Caption competition
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4:09 pm, March 23rd, 2015 - 68 comments
Categories: caption contest -
Tags: cows, milking
Via a bemused Lyndon Hood:
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Stats NZ has confirmed that higher rent prices were the biggest contributor to the annual inflation rate. Almost a fifth of the 2.2 per cent annual increase in the CPI was due to rent prices. ...3 weeks ago
- New Charter to guarantee better access for hunting and fishing
Minister for Hunting and Fishing Todd McClay has today launched an Access Charter (the Charter) to ensure better access for recreational hunting and fishing on public conservation land (PCL) across New Zealand. âThis Charter establishes guiding principles for the Department of Conservation (DOC) to provide clear and transparent decisions on ...22 hours ago - Pou Whenua blessing honours Tongariro
A beautiful new Pou Whenua at the beginning of the Tongariro Alpine Crossing will introduce visitors to the sacred landscape they are entering, says Conservation Minister Tama Potaka. Mr Potaka attended a blessing for the specially carved Pou Whenua at Mangatepopo, at the start of the track on 1 November. ...2 days ago
- New members appointed to the NZTA Board
Transport Minister Simeon Brown has today announced two new appointments to the New Zealand Transport Agency (NZTA) Board. Mary-Anne Macleod and Mike Rudge have both been appointed as members for three-year terms commencing 1 November 2024 and ending 31 October 2027. âTransport is a critical part of our Governmentâs plan ...2 days ago
- Welcome relief from new oestradiol gel funding
Associate Health Minister David Seymour is welcoming Pharmacâs funding of oestradiol gel, following global shortages of oestradiol patches earlier this year. âIâm well aware of the stress caused by the global shortage earlier this year. At the time I said I was confident Pharmac was working hard to find a ...2 days ago
- Deputy Prime Minister visit to Australia
Foreign Minister and Racing Minister Winston Peters will visit Australia next week. âAustralia is New Zealandâs closest partner, and we are pleased to make this second official visit there for 2024 following the first ever Foreign and Defence Ministers 2+2 Meeting between our two countries in Melbourne in January,â ...2 days ago
- Applications now open for new training pathway
Applications have now opened for tertiary education organisations to seek Government funding to develop New Zealandâs first postgraduate diploma programme for associate psychologists, Minister for Mental Health Matt Doocey announced today. âInvestment in this new training pathway supports the Governmentâs target to grow our mental health and addiction workforce and ...2 days ago
- Increased medicines access continues following budget boost
Associate Health Minister with responsibility for Pharmac David Seymour is pleased to see further increased availability of medicines for Kiwis following the Governmentâs increased investment in Pharmac. âPharmac operates independently, but it must work within the budget constraints set by the Government,â says Mr Seymour. âWhen this Government assumed office, ...2 days ago
- New Zealand concludes high quality trade deal with the Gulf Cooperation Council (GCC)
New Zealand and the six-nation Gulf Cooperation Council (GCC) have concluded negotiations on a trade agreement that will open up significant opportunities for New Zealand exporters in the Gulf region, Minister for Trade and Agriculture Todd McClay announced from Doha today. Todayâs announcement follows significant reengagement with the GCC following meetings ...2 days ago
- Government seeks views on remote court attendance
The Government is exploring how to modernise the law around people attending court remotely, to support access to justice and enhance court performance. Courts Minister Nicole McKee says the current law has not kept up with evolving court practices and public attitudes to the use of remote technology, nor been ...3 days ago
- Breast screening age extension begins in Nelson Marlborough
Free breast screening has been extended for 70 to 74-year-old women living in the Nelson Marlborough district, ahead of a national roll-out late next year, Health Minister Dr Shane Reti announced today. âBreast cancer is the most common cancer in New Zealand with about 3,400 women diagnosed with the disease ...3 days ago
- Te MÄori Manaaki Taonga Trust Board strengthened
