Caption Contest

Written By: - Date published: 1:52 pm, October 8th, 2010 - 49 comments
Categories: caption contest - Tags: , ,

The audience tell us over and over again that one of the things they love about Paul Henry is that he’s prepared to say the things we quietly think but are scared to say out loud.

TVNZ, 4 Oct 2010

49 comments on “Caption Contest ”

  1. Nate 1

    *drool* BOOBIES! Can I touch… don’t be silly, you know I will!

    • jbanks 1.1

      I have been censured, my pay docked and I have been spoken to. I have apologised and been put on the naughty step. It’s been taken care of.

      You can stop whining now Lefties.

      • bbfloyd 1.1.1

        wow.. that was remarkably stupid JB. and entirely in keeping with your personality. did you learn this idiocy at home? or was it beaten into you out by the bike sheds?

        • jbanks 1.1.1.1

          Personal insults [check]
          No evidence to counter my point [check]

          I’m right again.

          [lprent: is [checked] like pwned? You know how I dislike that… It is a fast way to attract my attention. ]

          • The Voice of Reason 1.1.1.1.1

            Right again? It’s been taken care of? Not even close, wanksie. The agreed unpaid holiday was for the GG incident. It’s the other stuff that’s going to do him in. Geddit, now?

            • jbanks 1.1.1.1.1.1

              You don’t speak on behalf of TVNZ. TVNZ have publicly said they’re not punishing him further.
              Silly moderators puppet.

              • The Voice of Reason

                Not quite woken up yet, jb? The deal may have been done on the GG incident, but they have not yet begun the disciplinary process on the rest of his displays of bigotry. The GG one may well be now sorted, but the main complaint he will have to face will be dealt with soon enough. That will be ‘bringing TVNZ into disrepute’ and given the international furore, he’s not going top have much of a defence.

                If you can find anything from TVNZ that specifically says that they are not going to punish him further, I’d love to see it. But that won’t happen, because you’ve either made it up, or you are referring to their comments about the GG insults. Have a coffee and think about it more carefully, there’s a good chap.

          • jbanks 1.1.1.1.2

            A tick (known as a check mark or check in American English) is a mark used to indicate the concept “yes”, for example “yes; this has been verified” or, “yes; that is the correct answer”

            Unnecessarily explaining basic English [check]

      • headlessrd 1.1.2

        Also, JBanks, keep in mind two whole weeks from paul Henry’s salary. Oh the poor guy. How will he be able to feed himself? Maybe with the rest of his $200,000 salary paid to him by a publicly owned broadcaster which pays to him to spew his outrageous bigoted drivel.

  2. burt 2

    I’m a Labour supporter these days – I voted 10 times.

  3. Where’s Andi Brotherston when you need her?

  4. Nate 4

    Eww get your dikshit away from me!

  5. Richard 5

    “I hate myself and I want to die”

  6. THE MOUCH 6

    See you all on the 18th.

  7. Nick K 7

    I’d love to throttle that Daljit Singh.

  8. The Voice of Reason 8

    … and I tell you, some of them have got them this long!

    (An oldie but a goodie: http://www.private-eye.co.uk/covers.php?showme=182 )

  9. ianmac 9

    Yuck. How could anyone bear to touch one of them!

  10. uroskin 10

    Cack-handed attempt at a joke fell flat for knob-headed gypo.

  11. Roflcopter 11

    “Hey look! If I screw my face up like this I look like a chinaman!”

  12. To borrow from Jefferson Airplane (and given that he looks like he’s trying to squeeze out his one thought for the day):

    Well I thunk and I thunk
    Couldn’t think of anything better
    I tried and I tried
    Tryin’ ain’t doin’ me no good

    Thinkin’ ain’t doin’ me no good
    Thinkin’ ain’t doin’ me no good people
    Thinkin’ ain’t doin’ me no good, no good

  13. mcflock 13

    ahahahahaha I’m soo funny this line is soo amazing I mean ahahahaha this is why I’m paid soo much money and the people love me ahahahahaha – wait for it – haha – POTTY!!!

  14. Rharn 14

    Look. Smooth as a baby’s bottom. Thanks Gillette.

