Satire
Categories under Satire
- No categories
ImperatorFish: Good News On Asteroid Front Shows Government On Track
Written By: - Date published: 6:07 pm, May 21st, 2012 - 1 comment
Scott at Imperator Fish has kindly given us permission to syndicate posts from his blog – the original of this post is here.
A guest post from the Finance Minister.
ImperatorFish: New Wiggles Line-up Announced
Written By: - Date published: 3:46 pm, May 18th, 2012 - 8 comments
Scott at Imperator Fish has kindly given us permission to syndicate posts from his blog – the original of this post is here.
Friday afternoon fun: Trevor Mallard becomes a Wiggle.
Performance pay for ministers to be introduced
Written By: - Date published: 11:46 am, May 17th, 2012 - 10 comments
In a surprising pre-Budget u-turn, Prime Minister John Key has announced the Government will drop its policy of incrementally introducing performance pay for teachers and, instead, introduce it for ministers. “Listening to Hekia Parata fluff her way through her spin lines on the teacher cuts, I had a kind of epiphany” said Key. “Any fool […]
Sinking homicide rate justifies murder spree – PM
Written By: - Date published: 12:21 pm, May 9th, 2012 - 15 comments
The Government’s ‘sinking lid’ on homicides means that John Key can personally garotte 3-5 enemies and the overall number of killings will still decrease, a smiling Prime Minister told journalists today. “On current trends, the number of murders is dropping by half a dozen a year. Which means no-one should mind if I bump off a few annoying arseholes” said Mr Key
ImperatorFish: A Statement By John Banks
Written By: - Date published: 3:33 pm, April 30th, 2012 - 50 comments
Scott at Imperator Fish has kindly given us permission to syndicate posts from his blog – the original of this post is here.
On Sunday morning I made it clear to Paul Holmes on TVNZ’s Q&A current affairs show that I didn’t come up the river on a cabbage boat. I am aware that a number of my enemies are trying to catch me out, so in order to “front-foot” this matter I am making the following statement…
ImperatorFish: Booze-busting Banks Divides ACT
Written By: - Date published: 2:42 pm, April 24th, 2012 - 3 comments
Scott at Imperator Fish has kindly given us permission to syndicate posts from his blog – the original of this post is here.
A bitter fight has erupted within the ACT Party over the decision by leader John Banks to vote against keeping the alcohol purchasing age at 18.
ImperatorFish: Labour To Blame For Legal Costs
Written By: - Date published: 2:54 pm, April 3rd, 2012 - 8 comments
Scott at Imperator Fish has kindly given us permission to syndicate posts from his blog – the original of this post is here.
A predicted massive hike in legal costs to the Crown has forced Treasury to take another look at the Government’s accounts.
We need “operation 9” to suppress the bookies
Written By: - Date published: 12:37 pm, March 30th, 2012 - 22 comments
Evidently the people at iPredict don’t like being called “bookies” or being described as “opening a contract” on someone. We are now being targeted by this shadowy organisation.
Perhaps it is time that the police exerted themselves as the entertainment for the media and started operation 9 against this subversive organisation
ImperatorFish: Police To Investigate Taping During Press Conference
Written By: - Date published: 4:10 pm, March 27th, 2012 - 3 comments
Scott at Imperator Fish has kindly given us permission to syndicate posts from his blog – the original of this post is here
Police have launched an investigation after Police Assistant Commissioner Malcolm Burgess alleged he was taped while speaking at a press conference yesterday…
John Key’s emergency descent
Written By: - Date published: 11:22 am, February 12th, 2012 - 15 comments
A great graphic from the Sunday Star Times as John Key starts dropping towards a hard landing in the personal popularity stakes. And in the great tradition of journalists everywhere, the rest of the article is about how he is still preferred by rubber fetishists.
Armed police storm Key mansion
Written By: - Date published: 7:00 am, February 10th, 2012 - 25 comments
Armed Police assisted by the Eagle helicopter, the counter-terrorism unit, customs officials, and the police launch towed on its trailer have raided Prime Minister John Key’s Parnell mansion, executing warrants relating to the illegal ‘DJ Key’ election ad. Simultaneously, a joint Police-SAS taskforce has stormed RadioLive, deploying teargas and tasering all present.
ImperatorFish: Shock As Labour Discovers David Farrar Is Not The PM
Written By: - Date published: 10:07 am, February 2nd, 2012 - 12 comments
Scott at Imperator Fish has kindly given us permission to syndicate posts from his blog – the original of this post is here
Labour Party MPs are said to be red-faced, after discovering that prominent blogger David Farrar is not the Prime Minister of New Zealand.
ImperatorFish: Police Defend Bloody Kindergarten Raid
Written By: - Date published: 2:12 pm, January 24th, 2012 - 1 comment
Scott at Imperator Fish has kindly given us permission to syndicate posts from his blog – the original of this post is here
Police and Armed Offender units raided the Meriwether Community Kindergarten just after morning tea, but the raid turned violent when some of the children put up a fight.
