Satire

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Imperator Fish: John needs this too

Written By: - Date published: 10:30 am, March 9th, 2016 - 24 comments

Imperator Fish argues for a change in the New Zealand flag, sort of.

Imperator Fish: On that restaurant guy’s bid for mayor

Written By: - Date published: 7:30 am, March 2nd, 2016 - 19 comments

Imperator Fish analyses the implications of that restaurant guy’s announcement that he will also seek to become Auckland super city’s next mayor.

RIP NZ satire

Written By: - Date published: 8:15 am, February 18th, 2016 - 50 comments

oliver-joyce-dildo-flag

The official New Zealand COP21 negotiating guide

Written By: - Date published: 9:00 am, December 1st, 2015 - 13 comments

The Youth Delegation at COP 21 has secured a copy of the Government’s negotiation guide and has published it …

Allahu Quackbar!

Written By: - Date published: 10:55 pm, November 29th, 2015 - 70 comments

4chan bombs Isis. Now that’s the way to hurt them!

The comical farce of Cameron Slater et al

Written By: - Date published: 10:37 am, November 20th, 2015 - 43 comments

Cameron Slater and his associates are legal morans. This has been extensively investigated and judged on by the Court of Appeal in a judgement released yesterday. I have a wee look at it and the steaming heap of faecal matter that these idiots tried to get the judges to consume.

Imperator Fish: the Terrorist Test

Written By: - Date published: 9:00 am, November 19th, 2015 - 22 comments

Following from a tweet from Josie Pagani Imperator Fish has designed this handy quiz so that protesters can work out if they prefer ISIS to the TPP.

If journalists reported the real news

Written By: - Date published: 11:08 am, October 12th, 2015 - 13 comments

Journalist Jonathan Pie presents the real news.

National to extinguish private property rights!

Written By: - Date published: 3:23 pm, June 17th, 2015 - 41 comments

Shocking news I think you’ll agree.

Worst. Interview. Ever.

Written By: - Date published: 9:30 am, May 4th, 2015 - 85 comments

On Radio NZ this morning John Key gave an interview that was cringe-worthy, defensive and accidently hilarious. The man is a joke … and not even an original one.

Planet Key

Written By: - Date published: 5:48 pm, April 2nd, 2015 - 24 comments

Turns out that “Planet Key” is not an election advertisement after all.

Fruukd: New Media Venture

Written By: - Date published: 11:22 am, April 1st, 2015 - 15 comments

The Standardista Collective today announced plans for a massive new media venture, Fruukd.

Damn you readers :) Upgrades again

Written By: - Date published: 7:47 pm, February 10th, 2015 - 31 comments

Well ok, after the election I figured that I could shift the site to some slower storage with a whole lot of redundancy in a RAID6 array of slower drives. We’d have a lot fewer readers than our peak for 6 months after post election, right? Nope – wrong. You are making me work…

Imperator Fish: A clarification

Written By: - Date published: 3:50 pm, January 28th, 2015 - 31 comments

Sexist right-wingers are lining up to abuse Eleanor Catton for speaking her mind. The odious Sean Plunket is the worst, calling Catton a “hua” (sounds like and sometimes defined as “whore”). Imperator Fish responds

Shortlist for GCSB Chief announced

Written By: - Date published: 1:31 pm, January 16th, 2015 - 15 comments

It makes for great reading and throws the net wider than last time… just Check it out here

ImperatorFish: A statement from the New Zealand Taxpayers’ Union

Written By: - Date published: 2:23 pm, December 9th, 2014 - 22 comments

The New Zealand Taxpayers’ Union is outraged at the scandalous behaviour of Auckland mayor Len Brown. The people of Auckland deserve better than a mayor who spends public money discharging his bodily wastes.

Teapot tapes released!

Written By: - Date published: 12:00 pm, December 9th, 2014 - 7 comments

As the matter seems to be heading for trial now is a good time for the audio from the teapot tapes to be released.

Fred Dagg – User’s Guide to NZ

Written By: - Date published: 10:07 pm, December 4th, 2014 - 35 comments

I miss Fred Dagg – John Clarke’s latest is a purler. “New Zealand … is an egalitarian nation made up of well over four million rugged individualists and naturally gifted sportspeople and is run on alternate days by the government and whoever bought the national infrastructure.” Read, laugh and weep – he might be gone but we’re not forgotten, and thank God for that.

