Worst. Interview. Ever.

Written By: - Date published: 9:30 am, May 4th, 2015 - 85 comments
Categories: john key, making shit up, Minister for International Embarrassment, Satire, workers' rights - Tags: ,

On Radio NZ this morning Prime Minister John Key gave a mumbling, stumbling response to the admitted assaults on a female Auckland cafe staff member. Questioned by Guyon Espiner, his  position was that the assaults were humorous and we live in a global world. Or a tactile world. Or a contextual world, apparently, because context was the word he defaulted to when the questions got tricky.

[audio:http://podcast.radionz.co.nz/mnr/mnr-20150504-0711-prime_minister_regrets_misreading_ponytail_saga-048.mp3]

The PM vaguely remembered getting legal advice on the looming assault charges, but couldn’t remember which hat he was wearing at the time. PM or Private Citizen? Dunno, ackshully. He couldn’t even remember if he got advice from Crown Law.

Still, it’s comforting to know he doesn’t think he’s done it to other woman. Children, sure, but other women? Dunno, ackshully. Weirdly, Key also said he did not “want people to feel at ease around me“. But that apparently doesn’t make men any safer. Pressed further about whether his behaviour was sexist, he made the leap to satire. Espiner’s question was subtle but sarcastic. When asked if he would have “done it to a man“, Key replied “I could have, yep.”

Last week, we thought Key was channelling The Office’s David Brent. Turns out he’s actually Gareth Keenan.

 

 

 

85 comments on “Worst. Interview. Ever. ”

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  1. Sable 1
    4 May 2015 at 9:36 am

    I would suggest Keys best defense is to stop talking….

  2. repateet 2
    4 May 2015 at 9:37 am

    “Couldn’t remember which hat he was wearing at the time?” A PM, a private citizen, a John? No just being his normal, a Dick.

    • weka 2.1
      4 May 2015 at 9:51 am

      Does anyone know if Key used the cafe in his PM role eg paid using a govt credit card not his personal one, or entertained official guests? Not sure if the media have covered that or not, but if he’s being vague about who his lawyer is it might be pertinent.

      • aj 2.1.1
        4 May 2015 at 10:22 am

        If he had his bodyguards then he’s the PM at the time of the offending

        • weka 2.1.1.1
          4 May 2015 at 11:18 am

          Do you mean he only has the bodyguards when on offical business/on the PM’s time? He wouldn’t have them after work if he was going out?

          • felix 2.1.1.1.1
            4 May 2015 at 11:40 am

            Yeah he always has his bodyguards. That’s not relevant though, he’s considered to be at risk both in and out of work regardless of hats. They guard his home too, doesn’t mean he’s working in there.

            I think the important point is that the whole “separate hats” thing is bullshit. He has many roles to play in life, as we all do, but one role doesn’t necessarily cease when another starts.

            He’s the PM of NZ. He has tried to run interference by saying when he kisses his wife he’s a husband, not a politician etc, but this is facile and transparent as it relates to his private and personal relationships.

            In public he’s the PM all the time. When he’s eating a sandwich in public, he doesn’t cease to be “John Key PM” and become “John Key Sandwich Eater”.

            He’s the PM of NZ and he’s eating a sandwich.

            • weka 2.1.1.1.1.1
              4 May 2015 at 1:19 pm

              what’s doubly annoying is he’s fucking up the concept of boundaries. People use the hats analogy appropriately and successfully all the time, it’s an important way of understanding roles and how they overlap or interact and where it’s necessary to keep things distinct or separate. Key’s basically written that all off by misusing it and telling lies about it. Incredibly bad message and example to send to his own staff, MPs and party members, let alone the whole country.

            • Tracey 2.1.1.1.1.2
              4 May 2015 at 2:03 pm

              the cabinet manual specifically refers to the required standard of behaviour in public and personal roles

            • Matthew Hooton 2.1.1.1.1.3
              4 May 2015 at 3:25 pm

              I agree. I think the PM is the PM all the time in a way the associate minister of, say, housing isn’t quite.

