Key bullish on Kiwi, bearish on pandas
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- Date published:
1:01 pm, June 28th, 2010 - 27 comments
Categories: john key, Satire -
Tags: panda issues
Itching to get back into the markets, and having solved all New Zealand’s economic and social woes in 18 short months, John Key has announced he is putting aside his Prime Ministierial duties to become the country’s head trader in exotic animals.
Speaking on Breakfast (seriously), Key said he was working for months on a major pandas for kiwis trade that he believed would have “huge” economic benefits for the country, singlehandedly closing the wage gap with Australia.
He admitted the Chinese were driving a tough bargain and other countries’ zoos pay a million dollars a year for them but Key was confident he could get a two pandas for two kiwis deal sown up with a few more months’ dedicated work.
“The Chinese might insist on something to sweeten the deal. But I happen to know they’re keen on snow leopards and I know a guy in Nepal who’s lookng to unload a pair in a hurry in return for a white rhino. Now I have a mate in the Congo who I reckon will part with his rhino for a flock of kea. All I have to do is get the kea to him and the rhino to Nepal then I’ll have to snow leopards and that’ll seal the deal with the Chinese. I’ll get Hal and Roger Hunt to do the transport and pay them off with a ride on the cycleway.”
“Arbitrage, you know? It’s all about working the angles in this game” said the former PM.
Asked by Paul Henry “Is this another one of your get rich quick schemes? I get how pandas might help the zoo but exactly how do they benefit the economy? If they increase zoo ticket sales doesn’t that just take spending out of some other part of the the economy? Or are you seriously suggesting people will fly all the way to New Zealand to see pandas? And if the economic impacts of pandas are so huge and the Chinese will trade two of them for two kiwis then the economic benefits of kiwis must be huge too, right, so how do we end up better off? And is this nonsense really something a Prime Minister should be concerning themselves with or is this just more rodeo clown antics while your ministers sell everything they can’t cut?”, Key successfully distracted the veteran journalist by drawing a doodle of the two of them holding hands while standing in a meadow under a rainbow.
The doodle is now for sell on Trade Me. All proceeds to the McCully-Groser Whisky Foundation.
27 comments on “Key bullish on Kiwi, bearish on pandas ”
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- Education New Zealand | Manapou ki te Ao – new Chair and memberMinister of Education, Hon Jan Tinetti, has announced appointments to the Board of Education New Zealand | Manapou ki te Ao. Tracey Bridges is joining the Board as the new Chair and Dr Therese Arseneau will be a new member. Current members Dr Linda Sissons CNZM and Daniel Wilson have ...4 days ago
- Scholarships honouring Ngarimu VC and the 28th (Māori) Battalion announcedFifteen ākonga Māori from across Aotearoa have been awarded the prestigious Ngarimu VC and 28th (Māori) Battalion Memorial Scholarships and Awards for 2023, Associate Education Minister and Ngarimu Board Chair, Kelvin Davis announced today. The recipients include doctoral, masters’ and undergraduate students. Three vocational training students and five wharekura students, ...4 days ago
- Appointment of Judge of the Court of Appeal and Judge of the High CourtHigh Court Judge Jillian Maree Mallon has been appointed a Judge of the Court of Appeal, and District Court Judge Andrew John Becroft QSO has been appointed a Judge of the High Court, Attorney‑General David Parker announced today. Justice Mallon graduated from Otago University in 1988 with an LLB (Hons), and with ...4 days ago
- NZ still well placed to meet global challengesThe economy has continued to show its resilience despite today’s GDP figures showing a modest decline in the December quarter, leaving the Government well positioned to help New Zealanders face cost of living pressures in a challenging global environment. “The economy had grown strongly in the two quarters before this ...4 days ago
- Western Ring Route CompleteAucklanders now have more ways to get around as Transport Minister Michael Wood opened the direct State Highway 1 (SH1) to State Highway 18 (SH18) underpass today, marking the completion of the 48-kilometre Western Ring Route (WRR). “The Government is upgrading New Zealand’s transport system to make it safer, more ...4 days ago
- Briefings to Incoming MinistersThis section contains briefings received by incoming ministers following changes to Cabinet in January. Some information may have been withheld in accordance with the Official Information Act 1982. Where information has been withheld that is indicated within the document. ...4 days ago
- Teaming up for a stronger, more resilient FijiAotearoa New Zealand Foreign Affairs Minister Nanaia Mahuta reaffirmed her commitment to working together with the new Government of Fiji on issues of shared importance, including on the prioritisation of climate change and sustainability, at a meeting today, in Nadi. Fiji and Aotearoa New Zealand’s close relationship is underpinned by the Duavata ...5 days ago
- Investment in blue highway a lifeline for regional economies and cyclone recoveryThe Government is delivering a coastal shipping lifeline for businesses, residents and the primary sector in the cyclone-stricken regions of Hawkes Bay and Tairāwhiti, Regional Development Minister Kiri Allan announced today. The Rangitata vessel has been chartered for an emergency coastal shipping route between Gisborne and Napier, with potential for ...5 days ago
