Caption contest

Written By: - Date published: 11:14 am, September 4th, 2011 - 68 comments
Categories: caption contest - Tags:

68 comments on “Caption contest ”

  1. logie97 1

    “When you get our card we will be able to stop you spending your benefit on junk food, so enjoy it while you can!”

    • D-D-D-Damn! 1.1

      Thought Bubble coming out of elderly lady’s head: “Awww, for Fucksake !, who’s this prick ? Looks like he thinks he’s some sort of Comedian.”

      Sorry, that wasn’t meant to be funny. I’ve been led to understand that’s precisely what she was thinking.

  2. Would you like lies with that?

  3. lprent 3

    Smiling because he knows the quality of saliva provided.

  4. fabregas4 4

    “Hahahahaha, Macca’s, I was at Antoine’s last evening, and you paid for that too!”.

  5. ianmac 5

    John does something more useful than his previous 6 months put together.

  6. ianmac 6

    John gets a laugh from the little old lady’s big treat of the week.

  7. ianmac 7

    Little old lady heard to mutter, “Bastards!”

  8. kriswgtn 8

    Would you like fries with your home care cuts madam??

  9. Bill 9

    Ah-ha! Now we’ve got your details from your eftpos transaction we’ll be sending Paula round for a wee chat. Didn’t see that coming, did ya? Eating ‘maccas’ at 2.30 p.m. on a Tuesday? Bloody dole scrounger! And don’t give me that ‘I’m retired’ line. I didn’t get to be where I am today by giving a toss about retirement.

  10. joe90 10

    See, I told you, you didn’t really need that home help.

  11. you’ll be right, that’s enough for your table

    yeah – on yer bike, go on – piss off

  12. Treetop 12

    Any oppertunity to be photographed will not be turned down.

  13. Hilary 13

    You mean people really do this shit job for $13 an hour!

  14. How you like my low wage economy now bitch!

  15. felix 15

    “Thank fuck I’m not subject to youth rates, I still gets my $400k a year for this!”

  16. just saying 16

    Are you a mum madam? Can we interest you in a power company with that? (people can’t do without power ….if you know what I mean). Or how about a state monopoly accident insurer?

    Not enough money madam?

    Well, go out and get a job you lazy cow!

  17. John Key discovers a job commensurate with his abilities.

  18. GorjusGeorge 18

    “Hey, wanna take a bet on whether the old girl makes it to the table without spilling her coffee?”

  19. beats eating catfood for a change eh ?…just, HAHAHA

  20. Enjoy your healthy Maccer’s treat… would you like a “voluntary” operation with that?

  21. National introduces a new policy to reduce the numbers receiving superannuation – compulsory McD’s three times a day for everyone over 65 (excepted for Friday when it is KFC)

    • mik e 21.1

      Ian Its working for Gerry and Paula. they have their own little obesity epidemic.I’m lovin it

  22. Irascible 22

    Key checks out a life style choice for those on fixed and decreasing incomes. Waits for photo to be taken, smiles, waves and scuttles off to double dipton at Antoines for” reality fix”.

  23. fabregas4 23

    “If only you had made better choices, you could afford better food” Aside “silly old cow probably remembers egalitarian NZ”

  24. Kevin Welsh 24

    Probably the most honest work he has ever done in his life.

  25. ropata 25

    Take that tray over to Big Gerry on table 9, that’s only the first part of his 17 course breakfast

  26. tc 26

    Hurry up before bennetts order or it’ll be the salad choice only.

  27. Jenny 27

    Oliver Twist survives Dickensian London, in an effort to escape his miserable past, immigrates to New Zealand, disguises his identity, and lives to 150, yet, still get laughs at by the Beadle and his assistant when he asks for more.

  28. Paul Campbell 28

    “What were those shiny round pieces of metal she gave you?”

  29. Craig Glen Eden 29

    Customer: some things missing wheres my brighter future.

    John: oh come on dont be like that it was just an add
    you didnt honestly think I would deliver did ya?

    Maccas employee: next thing you will want a big Mac that looks like the ones in our adds.

