Nick Smith becomes Minister of Government Information

Written By: - Date published: 9:05 am, February 24th, 2017 - 62 comments
Categories: Conservation, Environment, making shit up, national, Politics, same old national, Satire, spin, the praiseworthy and the pitiful, water, you couldn't make this shit up - Tags:

Following his outstanding success in determining that rivers that were previously unswimmable will no longer be unswimmable as long as no more than one out of 20 people who swim in them do not develop gut wrenching sicknesses, Bill English has decided to make his mate Nick Smith Minister of Information for this Government.  And there is a lot of work to do.  Government plans include these definition changes:

  • Homelessness will henceforth mean that people living in cars or under bridges are not homeless.  At least they have a roof over their heads.  Expected reduction 72%.
  • Child poverty, even though the Government has no official measure of child poverty, will now mean that if a child receives 50% of their daily nutritional needs they will not be considered to be poor.  Suddenly there are only 100,000 kids living in poverty.  Woo Hoo!
  • The Government is confident that cows will only produce half of the amount of methane that they have produced to date.  Suddenly the COP21 targets have been met.  It is a win win!  We no longer need to buy fraudulent Ukranian carbon credits!

Typical National.  Thinking that you can change a standard and then claim that you will achieve the same thing that the opposition is committed to.  Do you think the New Zealand electorate is that stupid?

This is Goebbels level propaganda.  How dumb do they think we are?

Twitter has some very caustic responses …

62 comments on “Nick Smith becomes Minister of Government Information ”

  1. saveNZ 1

    The sad thing is you can’t even work out if this is sarcasm… because the Natz have become so fraudulent with the facts and the media so accepting of it…

    • tc 1.1

      Thats because its not the media as we used to know it.

      The MSM is mostly an extension of govt PR and spin being owned and controlled by wealthy elite (murdoch, stokes etc) and the banks.

      • AmaKiwi 1.1.1

        tc – “The MSM is mostly an extension of govt PR and spin”

        The MSM headline should have been, “Government moves goal post. Magic! Smith claims polluted water is instantly safe.”

      • bwaghorn 1.1.2

        A lot of reporters get hired by political parties to be their spin doctors , so one could say that their time in the msm is just an interview for the real gravy train job in politics. gutless shits the lot of them

        • Really? 1.1.2.1

          The MSM role is to report what people/ministers are saying etc. – i.e. the news of the day. I would prefer this unfiltered so you can make up your own mind on how it effects you. Editorials, opinion pieces, invited commentaries etc. can provide some influence/ideas around the issue but a news reports purpose is to report on the happenings of the day – warts and all. If Nick Smith really wants to put this tripe out there then I would prefer to see it out there in the MSM unfiltered, unedited and not in a soundbite so I can make a decision if I think it is a good decision for the country and vote/act accordingly. And to be fair to MSM, the dom post has said it is a good “political” move (and it is unless you really watch politics and know this is a charade – it’s a terrible environmental move and a disgrace) where the Press (I think) has called them on it and highlighted a puddle being acceptable to swim in. The point is, I think the MSM are doing their job, but don’t confuse editorials etc. that have opinion with more generalized reporting of what a minister says (bullsh*t or otherwise) – that’s their job and it’s our decision to decide our own opinion on the news and act accordingly.

    • aerobubble 1.2

      Dairy expansion will take until 2040 to adjust its practices, Councils will take until 2040 to upgrade its effluent outputs. All Smith said, badly, was not on his watch, he wont make polluters pay, and in his old dotage have a laugh that we wer suckered into a policy that everyone involved will be long gone from power. A real policy would be a graduated scale of higher standards coupled with fines for non compliance. What we got is a advert, dont turnup for swimming till 2040, and then, the fivers will only be good as Europes, which has had hudrends of years of pollution.

      Bad for tourism, bad for swimmers, good for dirty councils and dirty farming.

  2. Keith 2

    They got away with wiping half a percent of the truly unemployed off the stats because there were not using Newspapers, faxes and telegraphs to look for work.

    • saveNZ 2.1

      They also force the unemployed onto courses they are not interested in doing most of the time, and have to get student loans and go into debt for, to force them off the unemployment stats.

  3. yes good post – these lies must be combated and they are being as the twiters are showing.

    my goddess are these gnats like smith so self centred and money hungry that they cannot see the truth – without water that we can drink we die. If the rivers and aquifers are polluted we don’t get water to drink and we die.