- Next steps developing clean energy for NZThe Government will progress to the next stage of the NZ Battery Project, looking at the viability of pumped hydro as well as an alternative, multi-technology approach as part of the Government’s long term-plan to build a resilient, affordable, secure and decarbonised energy system in New Zealand, Energy and Resources ...5 days ago
- Statement from the Prime Minister on Stuart NashThis morning I was made aware of a media interview in which Minister Stuart Nash criticised a decision of the Court and said he had contacted the Police Commissioner to suggest the Police appeal the decision. The phone call took place in 2021 when he was not the Police Minister. ...6 days ago
- CPTPP Trade Ministers coming to AucklandThe Government’s sharp focus on trade continues with Aotearoa New Zealand set to host Trade Ministers and delegations from 10 Asia Pacific economies at a meeting of Comprehensive and Progressive Agreement for Trans-Pacific Partnership (CPTPP) Commission members in July, Minister for Trade and Export Growth Damien O’Connor announced today. “New Zealand ...6 days ago
- Govt approves $25 million extension for cyclone-affected businesses$25 million boost to support more businesses with clean-up in cyclone affected regions, taking total business support to more than $50 million Demand for grants has been strong, with estimates showing applications will exceed the initial $25 million business support package Grants of up to a maximum of $40,000 per ...6 days ago
- More than 160,000 new Kiwis to call NZ home80 per cent of 2021 Resident Visas applications have been processed – three months ahead of schedule Residence granted to 160,000 people 84,000 of 85,000 applications have been approved Over 160,000 people have become New Zealand residents now that 80 per cent of 2021 Resident Visa (2021RV) applications have been ...6 days ago
- New Zealand to attend regional security meeting in AustraliaThe Lead Coordination Minister for the Government’s Response to the Royal Commission’s Report into the Terrorist Attack on the Christchurch Mosques travels to Melbourne, Australia today to represent New Zealand at the fourth Sub-Regional Meeting on Counter-Terrorism and Transnational Security. “The Government is committed to reducing the threat of terrorism ...6 days ago
- Health and safety action plan for portsThe health and safety practices at our nation’s ports will be improved as part of a new industry-wide action plan, Workplace Relations and Safety, and Transport Minister Michael Wood has announced. “Following the tragic death of two port workers in Auckland and Lyttelton last year, I asked the Port Health ...6 days ago
- Bikes and scooters to be exempt from FBTBikes, electric bikes and scooters will be added to the types of transport exempted from fringe benefit tax under changes proposed today. Revenue Minister David Parker said the change would allow bicycles, electric bicycles, scooters, electric scooters, and micro-mobility share services to be exempt from fringe benefit tax where they ...6 days ago
- Foreign Affairs Minister to reaffirm our close relationship with FijiForeign Affairs Minister Nanaia Mahuta will hold bilateral meetings with Fiji this week. The visit will be her first to the country since the election of the new coalition Government led by Prime Minister and Minister of Foreign Affairs Sitiveni Rabuka. The visit will be an opportunity to meet kanohi ki ...7 days ago
- New legislation to streamline Cyclone recoveryThe Government is introducing the Severe Weather Emergency Legislation Bill to ensure the recovery and rebuild from Cyclone Gabrielle is streamlined and efficient with unnecessary red tape removed. The legislation is similar to legislation passed following the Christchurch and Kaikōura earthquakes that modifies existing legislation in order to remove constraints ...7 days ago
- Cost of living package: More bread and butter support for Kiwi familiesApproximately 1.4 million people will benefit from increases to rates and thresholds for social assistance to help with the cost of living Superannuation to increase by over $100 a pay for a couple Main benefits to increase by the rate of inflation, meaning a family on a benefit with children ...1 week ago
- Freeing up more government bandwidth and money to focus on the cost of living$1 billion in savings which will be reallocated to support New Zealanders with the cost of living A range of transport programmes deferred so Waka Kotahi can focus on post Cyclone road recovery Speed limit reduction programme significantly narrowed to focus on the most dangerous one per cent of state ...1 week ago
- State of National Emergency to end for Tairāwhiti and Hawke’s BayThe remaining state of national emergency over the Tairāwhiti and Hawke’s Bay regions will end on Tuesday 14 March, Minister for Emergency Management Kieran McAnulty announced today. Minister McAnulty gave notice of a national transition period over these regions, which will come into effect immediately following the end of the ...1 week ago
- Government delivers on Dawn Raids commitmentThe Government is today delivering on one of its commitments as part of the New Zealand Government’s Dawn Raids apology, welcoming a cohort of emerging Pacific leaders to Aotearoa New Zealand participating in the He Manawa Tītī Scholarship Programme. This cohort will participate in a bespoke leadership training programme that ...1 week ago