            • Wynston 2.1.1.1.1.4
              4 May 2015 at 7:24 pm

              +100

  3. Charles 3
    4 May 2015 at 9:47 am

    And if he was at church, say, could he ring a Minister’s bells? Just pull on the thing? He could yeah?

  4. weka 4
    4 May 2015 at 9:52 am

    Rhinocrates used the word squirm in OM, which seems to sum up the interview.

  5. phillip ure 5
    4 May 2015 at 9:53 am

    @ trp..

    ..should not credit be given where credit is due..?

    ..namely to the author of the gareth-jibe..?

    “..felix 8.4
    4 May 2015 at 8:33 am

    Oh gawd.

    Espiner: “Would you have done it to a man?”

    Key: “I could have, yup.”

    Key just went from David Brent to Gareth Keenan.”

    • weka 5.1
      4 May 2015 at 10:05 am

      There were a few things in this post already covered in OM, but trp did reply to felix saying that was exactly what he was thinking.

      • phillip ure 5.1.1
        4 May 2015 at 10:17 am

        yes..but the gareth-jibe was the only piece of original thought..

        ..and i’m not sure i’ve heard the ‘i was thinking of that at the same time’ copyright-challenge before..

        ..a novel approach..

        [Clearly you’re trying to goad me into banning you, Phil. I can report your tactic is on the verge of success.Last chance. TRP]

        [lprent: Deliberately wasting the time of moderators is what you are looking for. philu is familiar with it. ]

        • phillip ure 5.1.1.1
          4 May 2015 at 10:42 am

          point taken – i will no longer communicate in any way whatsoever with/about you..

          ..nor comment on any posts you make..

          ..i am clearly unaware of yr sensitivities..

          (one-liners kinda spill out of me – when i see them (and i was responding to what weka said..)..not all appreciate them..

          ..i will withdraw..)

          • te reo putake 5.1.1.1.1
            4 May 2015 at 10:56 am

            Cheers, Phil, but there’s no need to go that far. Play the ball, not the man is all I’m asking. The post is about John Key’s interview on Radio NZ and what appears to me (and others) to be the interviewer taking the piss out of the PM. If you want to comment about that, sweet. But if you want to have a shot at an author then bear in mind the policy about abuse that includes telling us how to run our site or what we should write.

            So, anything to say about the Parnell Ponytail Puller’s comi-tragic effort this morning?

          • Murray Rawshark 5.1.1.1.2
            4 May 2015 at 12:59 pm

            ” i will no longer communicate in any way whatsoever with/about you..

            ..nor comment on any posts you make..”

            That would seem a safe option.

        • weka 5.1.1.2
          4 May 2015 at 11:26 am

          Two people had the same idea at the same time, it’s not unheard of.

          Copyright has nothing to do with it as it doesn’t apply to ideas (and copyright here probably belongs to the standard’s trust as the publishers, as well as the commenter who wrote the comment).

          • lprent 5.1.1.2.1
            4 May 2015 at 1:50 pm

            We have never put a copyright notice up. Which effectively means that the trust has it.

            We also routinely allow people to use material from this site freely.

            But by retaining the rights we also retain the rights to pull it from people who we think are misusing it. So far that has been two sites who were grabbing it as content for their spam sites.

  6. just saying 6
    4 May 2015 at 9:56 am

    Only little thing among many –
    “how it looks on paper”
    Not right or wrong or abusive or whatever. Key’s bottom line – how it affects him is the only issue for him. A little bit of the truth always slips through his bullshit.

    • aerobubble 6.1
      4 May 2015 at 2:18 pm

      Brownlee, arguably aided by lapsed security, breach airport security.
      Key, arguably aided by party festive atmosphere a tea room, breached the personage of a waitresses.
      At least Brownlee lost the portfolio, and paid a hefty fine.
      Key should stood down where work place relations maters come up and pay a out of court settlement to protect the good name of the office.

  7. Kiwiri 7
    4 May 2015 at 10:02 am

    Worst. Interview. Ever.

    Who would have thought that his political touch was lost when his ponytail-fondling habits got found out?