  15. Adrian 15

    ” I’d love to have a brain this big, but I haven’t got one at all! But I did get to be a National Party candidate cos that’s one of the requirements”.

  16. tc 16

    Marriage, affair with the rich eligible babe and now my payrise all gone thanks to you Mr Mirror lucky uncle paul still has his stellar career and thungs are going so well that nice Mr Ellis gave me some time off so there..na na na na naaaaa..

  17. toad 17

    No, Paul, you just don’t get it. It’s not Dick Shit, it’s Deep Shit, and you’re wallowing in it.

  18. toad 18

    And she had an [sprout: noun deleted] this big. How appropriate, because she’s an Indian.

  19. Craig Glen Eden 19

    Who cares if you have been a Lawyer a Judge, a Governor General should look like me white, I am superior Im a tory I m born to rule like you John, now give me that money.

  20. BLiP 20

    ” . . . the public loves you . . . you don’t have any friends, no one likes you . . . I’m not listening . . . you’re an idiot and a clown . . . no . . . * r a c i s t * . . . no, no, go away, leave us . . . go away? where would you be without me? I made us famous and the tricksy hobbits are trying to take it away . . .

  21. Logie97 21

    Henry attempting to do his Tommy Cooper routine. (My apologies to the late great TC…)

    … and I lost my job, just like that!

  22. Puddleglum 22

    ‘Look, they still don’t get it! I’ve been doing my short-haired Ken Dodd impersonation for over ten years and they still think I’m a competent frontman for the news. I might have to whip out my tickle stick soon!’

  23. Tel 23

    …yet another TVNZ hospital pass well executed.

  24. ak 24

    …..and as the talent and intelligence of populist, hatemongery-sustained despots declined, so too did “fiddling while Rome burned” give way to “Smile and Wave”: here a now-forgotten lackey attempts a final, desperate appeal to the media-driven racism of early 21st century NZ.

    Reproduced with kind permission from “The Key-Ring: our Magnificent Seven”. 2019: Joyce & Bassett, Enterpress. (Out of print)

  25. Colonial Viper 25

    Hope daddy’s made you so proud!!!

  26. Craig Glen Eden 26

    Pipa Pipa John key has pixies in the bottom of his garden they have big ears like mine fingers like mine and they are so funny looking.

  27. the sprout 27

    “Like a monkey with glasses” Paul Ego, 7 Days

  28. prism 28

    Steven Joyce bio.
    After completing a zoology degree at Massey University, Steven started his first radio station, Energy FM, in his home town of New Plymouth, at age 21

    Paul Henry is working on his zoology degree doing a PhD on himself as protean human being, and will slide into his slot on a radio station going forward.

  29. Treetop 29

    “An audience and I go wild”