- New plan to increase productivity and high wage jobs across advanced manufacturing sectorIndustry Transformation Plan to transform advanced manufacturing through increased productivity and higher-skilled, higher-wage jobs into a globally-competitive low-emissions sector. Co-created and co-owned by business, unions and workers, government, Māori, Pacific peoples and wider stakeholders. A plan to accelerate the growth and transformation of New Zealand’s advanced manufacturing sector was launched ...1 week ago
- Aotearoa New Zealand supports Pacific countries to combat animal disease New Zealand will provide support for Pacific countries to prevent the spread of harmful animal diseases, Associate Minister of Agriculture Meka Whaitiri said. The Associate Minister is attending a meeting of Pacific Ministers during the Pacific Week of Agriculture and Forestry in Nadi, Fiji. “Highly contagious diseases such as African ...2 weeks ago
- Government delivers better public transport for ChristchurchThe Public Transport Futures project will deliver approximately: 100 more buses providing a greater number of seats to a greater number of locations at a higher frequency Over 470 more bus shelters to support a more enjoyable travel experience Almost 200 real time display units providing accurate information on bus ...2 weeks ago
- Minister praises education heroes in cyclone damaged regionsAll but six schools and kura have reopened for onsite learning All students in the six closed schools or kura are being educated in other schools, online, or in alternative locations Over 4,300 education hardpacks distributed to support students Almost 38,000 community meals provided by suppliers of the Ka Ora ...2 weeks ago
- Government investments drive health and business outcomes in the Bay of PlentyA new health centre has opened with financial support from the Government and further investment has been committed to projects that will accelerate Māori economic opportunities, Regional Development Minister Kiri Allan says. Community health provider QE Health will continue its long history in Rotorua with the official opening of the ...2 weeks ago
- UK NZ Working Holiday Scheme upgradedThe new three year NZ UK Working Holiday Visas (WHV) will now be delivered earlier than expected, coming into force by July this year in time to support businesses through the global labour shortages Prime Minister Chris Hipkins says. The improved WHV, successfully negotiated alongside the NZ UK Free trade ...2 weeks ago
- 2023 Offshore Renewable Energy Forum, New PlymouthIt seems like only yesterday that we launched the discussion document Enabling Investment in Offshore Renewable Energy, which is the key theme for this Forum. Everyone in this room understands the enormous potential of offshore wind in Aotearoa New Zealand – and particularly this region. Establishing a regime to pave ...2 weeks ago
- Milestone reached in crack down on gangsPolice has reached a major milestone filing over 28,000 charges related to Operation Cobalt. “I’m extremely proud of the fantastic work that our Police has been doing to crack down on gangs, and keep our communities safe. The numbers speak for themselves – with over 28,000 charges, Police are getting ...2 weeks ago
- New funding for Cyclone waste removalThe Government will provide $15 million in the short term to local councils to remove rubbish, as a longer-term approach is developed, the Minister for Emergency Management Kieran McAnulty announced today. “Several regions are facing significant costs associated with residential waste removal, which has the potential to become a public ...2 weeks ago
- Government working faster and smarter to support response and recovery$15 million of immediate reimbursement for marae, iwi, recognised rural and community groups $2 million for community food providers $0.5 million for additional translation services Increasing the caps of the Community and Provider funds The Government has announced $17.5 million to further support communities and community providers impacted by Cyclone ...2 weeks ago
- More Māori getting access to mental health and addiction servicesThe Government’s approach of using frontline service providers to address inequities for Māori with mental health and addiction needs is making good progress in many communities, a new report says. An independent evaluation into the Māori Access and Choice programme, commissioned by Te Whatu Ora has highlighted the programme’s success ...2 weeks ago
- Macron’s reform dilemma: progress or popularity?
French economy has made significant strides, but the need for political consensus and restoring social cohesion is urgent ...41 mins ago - Our climate change policies are a mess
The Emissions Trading Scheme was always a neoliberal, market-based, get-out-of-jail-free plan. Time to lead the way with Tradable Energy Quotas instead Opinion: The old saying about news – that it’s always bad or it wouldn’t be news – is distressingly true for the climate, both in terms of this summer’s weather ...41 mins ago - Catching a fair ride
The Detail finds out why a law change in 2017 has led to a proliferation of independent taxi drivers – and why they're leaving some passengers feeling ripped off Not all taxis are created equal. RNZ newsreader Evie Ashton found this out the hard way, after Dave Chapelle's recent show at Auckland's ...41 mins ago - Mahuta's China trip a test of NZ sensitivities
The foreign minister's trip to Beijing comes with tricky topics. ...41 mins ago - Is it time for business to push for green politics?