    I have had a gutsful of smith and his gnat lies and bullshit – it is time to take back our country from these scum.

    So labour and greens lets see you lot come through with policy, with ideas and practical steps we can take today. Tomorrow is going to be too late. We are waiting for leadership, for action for someone to awaken the slumbering idiotic giant called the nzpublicmiddlewhatever.

    Step up and fucken inspire us to action please. and if not we will do it anyway…

    • Chch_chiquita 3.1

      What more inspiration do Labour and the Green need to have apart from saying our rivers are polluted and the government is not doing a thing about it? honestly, what do people want them to do apart from announcing (again) they will change it? If people are not inspired to go out and protest I don’t know what will inspire them.

      • marty mars 3.1.1

        I think they could do a hell of a lot more if they want to get people motivated and engaged. They need more than musty words and dusty tomes – they need theatre and theatrics – they need to throw dirty water around and make the gnats look like idiots and they need to stand loud and proud on what they will do to sort this mess out – have they done that? nah not in my view

        • JC 3.1.1.1

          Water Thieves!!

          Marty, sorry about the advertising, (The only quick reference I could find), a book that resounded with me several years ago that recounts the politics, and issues of water in Canterbury… Sam McMahon attempted to engage and motivate people to engage! Using some, and many more of the theatrics you suggest…

          WECAN became the acronym even….

          Sadly to no avail as the democratically voted ECAN was disempowered! and a Commissioner, and cronies, put in place to oversee the allocation of water in Canterbury! What a Fuck up!

          Distinctive smell that Nick has his fingers all over that! Along with other Nats!

          http://www.fishpond.co.nz/Books/Water-Thieves-Sam-Mahon/9781877361517

          Resist!

      • Leftie 3.1.2

        Well said Chch_chiquita.

    • Draco T Bastard 3.2

      my goddess are these gnats like smith so self centred and money hungry that they cannot see the truth – without water that we can drink we die.

      It’s not that they cannot see it but that they refuse to see it. If they saw it then they’d have to accept that they’re the cause and are guilty of massive ethical corruption and that would go against how they see themselves.

  4. Pete 4

    In explaining that some move is reasonable and give it a stamp of acceptability, the Natz so many times say, “People aren’t silly.”

    And they think we’re that stupid that we accept this latest bullshit?

    • tc 4.1

      Its worked before; ‘the brighter future ‘, cycleways, pike river, tax cuts being fiscally neutral, labour does DP too, shonkys list of porkys etc etc.

      So yes they do expect this new bs to do the business for them and who can blame them as the electorate has shown bs and deception are winning strategies.

    • michelle 4.2

      some NZers are stupid and silly mainly the ones that keep voting for the gnats bah !

    • Andrea 4.3

      Q E D

      Or – we really ARE ‘that stupid’.

  5. Nick 5

    The bullshit we are being asked to accept is floating down 2 rivers….one is NZ’s actual rivers and the other is flowing from the Beehive, what fkd up human beings these Natz are.

  6. Sutton's li'l helper 6

    The thing is they have gotten away with this shit for years and no one cared, kicking people off benefit and claiming unemployment had dropped, kicking people off waiting lists for surgery and claiming they were completing more. It seems this one was a step to far though, even their pet pooch Gower attacked them

  7. roy cartland 7

    Well, ‘swimmable’ even at the best definition is still pathetic. ‘Drinkable’ is a slightly better standard, though even an adult human can tolerate more toxicity than many fish and eco-systems.

    https://waterqualitynz.info/

    The only respectable goal should be ‘pristine’ (or indeed 100% pure), and ANY industry that threatens this dismantled and abolished.

  8. slumbergod 8

    Minister of Propaganda. How very Nazi of them. Just want we have come to expect from those despicable sociopaths.

  9. Cinny 9

    Will all citizens be issued with The National Party Thesaurus of Propaganda?

    Or is that book only available to members of the outgoing government.?

  10. ianmac 10

    So. Nick Smith is the first Official Minister of Un-Truth. (Not a liar you understand. Just an Un-Truther.)

  11. greywarshark 11

    Think water problems, think Forest and Bird post below also! It’s a col (and wet) war out there and we are foot soldiers battling at the grassroots most of the time.