He toi whakairo, he mana tangata. The reappointment of one trustee and the appointment of four new trustees to the Te MÄori Manaaki Taonga Trust Board will enable the legacy of Te MÄori to be carried forward into the future, MÄori Development Minister Tama Potaka and Arts Minister Paul Goldsmith ...3 days ago
- Affordable housing project supporting home ownership
Up to 300 affordable, healthy, community-tailored homes helping to support home ownership are set to be built in eastern Porirua, supported by Government funding for Our Whare Our Fale through the Building Homes for Pacific in Porirua initiative, Minister for Pacific Peoples Dr Shane Reti and Associate Housing Minister Tama ...3 days ago
- Dire benefit forecasts show the need for Welfare that Works
A new report that forecasts young people on benefits will spend an average of 20 more years relying on welfare underscores the need for the Governmentâs reforms, Social Development and Employment Minister Louise Upston says. MSDâs latest Benefit System Insights report, released today, which estimates how many future years different ...3 days ago
- Trade Minister travels to Doha for GCC trade discussions
Trade Minister Todd McClay will hold trade discussions with Gulf Cooperation Council (GCC) trade ministers in Doha this week. Minister McClay will meet with all six GCC Trade Ministers, as well as the GCC Secretary General. âThis will be my seventh visit to the region this year including two Ministerial ...4 days ago
- Podiatry prescribers will boost patient care
Health Minister Dr Shane Reti and Associate Minister David Seymour say itâs great news that podiatrists will soon be able to prescribe medicines, meaning patients with painful foot and leg conditions donât have to make a separate trip to the doctor. âThis simple step means a big change for people ...4 days ago
- Historic redress inequities finally resolved for Lake Alice Unit survivors
The Government is addressing historic redress inequities for some survivors abused at the Lake Alice Child and Adolescent Unit. In 2001, the Crown reached a $6.5 million group settlement with 95 survivors subjected to abuse at the Lake Alice Unit. Law firm Grant Cameron & Associates (now GCA Lawyers) represented ...4 days ago
- ERO report shows Governmentâs truancy emphasis is vital
Associate Education Minister David Seymour says that the Education Review Officeâs (ERO) timely report on chronic school absence released today is further evidence of a truancy crisis. âChronic absence has doubled since 2015. This report reinforces that action is needed to ensure this generation reaches its full potential,â says Associate ...4 days ago
- Minister welcomes business view on AML
Associate Justice Minister Nicole McKee welcomes BusinessNZâs report which addresses reducing the compliance burden on small businesses. âThe challenges outlined in the report released today echo many of the concerns I have heard from businesses, which have informed my Anti Money Laundering/Countering Financing Terrorism (AML/CFT) priorities,â she says. âI have ...5 days ago
- Mangamuka Gorge opening in time for Christmas
State Highway 1 through the Mangamuka Gorge will be open for Christmas, with critical work currently underway to clear the large slips and dropouts that have caused significant disruption for Northlanders trying to get where they want to go quickly and safely, Transport Minister Simeon Brown says. âThe Mangamuka Gorge ...5 days ago
- Trusted building professionals able to self-certify
The Government is proposing further significant action to reform the building and construction sector to support more affordable homes and a stronger economy, Building and Construction Minister Chris Penk says. âIf we want to grow the economy, lift incomes, create jobs and build more affordable, quality homes we need a ...5 days ago
- New appointments to the TEC board
Dr Alan Bollard CNZM and Mr Bharat Guha have been appointed to the Tertiary Education Commission (TEC) board, Tertiary Education and Skills Minister Penny Simmonds says. âI would like to welcome the two new members joining the TEC board,â Ms Simmonds says. âDr Alan Bollard CNZM is an experienced public ...5 days ago
- Move to fast-track overseas doctors welcomed
Fast tracking applications for registration by eligible specialist doctors wanting to practice in New Zealand is in line with the Governmentâs push to improve the health outcomes for New Zealanders, Health Minister Dr Shane Reti says. This fast-track pathway applies to specialists trained in anaesthesia, dermatology, emergency medicine, general practice, ...5 days ago
- Address to Western Sydney University: Constitutional and Rule of Law challenges in current global en...