Companies have tended to be louder in lobbying politicians against climate change mitigation rather than in favour of it. This election, that needs to change ...41 mins ago - Veteran scientist kicks up over climate
Knighted, nonagenarian scientist adds his voice to the call for a climate election ...41 mins ago - Is NZ ready for the next pandemic?
H5N1 only sporadically infects humans - but it kills half of those who catch it. As the largest ever outbreak of the virus continues to rage, is New Zealand prepared? Special report: Kiwi scientist Robert Webster knew two things about the avian flu virus he dripped into his nose one day ...41 mins ago - Newsroom daily quiz, Tuesday 21 March
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...2 hours ago - ‘It can be done. It must be done’: IPCC delivers definitive report on climate change, and where ...
Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Frank Jotzo, Professor, Crawford School of Public Policy and Head of Energy, Institute for Climate Energy and Disaster Solutions, Australian National University IISD/ENB The world is in deep trouble on climate change, but if we really put our shoulder to ...4 hours ago - New Caledonia’s lone daily newspaper ceases publication after 52 yearsRNZ Pacific New Caledonia’s only daily newspaper, Les Nouvelles Calédoniennes, has folded after the commercial court accepted the publishing company’s request for its liquidation. The court had deferred its decision by a day after an injunction by the public prosecutor who wanted to see if there was still a possibility ...4 hours ago
- Traditional chiefs still have strong place in Fiji, says linguistBy Arieta Vakasukawaqa in Suva The installation of the Turaga Bale na Vunivalu Na Tui Kaba, Ratu Epenisa Cakobau, clearly indicates that Fiji’s traditional chiefly system still has a strong footing and chiefs still command respect among the country’s citizens. This is the view of Dr Paul Geraghty, the University ...4 hours ago
- How the USP political saga may end the era of Bainimarama and FijiFirstANALYSIS: By Shailendra Bahadur Singh in Suva The long-running row between the former Fiji government and the Suva-based regional University of the South Pacific (USP) has come back to haunt former Fiji Prime Minister Voreqe Bainimarama, who spent a night in a police cell on March 9 before appearing in ...4 hours ago
- Pro-independence party Tavini’s heals rift with ‘unity and credibility’ congressBy Antoine Samoyeau in Pape’ete About 3000 activists of French Polynesia’s pro-independence Tavini Huiraatira party met for six hours at the weekend with the executives insisting that they were “united’ after a recent upheaval over leadership. The party also presented a “renewed” slate of 73 candidates for next month’s territorial ...5 hours ago
- First Australian charged with war crime of murder in AfghanistanSource: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Michelle Grattan, Professorial Fellow, University of Canberra The first arrest has been made following the Brereton inquiry into allegations that Australians committed war crimes in Afghanistan. Former SAS soldier, Oliver Schulz, 41, has been remanded in custody after his arrest by ...10 hours ago
- Super Rugby Aupiki semis review: Matatū, Manawa, rugby all winners on the day
We have our 2023 finalists after a big Sunday double-header at North Shore Stadium. Alice Soper reviews. Matatū vs Blues Matatū have scored the first try in every match they have played this season. It looked like this streak was going to be broken as the Blues finally found ...10 hours ago - What is myrtle rust and why has this disease closed Lord Howe Island to visitors?Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Robert Park, Judith and David Coffey Chair in Sustainable Agriculture, Plant Breeding Institute, University of Sydney Shutterstock Some 70% of the World Heritage-listed Lord Howe Island has been closed to non-essential visitors in response to a recurrence of the plant ...11 hours ago
- Scammers can slip fake texts into legitimate SMS threads. Will a government crackdown stop them?Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Suranga Seneviratne, Senior Lecturer – Security, University of Sydney Shutterstock Are you tired of receiving SMS scams pretending to be from Australia Post, the tax office, MyGov and banks? You’re not alone. Each year, thousands of Australians fall victim to ...12 hours ago
- Introducing Fear and Wonder: The Conversation’s new climate podcastSource: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Misha Ketchell, Editor, The Conversation Thanks in no small part to the work of the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC), today few people would be foolish enough to dispute the scientific consensus on the climate crisis. But as ...12 hours ago
- Why sports stars get less support than other injured workers – and how we can fix itSource: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Eric Windholz, Senior Lecturer and Associate, Monash Centre for Commercial Law and Regulatory Studies, Monash University Inadequate, inequitable, and in some cases possibly in breach of workers’ compensation laws. That’s how bad the current insurance arrangements are for Australia’s professional sports people, ...12 hours ago
- New Police Minister Must Check Police Equations Behind Firearm Fee Increase
