Foolishly banning satire

Written By: - Date published: 7:33 am, August 13th, 2014 - 86 comments
Categories: election 2014, electoral commission, john key - Tags:

What the hell? This isn’t an election advertisement. This is someone expressing their views in music and video. The election commission are usually ok in their assessments. But this one doesn’t appear to have any real basis behind it.

Adam Bennett at the NZ Herald says

But Mr Watson posted on Facebook this afternoon that he had just had a “super interesting chat with The Electoral Commission just now”.

“It appears we may be gagged.”

He later posted that “the story is the Electoral Commission have advised a Access Radio station not to play Planet Key as it may be a contravention of the act.”

The commission this afternoon confirmed it had banned television and radio broadcasts of the song and said it was also considering whether it was an election advertisement which would require a promoter statement to be carried in online video versions.

I rather think that if and when this gets challenged in court that it will be overturned. Apart from anything else, it clearly violates parts of the Bill of Rights Act, and appears to rely on the very very narrow interpretation of the Electoral Act.

Source: vimeo

Planet Key is written and performed by Darren Watson. The video was created by Jeremy Jones from Propeller Motion. This project is entirely self funded so by buying this song you are also contributing to the cost of this work. Think of it as helping with the trickle down.

This song can be purchased at itunes

86 comments on “Foolishly banning satire ”

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  1. Molly 1
    13 August 2014 at 7:44 am

    Given the recently photoshopped cover of the Rugby News was NOT considered a breach, this seems to be at odds with their previous thought processes.

    With luck, this discussion will promote the video more than any favourable action would have.

    • greywarbler 1.1
      13 August 2014 at 10:34 am

      @Molly 7.44
      Thought processes? We are getting into establishment non-thinking here. The entitlement of the wealthy class not to have fun poked at them or be made to look foolish Rules Okay!

      Especially no comment on the correctness of the Emperors Clothes, when his lack of decency is showing.

    • jaymam 1.2
      14 August 2014 at 10:39 am

      My re-photoshopped version of the Rugby News cover, with Aaron Gilmore, Don Brash, John Key, John Banks, Claudia Hauiti
      http://i57.tinypic.com/14twy1e.jpg

      Take that, Electoral Commission!

  2. Tracey 2
    13 August 2014 at 7:49 am

    If it werent during an election campaign it could have all the air time in the world.

    Unlike rugby news cover, this song is telling people to vote against key.

    I am not sure where I stand on this but am concerned that if the ruling is over turned the big money parties would have yet another way to bash us over the heads with their twisted propaganda.

    Take the so called fall in unemployment being trumpetted. Turns out it is only in christchurch its fallen.

    • Deb Kean 2.1
      14 August 2014 at 4:25 pm

      “Take the so called fall in unemployment being trumpetted. Turns out it is only in christchurch its fallen.”

      Interesting! I did not know that.

  3. Tiger Mountain 3
    13 August 2014 at 7:50 am

    Very interesting Lprent.

    The EC has also given a view on the infamous ‘New Captain Key’ Rugby News cover opining that an exemption applies to “regularly published periodicals”; Standard poster Weepu’s Beard wrote to the Electoral Commission and the reply received is at:
    http://thedailyblog.co.nz/2014/08/12/electoral-commission-censors-planet-key-satire/#comment-238754

  4. wyndham 4
    13 August 2014 at 7:51 am

    Key himself seems easy about this.

    From today’s Herald – – – Mr Key said he’d seen the video. “It was quite professionally done. It was anti-us but as a parody it was okay. I take all that sort of stuff in the spirit it’s intended, it’s certainly a lot more professional than the Dotcom video of people screaming and chanting at me.”

    • crocodill 4.1
      13 August 2014 at 7:59 am

      He can afford to “seem easy” about it. He has lower-downs do his dirty work. Wouldn’t want to get spittle on his dinner jacket.

      Song sounds ok, didn’t like the video… too personal. I prefer art that doesn’t attack individuals, and art that doesn’t deal in politics is even better.

      • Tracey 4.1.1
        13 August 2014 at 8:02 am

        Some of the best art challenges the status quo.

      • phillip ure 4.1.2
        13 August 2014 at 8:55 am

        u r wrong crocodil..

        ..it is a witty/intelligence critique put to music..

        ..and the animation is also of a very high quality…

        ..as is the musicianship..

        ..i can’t see it is electioneering..

        ..it’s a bloody song..!

        ..i’m not playing it..but i do have it up @ whoar…

        • phillip ure 4.1.2.1
          13 August 2014 at 10:17 am

          would playing ‘big norm’ be electioneering on behalf of labour..?

          ..would playing anything by that rightwing-ratbag country-singer ted nugent be electioneering for the tories..?

          ..no woody guthrie..?..

          ..no ‘masters of war’ from dylan..?..(easily directed @ key..a warmongering satrap for the americans..a man who is killing innocent civilians..in our name..

          ..and who can forget how him and all the other armchair-warriors in national/act were so jonesing to join in the invasion of iraq..