Imperator Fish: The Labour Party plot to kill Cameron Slater: the shocking evidence

Written By: - Date published: 6:00 pm, November 27th, 2014 - 33 comments

Imperator Fish claims to have received from an anonymous source a recording of a conversation between senior Labour Party members in which a plan to kill Cameron Slater is discussed.

ImperatorFish: A statement from John Key

Written By: - Date published: 8:17 am, November 27th, 2014 - 14 comments

Apologise? What for? I’m not sorry for anything. I have done nothing wrong. It’s Phil Goff who should be apologising. It’s Phil Goff who should resign.

Key: I’m Lazy, Incompetent

Written By: - Date published: 8:16 pm, November 25th, 2014 - 9 comments

Q&A with our fearless leader on his many reports.

Country divided: Key can’t rule

Written By: - Date published: 11:25 pm, November 18th, 2014 - 43 comments

Election 2014 result coverage reprised…

ImperatorFish: A plea for help

Written By: - Date published: 11:24 pm, November 3rd, 2014 - 35 comments

I don’t usually ask for help, but this is different. I have made a lot of enemies, and some of them are determined to destroy me. I have managed to clad some of the roof of my house with aluminium foil, but funds are tight. If you don’t give me money it will make you a bad person

 

Should Right-wing newspapers just shut up?

Written By: - Date published: 1:12 pm, November 2nd, 2014 - 75 comments

In the spirit of Philip Matthews

No wonder Key wouldn’t say who Rawshark was!

Written By: - Date published: 1:43 pm, October 31st, 2014 - 50 comments

Another contender for John Key to confirm or deny the identity of…

“As authorities close in, I think it’s time to admit I’ve been harbouring Rawshark for 5 months now.”

RAW SHARK……THE CAFE, (a new t.v. pilot series) Episode One – “Shark Off”

Written By: - Date published: 10:04 pm, September 28th, 2014 - 6 comments

After TV Two’s successful series of ‘allo, allo, allo, allo based at the Whale Oil Cafe, a pilot series “Raw Shark – the Cafe” will be screening on TV Two in October.  Written by cadet reporter, Tracy Whatshite each episode stars two left wing celebrities who are the staff of the day at Raw Shark. […]

The last five days

Written By: - Date published: 5:53 pm, September 25th, 2014 - 63 comments

An accident… Then an odd thing starts to happen. Instead of helping the survivors and securing the scene, the rescue crew start fighting amongst themselves. How did the crash happen? Was it was the driver’s fault? What was the main cause of the accident?

“‘Allo, ‘allo, ‘allo, ‘allo” -Final episode – (Series One) “Chaos and Mayhem”

Written By: - Date published: 7:07 pm, September 6th, 2014 - 7 comments

The Whale Oil Cafe has taken a hit. The walls have holes punched in them.  Most of the windows are smashed  and broken glass and dirt covers the cafe  floor.  The pictures of John Key are still hanging on the cafe walls, although the frames are smashed and glass broken… A whale of disaster has happened

Dirty politics in Dunedin

Written By: - Date published: 12:49 pm, September 3rd, 2014 - 42 comments

No. Not Pete George. Instead Andrew Geddis appears to be up to his neck in the mire of organising “Debating ‘Dirty Politics’: Media, Politics and Law”, at a ‘scholarly’ debate on Friday from 1pm-4pm. It is a long-winded scholarly debate inside work hours. But it will be streamed on youtube and hopefully not only live.

Interview with “Key”…

Written By: - Date published: 6:42 am, August 26th, 2014 - 16 comments

Billed as “Decision 2014 Part 1”, Here’s Michael Hurst staring as John Key’s office…

Labour policy

Written By: - Date published: 11:46 am, August 25th, 2014 - 24 comments

Because of the technical illiteracy of the political committee that appears to have run the development of the Labour website, their extensive list of policies tends to be unreachable. I eventually found the useful page and I’m giving their website a hand using The Standard’s search engine optimization.

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