The newly-minted Police Minister, Ginny Andersen, has been called on by the Council of Licensed Firearm Owners (COLFO) to investigate how the previous Minister allowed Police to propose extraordinary fee increases for licensed firearm owners without ...13 hours ago - How did millions of fish die gasping in the Darling – after three years of rain?Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Richard Kingsford, Professor, School of Biological, Earth and Environmental Sciences, UNSW Sydney Bill Ormonde, Author provided Millions of dead fish float on the surface of the river. Native bony herring and introduced young carp, as well as a few mature ...14 hours ago
- Ginny Andersen named new Minister of Police
Ginny Andersen will be the new minister of police, Prime Minister Chris Hipkins says. ...14 hours ago - Free Information And Advice In Your LanguageThings make more sense when people are speaking your language! This CAB Awareness Week (20-26 March), we are celebrating diversity and multiculturalism within our service. At the Citizens Advice Bureau, we are committed to making sure our service ...14 hours ago
- All spaces great and small: Week two of the Auckland Arts FestivalThe second week of the Auckland Arts Festivals showed the versatility of the city’s spaces, even when not matched entirely correctly with shows. Sam Brooks reviews (with assistance from Shanti Mathias). I often dismay at the lack of performance spaces we have in Auckland, and it takes something like the ...14 hours ago
- Getting Flipped By The BirdThe free and easy SMS two factor authentication (2FA) to log into your Twitter account ends today. That concerns Privacy Commissioner Michael Webster because it takes away one of the most common ways to verify who users are on their free accounts, which ...14 hours ago
- Junior minister Ginny Andersen takes over police role from Stuart NashNew Zealand’s new minister of police will be one of the freshest faces around the cabinet table. Ginny Andersen, the MP for Hutt South, has been named as the new minister taking over from Stuart Nash. Andersen first became an MP in 2017 and only became a minister for the ...14 hours ago
- More bailey bridges confirmed for restoring access after cycloneRoad workers have reported being subjected to abuse by passing motorists, which is unacceptable, Prime Minister Chris Hipkins says. ...14 hours ago
- Cyclone Gabrielle: More damaged roads reconnectedThe government has announced further roading reconnections, several weeks on from Cyclone Gabrielle. Earlier this morning it was confirmed the link between Napier and Taupō had been reestablished. And now, transport minister Michael Wood said another six bailey bridges would be constructed. “Our immediate priority has been to reopen lifeline ...15 hours ago
- Government Should Not Be Spending Taxpayer Money To Lobby ItselfThe Taxpayers’ Union has slammed the revelation that government agencies and State Owned Enterprises are spending hundreds of thousands of taxpayers’ dollars on lobbying firms as revealed by Radio NZ this morning. Taxpayers’ Union Campaigns Manager, ...15 hours ago
- Foreign Minister Mahuta to visit China counterpartNew Zealand's Foreign Minister Nanaia Mahuta is leaving for Beijing tomorrow to meet with China's State Councillor and Foreign Minister Qin Gang. ...15 hours ago
- ‘A place to dance and a place to cry’: Pride (R)evolution is an authentic exhibition for queer c...Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Peter McNeil, Distinguished Professor of Design History, UTS, University of Technology Sydney Sydney World Pride and Mardi Gras 2023 were a huge success. Sydney was activated in a way rarely seen – block and street parties, cultural festivals and dance parties for ...15 hours ago
- Mahuta heading to China – first visit by a minister since 2019For the first time since 2019, a New Zealand minister will head to China this week. Foreign minister Nanaia Mahuta will meet with her Chinese counterpart Qin Gang in Beijing. “I intend to discuss areas where we cooperate, such as on trade, people-to-people and climate and environmental issues. I will ...15 hours ago
- Chief Ombudsman Concludes Investigation Into Council Decisions Over National Erebus MemorialThe Chief Ombudsman Peter Boshier has completed his investigation into complaints about Auckland Council’s role in the National Erebus Memorial project. The complaints relate to the council’s approval and consents process for the memorial site in ...15 hours ago
- The post-COVID crisis hit Queensland hardest. With 100,000 households needing low-cost housing, here...Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Hal Pawson, Professor of Housing Research and Policy, and Associate Director, City Futures Research Centre, UNSW Sydney Pandemic-generated pressures have left our rental housing market reeling. Australia-wide, vacancy rates are at rock-bottom levels. Rents are soaring at record rates. Queensland has ...15 hours ago
- Review: Homegrown remains New Zealand’s most consistent music festivalThe first edition felt like a breath of fresh, local music-filled air. This year, with many of the same headliners as 2008 (and every year since), the formula has grown stale. It’s finally time to admit that on a cold night in Palmy 20 years ago, I felt Shihad frontman ...16 hours ago
- Review: The Homegrown festival formula needs a shake-upThe first edition felt like a breath of fresh, local music-filled air. This year, with many of the same headliners as 2008 (and every year since), the long-running Wellington festival has grown stale. It’s finally time to admit that on a cold night in Palmy 20 years ago, I felt ...16 hours ago