  30. Jenny 30

    John Key attempts to……… [deleted]

  31. antithesis 31

    Helen Clark finds new job at MacDonalds upon exiting UN

  32. fabregas4 32

    “Yes, this is what you worked for all your life, your honest, decent toil, your contributions to your country, your honesty and industry have led you to this. Whats the long face for?, you will be happy to know that I’m doing fine in the polls”.

  33. Jenny 33

    Slick product placement.

    Brand John Key gets a cameo in a Mac Donalds advertisement.

  34. Pete 34

    Former Labour voter opts for something with more substance. 

  35. Adders 35

    Now that you’ve paid for that burger, how would you like to buy it again? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, loser.

  36. Jenny 36

    While on a transit stop at Honolulu airport in the US territory of Hawaii, New Zealander Lois Kent, is astounded at uncovering John Key’s real identity.

  37. fabregas4 37

    “Well ackshelly, nobody has noticed the difference after my job swap with Ronald”.

  38. Jenny 38

    John Key demonstrates how he was able to, by dint of hard work and honesty make $50 million dollars.

    • mik e 38.1

      Bank of America goes bankrupt key has to work in minimum wage job!
      New Ziland goes bankrupt after 3 years of National Govt .Key works in burger joint cos govt can’t pay Pms wages.

  39. Vicky32 39

    “Really, I may look just  like a cardboard cut out, but see how happy the woman beside me looks! She knows I can do a real job!”

  40. Don’t blame me for your liquefaction lady!

  41. Willie Maley 41

    LOLZ Iza McDonalds 4 star general now.

  42. HC 42

    Hallo dear, this is a Prime Ministerial holdup! Yes, believe it or not, this is a HOLDUP! Hand over the cash and a couple of Big Macs right away, and nothing harmful will happen. You think, you have seen me before? NO, that is impossible. I only look like him, but I have a sense of humour too, that is why I do this with a big, wide smile. All is well, my dear, all is in GOOOD Hands!

  43. Drakula 43

    The big question here is; Did he give her the correct change?

  44. Tazirev 44

    Another NACT voter short changed

  45. Whatever happens, after the 26th I’m gonna get all Edward Hyde on your arse!

  46. DJ 46

    Sorry nan’, this has to last you for the week.

  47. mikesh 47

    Milk shake? You must be kidding. You won’t be able to afford one of those.

  48. Philoff 48

    “Sorry Mam, we only have the tax cut fries and the privatisation burger.”

  49. Tom Gould 49

    Just calling it a ‘happy meal’ won’t make it so, the elderly woman thought as she collected her order from the over-dressed pimp and his crackhead bitch on the counter …

  50. Postie 50

    Fuck Up Bitch your be on this side after Nov 25th

    • mik e 50.1

      No the old person was on the serving side showing off national super savings policy because if you don’t save you’ll end up working till your ninety!

  51. We only accept your soul as payment here lady!

  52. Mac1 52

    “Tchah! We got rid of the hyenas in ’35, saw them off in ’57 and in ’72, and again in ’84 and ’99- and by God we’ll do it again in three months time…… Oi, where’s my purse?”

  53. ropata 53

    PM and corporate crony (mockingly): 5 dollar combo all you can afford you old tart, serves you right for working hard all your life and putting all your savings into blue chip. Pays better to be an investment banker not a sucker aye hahahaha

  54. kirk 54

    ‘Lady Customer Thinking’ I wonder if he washed his hands, as well as he has with our country?

  55. Jason 55

    Corporate sponsorship of NZ Govt. results in new look offices for ministers.
    “I came here seeking help” remarked one desperate pensioner as she turned away from reception area of the new Prime Ministers office,, “but the nice lady could only offer a clown in a suit and some cleverly packaged crap”.

