Satire

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Civilian offers a bleak look at our future.

Written By: - Date published: 8:41 am, September 26th, 2019 - 13 comments

The Civilian ‘reports’ in “Trump repeatedly asked Ardern if New Zealand gives asylum very often”. Oh shit! We need to reverse National’s large donation policy and proactively and preemptively pass a law against bolthole refugees.

Trump it up

Written By: - Date published: 3:22 pm, September 12th, 2019 - Comments Off on Trump it up

Found on facebook and featuring the work of an anonymous genius …

The Civilian has a fish-hook

Written By: - Date published: 9:37 am, September 6th, 2019 - 2 comments

The Civilian is New Zealand’s pre-eminent source of online news, and indeed the purest form of news that you can consume without having an apoplectic seizure. Today they detail the course of a vaccination on live TV. Please put your hot drinks down before reading.

Simon Bridges wants a new Digital Media advisor

Written By: - Date published: 7:43 am, August 6th, 2019 - 21 comments

A slight rewrite of an ad currently on Parliament’s careers website.

Memo from Crosby Textor – fake news

Written By: - Date published: 9:06 am, August 2nd, 2019 - 19 comments

The Standard has obtained an internal memo from CTF Partners (formerly Crosby Textor) where it responds to allegations that it is a kindergarden for the rich children of Conservative Party donors, has engaged in misogynist behavior and ran anti and pro cycle astroturf campaigns to get a cycleway moved from near a client’s business premises to near an opponent’s premises.

Aussies – utterly predictable right down to the last words.

Written By: - Date published: 11:01 am, July 14th, 2019 - 30 comments

It isn’t often that I read a sports story. My view was that if you aren’t doing a sport, then what is the point in watching others doing it? Work on something that you can do. However a title on an aussie ABC article caught me – “New Zealand earn genuine respect”. Now that was unusual…

 

Clever visual satire on a millionaire beggar

Written By: - Date published: 10:15 am, July 6th, 2019 - 15 comments

Scott Marsh does a great depiction of Israel Folau’s essential ethics. Check out some of Scott’s other art as well.

On the first day of leakmas …

Written By: - Date published: 8:30 am, December 10th, 2018 - 46 comments

Overheard at a Press Gallery BBQ …

Memo from Crosby Textor – National’s leak problem

Written By: - Date published: 7:34 am, December 5th, 2018 - 23 comments

The Standard has been leaked an internal memo from Crosby Textor to the National Party concerning its current situation.

Simon Bridges wants a new senior social media advisor

Written By: - Date published: 8:00 am, November 6th, 2018 - 36 comments

Simon Bridges has advertised for a Senior Social Media advisor.

Trademe advertises National List MP position for sale

Written By: - Date published: 11:58 am, October 19th, 2018 - 17 comments

Some wag on Trademe has advertised National Party list positions for sale.

Do republicans really want to arm infants?

Written By: - Date published: 10:40 am, July 16th, 2018 - 17 comments

It appears that Sacha Baron Cohen has succeeded in getting prominent Republicans to say stupid things about arming kids.

Inevitably the crazy old morons remain

Written By: - Date published: 9:10 am, March 14th, 2018 - 164 comments

In his usual dignified way, Donald Trump announced that he was sacking Rex Tillerson, the American Secretary of State in a tweet. And so the round of musical chairs that marks the White House’s descent into even more incompetence continues. Meanwhile the farce of the Russian election proceeds in their background of state operated terrorism in the UK. But there is some light

Who will be National’s next leader?

Written By: - Date published: 7:57 am, February 14th, 2018 - 77 comments

Following Bill English’s resignation the question is who will be National’s next leaders.  The Standard authors have put their heads together and come up with some suggestions.

Sticking with Bill is the right move for National

Written By: - Date published: 1:37 pm, February 9th, 2018 - 15 comments

National knows what to expect with Bill.

Thought for the day

Written By: - Date published: 6:12 am, January 16th, 2018 - 14 comments

Satire vs bullying.

The Adventures of CosmoGuy: US Ambassador to New Zealand (and Samoa!)

Written By: - Date published: 1:35 pm, December 29th, 2017 - 3 comments

The alleged ‘thoughts’ of Scott Brown, the highly intelligent and very cool ambassador of the Partisan States of America to NooZiland. In an exposition of typical blinding intelligence, he tries to explain to his beloved Orange Lord what he is doing here (and in Samoa!).

Who is the white dude of the year?

Written By: - Date published: 9:00 am, December 28th, 2017 - 266 comments

Ben Torkington has proposed on twitter that there should be a white dude of the year competition.  Who should be the inaugural winner of this esteemed competition and why?

Tory Translation Service

Written By: - Date published: 9:39 am, December 17th, 2017 - 211 comments

  I don’t often admit that there is anything that the right do better than the left, but, credit where it’s due, there are a few things. Chief amongst them are dog whistling and wedge politics. These are calculated political silencing tactics that use language to belittle the left and make us appear alienated from […]

The Great Australian Bight honest Government ad

Written By: - Date published: 4:30 pm, October 25th, 2017 - 4 comments

The Australian Government just released this ad about the Great Australian Bight and it’s surprisingly honest and informative. 🌎🐋

US presidential campaign heats up along with the hurricanes

Written By: - Date published: 4:00 pm, September 12th, 2017 - 9 comments

The first contender has declared, albeit so far in a humorous manner. Less humorous has been the hurricanes that have been hitting southern states this season. You can understand why the oil industries anti-scientist Scott Pruitt that Trump put in charge of the EPA doesn’t want to talk about it.

Real video from National’s campaign launch

Written By: - Date published: 8:55 am, August 30th, 2017 - 8 comments

The Standard has received real video from National’s campaign launch

Bill English’s texts leaked

Written By: - Date published: 10:00 am, August 9th, 2017 - 21 comments

Some of Bill English’s texts have been released. And they are not what you might expect.

Breaking: calls for Paddy Gower’s resignation as MSM slips in its own bullshit

Written By: - Date published: 7:05 am, August 9th, 2017 - 24 comments

Last night all the excitement finally caught up with them, leading to calls for Paddy Gower to resign and for MSM organisations to delete their social media accounts.

The Doctor Who helpline

Written By: - Date published: 9:04 am, July 19th, 2017 - 51 comments

Lordy, what’s going on?

White Man Behind a Desk – Indigenous Rights

Written By: - Date published: 7:32 am, March 6th, 2017 - 6 comments

We no longer need the Waitangi Tribunal because everything’s fine now. Right?

Nick Smith becomes Minister of Government Information

Written By: - Date published: 9:05 am, February 24th, 2017 - 62 comments

The Government intends to change the definitions of various indicators in an effort to solve some of the country’s most serious problems.

1984

Written By: - Date published: 11:39 am, February 23rd, 2017 - 120 comments

That Orwell was ahead of his time.

The Standard is offering to the National Party leadership contenders guest post slots

Written By: - Date published: 12:15 pm, December 7th, 2016 - 128 comments

In the spirit of bi partisanship the Standard wishes to offer the candidates for leadership of the National caucus guest post slots and the ability to answer readers’ questions.

Racist Nats Attack Chinese Grannies Shock!

Written By: - Date published: 9:00 am, October 12th, 2016 - 67 comments

National have slammed the door shut on the parents of already settled migrants who wish to move to NZ to complete the family unit. Minister Michael Woodhouse accuses elderly Asians of bludging off the NZ taxpayer. You won’t believe the howls of outrage from the right!

Boris Johnson’s HQ as the EU referendum results came in …

Written By: - Date published: 1:11 pm, July 1st, 2016 - 3 comments

Rumoured to be satire …

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