Satire

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Taxpayers Union attacks Prince George

Written By: - Date published: 12:00 pm, March 5th, 2014 - 15 comments

[satire] The Taxpayers Union has hit out at Prince George for wasting taxpayers money by accompanying his parents, The Prince and Princess of Cambridge on their Royal Visit to New Zealand.  Jordan Williams lashed out at the Prince saying “We expect that he will cost the New Zealand tax payer approximately $550 in nappies, baby food and sundry expenses while he is here; although since he is an infant, we understand he will not have to pay airfares. Even so, we are astounded at this blatant misuse of taxpayers money ”.

Craig launches defamation case against Key

Written By: - Date published: 11:49 am, March 5th, 2014 - 18 comments

[Satire]  In a surprise move Colin Craig has threatened John Key with defamation proceedings for saying that he is weak and thin skinned, and may believe Elvis is alive and the moon landing was faked.

BREAKING EXCLUSIVE: Allies win World War Two

Written By: - Date published: 8:59 am, February 27th, 2014 - 12 comments

Breaking: These Germans will be defeated. In an EXCLUSIVE report, Imperator Fish can now confirm that the Allies won World War Two. Hitler will be DEFEATED !!!!

Rock star – “No depression”

Written By: - Date published: 11:46 am, February 21st, 2014 - 104 comments

Popular songs can capture the heartbeat of communities.  “Rock Star” economy”?  Or “No Depression in New Zealand”?  A song that links the NZ of Muldoon & John Key. “History Never Repeats”?  Who has pulled up the ladder & who wants to replace ladders with something more accessible to all?

Cameron Slater gets starring role in TVNZ drama

Written By: - Date published: 2:21 pm, February 18th, 2014 - 23 comments

Susan Nact reporting. In a dramatic turn of events, cadet reporter Tracy Whatshite (drinking in a Ponsonby cafe), found an envelope labelled “Top Secret, Property of TVNZ”. We can reveal that inside was a script for a new television series that will be screening on Channel Two later this year. The new drama, has a […]

Is John Key a shape shifting reptilian?

Written By: - Date published: 3:03 pm, February 12th, 2014 - 55 comments

Recent allegations have surfaced suggesting that John Key is a shape shifting reptilian and the Labour Party is doing a deal with Ymir, King of the Frost Giants regarding the electorate of Ginnungagap in an attempt to win the 2014 election.  Is it just me or is politics getting really weird?

Key signals coalition with Labour

Written By: - Date published: 11:42 am, January 31st, 2014 - 9 comments

John Key revealed that he was not ruling out going into coalition with Labour after the next election. He is rather bored and this party may make life a bit less boring. Besides this way he can take credit for having made the Best Start.

Imperator Fish – The State of the Nation: an interview with David Cunliffe

Written By: - Date published: 10:31 pm, January 28th, 2014 - 8 comments

Scott gets an exclusive interview with David Cunliffe… and then goes Paddy Gower on his a#$e. Always good to be fair and balanced on the 2 sides of the House.

ImperatorFish: Unity!

Written By: - Date published: 11:59 am, January 12th, 2014 - 22 comments

In which ImperatorFish vows to turn over a new leaf and despite the outrageous and completely unfair barbs aimed in his direction. He will NOT respond to the wrong thinking arseholes! Afterall this is election year.

It is nice that he has included the “pond slime over at The Standard” in this vow.

Enter the Zombie Apocalypse

Written By: - Date published: 5:12 pm, January 5th, 2014 - 22 comments

Ah, heard this on weekend radio on radio NZ this afternoon. Perfect satire for the last US election. Beware the zombie apocalypse.

Hopefully our comedians and cartoonists will be equally inventive

Right Thinking: just another lawbreaking socialist villain

Written By: - Date published: 2:07 pm, December 30th, 2013 - 8 comments

Normally we’d put “ImperatorFish: ” because, well, the post come from that site and from the fertile satirical mind of Scott Yorke. But in this case it is clear that someone else must have written the post. They couldn’t get the sequence of events right and they admitted to an act that a lawyer (such a fine upstanding and moral part of community) would never admit to. Has Scott has been hacked? And why does it sound like actual Cameron Slater writing on one of his better days.

Wet Dick and the Perverts

Written By: - Date published: 10:37 am, December 27th, 2013 - 136 comments

It should be the name of a group from a bizarro version of the 1960’s. But no, it is what passes for the governance of the Auckland City Council these days. There is our mayor with his wet dick. Then we have the five perverts who are busy emoting faux outrage whilst quietly forgetting that we elected them to help run a city. Dick Quax, Cameron Brewer, and the handful of other perverts in council can play with that aspect of their lives on their own time.

John Key: The invisible man

Written By: - Date published: 7:52 am, December 12th, 2013 - 47 comments

Fresh from his comedy career on Letterman, his rolling over puppy imitation for Warner Brothers, and other such high profile appearances. John Key has now taken to reprising the role of “The Man with No Name”. Milly the kitten is better known..

ImperatorFish – John Key: I believe the children are our future

Written By: - Date published: 1:27 pm, December 10th, 2013 - 7 comments

Scott gives us John Key’s full response to the Child Poverty Report.