          ..that was where simon power made his defining-political-statement:

          ..’all the way with george w. bush!’)..was his masters-of-war rallying-call/direct-crib..)

          ..whoar..!

          ..it’s a musical-electioneering swamp out there..!

          ..or is it all just..too silly for words..?

          ..(i’m going for the latter..)

          • weka 4.1.2.1.1
            13 August 2014 at 10:25 am

            it appears that it’s not political songs that are at issue, but those that advocate voting for or against specific people or parties. Fine line in some cases (can’t remember the lyrics to Big Norm).

      • CnrJoe 4.1.3
        13 August 2014 at 9:38 am

        Croc – u dont know what art is

    • Tracey 4.2
      13 August 2014 at 8:04 am

      fascinating that he bothered to watch it, you know, given he doesnt care about this stuff… Like it amazes me that he bothers to read oil slicks site.

    • miravox 4.3
      13 August 2014 at 8:16 am

      I wonder if Key used to watch A Week of It and McPhail and Gadsby as part of his political education. Would we even be allowed to see those programmes these days?

      • Rosie 4.3.1
        13 August 2014 at 9:47 am

        Televised satire is dead in our country, and sadly, it has been for some time.

        Convenient that, as satire is a challenge to the powers, and they can’t be challenged, or people might vote them out and stuff.

  5. felix 5
    13 August 2014 at 7:59 am

    What about John Keys scattering his hagiography all over the country?

    How is that not an election ad?

    • Tiger Mountain 5.1
      13 August 2014 at 8:11 am

      +1

      the timing of the godKey bio release could be an amazing coincidence but given the lead in times for publishing I’ll go with election advertising

      • Tracey 5.1.1
        13 August 2014 at 8:18 am

        they know how to work the rules. Sadly darren needed to release this a couple of months ago BUT he has now got so much publicity it is being viewed by thousands who wouldnt have before.

        • felix 5.1.1.1
          13 August 2014 at 8:28 am
          1. I don’t see what the release date has to do with the legality of broadcasting the song.
          2. Is it now illegal for John Keys’ book to be displayed/sold/read?
          • Tracey 5.1.1.1.1
            13 August 2014 at 8:52 am

            I understood the electoral act only applies to a specified period.

            • felix 5.1.1.1.1.1
              13 August 2014 at 9:05 am

              That’s what I mean. If the act is deemed applicable to the song, then it can’t be broadcast in the election period regardless of when it was published.

              • Tracey …
                13 August 2014 at 9:43 am

                Sorry, we were at cross purposes. I meant he could have released it a week or three before the period kicked in. In any event it has had enormous coverage.

                Books are somehow exempt, hence the right use them at election time

    • Blue 5.2
      13 August 2014 at 11:14 am

      Maybe because it’s so boring? Seriously, I would like to see the sales figures for that thing. I bet it has sunk like a stone.

  6. Tracey 6
    13 August 2014 at 8:00 am

    For those who peddle the view that john keys brain fades are understandable and acceptable, watch this video, note his bosses cooments and consider this,

    John Key has a seriously degraded memory/ mind coinciding with becoming PM. Really?

    http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=XxRCjwYcc1I

    • vto 6.1
      13 August 2014 at 8:35 am

      Every New Zealander should watch that video around his 2003 share dealings in Tranzrail at the same time he was dealing with rail companies looking to buy in NZ while he was an MP.

      Completely and totally crooked.

      Making use of his personal knowledge and position in Parliament to deal in Tranzrail shares and double his money.

      Crooked through and through

      • Tracey 6.1.1
        13 August 2014 at 8:54 am

        And he appears to have had a very sharp mind in the corporate world which began failing him the minute he entered politics…

  7. Adrian 7
    13 August 2014 at 8:11 am

    I was personally approached to advertise in Rugby News and I said ” Not after putting that dickhead on the cover, pretending to be an All Black, that jersey has to be earned ” and the reply surprised me ” Aw mate, you wouldn’t believe the shit we’ve been getting over that, the silliest thing we’ve ever done and what pisses me off was it wasn’t even our idea ”
    Oh, really?

    • Weepus beard 7.1
      13 August 2014 at 8:29 am

      The editor explained on the Rugby News Facebook page that it was his idea. What you’ve said is inconsistent with that. If not their idea then wonder whose idea it was?

      • Tracey 7.1.1
        13 August 2014 at 8:50 am

        You assume what Adrian wrote is factual.

        • Weepus beard 7.1.1.1
          13 August 2014 at 8:55 am

          No. I said what I know, and what Adrian said, then asked “If…then…”

          I’ve not made any conclusion, just asked a question.

          • Tracey 7.1.1.1.1
            13 August 2014 at 8:58 am

            Sorry, was meant for weka

            • weka 7.1.1.1.1.1
              13 August 2014 at 9:03 am

              Do you mean that Adrian might be lying or that what he was told wasn’t the truth? If it’s the former, well I tend to offer a certain level of trust to people until proven otherwise and I have no reason to think that Adrian is lying, if it’s the latter, then that’s irrelevant, it was the rest of Adrian’s story that cheered me up, not the bit about whose idea the cover was.