- Anti-trans activist’s visit now under reviewThe anti-transgender activist that provoked aggressive protests in Australia over the weekend may not be able to enter New Zealand. Kellie-Jay Keen-Minshull, the British anti-transgender campaigner, is scheduled to visit New Zealand next weekend for two public events. But according to a new statement from Immigration NZ, her ability to ...16 hours ago
- Local Government Minister Should Meet Taxpayers’ Union On Three WatersThe New Zealand Taxpayers’ Union is pleased to hear that the Minister of Local Government, Kieran McAnulty, has invited concerned mayors to the Beehive to discuss the Three Waters reforms but believe he should meet with the country’s largest ...16 hours ago
- NSW Resolve poll has narrow lead for Labor five days before electionSource: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Adrian Beaumont, Election Analyst (Psephologist) at The Conversation; and Honorary Associate, School of Mathematics and Statistics, The University of Melbourne Dan Himbrechts/Paul Braven/AAP The New South Wales state election will be held on Saturday. I had a preview of both ...16 hours ago
- Breaking: Anti-trans campaigner’s NZ visit ‘under reviewWhether the anti-trans campaigner can enter the country without a visa is now up in the air. Controversy surrounds the upcoming visit by Kellie-Jay Keen-Minshull, the British anti-transgender campaigner on a global tour who is scheduled to visit New Zealand next weekend for two public events. During an appearance in Melbourne ...16 hours ago
- Pharmac prioritised Māori and Pacific patients for access to new diabetes drugs – did they get it...Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Lynne Chepulis, Associate Professor Health Sciences, University of Waikato Getty Images The controversial 2021 decision by the government drug-buying agency Pharmac to prioritise Māori and Pacific patients in its funding of two game-changing new diabetes drugs appears to have paid ...18 hours ago
- Why a teal deal has no appealThe idea of the Greens flirting with National gets an airing before almost every election. It remains as much of a nonstarter as ever, writes Henry Cooke. This article was first published in Henry Cooke’s politics newsletter, Museum Street. It’s far more reliable than clockwork. Every election cycle – often several ...18 hours ago
- Lotto draw raises $11.7m for Cyclone Gabrielle reliefWith half the value of all Lotto, Powerball and Strike tickets going to cyclone relief, the "Must-be-won" draw for $15.5 million on Saturday went to a Canterbury player. ...18 hours ago
- Wayne Brown (re)declares war on road conesAuckland’s mayor has taken aim at road closures and traffic disruption around the super city, revealing a plan to reduce road cones. Wayne Brown had previously pledged to clean up the city of road cones and set it out as an “immediate priority” for the council’s transport agency. Now, he’s ...18 hours ago
- Credit Suisse is the car crash in its own Bonfire of the Vanities
The name's Bond – unhedged Treasury bond. Jonathan Milne argues that bond traders have again become sexy, for all the wrong reasons. Analysis: Giant Swiss bank UBS has agreed to buy its rival Credit Suisse for 3 billion Swiss francs (US$3.23 billion) and to assume up to $5.4 billion in losses, in a shotgun ...19 hours ago - A dummy’s guide to having your say on the Auckland budget‘Don’t fucking come and talk to me, write a submission,’ reckons Mayor Wayne Brown. So how do you do that? Let’s be honest, most people don’t understand local politics. We know that we vote for a mayor and councillors every couple of years, and that’s about it. But local politics ...19 hours ago
- Major cyclone-damaged highway reopensThe link between Napier and Taupō has reopened this week for the first time since it was damaged in Cyclone Gabrielle. State highway five will be open to all traffic between 7am and 7pm, with overnight closure points at Kaimata Road, Glengarry Road and Matea Road. Kiri Allan, the associate ...20 hours ago
- Geoffrey Miller’s Political Roundup: NZ’s Middle East strategy, 20 years after the Iraq WarAnalysis by By Geoffrey Miller. Political Roundup: NZ’s Middle East strategy, 20 years after the Iraq War This week marks the twentieth anniversary of the Iraq War. While it strongly opposed the US-led invasion, New Zealand’s then Labour-led government led by Prime Minister Helen Clark did deploy military engineers to try to help rebuild Iraq ...20 hours ago
- Your bank is here to helpIf you find yourself stressing about the cost of living crisis and how it will impact your home loan, talking to your bank as soon as possible is important. If you are experiencing financial challenges or think you might in the future, it’s important to reach out to your bank ...21 hours ago
- The plan to end classroom streaming by 2030, explainedDespite being entrenched practice in New Zealand schools, the practice of academic streaming in schools might not be around much longer. A plan launched today sets out a pathway to achieve this. If you went to school in Aotearoa, odds are that streaming was part of your experience. The numerically-inclined ...21 hours ago
