web analytics

What should John Key do in 2015?

Written By: - Date published: 9:57 am, January 18th, 2015 - 39 comments
Categories: john key, Judith Collins, national, national/act government, Politics, same old national - Tags: ,

James Griffin in the Herald has written an article on things that John Key should set out to achieve in 2015.  The article is obviously satire and a not too subtle put down of what is business as usual for the PM.  Griffin proposes that Key smiles a lot, goes to lots of Cricket and Rugby World cup games, sell more stuff, has his team work on spontaneous Andrew Little put down lines and play lots of golf with new members of the National Party.  Two of the suggestions are rather scathing.  The first is:

Work on new plausible deniability technique. Not remembering and claiming not to be in the room at the time is starting to arouse suspicion, so time for a change-up. Maybe try “it was none of my business so I wasn’t paying attention” gambit? Upside is that it is human and relatable; downside is that it could be argued that as Prime Minister just about everything that happens in Government is my business. Yes this is unfair because there is a lot of business in a Government and a lot of that business is boring and therefore doesn’t interest me, but it seems to be expected that I should know everything about everything all the time. Who am I? Superman? Sometimes this job sucks but I must man up and deal with that.

The second neatly sums up the vacuum in National’s approach to Government:

Come up with a whole heap of exciting and innovative policies that will make New Zealand a better place. Probably not important this soon after an election but if we can at least be perceived as talking about thinking about this sort of stuff then people seem to like that. This is good because then they’re not shouting at me.

The two semi serious suggestions are about what to do with Judith Collins and Cameron Slater.

In relation to Collins Griffin says “[t]he woman has more lives than a panther or similar large predatory cat. Need to find her a job that both satiates her need for power but also keeps her away from other humans – especially me. Minister for the Chatham Islands, maybe?”  Collins and the ferocity of her supporters must be giving Key all sorts of headaches.

The suggestion about Cameron Slater is to stay as far away from him as is humanely possible.  “This goes for all forms of communication, not just walking the other way if he looms up in front of me. Above all do not have your photo taken with this man, John, even though having your photo taken is your favourite thing. Possibly talk to SIS (or the SAS) about a more permanent solution to the whale-in-the-room problem?”  Good luck with that one John.

Of course there are many urgent and pressing things that Key needs to address but he seems more interested in getting his golfing handicap down.  Things like:

  1. Addressing child poverty,
  2. Making our ETS function again,
  3. Reduce inequality,
  4. Do something about our waterways,
  5. Make superannuation sustainable …


39 comments on “What should John Key do in 2015? ”

  1. – Fast-track City Rail Link
    – Cancel shonkey Sky City convention centre
    – Cancel shonkey Christchurch convention centre
    – Increase public housing stock and outlaw property speculation
    – Withdraw from TPPA
    – Repeal GCSB/SIS mass surveillance law
    – Admit role in Dirty Politics and come clean before the NZ public

    • Clemgeopin 1.1

      – Resign and head off to Hawaii.

      • dave 1.1.1

        jump off the the 9th floor of the beehive in one honest event the concrete.

        • Clemgeopin

          Sorry, that kind of remark is uncalled for. Hope you don’t mind me asking you to please resist making such cringe worthy rude remarks wishing death or suicide for anyone.

      • Murray Rawshark 1.1.2

        I don’t even mind if he gives himself a knighthood first.

  2. – Higher corporate taxes
    – Stop treating public assets like your personal portfolio

    Basically, Key should turn over a new leaf in 2015, stop thinking like a financial predator, and treat NZ like a nation of people whose lives matter. Not a business to be milked for his 1% mates.

  3. deWithiel 3

    – Address climate change on the basis of science, not spurious economic beliefs;
    – Cancel RoNS on the basis that they’re economically unviable and would have catastrophic environmental impacts;
    – Repeal the Resource Management Amendment Act 2009 and reinstate blanket tree protection measures in Auckland;
    – Resign and take the whole miserable National party down with you.