              • Tracey …
                13 August 2014 at 9:07 am

                I am a cynical person when it comes to statements on this site purporting to be fact. I dont know Adrian. I may have judged him harshly. Probably have and apologise if so.

                Sorry to have rained on your cheery moment weka.

                • weka …
                  13 August 2014 at 9:12 am

                  I still don’t know what you are considering ‘fact’ Tracey. Do you mean the fact issue that WB raised? Or do you mean the whole comment?

                  • Tracey …
                    13 August 2014 at 9:45 am

                    I mean the fact that adrian was told what he put in quote marks

                    • weka …
                      13 August 2014 at 9:58 am

                      Ok, so you are doubting that they really said that they’ve had lots of complaints or been given lots of shit for the cover? shrug I guess we are different then, the story came across as credible to me.

                      I took the quotation marks as paraphrasing rather than literal.

    • weka 7.2
      13 August 2014 at 8:41 am

      Thanks Adrian, that’s cheered me up.

  9. Andrew Geddis 9
    13 August 2014 at 8:28 am

    Hi there,

    The Electoral Commission hasn’t (yet) said that this is an “Election Advertisement” under the Electoral Act. Instead, they say it (probably) is an “Election Programme” under the Broadcasting Act. The definition of the two things isn’t the same – in particular, a song/video can be a “programme” without being an “advertisement”.

    Point being – we’ve got even tighter restrictions on what can be put on the radio/TV than we do regarding what can be generally said/sung via the internet or other media. Whether that makes any sense is highly questionable … remember that the Broadcasting Act dates back to 1989 and hasn’t been amended since then.

    • vto 9.1
      13 August 2014 at 8:43 am

      There is nothing in the song suggesting people should vote against Key

      There is nothing in the song suggesting people should vote for Key

      People on the left will see a selfish man and not like it

      People on the right will not see a selfish man and like it

      It is the best statement about the New Zealand situation today that is currently in existence. It weaves many threads and strands of our climate in with a great catchy tune and makes everything about Key as clear as a bell.

      • Tracey 9.1.1
        13 August 2014 at 8:49 am

        If you want compassion dont vote for me

      • Andrew Geddis 9.1.2
        13 August 2014 at 9:14 am

        There is nothing in the song suggesting people should vote against Key

        Not even the line “If you want compassion, don’t vote for me”?

        • Andrew Geddis 9.1.2.1
          13 August 2014 at 9:14 am

          Oops!

          Sorry Tracey … snap.

        • lprent 9.1.2.2
          13 August 2014 at 9:30 am

          Depends if you consider that compassion is an electable trait. There are some who comment around here who do not.

        • vto 9.1.2.3
          13 August 2014 at 9:38 am

          As mentioned Mr Geddis, some will see the lack of compassion as a positive. Some see compassion as a hindrance in getting ahead in the world. Some such as John Key himself, for example. Compassion, some say, has no place whatsoever in the business world.

          • Tracey 9.1.2.3.1
            13 August 2014 at 9:52 am

            When you apply the law to the lyrics it appears to fall within the EA definitions vto.

          • weka 9.1.2.3.2
            13 August 2014 at 9:56 am

            As mentioned Mr Geddis, some will see the lack of compassion as a positive. Some see compassion as a hindrance in getting ahead in the world. Some such as John Key himself, for example. Compassion, some say, has no place whatsoever in the business world.

            EC must be full of namby bamby lefties 😉

            • vto 9.1.2.3.2.1
              13 August 2014 at 10:30 am

              I think it is more that the business world is full of nutter extremist bad arse righties

    • weka 9.2
      13 August 2014 at 8:46 am

      Hi Andrew, can you please point to the specific bit in the Broadcasing Act that covers this? I’m trawling through but haven’t found it yet.

      http://www.legislation.govt.nz/act/public/1989/0025/latest/DLM155365.html

      Interpretation of an ‘election programme’

      election programme means, subject to subsection (2), a programme that—

      (a) encourages or persuades or appears to encourage or persuade voters to vote for a political party or the election of any person at an election; or

      (b) encourages or persuades or appears to encourage or persuade voters not to vote for a political party or the election of any person at an election; or

      (c) advocates support for a candidate or for a political party; or

      (d) opposes a candidate or a political party; or

      (e) notifies meetings held or to be held in connection with an election</i>

      http://www.legislation.govt.nz/act/public/1989/0025/latest/DLM158148.html

      • weka 9.2.1
        13 August 2014 at 9:08 am

        Bomber has more in his post. The issue appears to be that third parties aren’t allowed to broadcast programmes that encourage or discourage people from voting for certain parties or candidates. Still can’t find the bit in the legislation that covers this though.

        http://thedailyblog.co.nz/2014/08/12/electoral-commission-censors-planet-key-satire/

      • Andrew Geddis 9.2.2
        13 August 2014 at 9:20 am

        Weka,

        s. 69 defines “election programme” as you’ve outlined … here s.69(1)(b) is relevant (“encourages or persuades or appears to encourage or persuade voters not to vote for a political party or the election of any person at an election”)

        s.3 then defines a “programme” as:

        sounds or visual images, or a combination of sounds and visual images, intended—
        (i)to inform, enlighten, or entertain; or
        (ii)to promote the interests of any person; or
        (iii)to promote any product or service;

        s.70 then prohibits broadcasters from broadcasting “election programmes” except in certain limited circumstances (none of which cover just playing the song on the radio because it has a catchy hook).