- High Number Of Dog Attacks Concerns Child Health ExpertsThe Paediatric Society of New Zealand/Te Kāhui Mātai Arotamariki o Aotearoa are very concerned about the high number of tamariki injured by dogs in Aotearoa. Auckland emergency doctor Natasha Duncan-Sutherland says, “Over 2800 dog-related injuries ...21 hours ago
- The Bulletin: Candidate selected to replace Grant Robertson in WellingtonMP Ibrahim Omer will replace Grant Robertson as Labour’s candidate in the Wellington Central electorate after beating former party president Claire Szabo in the candidate selection race. Omer arrived in New Zealand as a refugee and worked as a cleaner before enrolling at Victoria University in 2014. “As someone who has ...21 hours ago
- Alcohol Advertising On Social Media PlatformsA new report from Australia highlights the significant community exposure to alcohol advertising through social media platforms. Over a one-year period researchers observed nearly 40,000 advertisements from a subset of alcohol-related accounts on Meta platforms ...21 hours ago
- The ‘great resignation’ didn’t happen in Australia, but the ‘great burnout’ didSource: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Leah Ruppanner, Professor of Sociology and Founding Director of The Future of Work Lab, The University of Melbourne pexels/tara winstead, CC BY-SA You’ve probably heard about the “great resignation” which saw large numbers of people resigning from their jobs in ...21 hours ago
- Ozempic helps weight loss by making you feel full. But certain foods can do the same thing – witho...Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Emma Beckett, Senior Lecturer (Food Science and Human Nutrition), School of Environmental and Life Sciences, University of Newcastle Shutterstock You’ve probably heard about the medication Ozempic, used to manage type 2 diabetes and as a weight loss drug. Ozempic (and ...21 hours ago
- Extinct but not gone – the thylacine continues to fascinate usSource: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Menna Elizabeth Jones, Associate Professor in Zoology, University of Tasmania Human life on Earth is utterly dependent on biodiversity but our activities are driving an increase in extinctions. Yet some extinct species continue to hold our fascination. New methods in genetics and ...21 hours ago
- School principals are reaching crisis point, pushed to the edge by mounting workloads, teacher short...Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Paul Kidson, Senior Lecturer in Educational Leadership, Australian Catholic University Shutterstock Australian schools have been under huge pressures in recent years. On top of concerns about academic progress and staff shortages, schools have faced significant, ongoing disruptions due to ...21 hours ago
- The Greens don’t want to be taken for granted anymoreThe Green Party has made it clear it’s frustrated after being shafted by Labour during last week’s so-called policy bonfire. The prime minister recently ditched a number of policies announced during Jacinda Ardern’s tenure, many of which were backed strongly by the Greens. In a state of the nation address ...22 hours ago
- Is this the end of interest rate rises?The US banking crisis may help force a rethink by the Reserve Bank here, writes Catherine McGregor in this excerpt from The Bulletin, The Spinoff’s morning news round-up. To receive The Bulletin in full each weekday, sign up here. Did last week’s turmoil stop interest rate hikes in their tracks? ...22 hours ago
- Frustrated Greens take aim at 'visionless government' and possible National-ACT coalitionThe Greens have laid down a challenge to potential coalition partners: come to the table with faster and stronger climate action if you want our support. ...23 hours ago
- Jim Mather on the founding days of Whakaata MāoriThe early days of Māori Television were chaotic. After the founding CE was fired and imprisoned for fraud, Dr. Jim Mather was tapped to lead the fledging broadcaster. An account with no previous media experience, he was an unlikely choice for the role, but ended up leading the channel through ...23 hours ago
- The utter folly of cutting public transport funding in the regionsRegional public transport is where money can do the most good in the shortest time. So why is the government giving the regions’ funding to the main centres? I used to think of public transport mainly as a way to reduce our environmental impact. It was only when I started ...1 day ago
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Well, that’s what he said but he’s probably more likely thinking of HAL 9000 😈
ha ha how silly. What is not silly however, is changing the law to allow people to keep kiwis and wekas and most all native animals as pests. That way the extinction risk gets significantly lowered..
Why is this not the case me wonders??
oops, ‘pets’ not ‘pests’
I don’t think kiwi would make particularly good pets. Wekas could work, though.
Why is this filed under “satire”?
I think because in this version Paul Henry bursts Key’s bubble. Whereas in real life he heartily endorsed it – claiming that pandas bring in hundreds of millions.
Honestly, do these people listen to themselves?
Heh! Good point. Hadn’t thought the actual truth might be even more unbelievable.
Space cadet
I reckon if we had pandas they’d escape from the zoo and go feral. Before you know it there’ll be thousands of the buffers roaming Auckland eating bamboo and small cats. DOC will be forced to airdrop panda sized 1080 chunks on Grey Lynn to keep them down.
lol, very rich rich.