  4. Hey @mickysavage, you need to proof-read the title of this post… 😉

  5. Brendon Harre 5

    Cancel RoNS and reform Super city/regional/local government so that they get half the funding currently allocated to NZTA. This means half the fuel and road user charges incurred in a jurisdiction goes directly to that Regional/Super city Council

    In exchange for this increase in public resources Regional/Local authorities agree that they have a statutory target to ensure the housing market returns to long term affordability ratios. Regional/Local authorities achieve this target by opening up new areas for development by zoning changes and providing improved transport links -both road and public transport -extending Auckland’s passenger rail and the Northern Express busway etc.

    John Key assists this process by limiting immigration, reversing his governments change that allowed property development to be considered a legitimate ‘business’ for immigration approval, allowing publically accessible records of land ownership -including foreign ownership of land. Stopping non-residents/citizens from owning land.

    The Reserve Bank assists this process by ensuring interest rates stay low and stable so that Councils -infrastructure builders and private home builders can borrow to build at affordable levels.

    Gradually as New Zealand’s housing stock returns to affordable levels, household debt drops from its dangerously high ratio with respect to GDP. The economy re-orientates itself towards investing in the productive economy and New Zealand walks back from the brink.

    The social welfare problems of unaffordable housing -overcrowding and living in inappropriate conditions -damp and mouldy environments that breed disease such as rheumatic fever go from a widespread problem to isolated cases that the Social Welfare system can handle.

  6. A Voter 6

    John Key the new face of National Past Party
    Nothing new to see here move on Quickly

  7. Ad 7

    Your list would be great Mickey.

    He could just start by recognising that there are lots of poor people in New Zealand.

    He could also recognize the direct vulnerability of the dairy industry to water supply, and hence to the climate.

    baby steps

  8. A Voter 8

    Actually reading all the comments

    Just Fuck Off John might be the best he can do for his country not what his country can do for him
    Like Double his fortune
    Give him an international profile that the country cant afford
    Hours of TV coverage of him that is about as useful as advertising and as bloody expensive
    Give him presidential status but on the other hand he would be gone by 2016
    Allow him to distract the country from all the growing pests and diseases takin over our natural environment which need to dealt to
    And the fact that he can get away with as much as any other despot and
    under the protection of the Queen of England

  9. ..wave and say ‘ackshully!’ a lot..?

  10. shouldn’t the question be ‘what will john key do in 2015..?’

    ..and the answer being:..pretty much what he has done up until now..

    ..why is there any expectation of any different..?

    ..and one definite thing he will ‘do’..

    ..he will march us further into the hellhole-wars in the middle-east..

    ..as americas’ handmaiden/spear-carrier..

    ..and he will further increase surveillance on us all..

  11. Addressing child poverty,
    Making our ETS function again,
    Reduce inequality,
    Do something about our waterways,
    Make superannuation sustainable …

    Ah, I see. it’s a fantasy game with the premise “Suppose John Key wasn’t a cunt…” Perhaps I’m more unimaginative than most, but that premise is going to prove a major stumbling block.

    • gnomic 11.1

      About the c**t word; why is this such a popular term of abuse? Why are the female sexual parts so hated and subject to contempt? Just curious. Personally I am trying to avoid using the word in a derogatory context. Call me PC.

      For myself I might think of the Prime Spinister as a weaselly dickhead.

    • adam 11.2

      And Milt comes back with more, sexism. Why am I not surprised. Look loaf boy, slow down on whatever it is which is making you rorirori.

  12. millsy 12

    Accept that public ownership/provision is not evil, and that poor people having more money is good for the economy, not bad.

    • that is the one that really puzzles me about the economic-wizards on the right..

      ..their seeming inability to grasp the economics 101 fact that the best way to stimulate/grow an economy/society..(and to at the same time end poverty..)

      ..is to increase the incomes of the worst-off..

      ..for the simple fact that this money instantly churns back into the economy..

      ..into the tills of retailers/service-providers..

      ..so..if these rightwing-economists/politicians do grasp this econ 101 fact..