        Now, maybe a court would do surgery on this legislative framework to try and wiggle the song out from under it … but on a plain reading, the Commission’s interpretation seems pretty orthodox (i.e. I’m not sure public agencies should try to read legislation with an eye to what an adventurous judge wanting to bend the law might do in the future).

        • weka 9.2.2.1
          13 August 2014 at 10:01 am

          Thanks Andrew, it was the prohibition I was having trouble finding. The word ‘paid’ in the title is confusing. I think many NZers will be surprised about this part of the Act, but I guess it does make sense. eg what’s to stop a right wing radio station from playing lots of songs that are anti-left. Pity we don’t have such neutralising legislation applied to our new media.

    • Tracey 9.3
      13 August 2014 at 8:51 am

      Andrew

      What, if anything, covers the publication of books?

      • Andrew Geddis 9.3.1
        13 August 2014 at 9:21 am

        Electoral Act 1993 … if Roughan’s hagiography of Key amounts to an “election ad”, then it is covered. But it probably doesn’t.

        • Tracey 9.3.1.1
          13 August 2014 at 9:47 am

          Is that because the timing is irrelevant in the Act as a consideration of advertising? Or that the book wasnt written by Key or the Nat Party?

  10. Adrian 10
    13 August 2014 at 9:08 am

    Weepu, ” Not their idea ” was a sort of throw away line in the conversation, but what interested me was that they, (the ad manager and another who I presumed was the editor or owner by the way he was talking, it wasn’t a formal meeting it was at a public show) admitted how much criticism they had gotten.

    • Tracey 10.1
      13 August 2014 at 9:50 am

      Did you get a sense of why? Was it that people thought it demeaned the jersey or was anti key?

    • Rosie 10.2
      13 August 2014 at 9:52 am

      Good to hear of your conversation with Rugby News Adrian. Thats kind of a breath of fresh air that the thugby mag has received some backlash about the Key cover.

  11. weka 11
    13 August 2014 at 9:16 am

    One of the criticisms of the EC’s stance that I have seen is that the lyrics of the song aren’t saying don’t vote for Key, it’s the video that makes that more obvious. And the issue is about radio broadcast, so the video should be irrelevant.

    • Andrew Geddis 11.1
      13 August 2014 at 9:22 am

      Weka,

      That’s what the song’s writer/singer has claimed. Not sure if the Commission has accepted that view. Also, I think he’s selling himself short – the lyrics are great!

    • Tracey 11.2
      13 August 2014 at 9:49 am

      You can say with your hand on your heart that you dont think the lyrics are sending a message that key must not be re elected?

      • weka 11.2.1
        13 August 2014 at 9:54 am

        I can’t remember Tracey. Unfortunately the video is on vimeo, so I can’t download it, and since I am on limited data BB I’ve only listened/watched the once. If I get time later I’ll see if I can write out the lyrics.

        It does raise the point though, that no songs can be broadcast that are anti-party or anti-candidate. What about anti-govt?

        • Tracey 11.2.1.1
          13 August 2014 at 10:36 am

          Tried to find the lyrics but cant. I wonder if they remastered it, and sang

          If you want compassion dont look to me

          If it would be ok

          • weka 11.2.1.1.1
            13 August 2014 at 1:10 pm

            Good idea!

          • emergency mike 11.2.1.1.2
            13 August 2014 at 1:42 pm

            Yes surely that line is the only problem since it actually mentions voting. It only occurs once near the end. If so why not simply change the lyric? About as easy as a cut and paste in today’s recording studios. Or even turn it into a bit of a statement with a ‘broadcast’ version where the music is replaced by a ‘censored’ beep sound and say “This lyric not suitable for broadcast” then return to the music. Or fade the song out just before that point. If that line is really the only problem it would seem there are a number of options.

  12. shorts 12
    13 August 2014 at 10:01 am

    There are a number of songs that aren’t flattering to Mr Key (in particular) and none of those are banned from broadcast – are they only banned if brought to the commissions attention?