TÄnÄ koutou Nau mai haere mai ki tenei hui Thank you to Vice Chancellor Williams, and the University of Western Sydney, for inviting me to speak today. I speak to you today in my capacity as Attorney-General â the New Zealand Crownâs Senior Law Officer. In this capacity, I serve ...5 days ago
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- Funding support to strengthen frontline volunteer service organisations
The Government has approved $23.1 million for four critical frontline volunteer service organisations to replace storm-damaged assets and provide training and equipment to improve New Zealandâs response to future emergency events, Transport Minister Simeon Brown and Associate Transport Minister Matt Doocey says. $14.6 million for Surf Life Saving New ...6 days ago
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- NZ investing in Pacific disaster preparedness & climate resilience
New Zealand will contribute $20 million to the Pacific Resilience Facility, Prime Minister Christopher Luxon and Deputy Prime Minister Winston Peters have announced. âThe Pacific Islands region faces severe challenges from natural disasters and climate change impacts and New Zealand is committed to doing its part to help meet them,â ...1 week ago
- Police to increase presence on Auckland public transport
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- Government funds helicopter replacements
The Government is investing in eight new emergency helicopters to replace some of New Zealandâs ageing air ambulance fleet, Associate Health Minister Casey Costello and ACC Minister Matt Doocey announced today. âOur air ambulance helicopters play a vital role in saving lives around New Zealand,â Casey Costello says. âThis is ...1 week ago
- China and New Zealand strengthen organic trade
An uplift to New Zealandâs organic product trade is expected through a new upgraded arrangement with China, Food Safety Minister Andrew Hoggard says.âThe upgraded Mutual Recognition Arrangement (MRA) for organic products will deliver opportunities for our organic export sector.âThe upgraded MRA was signed in Central Otago today by Andrew Hoggard ...1 week ago
- Judicial appointments announced
Attorney-General Judith Collins today announced two Court of Appeal and two High Court appointments. The four appointments will take effect on 21 November 2024 and are: Justice Christine French Justice French, who has been appointed President of the Court of Appeal, graduated with an LLB (Honours) from the University of Otago ...1 week ago
- Tuatapere Hump Ridge Track becomes New Zealandâs 11th Great Walk
Conservation Minister Tama Potaka joined tangata whenua from NgÄi Tahu and local community members today to celebrate the opening of New Zealandâs eleventh Great Walk â the Tuatapere Hump Ridge Track. âThe 60km upgraded track provides the opportunity to do one of New Zealandâs world-class multi-day walks, and will bring ...1 week ago
- New Chief Criminal Cases Review Commissioner
The Honourable Denis Clifford has been appointed Chief Commissioner of the Criminal Cases Review Commission, Justice Minister Paul Goldsmith says. Hon Clifford brings a wealth of expertise and experience that will prove invaluable to the Commission. âHe has served as a judge at both the Court of Appeal and High ...1 week ago
- Changes to improve building fire safety
The Government is progressing changes to better protect Kiwis and their property from fires, Building and Construction Minister Chris Penk says. âFollowing the tragic Loaferâs Lodge fire in 2023, 37 boardings houses across the country were assessed and I am pleased to say that all fire safety recommendations from the ...1 week ago
- Germany and New Zealand partner to support agriculture and tackle global emissions
New Zealand and Germany have announced the official start of a partnership aimed at supporting the agriculture sector and tackle global agricultural greenhouse gas emissions Agriculture Minister Todd McClay announced today. âThe partnership, called the Alliance for the Climate â Dialogue on Climate and Agriculture between New Zealand and Germany (Agri-DENZ project), ...1 week ago
- New members appointed to the Waitangi Tribunal
MÄori Development Minister Tama Potaka today confirmed the appointment of two new members to the Waitangi Tribunal, as well as the reappointment of Kevin Prime. The members appointed and reappointed are: Hon Richard Prebble (CBE). Mr Prebble is a former Cabinet Minister where he held a broad range of portfolios. ...1 week ago
- New appointments to the Local Government Commission
Local Government Minister Simeon Brown has today announced the reappointment of the current Chair and the appointment of a temporary member to the Local Government Commission.Current Chair Brendan Duffy ONZM has been reappointed as Chair for a one-year term ending 23 October 2025, while Gwen Bull CNZM will be joining ...1 week ago
- New Electoral Commission Chair appointed
Today the House agreed to Justice Simon Moore KC being appointed chair of the Electoral Commission, Justice Minister Paul Goldsmith says. âJustice Moore brings with him a high level of legal acumen and decision-making ability, strategic planning skills and unquestionable personal integrity and independence. âHe retired from the High Court ...1 week ago
- Education Minister attending conference in Australia
The Education Minister is travelling to Australia today to attend the 23rd edition of public policy conference, Consilium. âNew Zealand and Australia share common challenges and aspirations for education. New South Wales has recently introduced a new curriculum that is explicit, sequenced and knowledge based while Victoria is requiring structured ...1 week ago
- Launching VisAble to enable safer lives
