ImperatorFish: Hacker Accesses PM’s Brain

Written By: - Date published: 2:02 pm, October 24th, 2012 - 11 comments
Categories: john key - Tags:

Scott at Imperator Fish has kindly given us permission to syndicate posts from his blog – the original of this post is here.

Security experts were being rushed to the ninth floor of the Beehive this morning, after a malicious hacker accessed the Prime Minister’s brain.

Experts began to suspect a breach of security, after large amounts of data stored in John Key’s brain disappeared.

It is believed that a hacker gained access to the Prime Minister and used the opportunity to erase numerous files stored in his brain.

Questions have been raised before about the security of Mr Key’s brain, after he failed to recall positions taken by him on a number of political issues, such as the 1981 Springbok tour.

But the scale of John Key’s recent memory loss leaves experts in no doubt that someone is trying to destroy his brain.

Some experts have speculated that these malicious attacks may be coming from within the Labour Party.

But John Key’s personal security people have dismissed such speculation, pointing out that an attack from Labour would almost certainly have failed.

Experts are currently attempting to reboot the Prime Minister, but it is feared that a fix may not be possible and that his systems may be permanently compromised.

However, a Prime Minister operating at even half-capacity is understood to still be a less frightening prospect for National Party supporters than his being replaced by someone like Gerry Brownlee or Steven Joyce.

Mr Key this morning said he had no recollection of the attack.

“I don’t know what happened, but it doesn’t matter. It’s business as usual, and I’m fully focused on the issues that matter to ordinary people. What are they again?”

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Bunji: also check out Danyl’s explanation of the PM’s brain fades…

r0b: and bsprout who puts the PM on Mastermind…

11 comments on “ImperatorFish: Hacker Accesses PM’s Brain ”

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  1. PlanetOrphan 1
    24 October 2012 at 2:29 pm

    Pure bloody genius!

    Sounds like Johny Sparkles is turning “Pentecostal” on us 🙂

    • Rogue Trooper 1.1
      24 October 2012 at 2:40 pm

      vainglory

      vain;
      -empty, devoid
      -without real worth
      -futile
      -unavailing
      -thoughtless
      -empty-minded
      -pettily self-complacent
      -trivial
      -valuing oneself inordinantly on some personal distinction
      -conceited

      vainglory;
      -vain or empty glory in one’s performance
      -idle boastfulness

  2. McFlock 2
    24 October 2012 at 2:29 pm

    maybe he pulled a Beeblebrox and erased his own memory?

  3. Dr Terry 3
    24 October 2012 at 3:20 pm

    So they actually found a brain there? I guess that is reassuring for the Prime Minister!

  4. vto 4
    24 October 2012 at 3:33 pm

    Well it is hardly surprising there was no brain to be found. There has never been any wisdom, common sense, empathy, knowledge or anything else connected with a brain spoken or shown by him ……

    The lack of a brain is also reflected in his pathetic ‘jokes and quips’.

    Our first ever brainless Prime Minister

  5. starlight 5
    24 October 2012 at 4:23 pm

    We need a giggle, perhaps the person that took key’s memory cache may have it on a
    ‘flash drive’ and just waiting for the opportune time to use it, winston is flash and he
    has the drive 🙂

  6. captain hook 6
    24 October 2012 at 6:47 pm

    hellooooooooooooooooooooooo?

  7. xtasy 7
    25 October 2012 at 12:12 am

    Come on, the PM’s brain is “in-imprenetrenable” or else, well I mean you would not get through that without putting an axe through the skull, right?

    Penetration sounds serious, but he does not want it, he is happy to get on without “penetration” of any kind, so do not place your bets on this.

    That brain is well protected within a kind of “messy sphere”, maybe “hollow”, and it is close to amnesia. But that is ok, as we learned, you cannot blame a person for being sick or disabled. Be fair, he needs to be guided into acceptance. That may take some time but the country will have to think, are we in good hands in the meantime. Maybe the mental health doctors and/or courts and so have some decisions to make there?

  8. Roy 8
    25 October 2012 at 11:18 am

    Meh, I don’t believe that large amounts of data were ever stored in Key’s brain. He may have appeared to have been uploading data at some stage, but the data went straight into the Trash file and were deleted as fast as they were entered.

  9. Tim 9
    25 October 2012 at 3:50 pm

    That reboot of his brain was based on the principle of the 3 finger salute was it?
    Fix the symptoms (temporarily), not the problem.

    Buzniss as usual then. itchem smetchim, goan forwid, oim relexed, no problim. Bill n Gerry ill pik up the sleck, en corse Pulla…. weekin all ays riloi on Pulla.

    (Thunks to seehhff – ssssgrate ta hev sich loil Neshnool Pardy Minsters thet arr ugleer thin moi)

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