    • tc 7.1
      4 May 2015 at 10:37 am

      He knows he is toast on this issue and potentially alienating the swinging women vote into the bargain would have the backers very pissed with him.

      Even if he toughs it out with the help of the msm sock puppets the movers and shakers know the game is potentially over for John Philip and they will now have to make a plan b work in and around the DP Collins faction….should be fun to observe.

      • McFlock 7.1.1
        4 May 2015 at 12:38 pm

        at the very least alienating the “women with swinging ponytails that are sooooo tantalizing” vote 🙂

        Mind you, if we’re talking about tory peccadillos god knows what Collins would do with that taser the cops gave her… use it to get to the front of the queue in the same cafe, maybe? Summon waitstaff? lol

        • gsays 7.1.1.1
          4 May 2015 at 6:43 pm

          brilliant mcflock! brilliant.

          what an image that conjours up.

          cant wait for taika waititi and his brown eye satire to start.

          may have room for you on the script writing team.

  8. Rosie 8
    4 May 2015 at 10:42 am

    Shit. If that wasn’t a breakfast time interview I’d say Key was drunk.

    Kind of got the feeling he gets the feeling he’s used up all his lives – finally.

    • rawshark-yeshe 8.1
      4 May 2015 at 10:50 am

      I thought exactly the same Rosie .. maybe still hung over from night before ?

      • Rosie 8.1.1
        4 May 2015 at 11:16 am

        Maybe I’m just speculating, and being a bit harsh.

        He does have a slur and when he is feeling under duress from reporters questions, it gets a bit more pronounced, the stickier the situation the worse the slur becomes, like he’s trying to run all the lies and excuses together to become one so they are less obvious.

        This time though he has failed to get coherent sentences out, he’s even less coherent than normal.

        In saying all that, he did sound remarkably off so perhaps a few late nights drinks with buddies after conference, you know, to relieve all that stress, might be having an affect this morning.
        Might be able to tell more when he has a tv interview. You can see it in his eyelids, they droop down when he’s bored, indifferent or perhaps indeed hungover.

        • rawshark-yeshe 8.1.1.1
          4 May 2015 at 11:25 am

          http://www.3news.co.nz/nznews/key-minister-wont-be-fired-over-brothers-charges-2015050407#axzz3Z48XbP7x

          nb: nowhere does Key state it is a male minister. And altho given the clear opportunity by his good friend Paul Henry, Key refuses to say there is no conflict of interest with the ministerial warrant held by the accused’s sibling.

          • Rosie 8.1.1.1.1
            4 May 2015 at 11:50 am

            The deep lines on his forehead when trying to reassure and clarify suggest that he is trying to keep his eyes open. They may get droopier as they day goes on and the coffee wears off.

            So IF there were a conflict of interest with the (either male or female) MP’s brother being accused of indecent assault of a child could that Ministry potentially be child centred, eg education, social development or more broadly justice or police?

            • rawshark-yeshe 8.1.1.1.1.1
              4 May 2015 at 1:24 pm

              Don’t know Rosie, but the highest calibre and thereby cost of the defence team suggests it is a very big deal for someone.

              Another person charged with pedophilia getting name suppression ? This has to be stopped.

              • Rosie …
                4 May 2015 at 2:34 pm

                It does have to be stopped. There is a very worrying pattern developing that if you are attached to the Nat Govt and you are charged with a sexual assault/indecent assault crime that you needn’t worry, just get the most powerful, highest paid legal experts in the land to get your name suppressed for as long as possible and/or get your trial delayed. The Party will stick by you, for their own sakes as much as yours.

                WTF is wrong with these people? (And that calendar!)

            • Tracey 8.1.1.1.1.2
              4 May 2015 at 2:06 pm

              funny how this court appearance didnt leak but carmel sepoulinis mum did…

            • rawshark-yeshe 8.1.1.1.1.3
              4 May 2015 at 2:25 pm

              But the SST yesterday was very clear it was a man, referring to the minister and saying ‘he’ would not asnswer questions. Key was told to fudge it imho.

              “The minister did not respond yesterday to questions about whether he would stand down while the case was before the court.”

              http://www.stuff.co.nz/national/politics/68222373/Cabinet-ministers-brother-faces-sex-charges

              @Tracey .. yes, funny that indeed.