The launch of new community advocacy group VisAble signals an important development in community advocacy to achieve more focus on the needs and rights of disabled people in the family violence and sexual violence system. Minister for the Prevention of Family and Sexual Violence, Karen Chhour, and Disabilities Issues Minister, ...1 week ago
- Parliament Library became haunted house for Halloween
Most people might not call Parliament a normal place, but some call it a paranormal place. ...1 hour ago - Healthcare needs go beyond the physical
Opinion: Recent Census data highlights our increasingly secular and multi-faith context. More than half of Aotearoa New Zealand’s population does not identify with any particular faith tradition, and just 32 percent are Christian, down from 36.5 percent in 2018.For people whose spirituality is not associated with a faith or belief ...1 hour ago - Three reasons Americaâs democracy is under threat
For just a few weeks shy of eight years now, a certain class of Americans have been walking around in something close to a daze. The election of Donald Trump in 2016 blew to smithereens decades of conventional wisdom about the way many Americans view politics.The ensuing years have seen ...2 hours ago
- Palau newspaper sued by presidentâs family company ahead of general election
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By Caleb Fotheringham, RNZ Pacific journalist Cook Islands Prime Minister Mark Brown has returned from New Caledonia saying it is not a simple âblack and white situationâ. Brown returned from a three-day Pacific fact-finding mission in the French Pacific territory alongside the Prime Ministers of Solomon Islands, Tonga and Fiji. ...18 hours ago
- Another Palestinian journalist killed in Gaza as Israel âsuffocates the truthâ
âIn his message for the day, the secretary-general underscores that a free press is fundamental to human rights, to democracy and to the rule of law,â Dujarric said. âAlarming rate of fatalitiesââRecent years have seen an alarming rate of fatalities in conflict zones, particularly in Gaza, which has seen the ...19 hours ago
- Chris Penk lays foundations for self-certified building scheme
As the government sets about laying the foundations for tradespeople to sign off their own work, RNZ sits down with the minister responsible to hammer out the details. ...21 hours ago
- The making of Donald Trump
It’s taken six years, but The Apprentice, the film former US President Donald Trump didn’t want anyone to see, is finally out in cinemas, just ahead of the US presidential election.There was so much back-and-forth around whether or not the production would go ahead that by the time filming was ...1 day ago
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- Short story: 3rd place, Sargeson Prize
WinterI still think of Michael often. We first met at Grace’s thirty-first birthday party. I was sitting outside on the back deck when he came out through the sliding glass doors. He was pulling a pouch from his coat pocket.“You want a smoke?” he asked, planting himself on the bench ...1 day ago
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MondayI sat in at a team meeting to discuss our suicide prevention fundraising event this Friday night in Dunedin and was told we were struggling to gain an alcohol licence from the council.âTell them Mike King is behind it,â I said. âMy name opens doors. Do you see that door? It ...1 day ago
- The Weekend: When the tide turns
Madeleine Chapman reflects on the week that was. The window in which to âhave an opinionâ on an unfolding news story is shockingly small. Just as large newsrooms know that being âthe firstâ to publish a breaking news story is often more important than anything written in it â ever ...1 day ago - Let people respond to the haka how they want to
Cultural challenges are an integral part of sports, but how teams respond has been a point of debate for some time. Self-proclaimed âloose headâ England prop Joe Marler called for the haka to be scrapped earlier this week, before âclarifyingâ what he meant, attempting to pivot his statement, and then ...1 day ago
- âIâve never lived it downâ: The Breakfast live cross that still haunts Jack Tame
The TVNZ broadcaster reflects on his life in television, including a full circle moment with David Attenborough, his favourite politicians to interview and why heâll never watch Game of Thrones. Jack Tame spends most of his time grilling our own MPs, but at the moment his heart is somewhere else. ...1 day ago
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Wellingtonâs Wiri Donna shares her perfect weekend playlist. Bianca Bailey is the lead singer, guitarist and songwriter behind the chamber-pop project Wiri Donna, which recently released its second EP, In My Chambers. âIâm feeling a little vulnerable about it, almost like Iâm about to out myself as an angry person. ...1 day ago
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- A new novel imagines a New Zealand version of the conservative South Asian grifter
Thereâs little to like about figures like American politician Vivek Ramaswamy, but there is a lot to learn. Earlier this year, American politician and failed Republican candidate, Vivek Ramaswamy, hosted notorious bagpipe, Ann Coulter, on his podcast. They talked for an hour, and frankly thereâs no way Iâm going to ...1 day ago
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https://player.vimeo.com/api/player.jsKatherine Mansfield left New Zealand when she was 19 years old and died at the age of 34.In her short life she became our most famous short story writer, acquiring an international reputation for her stories, poetry, letters, journals and reviews. Biographies on Mansfield have been translated into 51 ...