    I wonder if Shihad’s new album will also be banned from broadcast? As they cover such topics as spying, five eyes etc… and they’ve had a huge media presence in the past week, for example:

    http://www.nzherald.co.nz/shihad/search/results.cfm?kw1=shihad

    • weka 12.1
      13 August 2014 at 10:16 am

      I suspect that the problem with Planet Key is that the lyrics contain the words “If you want compassion, don’t vote for me”. So presumably songs that are simply political aren’t a problem so long as they don’t advocate who you should or shouldn’t vote for. I haven’t listened to Shihad’s latest, but understand that they are saying there are lots of thing wrongs with the system and it’s a problem that so many people don’t vote, but didn’t come up with any actual solutions like voting for x, or not voting for y. Do you know about the lyrics specifically?

      • Tracey 12.1.1
        13 August 2014 at 10:33 am

        What about that other cool song showing john key at the dinner table…

        • Rosie 12.1.1.1
          13 August 2014 at 10:48 am

          Dear John by Jordan Reyne.

          Lyrics:

          http://www.jordanreyne.com/lyrics.html

          Music video:

          Potentially, the song could be about any “John” (apart from the bit about the fiscal year)

          Edit: Snap Tracey, posted at the same time

          • Tracey 12.1.1.1.1
            13 August 2014 at 10:56 am

            and the video does say “playing John Key”

            BUT those broadcasters who say they are annoyed about having to drop the parody song should pick this one up and play it, not the least because I think she has a fabulous voice.

            • Rosie 12.1.1.1.1.1
              13 August 2014 at 1:40 pm

              Akshully, I emailed the station and requested they play “Dear John”.

              This is part of the email reply:

              “………our station manager has advised me to lay off playing anything that might make us look like we are flaunting the broadcasting law.”

              They are looking forward to being able to “play what they want when they want” soon, but in the mean time don’t want to risk losing their broadcasting licence.

              What is quite sad about the censorship of Planet Key is that Radio Active DJ’s are very proactive in encouraging people to enrol and to vote. Just an hour ago they were speaking about voting being only the beginning of participating in democracy, that the polling booth is the first step. For months, Radio Active has been doing the Electoral Commissions job of getting people enrolled, for free.

              While the morning DJ’s frequently air views that can only be described as left wing, they never tell anyone who to vote for, they are quite clear about that. They do encourage people to educate themselves about politics and policy and make their mind up from there.

              It’s sad that such a lively, positive and politically engaged radio station gets the slap down for playing a harmless satirical song.

          • weka 12.1.1.1.2
            13 August 2014 at 1:12 pm

            Does Jordan Rayne’s song advocate who to vote or not vote for?

      • Rosie 12.1.2
        13 August 2014 at 10:51 am

        Re Shihad. As the DJ on Radio Active (see below) said this morning, Shihad are doing their album release tour soon and there’s nothing to stop them talking about their views to the audience between songs……….. (Haven’t heard any new tracks yet, btw)

        • weka 12.1.2.1
          13 August 2014 at 1:11 pm

          The legislation covers broadcasting, not concerts or gigs. Would be interesting to see what happens in a radio interview though.

  13. Rosie 13
    13 August 2014 at 10:11 am

    From the 3news article:

    “Radio Active in Wellington has also reportedly decided to stop playing the song too.”

    http://www.3news.co.nz/Commission-bans-Planet-Key-song/tabid/1607/articleID/356555/Default.aspx

    Yes, they have stopped playing it after receiving a notice from the Electoral Commission, but rather reluctantly – they don’t want to risk losing their broadcasting license over it. There is a lot of talk about it on the Breakfast show this morning, they are not happy and neither are the listeners.

    DJ Redbird however is wondering whether playing it backwards would be a breach of the Electoral Act. He suggested that Key might be revealed as the devil……

    Remember the 80’s and back masking?

  14. weka 14
    13 August 2014 at 10:12 am

    Neetflux’s latest… Be Afraid, you are now approaching Planet Key…

    http://neetflux.tumblr.com/post/94502831007

  15. Tracey 15
    13 August 2014 at 10:48 am

    This is the song posted by vTraceyeutovipier (I think) a few weeks ago… share it around

    A story where a politician is invited to a feast by an old woman, but the other guests are mysteriously absent. As he begins to eat lustily, the location and form of the guests is revealed. A song about New Zealand’s Prime Minister, John Key, and his “eat the poor” style politics.
    lyrics
    Dear John, Im writing to extend an invitation.
    An opportunity to join us for a feast of food and celebration
    Far beyone imagination, of what
    you made of them or me, you made us what we are.

    Cos you’re all heart John.
    you’re all heart John.

    Please take off your shoes and I will welcome you into my home
    Oh it might seem kind of lonely till the other guests make themselves known
    and thankyou for your commendation of my choices, but there is only one
    that would keep you in the style to which you’ve become acccustomed.

    But you’re all heart John.
    you’re all heart John.

    Delicacy of flavour, oh it fill the senses, feel it come
    in rarity anf favours, all laid out since you were bred and born
    and we only get to do this once, cos it’s far beyond our means.
    Dont let me bore you with the details – I know you want to taste a part of each

    Cos, you’re all heart John.
    you’re all heart John.