  12. NZJester 12

    I wonder if we need to try the Spanish experiment here in New Zealand. After a lot of testing the Spanish scientists have concluded a good way to reduce methane emissions without compromising the taste of the milk is to give cows 25 grams-per-day of onion extract. Apparently, more than that and most people could taste the onion in the milk.

    Onions Could Stop Cows From Farting The Planet To Death
    DNews – Published on Feb 1, 2017

  13. JC 13

    “Nick turned to me … he kind of looked around, as if seeking a quiver full of arrows, and he said to me, ‘Sam, there’s absolutely nothing you could possibly do that could hurt my feelings’.”

    http://www.stuff.co.nz/entertainment/arts/89037999/artist-to-make-giant-sculpture-of-nick-smith-doing-a-poo-to-protest-waterways-pollution

    or https://thestandard.org.nz/the-shameless-nick-smith/

  14. Wayne 14

    At least James Shaw on his RNZ interview is more honest than this entire post (actually vastly more so), which deliberately misrepresents what the policy is.
    Because it is such an egregious misrepresentation there is no point in the govt having much of a dialogue with many of the groups represented here. What would be the point? There simply not even the slightest attempt at a considered discussion.
    So The Standard (and its supporters) can scream at the govt. The govt simply will not bother trying to influence anyone here, it will focus entirely in reaching the middle.
    Now of course I suppose The Standard in its own way is trying to do the same by seeking to entirely discredit the govt with the middle.
    The net result is that on everything it is all conducted as a political war, with neither side actually wanting dialogue.
    I appreciate that I am using The Standard as a representative of the Left which is probably wrong.
    The Water Forum is the body which is does try and bridge differences between the different interests but you would never know that from here.
    It’s all war. With the election still 7 moths away, things look they are going to get very fevered on this site. I wonder when National will described as neo-nazis as a routine insult.

    • McFlock 14.1

      So they’re absolutely not widening the definition of “swimmable” and then using that as the benchmark for their 90%-by-2040 target?

    • The decrypter 14.2

      Book a tour with Wayne and Nicks ” House boat tours on the Ganges river.”

      • Wayne 14.2.1

        the decrypter

        As I thought, a fact free comment.

        As you suggest, it is surely blindingly obvious that the perfidious National plan is to make New Zealand rivers the worst in the world. Pity it has been sprung so soon.

      • Andrea 14.2.2

        On some stretches they could nearly walk on ‘water’…

    • lprent 14.3

      One of the problems is who the Minster is. I’m afraid after observing Nick Smith for quite a while, I assume he is lying because he opens his mouth.

      Now before you ask, I don’t react this way with most of the National ministers. But the problem with Nick Smith is that as far as I can see, he :-

      1. Lies poorly with numbers. The ACC bullshit being a classic example. Almost everything that he does in conservation

      2. Sprouts bullshit that tries to stop having to deal with issues. The nonexistent Auckland housing sites being a classic example – there was all this public land just waiting for development. 2 years later it turns out there never was. And any Aucklander who looked at what he was knew that there wasn’t. Meanwhile the government was offering Auckland loans for the current rate payers to pay to clean up the government’s lack of effort in controlling nett migration.

      I don’t think that I am alone with this attitude. Nick Smith simply lacks any credibility. With that as a starting point, most people just look for what he is concealing.

      In this case, over the decades and especially in the last 8 years water quality outside of a few iwi controlled areas (like the Taupo and Rotorua lakes) has deteriorated massively. The areas where National was most heavily involved in water, like their sacking of the board at ECAN, have had a massive deterioration.

      This latest round just seems like it is to help the polluters not have to pay to reduce their polluting. All I see from this set of statements is that this government doesn’t intent to change that. As usual Nick Smith prefers to just change the numbers for allow poorer quality and call it better and all fixed.

      basically it is just complete bullshit. So why are you trying to equate this government with thie complete screwup of a minister?

      • Wayne 14.3.1

        Iprent,

        As I am sure you know, Dr Nick Smith is one of the most scientifically literate members of parliament. He has a PhD in engineering. Many of his portfolio responsibilities over the years have been in the environmental realm. He has deep knowledge in this area accumulated not just in university but in his particular political specialisations.

        Which is why he has spent so much time today explaining the scientific basis of the water quality measures, looking beyond the headlines and actually setting out the reasoning behind the policy and how it will work.

        So rather than you just saying “liar, liar, pants on fire”, it would make some sense to actually listen and analyse what he is saying, and then critique it on that basis.