              • Rosie …
                4 May 2015 at 2:41 pm

                oh thanks r – yeshe, I didn’t note that yesterday.

                • rawshark-yeshe …
                  4 May 2015 at 2:44 pm

                  yep .. so it’s def a bloke minister brother, according to SST.

                  • Rosie …
                    4 May 2015 at 2:52 pm

                    when will we ever know for sure exactly what is going on?

                    • rawshark-yeshe …
                      4 May 2015 at 2:57 pm

                      maybe never if Key has his way. But this particular accused is due in a court somewhere tomorrow according to SST on child indecency charges. I don’t know precisely what that charge can entail .. maybe someone else can help ?

    • Kiwiri 8.2
      4 May 2015 at 11:38 am

      If that wasn’t a breakfast time interview I’d say Key was drunk.

      One way to settle it is to enforce workplace drug & alcohol testing for “the PM’s Office”.

      • McFlock 8.2.1
        4 May 2015 at 12:51 pm

        shit – make it all of parliament. I suspect there’d be a few surprises from across the House, given the long hours diligent MPs are expected to do and the culture of entitlement from the tories (ok, a few of them being picked up wouldn’t be much of a surprise 🙂 ).

    • aerobubble 8.3
      4 May 2015 at 2:19 pm

      Key can’t apologize for being a man, he’d be believable.

  9. Maui 9
    4 May 2015 at 10:43 am

    Regarding the PM doing this to other women.

    Guyon: “You don’t think so?”

    John: “Well I think there’s TV footage, I haven’t actually watched it, of children or something. I think Claire Trevett wrote something about it. I mean we live in a tactile world…”

    I think he’s been thinking about the secondary little girl touching quite a bit… and how that next wave of damage would be curtains.

    • weka 9.1
      4 May 2015 at 11:17 am

      His answer at that point was so obviously evasive that it made him sound creepy about children even if he isn’t.

  10. Shona 10
    4 May 2015 at 10:54 am

    Couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy! Just loving it. Squirm? I reckon he’s sh**ing himself! Great !

    • rawshark-yeshe 10.1
      4 May 2015 at 2:27 pm

      i imagine a conviction for sexual assault would be required to be confessed on almost all international immigration documents .. embarrassing much donkey ?

  11. Vagabundo 11
    4 May 2015 at 11:15 am

    Every female opposition MP with long enough hair should wear their hair in a ponytail in parliament this week.

    Edit: or every MP with long enough hair, period.

    • William 11.1
      4 May 2015 at 1:51 pm

      Workplace safety surely requires that they all be protected from the possibility of assault. It would be better if they all wore hairnets, which would also allow those with short hair to also make a statement. I’m thinking Ena Sharples style (use google if you aren’t familiar with her’s), but I did find this page. Is that Key protecting himself?

      http://www.idas.co.nz/products/Nylon-Hair-Nets-%252d-Blue.html

    • Tracey 11.2
      4 May 2015 at 2:08 pm

      they should all get their hair cut short… and pull out signs that say

      just in case

  12. joe90 12
    4 May 2015 at 11:19 am

    When asked if he would have “done it to a man“, Key replied “I could have, yep.”

    Having once been the possessor of a serious head of hair I can assure Mr Key had he done the same to me he would’ve triggered an elbow reflex and off to Mr Swee Tan and his maxillofacial team.

    • Rosie 12.1
      4 May 2015 at 11:58 am

      Lols joe90.

      Alistair Thompson from scoop.co.nz said in his regular Thursday radio interview a while ago that he used to have long hair and tied it back. People would also pull on his hair and it annoyed him greatly. So no doubt theres male victims of unwelcome touching and hair pulling too.

      PM’s issue is with women though – that was a very unconvincing “I could have yep” because he’s trying to deny Espiner’s line of questioning that it was a sexist thing to do.