    A moments silence, please.
    To thank our guests and bless this food that’s only yours to eat.
    Oh and their names are written underneath each plate
    each dish, each tasteless grave
    but yes, you like the flavour
    and you wont change.

    you’re all heart John.
    you’re all heart John.
    you’re all heart John.

    There but for the grace of god goes you or I
    you taste every story, but do you recognise?
    you’re so free with the glaze, and it disguises the taste
    of what you know this if for.
    What its for.

    We, we’re all here. We feel each bite, we feel each tear as you sew the seeds
    your pound of flesh, your fiscal year.
    Know what you are
    we know what you are we know what you are
    know what you are
    dear
    dear
    john.
    dear john.

    http://jordanreyne.bandcamp.com/track/dear-john

  16. adam 16
    13 August 2014 at 12:37 pm

    I know from the last election – still favourite song that has a go at FJK.

    It has bad language, and from Avondale!!

  17. weka 17
    13 August 2014 at 2:52 pm

    Full lyrics (transcribed)

    Never had much of nothing
    Never had much to show
    All I wanted when I was growing up
    Was to be the boss of you all

    Never believed in nothing
    Never took a stand
    I owe it all to my mother
    Now that I’m almost a man

    And I’m…

    Up here on Planet Key
    It’s all for one
    And it’s all for me
    I’m up here on Planet Key

    You think I’m faking
    You’re not mistaken

    Am a new politician
    The kind you long to believe
    You see yourself in my story
    You see my heart on my sleeve

    I don’t believe in nothing
    And I’ve never cared for the fools
    Who want to ruin this country
    With all their taxes and rules

    And I’m…

    Up here on Planet Key
    You got the money
    that’s enough for me
    I’m up here on Planet Key

    You think I’m joking
    This gun is smoking

    I never believed in nothing, no no
    But now I’m living this big
    I marvel how much you trust me
    I hide the truth like this wig,

    People, and I’m..

    Up here on Planet Key
    In the land where the rich are free
    I’m up here on Planet Key
    Immune to GSCB

    I’m up here on Planet Key
    You want compassion
    Don’t vote for me
    I’m up here on Planet Key

    The clock is ticking!

  18. aerobubble 18
    13 August 2014 at 4:44 pm

    Key as victim.
    Distraction aka teapot.
    Instead of the story being about the economy and how selling off the best, the brightest, and cheaply cutting down and shit up the rivers, will only make us poor for those who stay here.

    Key however is moving to Hawaii when he loses. Go figure.

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    15 hours ago

  • Mining resurgence a welcome sign
    There are heartening signs that the extractive sector is once again becoming an attractive prospect for investors and a source of economic prosperity for New Zealand, Resources Minister Shane Jones says. “The beginnings of a resurgence in extractive industries are apparent in media reports of the sector in the past ...
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    17 hours ago

  • Ō-Rākau Remembrance Bill passes first reading
    The return of the historic Ō-Rākau battle site to the descendants of those who fought there moved one step closer today with the first reading of Te Pire mō Ō-Rākau, Te Pae o Maumahara / The Ō-Rākau Remembrance Bill. The Bill will entrust the 9.7-hectare battle site, five kilometres west ...
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    1 day ago

  • Government to boost public EV charging network
    Energy Minister Simeon Brown has announced 25 new high-speed EV charging hubs along key routes between major urban centres and outlined the Government’s plan to supercharge New Zealand’s EV infrastructure.  The hubs will each have several chargers and be capable of charging at least four – and up to 10 ...
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    1 day ago

  • Residential Property Managers Bill to not progress
    The coalition Government will not proceed with the previous Government’s plans to regulate residential property managers, Housing Minister Chris Bishop says. “I have written to the Chairperson of the Social Services and Community Committee to inform him that the Government does not intend to support the Residential Property Managers Bill ...
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    1 day ago

  • Independent review into disability support services
    The Government has announced an independent review into the disability support system funded by the Ministry of Disabled People – Whaikaha. Disability Issues Minister Louise Upston says the review will look at what can be done to strengthen the long-term sustainability of Disability Support Services to provide disabled people and ...
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    2 days ago

  • Justice Minister updates UN on law & order plan
    Justice Minister Paul Goldsmith has attended the Universal Periodic Review in Geneva and outlined the Government’s plan to restore law and order. “Speaking to the United Nations Human Rights Council provided us with an opportunity to present New Zealand’s human rights progress, priorities, and challenges, while responding to issues and ...
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    2 days ago

  • Ending emergency housing motels in Rotorua
    The Government and Rotorua Lakes Council are committed to working closely together to end the use of contracted emergency housing motels in Rotorua. Associate Minister of Housing (Social Housing) Tama Potaka says the Government remains committed to ending the long-term use of contracted emergency housing motels in Rotorua by the ...
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    2 days ago