        After all part of your reputation is based on not just being a shill for whatever argument the left is making, but providing a reasoned analysis of the issue.

        • lprent 14.3.1.1

          Basically it doesn’t matter how deep someone’s education is if they keep making the same types of mistakes over and over again. As you are probably aware, science is all about reproducing results. That is why people who do science and engineering (I mostly do the latter these days) and for that matter accountants are generally skeptics about what anyone says. They look for results and numbers rather than bullshit.

          It is hard to judge Nick Smith as being anything except a purveyor of bullshit. He has a pretty good track record of making claims with numbers, ‘science’, and predictions and all of those things proving to be false over time.

        • Draco T Bastard 14.3.1.2

          As I am sure you know, Dr Nick Smith is one of the most scientifically literate members of parliament.

          If he had even the slightest scientific capability he wouldn’t be in National.

          • Wayne 14.3.1.2.1

            Usual ridiculous prejudice.

            • marty mars 14.3.1.2.1.1

              If they seriously understood science they’d be working their guts out mitigating the effects of climate change happening today, or at least helping people (they supposedly represent) to get ready for the changing world – like protecting water for instance. Instead they fiddle and laugh at those concerned – ignorance is not an excuse.

            • Draco T Bastard 14.3.1.2.1.2

              No, just observed reality over the last couple of decades.

              National’s anti-science position is just another aspect of the fact that they have to lie – reality is never the way they want it to be.

          • greywarshark 14.3.1.2.2

            Yes doesn’t say much for the rest of the National co-hearties. And engineering, what branch exactly – there are many, any uni graduate should know that. I think it is civil engineering, perhaps he is hoping to use his knowledge as a bridge over troubled waters! That’s a good one I reckon.

            We could spend 10 seconds reflecting quietly on how few politicians have ever studied political theory and social policy and passed suitable papers before they applied to stand for parliament with their varied and erratic accumulated wisdom and act on the behalf of the people in all their needs and requirements, both physical and their living, thinking and cultural needs,

            It’s lucky Wikipedia isn’t run by NZs or we wouldn’t have access to much hard fact that is now available. On Nick Smith:

            His father was born in New South Wales and came to New Zealand to start a contracting business, building drains and bridges….His father and two brothers all own independent construction crane hire businesses.[4]

            Smith was educated at Rangiora High School and the University of Canterbury where he achieved 1st Class Honours in Civil Engineering, was an AFS Scholar to the U.S. and eventually gained a PhD with a thesis on New Zealand landslides.[5]

            Before entering parliament, he worked as an engineer for the Rangiora County Council, and as director of his family construction company. He also served on the Rangiora District Council, unsuccessfully standing while still at secondary school in 1983, and successfully standing again in 1986 aged 21

            Civil engineering is a professional engineering discipline that deals with the design, construction, and maintenance of the physical and naturally built environment, including works like roads, bridges, canals, dams, and buildings.

        • One Anonymous Bloke 14.3.1.3

          one of the most scientifically literate members of parliament. He has a PhD in engineering.

          😆

          As a lawyer, I doubt you get the joke.

    • One Anonymous Bloke 14.4

      Dialogue“, National Party style.

      Also see: ECAN.

      This must be some strange new definition of “dialogue” we weren’t previously aware of.

    • Wayne 14.5

      I also wonder if the fact that this election is contestable is making the Left more desperate, and therefore more likely to demonise everything that National does.

      My recollection of 2008 is that it felt like Labour had reached its natural end, which seemed to be recognised by Labour, and Helen Clark in particular. Thus the election was conducted in quite a civil manner. The fact that John Key and Helen Clark had joined together on a common platform (a joint press conference in fact) on the smacking bill seemed to take the heat out of the election campaign itself.

      In contrast this election, with the Left facing the prospect of actually loosing a fourth election, is already making it much more shrill (at least on this site).

      In a different way the same happened in 2014 with Nicky Hagar and the Kim Dotcom party, though in that case the effect was to drive up Nationals support. One lesson of 2014 is that if the opposition election rhetoric becomes too extreme, then the incumbent might benefit.

      But in post Trump politics who knows? He certainly showed that virtually no allegation was too preposterous to make. Will New Zealanders accept that sort of campaigning is the new normal?

      • One Anonymous Bloke 14.5.1

        One lesson from 2014 is that the National Party tells lies about its opposition, tarring Labour and the Greens with the Dotcom brush, for example. Or Donghua Liu.