Recent Comments

Recent Posts

  • Gaza and the Pacific on the agenda with Germany
    Foreign Minister Winston Peters discussed the need for an immediate ceasefire in Gaza, and enhanced cooperation in the Pacific with German Foreign Minister Annalena Baerbock during her first official visit to New Zealand today.    "New Zealand and Germany enjoy shared interests and values, including the rule of law, democracy, respect for the international system ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 hour ago
  • Decision allows for housing growth in Western Bay of Plenty
    The Minister Responsible for RMA Reform, Chris Bishop today released his decision on four recommendations referred to him by the Western Bay of Plenty District Council, opening the door to housing growth in the area. The Council’s Plan Change 92 allows more homes to be built in existing and new ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 day ago
  • Speech to New Zealand China Council
    Thank you, John McKinnon and the New Zealand China Council for the invitation to speak to you today.    Thank you too, all members of the China Council. Your effort has played an essential role in helping to build, shape, and grow a balanced and resilient relationship between our two ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 day ago
  • Modern insurance law will protect Kiwi households
    The Government is modernising insurance law to better protect Kiwis and provide security in the event of a disaster, Commerce and Consumer Affairs Minister Andrew Bayly announced today. “These reforms are long overdue. New Zealand’s insurance law is complicated and dated, some of which is more than 100 years old. ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 days ago
  • Government recommits to equal pay
    The coalition Government is refreshing its approach to supporting pay equity claims as time-limited funding for the Pay Equity Taskforce comes to an end, Public Service Minister Nicola Willis says.  “Three years ago, the then-government introduced changes to the Equal Pay Act to support pay equity bargaining. The changes were ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 days ago
  • Transforming how our children learn to read
    Structured literacy will change the way New Zealand children learn to read - improving achievement and setting students up for success, Education Minister Erica Stanford says.  “Being able to read and write is a fundamental life skill that too many young people are missing out on. Recent data shows that ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 days ago
  • NZ not backing down in Canada dairy dispute
    Trade Minister Todd McClay says Canada’s refusal to comply in full with a CPTPP trade dispute ruling in our favour over dairy trade is cynical and New Zealand has no intention of backing down. Mr McClay said he has asked for urgent legal advice in respect of our ‘next move’ ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 days ago
  • Stronger oversight for our most vulnerable children
    The rights of our children and young people will be enhanced by changes the coalition Government will make to strengthen oversight of the Oranga Tamariki system, including restoring a single Children’s Commissioner. “The Government is committed to delivering better public services that care for our most at-risk young people and ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 days ago
  • Streamlining Building Consent Changes
    The Government is making it easier for minor changes to be made to a building consent so building a home is easier and more affordable, Building and Construction Minister Chris Penk says.      “The coalition Government is focused on making it easier and cheaper to build homes so we can ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 days ago
  • Minister acknowledges passing of Sir Robert Martin (KNZM)
    New Zealand lost a true legend when internationally renowned disability advocate Sir Robert Martin (KNZM) passed away at his home in Whanganui last night, Disabilities Issues Minister Louise Upston says. “Our Government’s thoughts are with his wife Lynda, family and community, those he has worked with, the disability community in ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • Speech to New Zealand Institute of International Affairs, Parliament – Annual Lecture: Challenges ...
    Good evening –   Before discussing the challenges and opportunities facing New Zealand’s foreign policy, we’d like to first acknowledge the New Zealand Institute of International Affairs. You have contributed to debates about New Zealand foreign policy over a long period of time, and we thank you for hosting us.  ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • Accelerating airport security lines
    From today, passengers travelling internationally from Auckland Airport will be able to keep laptops and liquids in their carry-on bags for security screening thanks to new technology, Transport Minister Simeon Brown says. “Creating a more efficient and seamless travel experience is important for holidaymakers and businesses, enabling faster movement through ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • Community hui to talk about kina barrens
    People with an interest in the health of Northland’s marine ecosystems are invited to a public meeting to discuss how to deal with kina barrens, Oceans and Fisheries Minister Shane Jones says. Mr Jones will lead the discussion, which will take place on Friday, 10 May, at Awanui Hotel in ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • Kiwi exporters win as NZ-EU FTA enters into force