      ..it is clearly class-war/ideology that stills their hands..

      ..and these rightwing business-idiots seemingly also unable to see that people having more money..means more customers for whatever it is they flog..

      ..dumb as a fucken log…all of them..

  13. adam 13

    As I’m an eternal optimist I have only one thing I want from Key in 2015.

    No more rorirori from the PM – Six years of it is enough, thanks John. God Bless.

  14. Murray Rawshark 14

    This whole post is very defeatist. Have we accepted that we will never get decent representatives into government, and that we cannot fight in other ways, and settled for hoping that FJK turns into a social democratic statesman and does what we want? Weak as piss. All he should do is leave.

  15. Naki man 15

    Keep up the good work and make sure national win the next election.
    When its not broken there is no need to fix it.

    • dv 15.1

      Nats debt now


      • Clemgeopin 15.1.1

        Damn! Is that the so called ROCK STAR ECONOMY that Key and English boast about?
        More like they see stars in their defective eyes and have rocks in their big stupid heads! What suckers are the 48% people that voted for this crazy pro-rich, pro corporate RW lousy lying lot!

  16. Stuart Munro 16

    170 000 jobs to create
    $90 billion in debt to repay
    reform the SIS/GCSB to serve NZ once more
    stop crawling to fishing companies and actually enforce anti-slavery laws as international law has required for at least the last three decades
    sack Bill English & Hekia Parata in favour of anyone who is even marginally competent
    renationalise stolen assets including John’s Tranzrail nestegg
    reclaim Crafar farms and similar properties
    commission of enquiry into SCF – follow the money somewhere interesting
    distance yourself from corruption (Judith Collins & yourself)
    and infamy (Whaleoil & Martin Ede)

    don’t think he’s up to any of it really so the honourable alternative is:

    Get a service revolver & do the decent thing.

    • Colonial Rawshark 16.1

      You can’t repay that debt and create jobs at the same time.

      Repaying debt destroys money out of circulation out of the NZ economy which will destroy jobs.

      The only way you can create jobs is to spend into the economy – which will probably increase debt.

      • dv 16.1.1

        About 30? years ago Social credit had a proposal issue new money at no interest to build infrastructure, then withdraw the money from circulation as the infrastructure gave a return.
        One of the keys is no interest.

        And keep it all in nz. and away from overseas banker.

        • Colonial Rawshark

          Sounds about right. New money has to be put into general economic circulation at the same or greater rate than savers, hoarders and foreign corporate profits are removing it from the general economic circulation. Otherwise you will end up with de facto austerity.

          Investing new money into nationwide and localised infrastructure and skills which will take us successfully to a low carbon economy is absolutely crucial now. We do not have many years to get ready.

  17. Neil 17

    The best thing for Key to do cant be said in public, as you would get arrested for it.

  18. Tanz 18

    Accepting accountability would be a start, and to stop being a selfie celeb all the time.

  19. Lloyd 19

    Admit that the last six years has been a terrible mistake and that almost every New Zealander other than his closest cronies would now be better off economically, socially and physically if the gnats had remained in opposition and the country had instead been governed by a Labour/Green government. Then resign. Then give up all his ripped off money back to the poor of New Zealand. Then I wouldn’t be too upset if he lived to a ripe old age in a State house with only the old-age pension for income.

  20. This is what we can expect from a third term Key Government :
    1. Reduced public services
    2. Stealth cuts to WFF
    3. Wasted opportunity to build the Cullen Fund
    4. No action on the Housing Crisis
    5. More surveillance state and invasion of privacy
    6. No real job creation outside Christchurch
    7. No real gain in median incomes
    8. Selling of sovereignty for photo ops with foreign leaders
    9. No integrated plan to grow the economy as a whole (NZ Inc)
    10. Pointless asset sales so that Bill English can fudge the Budget
    11. Low tech economy still based on primary products
    12. Massive gaps in health system
    13. Slim ‘surplus’ achieved by screwing health and education
    14. Child poverty will continue to be ignored
    15. Mismanaged UF Broadband rollout
    16. New lows in ethical governance and accountability
    17. More coercive treatment of beneficiaries
    18. Failing to gather proper data on foreign ownership of housing, land, or the export value chain
    19. Supports crackpot ACT policies to cut tax to achieve growth
    20. Blind allegiance to a failed and iniquitous economic model

    Ordinary New Zealanders will be the losers.