        How “desperate” do you have to be to employ Cameron Slater?

        How “desperate” do you have to be to trade campylobacter infections for campaign contributions?

      • greywarshark 14.5.2

        Wayne
        You sound like one of the cowpokes sitting on a stockyard fence chewing a blade of grass and passing judgment on the bloodstock milling around. Interesting pastime to while away these months till the election being all objective about the worth of the various performers. Have fun. It certainly makes TS more interesting with you around.

      • Draco T Bastard 14.5.3

        Trump used a slightly more extreme version of National’s usual tactics of lying, lying some more and denigrating the opposition.

    • Chris 14.6

      That’s the trouble with RWNJs – they expect people to just roll over and accept what ever shit’s dished out. And when people don’t they’re labelled lunatics.

  15. Leftie 16

    “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. ”

    Albert Einstein

    https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/a/alberteins133991.html

  16. Leftie 17

    Here’s an idea, sack Nick Smith and his cohorts in crime, by changing the government.

    • Draco T Bastard 17.1

      What we really need to do is to bill them for the clean up.

      The state of our environment is due to their actions and thus they should be happy to take responsibility for it – after all, they’re the party of personal responsibility.

  17. Andrea 18

    A target date of 2040?

    There was an Earth Summit in 1992 – reduce emissions, etc.

    Twenty five years of ‘let’s make money (from saving the planet)’ Carbon trading. Joke. And the numbers/events keep on climbing. Fail…

    And now 2040 for clean up the waters?

    Are we NUTS?! Most humans don’t/can’t do ‘long-term’. Governments can’t even stick to an annual budget. If something more vote-catching comes up – a Dieu with this silly project.

    Doubt me? When is our charming stand-in Prime Minister going to reinstate the government’s super fund contributions?

    So trusting. So gullible. So wedded to justifying the inexcusable.

    Some things require true conservatism – and water, air, and viable soils are three of them. Tangible, measurable progress by 2020 – whoever gets in.

  18. JustMe 19

    I tried, with much cringing and grimacing, to watch Nick Smith ‘justify’ the amount of water one would/could drink before ‘becoming ill’ when asked a valid question by Jack Tame on this mornings’ Breakfast show. What a twat Smith is coming across more so than ever before. How can anyone take such an idiot seriously anymore???!!!!!

    I get the impression Nick Smith firmly believes he holds the monopoly on intelligence. But he comes across more as an embarrassement to the National government with each incompetent answer he has for every valid question.

    Hands up for those who wish Nick Smith would drink something else other than alcohol or paint thinner for a change? Perhaps he may then have more intelligent answers than trying to appear such a know-it-all.

    Remember this is the same Nick Smith who took journalists around Auckland in attempt to show areas were houses could be built. One area of potential housing was a traffic roundabout.

    BIll English has made Nick Smith the Minister of Propaganda. Sounds more like English is turning NZ into a Nazi country with a paint thinner swiller as its representative/spokesperson.

    Way to go National. Show how much out of touch with reality you are and you will defnitely be in Opposition after 23.9.2017.

  19. Foreign waka 20

    It is sad that there is so much politics, personal and otherwise played rather than to face a very serious predicament.
    NZ is now caught in an unwinnable situation. Economically, it cant survive without those large herds of cows and ecologically it slowly kills itself from the inside out. The world watches how a shortsighted financial plan looks like when played out to its fullest.
    On one hand the drinking water is being pumped out of the aquifer at a rate that is nothing short of breath taking and in a not too distant future the water will be gone (similar like Florida) and a brackish soup will be left behind. No charge.
    And on the other, the dairy cattle herd of about 6.5 million create a some serious run off into the water ways and one can actually see the damage. Once the contamination reaches that stage, the problem has gone way out of hand.
    The overseas press is already writing about it – all of Europe gets to read what the issues are and those who came here and experienced the malaise are spreading the word fast. Once a tourist – god forbid – swims in one of these E coli rivers or lakes and gets seriously sick, it will be difficult for Mr Smith to wriggle his way out of that.
    Greed, gets them every time.

    • Draco T Bastard 20.1

      Economically, it cant survive without those large herds of cows and ecologically it slowly kills itself from the inside out.

      Wrong.

      Economically, it can survive without those cows.
      Financially it can’t survive without them.