Breaking News: Aratere to be used in the event of a major oil spill

Written By: - Date published: 2:59 pm, December 3rd, 2013 - 38 comments

As Greenpeace make a bid in the High Court to challenge the EPA’s decision to grant Anadarko permission to deep sea drill, we can reveal the content of secret documents detailing the contingency plan in the event of a major oil spill. The documents outline how the stricken inter island ferry Aratere will be deployed in the cleanup effort, should a catastrophic event occur.

Key and English – best of friends.

Written By: - Date published: 3:30 pm, November 25th, 2013 - 34 comments

In a surprising development, John Key has taken to bringing “a friend” with him to serious media interviews. Key was accompanied by Bill English. Key justified the new approach stating that their unique “chemistry was obvious to all in parliament” and he wanted the public to know, just how well they got on. When questioned whether this was relevant and important in the lives of ordinary Kiwis he said “…frankly its one of the key platforms we will be contesting the 2014 election on”.

ImperatorFish: But what about my rights?

Written By: - Date published: 1:30 pm, November 25th, 2013 - 26 comments

Scott laments the hard life of the rich white man.

Press Release: Bob Jones offers help to police

Written By: - Date published: 3:51 pm, November 23rd, 2013 - 6 comments

Police have called on Bob’s expertise to establish if the crime actually happened. We now all know thanks to Bob’s expertise, that women don’t get raped unless they are attractive, dress sexy and go out beyond their front gate at night. Besides women can’t drive like a guy or have fun like a guy. Bob knows just how women think – at least better than the police?

ImperatorFish: JT and Willie in shock Radio NZ deal

Written By: - Date published: 4:25 pm, November 13th, 2013 - 16 comments

ImperatorFish follows the future direction of the hapless duo JT and Willie…  Replacing Jim Mora? OMG….

ImperatorFish: UFB Project: Terms of Tender

Written By: - Date published: 6:34 pm, November 7th, 2013 - 9 comments

Scott has found the tender document for UFB rollout.

ImperatorFish: Please, please, stop your raping

Written By: - Date published: 10:00 am, November 5th, 2013 - 36 comments

Scott brings us a message from the NZ Police.

ImperatorFish: Revolution!

Written By: - Date published: 9:17 pm, November 4th, 2013 - 10 comments

Scott thinks we should all join the nz taxpayers’ union. Comrades, he hasn’t seen such a fabulous undemocratic union since the Soviet one, so what could go wrong?

ImperatorFish: A prayer to the One

Written By: - Date published: 2:21 pm, October 10th, 2013 - 3 comments

Scott prays to the eternally independent Reserve Bank Governor.

Our boat is faster than theirs

Written By: - Date published: 2:32 pm, October 3rd, 2013 - 27 comments

In the wake of the astounding victory of the NZ team in San Diego, Scott at Imperator Fish offers these words of sage advice to those on the left looking at recent polling. For those of you convinced by the current winning trend, some of us hope that you will take his advice (so the rest of us can carry on with the work that needs to be done).

ImperatorFish: A letter from a Kiwi terrorist

Written By: - Date published: 4:37 pm, August 1st, 2013 - Comments Off on ImperatorFish: A letter from a Kiwi terrorist

Scott has a letter from one of them thar Nu Zild terrists.

ImperatorFish: Patrick Gower put on notice by colleagues

Written By: - Date published: 2:51 pm, June 30th, 2013 - 25 comments

Gower told 3 News last night that he was not concerned about questions surrounding his leadership, or the failure of 3 News to move ahead of One News in the ratings. “Look, I’m confident I’ll still be here for the 2014 election,” Gower said. “Nobody in the team has said anything to me about any trouble.”

ImperatorFish: An apology from the Law Society to John Key

Written By: - Date published: 1:30 pm, June 27th, 2013 - 20 comments

Dear Prime Minister, It appears that we may have made a terrible mistake. We made a detailed submission outlining our concerns about your government’s plans to increase the powers of the GCSB. But it looks like we were wrong. You have told Parliament and the media that you disagree with us. You haven’t said why, but we now accept that you know better than us. What use is all our combined wisdom when arrayed against your everyman common-sense?

We’re leaving & we’re taking the dams

Written By: - Date published: 8:57 am, May 7th, 2013 - 18 comments

Following the Labour and Greens’ rejection of their demand that the parties drop their NZ Power policy to lower power prices, the business elite has announced capital flight. ‘If Origin Energy loses its rentier profits, who’s next? said Phil O’Reilly, close to tears, ‘The banks? The Telecoms duopoly? The petrol companies?* The construction materials oligopoly? The ports and airports?

ImperatorFish: Joyce catches Labour leader buying coffee

Written By: - Date published: 2:04 pm, April 22nd, 2013 - 11 comments

Energy Minister Steven Joyce has condemned the “socialist lunacy” of both Labour and the Greens, after Labour Party leader David Shearer was spotted buying coffee for two fellow MPs.

ImperatorFish: PM vows to work on his lying

Written By: - Date published: 11:58 am, April 12th, 2013 - 2 comments

John Key is promising to work on his lying, after a series of scandals rocked his government. “These blunders threaten to do real damage to his reputation”, said one insider. “The credibility he established as a result of four years of careful and considered lying is now under threat”.

Plus a poem from Seaweed.

ImperatorFish: A statement from the Prime Minister

Written By: - Date published: 11:55 am, April 11th, 2013 - 2 comments

The Government Security (Doing As They Please) Bill will be introduced next week, and this important piece of legislation will make it clear that our security and law enforcement agencies must operate within the framework of doing anything they want.

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