Send them south and it’ll give us something else to hunt in them thar hills…. best idea in years.
Title should’ve really been ‘Key bullish on Kiwi – Bearish on Panda value’ ?! haha
Paul Henry must be going to China with Key less he feel uncomfortable without his head up Key’s ass for a couple of weeks.
The best way to save endangered species is to breed them for commercial gain. After all, how short are we of cows, sheep, and pigs?
Kiwi eggs for breakfast anyone? How about a bit of Panda steak?
the result would be they would go extinct in the wild due to poaching. The purpose of zoos is to maintain populations when the wild ones are endangered.
I don’t know.
Obviously, I was being a bit tongue and cheek with the comment above. However, not entirely.
For example, gross as it may seem, tigers are bred for body parts in China to satisfy their irrational thirst for traditional medicine.
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/02/13/world/asia/13tiger.html
Perhaps, though, this may undercut the poachers who are wiping out wild tigers.
How can tigers have an “irrational thirst for traditional medicines”?
The problem there is that when an animal is bred for domestic or agricultural purposes it is no longer the same animal it started as. Modern dairy cows, sheep and especially chickens are nothing like the original animals natural evolution produced as they have been selectively bred to enhance desirable traits and suppress undesirable ones.
For instance ‘broiler’ chickens are bred to grow to slaughter size so quickly that if they are left to live past 12 weeks or so they end up growing too heavy to be supported by there own frame effectively crippling themselves. A ‘normal’ chicken should live for over six years.
Similarly, turkeys in the US are so mutated from their original form that factory farmed versions cannot reproduce without artificial means, and similar to the chickens mentioned put on weight so fast that they can’t move/walk and die young from heart problems.
Many breeds of heirloom turkeys were on the verge of extinction just 10 years ago, but thanks to the internet a group of farmers managed to form a network and share turkey specimens from different breeds with each other, enlarging the gene pool and starting a niche market for their ‘traditional’ turkeys. Many people say the heirloom turkeys are more flavoursome (also much smaller) than the factory farmed ones and more like the turkeys they remember from when they were children.
Agree with you both entirely. I don’t think farming is an ideal solution.
However, in the example of the Chinese farming tigers for body parts, the effect may be to take the pressure off the wild tigers so they can survive in the wild and thus preserve the natural genetics.
The other point with endangered species is that the genetic pool is by definition very small, so there are more likely to be changes due to genetic effects anyway.
Yes, and Kiwis are endangered due to poaching so your point is valid.
Except they aren’t so it’s not.
I want a snow leopard.
Buy a Mac… That is the name of their current version of OS/X 😈
We have sno leopards for sale.
There was this photo one time and I asked.. i said.. panda.. human panda..? those eyes being so dark and that furrow so intense.. and the guy said moore, michael..
you’ll forgive me i’ve always kinda thought of MM as the panda polly.. point being are you guys sure the PM is yakking about the bamboo scoffers..? he aint surreptitiously alluding to the “I’m an international” and “that’s aka globalist” wouldbe and always wannid-to-be fellow in W’ton..
not that a lot of value is attached.. going off the latest trade news outta the US.. one-on-one bilats.. boo the gang-o-9..? hey MM sure has gotten a number there..!!
No ones commented on the fabulous photo. The Jonkey Memorial Cycleway will be a place where one can ride alongside endangered Pandas, and buy them bamboo shoot snacks at wayside pit heads, all grown in the revegetated mine tailings in our National TM Ltd Parks.
There’s a few ‘turkeys’ lurking around that zoo in wellington they call parliment. Maybe they could do a trade for some soldiers from the ‘stone’ army. It would at least raise the behavour standard of of this government and their cohorts.
In parliament this afternoon.Panda Minder John Key announced the price increase for bamboo tax.
PM key said that the ETS(extra tonne of shit)that pandas were excreting was directly responsible for rising methane gas levels and in light of the impact on the environment the tax on bamboo will rise 5% on 1 july 2010.
To offset costs extra bamboo will be planted under the deforestation scheme being developed in Dr Smiths office.
Planting bamboo would allow the PM to import more pandas from China.
Key initially thought importing pandas from britain would be cheaper but it was pointed out that these were police cars and we already had enough british police without their cars as well.
In further news a park would be built at the end of the cycleway to house the extra pandas.
Key said the park at the end of the cycleway would be finished to coincide with the opening of the cycleway.He couldn,t put a date on this but he was relaxed about it being finished in time for the opening which would occur on completion.
A smiling Mr Key then left after waving to some people on a distant hill who didn’t appear to know who was waving but when told later by breathless reporters were all agush and said it showed that the Panda Minder had ordinary kiwis in mind.