  • Trade Minister travels to Riyadh, OECD, and Dubai
    Trade Minister Todd McClay heads overseas today for high-level trade talks in the Gulf region, and a key OECD meeting in Paris. Mr McClay will travel to Riyadh to meet with counterparts from Saudi Arabia and the Gulf Cooperation Council (GCC). “New Zealand’s goods and services exports to the Gulf region ...
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    2 days ago

  • Education priorities focused on lifting achievement
    Education Minister Erica Stanford has outlined six education priorities to deliver a world-leading education system that sets Kiwi kids up for future success. “I’m putting ambition, achievement and outcomes at the heart of our education system. I want every child to be inspired and engaged in their learning so they ...
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    2 days ago

  • NZTA App first step towards digital driver licence
    The new NZ Transport Agency (NZTA) App is a secure ‘one stop shop’ to provide the services drivers need, Transport Minister Simeon Brown and Digitising Government Minister Judith Collins say.  “The NZTA App will enable an easier way for Kiwis to pay for Vehicle Registration and Road User Charges (RUC). ...
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    2 days ago

  • Supporting whānau out of emergency housing
    Whānau with tamariki growing up in emergency housing motels will be prioritised for social housing starting this week, says Associate Housing Minister Tama Potaka. “Giving these whānau a better opportunity to build healthy stable lives for themselves and future generations is an essential part of the Government’s goal of reducing ...
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    2 days ago

  • Tribute to Dave O'Sullivan
    Racing Minister Winston Peters has paid tribute to an icon of the industry with the recent passing of Dave O’Sullivan (OBE). “Our sympathies are with the O’Sullivan family with the sad news of Dave O’Sullivan’s recent passing,” Mr Peters says. “His contribution to racing, initially as a jockey and then ...
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    2 days ago

  • Speech – Eid al-Fitr
    Assalaamu alaikum, greetings to you all. Eid Mubarak, everyone! I want to extend my warmest wishes to you and everyone celebrating this joyous occasion. It is a pleasure to be here. I have enjoyed Eid celebrations at Parliament before, but this is my first time joining you as the Minister ...
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    3 days ago

  • Government saves access to medicines
    Associate Health Minister David Seymour has announced Pharmac’s largest ever budget of $6.294 billion over four years, fixing a $1.774 billion fiscal cliff.    “Access to medicines is a crucial part of many Kiwis’ lives. We’ve committed to a budget allocation of $1.774 billion over four years so Kiwis are ...
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    3 days ago

  • Pharmac Chair appointed
    Hon Paula Bennett has been appointed as member and chair of the Pharmac board, Associate Health Minister David Seymour announced today. "Pharmac is a critical part of New Zealand's health system and plays a significant role in ensuring that Kiwis have the best possible access to medicines,” says Mr Seymour. ...
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    4 days ago

  • Taking action on Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder
    Hundreds of New Zealand families affected by Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD) will benefit from a new Government focus on prevention and treatment, says Health Minister Dr Shane Reti. “We know FASD is a leading cause of preventable intellectual and neurodevelopmental disability in New Zealand,” Dr Reti says.  “Every day, ...
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    5 days ago

  • New sports complex opens in Kaikohe
    Regional Development Minister Shane Jones today attended the official opening of Kaikohe’s new $14.7 million sports complex. “The completion of the Kaikohe Multi Sports Complex is a fantastic achievement for the Far North,” Mr Jones says. “This facility not only fulfils a long-held dream for local athletes, but also creates ...
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    5 days ago

  • Diplomacy needed more than ever
    Foreign Minister Winston Peters’ engagements in Türkiye this week underlined the importance of diplomacy to meet growing global challenges.    “Returning to the Gallipoli Peninsula to represent New Zealand at Anzac commemorations was a sombre reminder of the critical importance of diplomacy for de-escalating conflicts and easing tensions,” Mr Peters ...
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    5 days ago

  • Anzac Commemorative Address, Buttes New British Cemetery Belgium
    Ambassador Millar, Burgemeester, Vandepitte, Excellencies, military representatives, distinguished guests, ladies and gentlemen – good morning and welcome to this sacred Anzac Day dawn service.  It is an honour to be here on behalf of the Government and people of New Zealand at Buttes New British Cemetery, Polygon Wood – a deeply ...
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    5 days ago

  • Anzac Commemorative Address – NZ National Service, Chunuk Bair
    Distinguished guests -   It is an honour to return once again to this site which, as the resting place for so many of our war-dead, has become a sacred place for generations of New Zealanders.   Our presence here and at the other special spaces of Gallipoli is made ...
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    6 days ago

  • Anzac Commemorative Address – Dawn Service, Gallipoli, Türkiye
    Mai ia tawhiti pamamao, te moana nui a Kiwa, kua tae whakaiti mai matou, ki to koutou papa whenua. No koutou te tapuwae, no matou te tapuwae, kua honoa pumautia.   Ko nga toa kua hinga nei, o te Waipounamu, o te Ika a Maui, he okioki tahi me o ...
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    6 days ago