      • weka 12.1.1
        4 May 2015 at 12:09 pm

        (from OM) I can see him doing it to a male waiter who he decided was heterosexual, who was smaller in stature than him, who had a pony tail and who he knew as much as he knew Bailey. I think there would be an element of joshing, you’re weird as a man for having long hair thing, which in some situations would be part of that Kiwi blokes giving each other a hard time thing but ok. But in a work situation with these kind of power differences it would just be about shaming him. Which has some similarities to what he did to Bailey.

        I’ll add to that, that in that instance Key would judge the male waiter as not a threat, something I’m sure he will be good at assessing. I can’t believe this man doesn’t understand power dynamics.

        • northshoreguynz 12.1.1.1
          4 May 2015 at 1:32 pm

          Weka, I suspect that Key understands power dynamics perfectly. But only from the position of being the one with the power.

          • Rosie 12.1.1.1.1
            4 May 2015 at 2:51 pm

            Good point northshoreguynz.

            Fair point too weka. As far as I’m aware, all the footage, ie, when he has been “caught”, it has been girls hair he’s been touching.

            I guess if he did pull a mans hair it would be in the same vein as “gay red shirt”, even if the man were heterosexual.

            Sigh. I can’t believe we’re having this discussion about our PM

    • Tracey 12.2
      4 May 2015 at 2:10 pm

      not he claims he could but by age 52 cant recall a single time he did…

      • left for deadshark 12.2.1
        4 May 2015 at 5:30 pm

        Tracey, hes 54 a year younger than myself, an to make matters worst that creep shares the same birth date as me.I thought about changing mine ahh, on the plus side, he will been gone soon, and slowly the repair can start. I hold high hopes.

        Donkey, ponytail, horseplay, what an Ass.

  13. freedom 13
    4 May 2015 at 11:38 am

    As the PM is such a fan of his phone, perhaps someone can make an ap thingy where he can quickly update the country when he is and isn’t PM with a simple press of a button?

  14. Murray Rawshark 14
    4 May 2015 at 12:52 pm

    I’m wondering if Pita Sharples could tell us anything about Key’s proclivities for tugging?

  15. NZSage 15
    4 May 2015 at 2:32 pm

    That was a shocking performance by Key.

    The teflon cracks widen by the day!

  16. ianmac 16
    4 May 2015 at 2:36 pm

    All a deliberate act from Key today?
    You know how little boys learn to wistfully say “Sorry mummy. I have been a very bad boy and will never ever do it again.” Sad face. Abject expression.
    “There you are folks. He seeks forgiveness and he is very very sorry. Off you go son. You are such a good lad.”
    Act 11 Scene 1: We see the facade of contrition gone and boyish charm….

  17. emergency mike 17
    4 May 2015 at 2:56 pm

    ‘We live in a tactile world.’

    That’s got to be one of his most classic excuses since his ‘we live in a dynamic environment’ excuse for breaking his promise on raising GST.

  18. rawshark-yeshe 18
    4 May 2015 at 3:00 pm

    He is a reptilian terror-tactile who can occasionally be heard making the cry Pffffft which has no actual meaning to anyone who might hear it; a nocturnal creature always seeking to be ‘at the end of the day”.

  19. John 19
    4 May 2015 at 4:16 pm

    Could easily have done it to a man. Ask Pita Sharples if he got his ponytail pulled by the PM around the cabinet table? And is this the real reason the failed National party candidate for Napier cut his ponytail off?

  20. linda 20
    4 May 2015 at 6:13 pm

    creepy fucken werido

  21. SMILIN 21
    4 May 2015 at 6:15 pm

    Key is a twat probably in his second or even first adolescent phase of human existence and his sort of shallow upbringing obviously is reflected in him never being told by his father to leave his sisters hair alone and we of normal family experience have got past this years ago when we were really young Also I know a few longhaired blokes built like brick shithouses who would gladly biff him across the room if he put his fetish fingers on their hair .
    this degenerate shyte Key is beyond being allowed to be PM, HE MAKES A MOCKERY OF THE OFFICE

  22. CnrJoe 22
    4 May 2015 at 7:31 pm

    Keyreepiness stalks the land.
    Key reeeeep petite’s the finest p.m you’ll ever meet
    http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reet_Petite