  30. Oh please save me from the scary John Minto and his overside megaphone.

Links to post

Recent Comments

Recent Posts

  • Ō-Rākau Remembrance Bill passes first reading
    The return of the historic Ō-Rākau battle site to the descendants of those who fought there moved one step closer today with the first reading of Te Pire mō Ō-Rākau, Te Pae o Maumahara / The Ō-Rākau Remembrance Bill. The Bill will entrust the 9.7-hectare battle site, five kilometres west ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    10 hours ago
  • Government to boost public EV charging network
    Energy Minister Simeon Brown has announced 25 new high-speed EV charging hubs along key routes between major urban centres and outlined the Government’s plan to supercharge New Zealand’s EV infrastructure.  The hubs will each have several chargers and be capable of charging at least four – and up to 10 ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    10 hours ago
  • Residential Property Managers Bill to not progress
    The coalition Government will not proceed with the previous Government’s plans to regulate residential property managers, Housing Minister Chris Bishop says. “I have written to the Chairperson of the Social Services and Community Committee to inform him that the Government does not intend to support the Residential Property Managers Bill ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    11 hours ago
  • Independent review into disability support services
    The Government has announced an independent review into the disability support system funded by the Ministry of Disabled People – Whaikaha. Disability Issues Minister Louise Upston says the review will look at what can be done to strengthen the long-term sustainability of Disability Support Services to provide disabled people and ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    17 hours ago
  • Justice Minister updates UN on law & order plan
    Justice Minister Paul Goldsmith has attended the Universal Periodic Review in Geneva and outlined the Government’s plan to restore law and order. “Speaking to the United Nations Human Rights Council provided us with an opportunity to present New Zealand’s human rights progress, priorities, and challenges, while responding to issues and ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    18 hours ago
  • Trade Minister travels to Riyadh, OECD, and Dubai
    Trade Minister Todd McClay heads overseas today for high-level trade talks in the Gulf region, and a key OECD meeting in Paris. Mr McClay will travel to Riyadh to meet with counterparts from Saudi Arabia and the Gulf Cooperation Council (GCC). “New Zealand’s goods and services exports to the Gulf region ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 day ago
  • Education priorities focused on lifting achievement
    Education Minister Erica Stanford has outlined six education priorities to deliver a world-leading education system that sets Kiwi kids up for future success. “I’m putting ambition, achievement and outcomes at the heart of our education system. I want every child to be inspired and engaged in their learning so they ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 day ago
  • NZTA App first step towards digital driver licence
    The new NZ Transport Agency (NZTA) App is a secure ‘one stop shop’ to provide the services drivers need, Transport Minister Simeon Brown and Digitising Government Minister Judith Collins say.  “The NZTA App will enable an easier way for Kiwis to pay for Vehicle Registration and Road User Charges (RUC). ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 day ago
  • Supporting whānau out of emergency housing
    Whānau with tamariki growing up in emergency housing motels will be prioritised for social housing starting this week, says Associate Housing Minister Tama Potaka. “Giving these whānau a better opportunity to build healthy stable lives for themselves and future generations is an essential part of the Government’s goal of reducing ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 day ago
  • Tribute to Dave O'Sullivan
    Racing Minister Winston Peters has paid tribute to an icon of the industry with the recent passing of Dave O’Sullivan (OBE). “Our sympathies are with the O’Sullivan family with the sad news of Dave O’Sullivan’s recent passing,” Mr Peters says. “His contribution to racing, initially as a jockey and then ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 days ago
  • Speech – Eid al-Fitr
    Assalaamu alaikum, greetings to you all. Eid Mubarak, everyone! I want to extend my warmest wishes to you and everyone celebrating this joyous occasion. It is a pleasure to be here. I have enjoyed Eid celebrations at Parliament before, but this is my first time joining you as the Minister ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 days ago
  • Government saves access to medicines
    Associate Health Minister David Seymour has announced Pharmac’s largest ever budget of $6.294 billion over four years, fixing a $1.774 billion fiscal cliff.    “Access to medicines is a crucial part of many Kiwis’ lives. We’ve committed to a budget allocation of $1.774 billion over four years so Kiwis are ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 days ago
  • Pharmac Chair appointed
    Hon Paula Bennett has been appointed as member and chair of the Pharmac board, Associate Health Minister David Seymour announced today. "Pharmac is a critical part of New Zealand's health system and plays a significant role in ensuring that Kiwis have the best possible access to medicines,” says Mr Seymour. ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • Taking action on Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder
    Hundreds of New Zealand families affected by Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD) will benefit from a new Government focus on prevention and treatment, says Health Minister Dr Shane Reti. “We know FASD is a leading cause of preventable intellectual and neurodevelopmental disability in New Zealand,” Dr Reti says.  “Every day, ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    4 days ago
  • New sports complex opens in Kaikohe
    Regional Development Minister Shane Jones today attended the official opening of Kaikohe’s new $14.7 million sports complex. “The completion of the Kaikohe Multi Sports Complex is a fantastic achievement for the Far North,” Mr Jones says. “This facility not only fulfils a long-held dream for local athletes, but also creates ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    4 days ago
  • Diplomacy needed more than ever
    Foreign Minister Winston Peters’ engagements in Türkiye this week underlined the importance of diplomacy to meet growing global challenges.    “Returning to the Gallipoli Peninsula to represent New Zealand at Anzac commemorations was a sombre reminder of the critical importance of diplomacy for de-escalating conflicts and easing tensions,” Mr Peters ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    4 days ago
  • Anzac Commemorative Address, Buttes New British Cemetery Belgium
    Ambassador Millar, Burgemeester, Vandepitte, Excellencies, military representatives, distinguished guests, ladies and gentlemen – good morning and welcome to this sacred Anzac Day dawn service.  It is an honour to be here on behalf of the Government and people of New Zealand at Buttes New British Cemetery, Polygon Wood – a deeply ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    5 days ago
  • Anzac Commemorative Address – NZ National Service, Chunuk Bair
    Distinguished guests -   It is an honour to return once again to this site which, as the resting place for so many of our war-dead, has become a sacred place for generations of New Zealanders.   Our presence here and at the other special spaces of Gallipoli is made ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    5 days ago
  • Anzac Commemorative Address – Dawn Service, Gallipoli, Türkiye
    Mai ia tawhiti pamamao, te moana nui a Kiwa, kua tae whakaiti mai matou, ki to koutou papa whenua. No koutou te tapuwae, no matou te tapuwae, kua honoa pumautia.   Ko nga toa kua hinga nei, o te Waipounamu, o te Ika a Maui, he okioki tahi me o ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    6 days ago
  • PM announces changes to portfolios
    Paul Goldsmith will take on responsibility for the Media and Communications portfolio, while Louise Upston will pick up the Disability Issues portfolio, Prime Minister Christopher Luxon announced today. “Our Government is relentlessly focused on getting New Zealand back on track. As issues change in prominence, I plan to adjust Ministerial ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    7 days ago
  • New catch limits for unique fishery areas
    Recreational catch limits will be reduced in areas of Fiordland and the Chatham Islands to help keep those fisheries healthy and sustainable, Oceans and Fisheries Minister Shane Jones says. The lower recreational daily catch limits for a range of finfish and shellfish species caught in the Fiordland Marine Area and ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    7 days ago
  • Minister welcomes hydrogen milestone
    Energy Minister Simeon Brown has welcomed an important milestone in New Zealand’s hydrogen future, with the opening of the country’s first network of hydrogen refuelling stations in Wiri. “I want to congratulate the team at Hiringa Energy and its partners K one W one (K1W1), Mitsui & Co New Zealand ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Urgent changes to system through first RMA Amendment Bill
    The coalition Government is delivering on its commitment to improve resource management laws and give greater certainty to consent applicants, with a Bill to amend the Resource Management Act (RMA) expected to be introduced to Parliament next month. RMA Reform Minister Chris Bishop has today outlined the first RMA Amendment ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Overseas decommissioning models considered
    Overseas models for regulating the oil and gas sector, including their decommissioning regimes, are being carefully scrutinised as a potential template for New Zealand’s own sector, Resources Minister Shane Jones says. The Coalition Government is focused on rebuilding investor confidence in New Zealand’s energy sector as it looks to strengthen ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Release of North Island Severe Weather Event Inquiry
    Emergency Management and Recovery Minister Mark Mitchell has today released the Report of the Government Inquiry into the response to the North Island Severe Weather Events. “The report shows that New Zealand’s emergency management system is not fit-for-purpose and there are some significant gaps we need to address,” Mr Mitchell ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Justice Minister to attend Human Rights Council
    Justice Minister Paul Goldsmith is today travelling to Europe where he’ll update the United Nations Human Rights Council on the Government’s work to restore law and order.  “Attending the Universal Periodic Review in Geneva provides us with an opportunity to present New Zealand’s human rights progress, priorities, and challenges, while ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Patterson reopens world’s largest wool scouring facility
    Associate Agriculture Minister, Mark Patterson, formally reopened the world’s largest wool processing facility today in Awatoto, Napier, following a $50 million rebuild and refurbishment project. “The reopening of this facility will significantly lift the economic opportunities available to New Zealand’s wool sector, which already accounts for 20 per cent of ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Speech to the Southland Otago Regional Engineering Collective Summit, 18 April 2024