  • PM announces changes to portfolios
    Paul Goldsmith will take on responsibility for the Media and Communications portfolio, while Louise Upston will pick up the Disability Issues portfolio, Prime Minister Christopher Luxon announced today. “Our Government is relentlessly focused on getting New Zealand back on track. As issues change in prominence, I plan to adjust Ministerial ...
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    1 week ago

  • New catch limits for unique fishery areas
    Recreational catch limits will be reduced in areas of Fiordland and the Chatham Islands to help keep those fisheries healthy and sustainable, Oceans and Fisheries Minister Shane Jones says. The lower recreational daily catch limits for a range of finfish and shellfish species caught in the Fiordland Marine Area and ...
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    1 week ago

  • Minister welcomes hydrogen milestone
    Energy Minister Simeon Brown has welcomed an important milestone in New Zealand’s hydrogen future, with the opening of the country’s first network of hydrogen refuelling stations in Wiri. “I want to congratulate the team at Hiringa Energy and its partners K one W one (K1W1), Mitsui & Co New Zealand ...
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    1 week ago

  • Urgent changes to system through first RMA Amendment Bill
    The coalition Government is delivering on its commitment to improve resource management laws and give greater certainty to consent applicants, with a Bill to amend the Resource Management Act (RMA) expected to be introduced to Parliament next month. RMA Reform Minister Chris Bishop has today outlined the first RMA Amendment ...
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    1 week ago

  • Overseas decommissioning models considered
    Overseas models for regulating the oil and gas sector, including their decommissioning regimes, are being carefully scrutinised as a potential template for New Zealand’s own sector, Resources Minister Shane Jones says. The Coalition Government is focused on rebuilding investor confidence in New Zealand’s energy sector as it looks to strengthen ...
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    1 week ago

  • Release of North Island Severe Weather Event Inquiry
    Emergency Management and Recovery Minister Mark Mitchell has today released the Report of the Government Inquiry into the response to the North Island Severe Weather Events. “The report shows that New Zealand’s emergency management system is not fit-for-purpose and there are some significant gaps we need to address,” Mr Mitchell ...
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    1 week ago

  • Justice Minister to attend Human Rights Council
    Justice Minister Paul Goldsmith is today travelling to Europe where he’ll update the United Nations Human Rights Council on the Government’s work to restore law and order.  “Attending the Universal Periodic Review in Geneva provides us with an opportunity to present New Zealand’s human rights progress, priorities, and challenges, while ...
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    1 week ago

  • Patterson reopens world’s largest wool scouring facility
    Associate Agriculture Minister, Mark Patterson, formally reopened the world’s largest wool processing facility today in Awatoto, Napier, following a $50 million rebuild and refurbishment project. “The reopening of this facility will significantly lift the economic opportunities available to New Zealand’s wool sector, which already accounts for 20 per cent of ...
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    1 week ago

  • Speech to the Southland Otago Regional Engineering Collective Summit, 18 April 2024
    Hon Andrew Bayly, Minister for Small Business and Manufacturing  At the Southland Otago Regional Engineering Collective (SOREC) Summit, 18 April, Dunedin    Ngā mihi nui, Ko Andrew Bayly aho, Ko Whanganui aho    Good Afternoon and thank you for inviting me to open your summit today.    I am delighted ...
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    1 week ago

  • Government to introduce revised Three Strikes law
    The Government is delivering on its commitment to bring back the Three Strikes legislation, Associate Justice Minister Nicole McKee announced today. “Our Government is committed to restoring law and order and enforcing appropriate consequences on criminals. We are making it clear that repeat serious violent or sexual offending is not ...
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    1 week ago

  • New diplomatic appointments
    Foreign Minister Winston Peters has today announced four new diplomatic appointments for New Zealand’s overseas missions.   “Our diplomats have a vital role in maintaining and protecting New Zealand’s interests around the world,” Mr Peters says.    “I am pleased to announce the appointment of these senior diplomats from the ...
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    1 week ago

  • Humanitarian support for Ethiopia and Somalia
    New Zealand is contributing NZ$7 million to support communities affected by severe food insecurity and other urgent humanitarian needs in Ethiopia and Somalia, Foreign Minister Rt Hon Winston Peters announced today.   “Over 21 million people are in need of humanitarian assistance across Ethiopia, with a further 6.9 million people ...
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    1 week ago

  • Arts Minister congratulates Mataaho Collective
    Minister for Arts, Culture and Heritage Paul Goldsmith is congratulating Mataaho Collective for winning the Golden Lion for best participant in the main exhibition at the Venice Biennale. "Congratulations to the Mataaho Collective for winning one of the world's most prestigious art prizes at the Venice Biennale.  “It is good ...
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    1 week ago

  • Supporting better financial outcomes for Kiwis
    The Government is reforming financial services to improve access to home loans and other lending, and strengthen customer protections, Commerce and Consumer Affairs Minister Andrew Bayly and Housing Minister Chris Bishop announced today. “Our coalition Government is committed to rebuilding the economy and making life simpler by cutting red tape. We are ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago

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