    Kiwi exporters are $100 million better off today with the NZ EU FTA entering into force says Trade Minister Todd McClay. “This is all part of our plan to grow the economy. New Zealand's prosperity depends on international trade, making up 60 per cent of the country’s total economic activity. ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • Mining resurgence a welcome sign
    There are heartening signs that the extractive sector is once again becoming an attractive prospect for investors and a source of economic prosperity for New Zealand, Resources Minister Shane Jones says. “The beginnings of a resurgence in extractive industries are apparent in media reports of the sector in the past ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • Ō-Rākau Remembrance Bill passes first reading
    The return of the historic Ō-Rākau battle site to the descendants of those who fought there moved one step closer today with the first reading of Te Pire mō Ō-Rākau, Te Pae o Maumahara / The Ō-Rākau Remembrance Bill. The Bill will entrust the 9.7-hectare battle site, five kilometres west ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    4 days ago
  • Government to boost public EV charging network
    Energy Minister Simeon Brown has announced 25 new high-speed EV charging hubs along key routes between major urban centres and outlined the Government’s plan to supercharge New Zealand’s EV infrastructure.  The hubs will each have several chargers and be capable of charging at least four – and up to 10 ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    4 days ago
  • Residential Property Managers Bill to not progress
    The coalition Government will not proceed with the previous Government’s plans to regulate residential property managers, Housing Minister Chris Bishop says. “I have written to the Chairperson of the Social Services and Community Committee to inform him that the Government does not intend to support the Residential Property Managers Bill ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    4 days ago
  • Independent review into disability support services
    The Government has announced an independent review into the disability support system funded by the Ministry of Disabled People – Whaikaha. Disability Issues Minister Louise Upston says the review will look at what can be done to strengthen the long-term sustainability of Disability Support Services to provide disabled people and ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    4 days ago
  • Justice Minister updates UN on law & order plan
    Justice Minister Paul Goldsmith has attended the Universal Periodic Review in Geneva and outlined the Government’s plan to restore law and order. “Speaking to the United Nations Human Rights Council provided us with an opportunity to present New Zealand’s human rights progress, priorities, and challenges, while responding to issues and ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    4 days ago
  • Ending emergency housing motels in Rotorua
    The Government and Rotorua Lakes Council are committed to working closely together to end the use of contracted emergency housing motels in Rotorua. Associate Minister of Housing (Social Housing) Tama Potaka says the Government remains committed to ending the long-term use of contracted emergency housing motels in Rotorua by the ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    4 days ago
  • Trade Minister travels to Riyadh, OECD, and Dubai
    Trade Minister Todd McClay heads overseas today for high-level trade talks in the Gulf region, and a key OECD meeting in Paris. Mr McClay will travel to Riyadh to meet with counterparts from Saudi Arabia and the Gulf Cooperation Council (GCC). “New Zealand’s goods and services exports to the Gulf region ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    5 days ago
  • Education priorities focused on lifting achievement
    Education Minister Erica Stanford has outlined six education priorities to deliver a world-leading education system that sets Kiwi kids up for future success. “I’m putting ambition, achievement and outcomes at the heart of our education system. I want every child to be inspired and engaged in their learning so they ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    5 days ago
  • NZTA App first step towards digital driver licence
    The new NZ Transport Agency (NZTA) App is a secure ‘one stop shop’ to provide the services drivers need, Transport Minister Simeon Brown and Digitising Government Minister Judith Collins say.  “The NZTA App will enable an easier way for Kiwis to pay for Vehicle Registration and Road User Charges (RUC). ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    5 days ago
  • Supporting whānau out of emergency housing
    Whānau with tamariki growing up in emergency housing motels will be prioritised for social housing starting this week, says Associate Housing Minister Tama Potaka. “Giving these whānau a better opportunity to build healthy stable lives for themselves and future generations is an essential part of the Government’s goal of reducing ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    5 days ago
  • Tribute to Dave O'Sullivan
    Racing Minister Winston Peters has paid tribute to an icon of the industry with the recent passing of Dave O’Sullivan (OBE). “Our sympathies are with the O’Sullivan family with the sad news of Dave O’Sullivan’s recent passing,” Mr Peters says. “His contribution to racing, initially as a jockey and then ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    5 days ago
  • Speech – Eid al-Fitr
    Assalaamu alaikum, greetings to you all. Eid Mubarak, everyone! I want to extend my warmest wishes to you and everyone celebrating this joyous occasion. It is a pleasure to be here. I have enjoyed Eid celebrations at Parliament before, but this is my first time joining you as the Minister ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    5 days ago