  21. Dave 21

    John keys a banker they like jumping off the top of there I very towers

Recent Comments

Recent Posts

  • Tokelau Language Week reminds us to stay united and strong
    Staying strong in the face of challenges and being true to our heritage and languages are key to preserving our cultural identity and wellbeing, is the focus of the 2020 Tokelau Language Week. Minister for Pacific Peoples, Aupito William Sio, says this year’s theme, ‘Apoapo tau foe, i nā tāfea ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 day ago
  • NZ announces a third P-3 deployment in support of UN sanctions
    The Government has deployed a Royal New Zealand Air Force P-3K2 Orion (P-3) maritime patrol aircraft to support the implementation of United Nations Security Council (UNSC) resolutions imposing sanctions against North Korea, announced Minister of Foreign Affairs Winston Peters and Minister of Defence Ron Mark. “New Zealand has long supported ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    5 days ago
  • Pacific trade and development agreement a reality
    Pacific regional trade and development agreement PACER Plus will enter into force in 60 days now that the required eight countries have ratified it. Trade and Export Growth Minister David Parker welcomed the announcement that the Cook Islands is the eighth nation to ratify this landmark agreement. “The agreement represents ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Securing a pipeline of teachers
    The Government is changing its approach to teacher recruitment as COVID-19 travel restrictions continue, by boosting a range of initiatives to get more Kiwis into teaching. “When we came into Government, we were faced with a teacher supply crisis,” Education Minister Chris Hipkins said. “Over the past three years, we ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Border exceptions for a small number of international students with visas
    The Government has established a new category that will allow 250 international PhD and postgraduate students to enter New Zealand and continue their studies, in the latest set of border exceptions. “The health, safety and wellbeing of people in New Zealand remains the Government’s top priority. Tight border restrictions remain ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • First COVID-19 vaccine purchase agreement signed
    The Government has signed an agreement to purchase 1.5 million COVID-19 vaccines – enough for 750,000 people – from Pfizer and BioNTech, subject to the vaccine successfully completing all clinical trials and passing regulatory approvals in New Zealand, say Research, Science and Innovation Minister Megan Woods and Health Minister Chris Hipkins. ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • International statement – End-to-end encryption and public safety
    We, the undersigned, support strong encryption, which plays a crucial role in protecting personal data, privacy, intellectual property, trade secrets and cyber security.  It also serves a vital purpose in repressive states to protect journalists, human rights defenders and other vulnerable people, as stated in the 2017 resolution of the ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Ministry of Defence Biodefence Assessment released
    The Ministry of Defence has today released a Defence Assessment examining Defence’s role across the spectrum of biological hazards and threats facing New Zealand. Biodefence: Preparing for a New Era of Biological Hazards and Threats looks at how the NZDF supports other agencies’ biodefence activities, and considers the context of ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • New Approaches to Economic Challenges: Confronting Planetary Emergencies: OECD 9 October 2020
    New Approaches to Economic Challenges: Confronting Planetary Emergencies: OECD 9 October 2020 Hon David Parker’s response following Thomas Piketty and Esther Duflo. Good morning, good afternoon, and good evening, wherever in the world you might be. I first acknowledge the excellent thought provoking speeches of Thomas Piketty and Esther ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Kaipara Moana restoration takes next step
    A Memorandum of Understanding has been signed today at Waihāua Marae between the Crown, local iwi and councils to protect, restore and enhance the mauri of Kaipara Moana in Northland. Environment Minister David Parker signed the document on behalf of the Crown along with representatives from Ngā Maunga Whakahī, Ngāti ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • New Zealand and Uruguay unite on reducing livestock production emissions
    Agriculture Minister Damien O’Connor and Uruguayan Minister of Livestock, Agriculture and Fisheries Carlos María Uriarte have welcomed the launch of a three-year project that will underpin sustainable livestock production in Uruguay, Argentina, and Costa Rica.  The project called ‘Innovation for pasture management’ is led by Uruguay’s National Institute of Agricultural ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • 3100 jobs created through marae upgrades
