love you Heir Leader
Shit John, whats that? you’ve even got lies coming out of your ear, we’d better plug that up from view.
With this new and improved Hearing Aide prime minster you will be able to hear again yet don’t worry it will filter out, all the screams of the poor, dispossessed . vulnerable,your political opponents and anything that smacks of the truth……………………………Excellent
On The Set of Bladerunner Deux….Keys the actor was implanted with the latest Durrell Corporation chip date of 2007 & expiry date of September 2014
Jesus H Christ that the last time I let Bennett Hag kiss me….she bit off my fucking ear…Hurrah Up Lacky,,,stick a new one on
Ok,,,,,I have wound up the clockwork mechanism…your good to go now Keys
Just a small prick. Will make a small incision, implant small brain, hopefully will be an improvement on your current non-existent one.
no matter how many times we adjust it, we cannot get the pronunciation/anti slur setting correct on this model.
The male version of Cherry 2000, Pollie 2000 comes to a grinding halt. Luckily, this time the back up chip was not hidden in the badlands, but available on line on discount at Trademe.
If you don’t fix it soon I will have to get that other MP with the earwax problem to come and fix it
“Excuse me Prime Minister, you have quite a bit of excess wax in your ear. Hold still while I pick it out for you. Now there will be no excuse for you to fall deaf on the calls of struggling New Zealanders.”
ah – the bullshit level needs adjusting