  • Government saves access to medicines
    Associate Health Minister David Seymour has announced Pharmac’s largest ever budget of $6.294 billion over four years, fixing a $1.774 billion fiscal cliff.    “Access to medicines is a crucial part of many Kiwis’ lives. We’ve committed to a budget allocation of $1.774 billion over four years so Kiwis are ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    5 days ago
  • Pharmac Chair appointed
    Hon Paula Bennett has been appointed as member and chair of the Pharmac board, Associate Health Minister David Seymour announced today. "Pharmac is a critical part of New Zealand's health system and plays a significant role in ensuring that Kiwis have the best possible access to medicines,” says Mr Seymour. ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    6 days ago
  • Taking action on Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder
    Hundreds of New Zealand families affected by Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD) will benefit from a new Government focus on prevention and treatment, says Health Minister Dr Shane Reti. “We know FASD is a leading cause of preventable intellectual and neurodevelopmental disability in New Zealand,” Dr Reti says.  “Every day, ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • New sports complex opens in Kaikohe
    Regional Development Minister Shane Jones today attended the official opening of Kaikohe’s new $14.7 million sports complex. “The completion of the Kaikohe Multi Sports Complex is a fantastic achievement for the Far North,” Mr Jones says. “This facility not only fulfils a long-held dream for local athletes, but also creates ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Diplomacy needed more than ever
    Foreign Minister Winston Peters’ engagements in Türkiye this week underlined the importance of diplomacy to meet growing global challenges.    “Returning to the Gallipoli Peninsula to represent New Zealand at Anzac commemorations was a sombre reminder of the critical importance of diplomacy for de-escalating conflicts and easing tensions,” Mr Peters ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Anzac Commemorative Address, Buttes New British Cemetery Belgium
    Ambassador Millar, Burgemeester, Vandepitte, Excellencies, military representatives, distinguished guests, ladies and gentlemen – good morning and welcome to this sacred Anzac Day dawn service.  It is an honour to be here on behalf of the Government and people of New Zealand at Buttes New British Cemetery, Polygon Wood – a deeply ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Anzac Commemorative Address – NZ National Service, Chunuk Bair
    Distinguished guests -   It is an honour to return once again to this site which, as the resting place for so many of our war-dead, has become a sacred place for generations of New Zealanders.   Our presence here and at the other special spaces of Gallipoli is made ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Anzac Commemorative Address – Dawn Service, Gallipoli, Türkiye
    Mai ia tawhiti pamamao, te moana nui a Kiwa, kua tae whakaiti mai matou, ki to koutou papa whenua. No koutou te tapuwae, no matou te tapuwae, kua honoa pumautia.   Ko nga toa kua hinga nei, o te Waipounamu, o te Ika a Maui, he okioki tahi me o ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • PM announces changes to portfolios
    Paul Goldsmith will take on responsibility for the Media and Communications portfolio, while Louise Upston will pick up the Disability Issues portfolio, Prime Minister Christopher Luxon announced today. “Our Government is relentlessly focused on getting New Zealand back on track. As issues change in prominence, I plan to adjust Ministerial ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • New catch limits for unique fishery areas
    Recreational catch limits will be reduced in areas of Fiordland and the Chatham Islands to help keep those fisheries healthy and sustainable, Oceans and Fisheries Minister Shane Jones says. The lower recreational daily catch limits for a range of finfish and shellfish species caught in the Fiordland Marine Area and ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Minister welcomes hydrogen milestone
    Energy Minister Simeon Brown has welcomed an important milestone in New Zealand’s hydrogen future, with the opening of the country’s first network of hydrogen refuelling stations in Wiri. “I want to congratulate the team at Hiringa Energy and its partners K one W one (K1W1), Mitsui & Co New Zealand ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Urgent changes to system through first RMA Amendment Bill
    The coalition Government is delivering on its commitment to improve resource management laws and give greater certainty to consent applicants, with a Bill to amend the Resource Management Act (RMA) expected to be introduced to Parliament next month. RMA Reform Minister Chris Bishop has today outlined the first RMA Amendment ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Overseas decommissioning models considered
    Overseas models for regulating the oil and gas sector, including their decommissioning regimes, are being carefully scrutinised as a potential template for New Zealand’s own sector, Resources Minister Shane Jones says. The Coalition Government is focused on rebuilding investor confidence in New Zealand’s energy sector as it looks to strengthen ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago

Page generated in The Standard by Wordpress at 2024-05-04T02:28:43+00:00