    Hundreds of marae throughout the country will be upgraded through investments from the Provincial Growth Fund’s refocused post COVID-19 funding to create jobs and put money into the pockets of local tradespeople and businesses, Regional Economic Development Minister Shane Jones and Māori Development Minister Nanaia Mahuta have announced. “A total ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Health volunteers recognised in annual awards
    Health Minister Chris Hipkins has announced 9 teams and 14 individuals are the recipients of this year’s Minister of Health Volunteer Awards.  “The health volunteer awards celebrate and recognise the thousands of dedicated health sector volunteers who give many hours of their time to help other New Zealanders,” Mr Hipkins ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Community COVID-19 Fund supports Pacific recovery
    The Minister for Pacific Peoples, Aupito William Sio says a total of 264 groups and individuals have successfully applied for the Pacific Aotearoa Community COVID-19 Recovery Fund, that will support Pacific communities drive their own COVID-19 recovery strategies, initiatives, and actions. “I am keen to see this Fund support Pacific ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Community benefits from Māori apprenticeships
    Up to 50 Māori apprentices in Wellington will receive paid training to build houses for their local communities, thanks to a $2.75 million investment from the Māori Trades and Training Fund, announced Employment Minister Willie Jackson today. “This funding will enable Ngāti Toa Rangatira Incorporated to provide its Ngā Kaimahi ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Training fund supports Māori jobseekers
    Rapidly growing sectors will benefit from a $990,000 Māori Trades and Training Fund investment which will see Wellington jobseekers supported into work, announced Employment Minister Willie Jackson today. “This funding will enable Sapphire Consultants Ltd. to help up to 45 Māori jobseekers into paid training initiatives over two years through ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Ruakura Inland Port development vital infrastructure for Waikato
    The Government is investing $40 million to develop an inland port at Ruakura which will become a freight super-hub and a future business, research and residential development for the Waikato, Urban Development and Transport Minister Phil Twyford, and Māori Development Minister Nanaia Mahuta announced today. The funding has been has ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Appointments made to Defence Expert Review Group
    Defence Minister Ron Mark announced today the establishment of an Expert Review Group to review a number of aspects of the New Zealand Defence Force’s (NZDF) structure, information management and record-keeping processes.  The Expert Review Group’s work arises out of the first recommendation from the Report of the Government’s Inquiry ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • No active community cases of COVID-19
    There are no active community cases of COVID-19 remaining in the country after the last people from the recent outbreak have recovered from the virus, Health Minister Chris Hipkins said today. “This is a big milestone. New Zealanders have once again through their collective actions squashed the virus. The systems ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Clean energy upgrade for more public buildings
    More public buildings will be supported by the Government to upgrade to run on clean energy, the Minister for Climate Change James Shaw announced today. Minister Shaw announced that Lincoln and Auckland universities will receive support through the Clean-Powered Public Service Fund to replace fossil fuel boilers. Southern, Taranaki, and ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 weeks ago
  • Schools back donations scheme for the second year
    More schools have opted in to the donations scheme for 2021, compared to 2020 when the scheme was introduced. “The families of more than 447,000 students will be better off next year, with 94% of eligible schools and kura opting into the scheme,” Education Minister Chris Hipkins said. “This is ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 weeks ago
  • Ruapehu cycle trails gets PGF boost
    The spectacular Mountains to Sea cycle trail in Ruapehu District will receive $4.6 million in funding from the Provincial Growth Fund for two additional trails, Regional Economic Development Minister Shane Jones announced today. “This is an exciting development for the local community, and one that will provide significant economic opportunities ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 weeks ago