Lee eyeing up Wigram?

Written By: - Date published: 11:21 am, April 21st, 2010 - 18 comments
Categories: labour, progressives, Satire - Tags: , , ,

Odds are good Jim Anderton is standing for mayor of Christchurch. Should work out well for Labour/Progressive. The by-election will be a chance to rev up the machine again. Show it works.

Labour plus Progressive had over 20,000 candidate votes last time. Should be pretty safe. Chance to get a good candidate in too.

If Anderton goes, he’ll will step down in October or before it. Gives Progressives and Labour time to join up. Combine their assets, activists, and systems well before the general election.

But it looks like Labour isn’t the only one seeing an opportunity:


Press release: Lee keen to stand in Wigram

National List MP Melissa Lee today threw her hat into the ring for the possible Wigram by-election.

“If Jim Anderton does stand down from his seat to contest for the Christchurch mayoralty, I’m keen to be National’s candidate in the resulting by-election for the Wigram electorate” said Ms Lee

“I have unparalleled experience in National at fighting by-elections, especially in what used to be seen as Leftwing strongholds”

“People thought, for instance, that no-one could match the popularity that Helen Clark used to enjoy in Mt Albert but I proved them wrong. With my help David Shearer surpassed Clark’s share of the vote! I believe I can make a similar contribution in Wigram”

Ms Lee continued “Of course, there are lessons that I can bring forward from the Mt Albert campaign but they will need some adapting to local circumstances. For instance, the Government has plans for several major motorway projects in and around Wigram. Whereas in Auckland I suggested the Waterview motorway would send criminals from South Auckland zooming through Mt Albert to steal from other suburbs, in Wigram I will tell them the motorway projects will help to divert boy racers to Ilam. And rather than accidentally reveal my anti-Maori racism, in Wigram I will make some inappropriate remarks about Asians – except Koreans, of course, ha ha!”

With the support of my party, Jonathan Coleman’s able campaign management, and a few more dollars from NZ on Air for my production company, I’m sure I will be as successful in Wigram as I was in Mt Albert, if not even more so”

No word yet on whether Jon Boscawen might reprise his role an run as ACT’s candidate. At press time, he was still insisting that if he could just prove that the temperature recalibrations when the Karori weather gauge was moved were fudged then the whole climate change conspiracy would collapse. He also refused to acknowledge the presence of a lamington on his head. Proving a man can be blind to two undeniable things at the same time.

18 comments on “Lee eyeing up Wigram? ”

  • Comments are now closed

  1. toad 1
    21 April 2010 at 11:46 am

    ROFLMAO.

    Very good, Z.

  2. lprent 2
    21 April 2010 at 11:46 am

    Oh that is funny…

  3. Lew 3
    21 April 2010 at 11:51 am

    Unparallelled experience indeed.

    L

  5. Tigger 5
    21 April 2010 at 11:57 am

    Great satire, thought it was real until para 4. Brilliant.

  6. Jim Nald 6
    21 April 2010 at 11:59 am

    For a second, I thought that was a real press release!

    My Asian friends and colleagues reckon Lee might be an ok broadcaster but she is really awful as a politician. Such an embarrassment.

    Some people make a devastatingly bad career change from public communication to politics and she is a clear example in point. Ughhh.

  7. Ianmac 7
    21 April 2010 at 12:02 pm

    What a hoot.
    “Jim. Jim. Don’t leave us please Jim.”
    Actually Jim becoming Mayor in Christchurch would be a great step forward. He says what he thinks and thinks what he says. I imagine that he would deal to the disgraceful usurping of water rights. National would get the pip and send in the big guns. Yes. Melissa Lee! You’re on now!

  8. tc 8
    21 April 2010 at 2:02 pm

    Excellent……. and it may not deviate too far from reality as it unfolds…all hail the prophet Z

  9. Bored 9
    21 April 2010 at 2:56 pm

    They say you cant keep a good man down but a bad girl is up for anything…..

  10. Trevor Mallard 10
    21 April 2010 at 2:56 pm

    + Dr Norman?

    • toad 10.1
      21 April 2010 at 6:29 pm

      Oh, don’t go there Trevor. With all we are facing from the NACT brigade, the last thing we want is a Labour-Greens spat over strategy and tactics.

      If you want to challenge the Greens, do it on policy.

      Russel standing in Mount Albert did a lot to enhance the public awareness of him as the relatively new Co-Leader of the Greens. That was all it was about, and the Greens would never have agreed to it if they ever thought it could result in National taking the seat.

      • felix 10.1.1
        21 April 2010 at 8:11 pm

        With all we are facing from the NACT brigade

        But I thought they were your fwends. Did they unfwend you?

  11. illuminatedtiger 11
    21 April 2010 at 9:04 pm

    If she stood and she was the only candidate I’m sure she’d still find a way to fuck it up.

  12. Cameron 12
    22 April 2010 at 10:54 am

    Haha I though this was for real until I got part way through it.

The server will be getting hardware changes this evening starting at 10pm NZDT.
The site will be off line for some hours.