1 day ago - Podcast: Giving employees what they want, when they want it
Fintechs are changing the way we spend and save, but they are also set to change the way we could be paid for work, or more correctly, how workers receive fringe benefits. As New Zealanders weâre used to having the bulk of our remuneration paid as an electronic payment ...1 day ago
- Albanese promises changes to HELP repayment arrangements to ease cost of living
Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Michelle Grattan, Professorial Fellow, University of Canberra People repaying HELP student debts would get cost-of-living relief under changes to repayment arrangements to be announced by Prime Minister Anthony Albanese on Sunday. The minimum threshold for repayments to start would be lifted ...1 day ago
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- Politics with Michelle Grattan: Bruce Wolpe says personal relations between Trump and Albanese would...
Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Michelle Grattan, Professorial Fellow, University of Canberra Days from the US presidential election, the polls are showing the outcome of the race between Kamala Harris and Donald Trump remains a nail biter. With the United States our closest ally, the result ...2 days ago
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By Lydia Lewis, RNZ Pacific presenter/Bulletin editor Fiji Prime Minister Sitiveni Rabuka says that as far as Fiji is concerned, Fijians of Indian descent are Fijian. While Fiji is part of the Pacific, Indo-Fijians are not classified as Pacific peoples in New Zealand; instead, they are listed under Indian and ...2 days ago
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I might not be able to hammer a nail, but I’ve spent 30 years milking a teat for all it’s worth.
Sorry no caption, just a question: is this a real photo? Head doesn’t fit.
Perhaps a fish-eye lens enlarging Key’s head. It looks distorted in other areas: curves on what look like straight edges etc.
https://www.flickr.com/photos/nznationalparty/4872869431/
apparently it is real but it screams wrong in all sorts of ways – lighting, scale, neck/spine alignment but then again – he never did prove he wasn’t a reptilian đ
God I wish there was video of this. Having seen him flouncing around with a hammer, there’s no way he would be capable of milking a cow without making a right fuckwit of himself.
The footage of Key with Sth Korean PM tonight on 3News looks like the source for that inane smug grin .. shaking hands across the table with their PM … pretty sure it’s the source, and a real fun someone did the rest today !
just an udder mudderf.cker
John Key is looking for Mike Sabin. Has anyone seen Mike?
‘Pull the udder one’
oh dear,
(facepalm…. why did i look at this !)
why?
Milking’s okay, but I’m more one for top-quality bullshit.
I’m normally up to my neck with crap.
No wonder he’s smiling – not even ankle deep, and he gets to second base…
These are Not Orivida cows.
Really , no lies đ
“Her name’s Judith, and boy does she love it when I squeeze her teats.”
“Look at me, look at me! In just six short years, I have tuned Nuslund into a lovely land of milk and bullshit!”
If I get my way this effluent will be going straight into our rivers!
Now lick the s**t off my boots NZ!