    Hon Andrew Bayly, Minister for Small Business and Manufacturing  At the Southland Otago Regional Engineering Collective (SOREC) Summit, 18 April, Dunedin    Ngā mihi nui, Ko Andrew Bayly aho, Ko Whanganui aho    Good Afternoon and thank you for inviting me to open your summit today.    I am delighted ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Government to introduce revised Three Strikes law
    The Government is delivering on its commitment to bring back the Three Strikes legislation, Associate Justice Minister Nicole McKee announced today. “Our Government is committed to restoring law and order and enforcing appropriate consequences on criminals. We are making it clear that repeat serious violent or sexual offending is not ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • New diplomatic appointments
    Foreign Minister Winston Peters has today announced four new diplomatic appointments for New Zealand’s overseas missions.   “Our diplomats have a vital role in maintaining and protecting New Zealand’s interests around the world,” Mr Peters says.    “I am pleased to announce the appointment of these senior diplomats from the ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Humanitarian support for Ethiopia and Somalia
    New Zealand is contributing NZ$7 million to support communities affected by severe food insecurity and other urgent humanitarian needs in Ethiopia and Somalia, Foreign Minister Rt Hon Winston Peters announced today.   “Over 21 million people are in need of humanitarian assistance across Ethiopia, with a further 6.9 million people ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Arts Minister congratulates Mataaho Collective
    Minister for Arts, Culture and Heritage Paul Goldsmith is congratulating Mataaho Collective for winning the Golden Lion for best participant in the main exhibition at the Venice Biennale. "Congratulations to the Mataaho Collective for winning one of the world's most prestigious art prizes at the Venice Biennale.  “It is good ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Supporting better financial outcomes for Kiwis
    The Government is reforming financial services to improve access to home loans and other lending, and strengthen customer protections, Commerce and Consumer Affairs Minister Andrew Bayly and Housing Minister Chris Bishop announced today. “Our coalition Government is committed to rebuilding the economy and making life simpler by cutting red tape. We are ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Trade relationship with China remains strong
    “China remains a strong commercial opportunity for Kiwi exporters as Chinese businesses and consumers continue to value our high-quality safe produce,” Trade and Agriculture Minister Todd McClay says.   Mr McClay has returned to New Zealand following visits to Beijing, Harbin and Shanghai where he met ministers, governors and mayors and engaged in trade and agricultural events with the New ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • PM’s South East Asia mission does the business
    Prime Minister Christopher Luxon has completed a successful trip to Singapore, Thailand and the Philippines, deepening relationships and capitalising on opportunities. Mr Luxon was accompanied by a business delegation and says the choice of countries represents the priority the New Zealand Government places on South East Asia, and our relationships in ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • $41m to support clean energy in South East Asia
    New Zealand is demonstrating its commitment to reducing global greenhouse emissions, and supporting clean energy transition in South East Asia, through a contribution of NZ$41 million (US$25 million) in climate finance to the Asian Development Bank (ADB)-led Energy Transition Mechanism (ETM). Prime Minister Christopher Luxon and Climate Change Minister Simon Watts announced ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Minister releases Fast-track stakeholder list
    The Government is today releasing a list of organisations who received letters about the Fast-track applications process, says RMA Reform Minister Chris Bishop. “Recently Ministers and agencies have received a series of OIA requests for a list of organisations to whom I wrote with information on applying to have a ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Judicial appointments announced
    Attorney-General Judith Collins today announced the appointment of Wellington Barrister David Jonathan Boldt as a Judge of the High Court, and the Honourable Justice Matthew Palmer as a Judge of the Court of Appeal. Justice Boldt graduated with an LLB from Victoria University of Wellington in 1990, and also holds ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Education Minister heads to major teaching summit in Singapore
    Education Minister Erica Stanford will lead the New Zealand delegation at the 2024 International Summit on the Teaching Profession (ISTP) held in Singapore. The delegation includes representatives from the Post Primary Teachers’ Association (PPTA) Te Wehengarua and the New Zealand Educational Institute (NZEI) Te Riu Roa.  The summit is co-hosted ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Value of stopbank project proven during cyclone
    A stopbank upgrade project in Tairawhiti partly funded by the Government has increased flood resilience for around 7000ha of residential and horticultural land so far, Regional Development Minister Shane Jones says. Mr Jones today attended a dawn service in Gisborne to mark the end of the first stage of the ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago

Page generated in The Standard by Wordpress at 2024-04-30T15:34:43+00:00