Memo from Crosby Textor – fake news

Written By: - Date published: 9:06 am, August 2nd, 2019 - 19 comments
Categories: crosby textor, cycleway, humour, making shit up, national, parody, same old national, Satire, transport, you couldn't make this shit up - Tags: ,

Obtained from a reliable source …

Memo from Crosby Textor 

To all clients

You may be aware that the Guardian, that scurrilous left wing attack publication, has made unfounded allegations against this firm and its employees.

Crosby Textor, or as we are now known as CTF Partners, continues to offer our clients an unparalleled range of experience and an unrivalled record of success.

It is correct that the firm hires children of Conservative donors and the offspring of prominent media executives at right wing news outlets.  But they are selected entirely on merit, such as which school they went to, how much their parents have donated to the Conservative Party and how much inside running they can provide with the media.  Describing this firm as a kindergarten is a baseless distortion.  Our younger staff members can be more accurately described as over testosteroned teenagers rather than badly behaved infants.

The firm has a very productive relationship with New Zealanders Sean Topham and Ben Guerin.  They are worth the retainer of £10,000 per month to run digital campaigns.

And claims that Mr Topham has a reputation for misogyny are also totally unwarranted, so unwarranted that he will engage his high price lawyers at any stage to suppress these allegations.

As for the claims that this firm:

  1. helped run a grassroots online campaign against the cycle superhighway along London’s embankment,
  2. did so on behalf of Canary Wharf Group which believed the cycle superhighway was slowing drivers from reaching its financial services offices in London’s Docklands,
  3. oversaw a pro-cycling astroturfed campaign on Facebook named Square Mile Cycling to establish a cycle way through the City of London’s financial district,
  4. intended to divert cyclists displaced from the Embankment route to this route thereby slowing down Canary Wharf Group’s opponents,
  5. managed multiple pro Brexit facebook pages,

these are all examples of fake news.  This firm is that influential that shadowy forces are conspiring to take us down.

19 comments on “Memo from Crosby Textor – fake news ”

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  1. Sanctuary 1
    2 August 2019 at 9:53 am

    Surely the arguments in favour of banning Facebook as a threat to democracy are growing in legitimacy.

    • roy cartland 1.1
      2 August 2019 at 9:57 am

      Way beyond a threat, sadly.

      • tc 1.1.1
        2 August 2019 at 12:14 pm

        As the UK investigation post Cambridge Analytica's Brexit efforts stated.

        You can no longer have a democratic process with the 5,000 personality points, AI, no end of material from StalkBook etc focused on the swinging voters.

        Their CEO had the whine that we just happened to be first and got unfairly focused on. wah wah

    • SHG 1.2
      2 August 2019 at 2:08 pm

      Democracy? Threat to civilisation.

  2. Marcus Morris 2
    2 August 2019 at 10:14 am

    Is there a reason why the link to the Guardian article may not be published here. The article should be read by all fair-minded people who believe in fair, genuine and open democracy.

    • Ed1 2.1
      2 August 2019 at 11:40 am

      The words "unfounded allegations", appropriately coloured, are in fact a hidden link – click and enjoy!

      • Marcus Morris 2.1.1
        2 August 2019 at 12:31 pm

        Thanks, and there is an associated article which is, in fact, the headline of todays edition. It contains a link to the one given above.

  3. greywarshark 3
    2 August 2019 at 12:06 pm

    Fake news? I blame it on the Russians.

  4. SHG 4
    2 August 2019 at 2:04 pm

    And claims that Mr Topham has a reputation for misogyny are also totally unwarranted, so unwarranted that he will engage his high price lawyers at any stage to suppress these allegations.

    not cool. this crosses the line from parody to a Dirty Politics smear.

  5. newsense 5
    2 August 2019 at 10:41 pm

    So if Crosby T is advising the Liberals in Aussie to be anti-Kiwi and screw us over, how should we view them here?

  6. Ian 6
    2 August 2019 at 10:49 pm

    So where is Jacinda ? Bloody near a month since we heard anything sensible from her. Hope she hasn't done a Cameron slater. Mental illness is a proper bitch.

  7. Barry 7
    3 August 2019 at 2:23 pm

    Topham and Guerin are both previously Young Nats, and helped in the National campaign in 2017, along with Crosby-Textor. They seem to have been more successful since, and so it's prudent for Labour to be very diligent in their visual marketing for the next election.

    https://www.newsroom.co.nz/2019/05/29/608592/kiwis-who-helped-get-scomo-across-the-line

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