” Stand aside Nathan. Photo op”
What an udder disgrace we having been pulling Northlanders tits for over 70 years and now thanks to Peters we are serving up pork to these ungrateful country hicks.
So, the cows have all come home………………..
I’m quite good at this, actually – I’ve been milking the system for years!
I milked the system of money so i wouldnt have to do this for a living
Everytime I visit Paulas i have to do the washing up!
CEO Keys should have worn his glasses as he tries to persuade swing voters in Northland…
Ha! Who said I couldn’t change a lightbulb!
In the auditions for All Creatures Great and Small Deux, Keys fails abysmally on the grounds of never being great creature and not accepting his small penis syndrome….
Generilisimo Keys buries the hatchet with Pete The Ego George with a handshake, no hard feelings…
I knew becoming involved in Dirty Politics would come in handy one day..hurrah!
The cows complained on mass, we have feelings you know,,,,,,
Which of you two human scum let rip?
Its totally disgusting!
What u don’t know, is I cant get ma hand out arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh!
National’s ECAN appointees show their commitment to water quality
Farmer: “HmmmâŚâŚ..should I tell him it’s a bull??”
Keys defies critics who said he was up to his neck in shit, look only up to my feet!
Ha!
Feel My Power!
Keys smirks through adversity as he looks for his lost golf club
One week pictured with pigs, this week cows, whats next week?
Well the worst PM…………………….. your own MP’s
I hope this cow does not shit on me like I have shit on New Zealand
Now cow, now!.
Oooh orivida, orrivida! (Dribble and spittle spilling out the side of his mouth!)
Your turn now numbnuts!
Milk brothers! Milked the country ……
Doxycycline is your friend John.
And the winner of the flag referendum is…hold on,,,,,its up here…….
Ok fellas now I have got my Green Credentials,,,,,shove all this green effluent shit into the harbour,,,they will never know…suckers…
Gawd I love this dictatorship, I mean elected postion
At the top secret GCSB spy school,Furher Keys congratulates his top agent for services in the field….
Now I know how the trickle down theory works.
No seriously, I mean it, this time I am taking the pissssss big time!!!
NZ Herald Breaking Front Page News ” Cow Gives Birth To Semi Human!”
I’m not your buddy, guy.
“We are very hands on, Sherlock! Just looking for 36-25-36 or any 10-80 by chance!”
This amount of slippery shit reminds me of a cabinet meeting.
Key is reincarnated as a dairy farmer
Disgraced currency speculator enjoys minimum wage labour
That’s a cow John! No bull!
I’m milking New Zealand for all it’s worth.
ThePullerKey – “(Cocktail party grimace) – I’m the 5th tit……”
Not of rural/dairying roots……have I got that right ?
Love the hair though……pretty yellow bloom……(falsetto) “I’m ivayyyylible…….”
it was a great joint, eh Nathe, wasn’t tit? .
Muldoon pictured appearing uncharacteristically oleaginous.
What’s the prize for the winner?
“Nah mate, I can’t be bothered with that shit – Jason photo-shopped me over Judith – shape of things to come eh đ Yeah, don’t tell the whale for chrissakes…”
A towny twit pulling some terrified tits and smiling smugly about it on Crosby/Textor camera to fool numerous New Zealand numbnuts some more.
John Key pays visit to actual source of own bullshit.
“I was getting low so I thought I pop up and fill up the limo. I owe a lot to these guys. Not that I pay them any more than I legally have to. I operate within the law.”
I’m getting down and dirty with our wealth creators. I’ll stand in the cow poo with the best of them, because I know the old saying ‘Where there’s muck there’s brass’. And because I’m a showman I’ll sing you Tom Lehrer’s Pollution song.
I never thought I’d be fumbling so low with tits like these. (Gives awkward smile.) Still it’s a dirty job and a PM with Crosby Textor managing the show has to do the hard stuff as he’s told.
Awww yeah!
“Just doing a refresher on my number skills ; One, two, three, four, five, six! Wow, six titties!”
And the cow said. Can I crap on crap
Can someone move those piles of shit out of my excrement please.
“In just a few moments I’ll be able to reveal some of the new jobs being created in Northland…”
Cow talk This bloke is getting on my tits big time.