Gibson puts his money where his mouth is
Written By: - Date published: 11:19 am, January 16th, 2012 - 20 comments
An interesting passage from Herald on Sunday article on Ports of Auckland CEO Tony Gibson and Maritime Union President Garry Parsloe: … “Gibson won’t confirm reports he earns $750,000, saying “I don’t do this for the money,” … Parsloe grins. “They should stop paying him then. That would save the port quite a lot of money every year for a start”
ImperatorFish: McCaw, Carter Supreme Winners At Literature Awards
Written By: - Date published: 11:31 pm, January 11th, 2012 - 3 comments
Scott at Imperator Fish has kindly given us permission to syndicate posts from his blog – the original of this post is here
Scott’s take on John Key’s contribution to The New Zealand Literature Heritage Trail booklet.
Concerns Mount Over Absence Of Social Media Gaffes
Written By: - Date published: 9:52 pm, December 30th, 2011 - 1 comment
Scott at ImperatorFish is worried. A National Party MP’s colleagues have become increasingly concerned about his wellbeing, after he failed for two consecutive days to make a fool of himself on Twitter. Concerns were raised when colleagues of Tau Henare realised that they had not noticed a single social media brainfart from the list MP for over 48 hours.
ImperatorFish: Analysing The Reshuffle
Written By: - Date published: 2:19 pm, December 13th, 2011 - 11 comments
Scott at Imperator Fish has kindly given us permission to syndicate posts from his blog – the original of this post is here
The King of the Gods, Zeus, yesterday announced a reshuffle of his pantheon, in an effort to freshen up his front bench. Getting the pantheon lineup right was always going to be one of the trickier tasks facing the Father of Gods and Men, and he will have had to manage some bruised egos during the process…
I am going to miss the real Aaron Gilmore
Written By: - Date published: 3:06 pm, December 10th, 2011 - 6 comments
The body of Aaron Gilmore will be leaving Parliament. However the divine rapture of the presence of “Aaron Gilmore for Prime Minister” will linger long after after that pretender to the name has gone.
Read the wisdom that is Facebook on the blessed one.
Was it a full moon?
Written By: - Date published: 1:02 pm, November 10th, 2011 - 61 comments
Oh hell. My worst fears have been realized. John Key is a wereperson. He is morphing into an incantation of the countries biggest ever political disaster. And talking of other story lines from True Blood. John Banks has been wandering around with the decapitated head of Don Brash.
John Key too drunk to drive
Written By: - Date published: 1:15 pm, November 5th, 2011 - 49 comments
hattip: tumeke
Several excuses: Key memories
Written By: - Date published: 12:44 pm, October 27th, 2011 - 1 comment
Several Excuses‘ political satire shorts are featured on The Nation. Here’s the latest edition.
My images of Rena
Written By: - Date published: 1:15 pm, October 14th, 2011 - 20 comments
From my facebook. Some opportunistic bugger is trying to offload their boat. TomScott in Weellington does his cogent best as does the Herald cartoonist. Then there is my favorite (despite its grammar error).
Key’s secret emailer unmasked
Written By: - Date published: 9:25 am, October 13th, 2011 - 15 comments
Key says an anonymous emailer told him that S&P said a Labour Government would make a downgrade more likely (more likely than ‘actually, already happened?’). S&P categorically denies saying any such thing. We can now reveal the identity of the anonymous emailer.
National: Building a blighted future
Written By: - Date published: 10:15 am, October 8th, 2011 - 72 comments
Since the nutters on the right at the sewer (otherwise known as the kiwiblog comments) seem to have a thing about billboards (probably because they can’t handle actual politics or actual policy). So to keep them entertained and running around like headless chickens rather than doing any actual political action – here is another billboard to keep everyone amused watching them.
VTM Bill passes – rejoice!
Written By: - Date published: 8:44 am, September 30th, 2011 - 101 comments
Grateful citizens rejoiced this week at the passage of the VTM (Voluntary Taxation Mechanism) bill.
Ohnstrong on Labour’s Chch policy
Written By: - Date published: 9:43 am, September 21st, 2011 - 29 comments
A guest post from Jarm Ohnstrong: I want to start this article with an apology. A couple of weeks ago, I attacked Labour for its criticism of National’s performance on the Christchurch rebuild while not having released its own recovery policy. That was unfair and petty. Now, Labour has released its policy. It’s deserving of the highest praise.
March to Save Factory Farming
Written By: - Date published: 12:00 pm, September 9th, 2011 - 17 comments
For the Minister of Silly Ideas
Written By: - Date published: 3:10 pm, August 26th, 2011 - 7 comments
As we all know, John Key is the most effective Minister of Silly Ideas that the country has had since Robert Muldoon. Of course no-one can follow that closely in the great chuckler’s footsteps – John Key hasn’t even got close to bankrupting the country yet. He has been trying though. But here is another silly idea for him to look at. It is a developing industry that should be as effective as the cycleway or youth benefit cards!
Your Tory: A Care Guide
Written By: - Date published: 5:17 pm, August 22nd, 2011 - 44 comments
Below are the care instructions for your Tory. Please read them before using your Tory for the first time. Provided you follow these instructions you can look forward to many years of uninterrupted conservative cronyism.
Your Tory comes with a three-year warranty. In the event you are dissatisfied with your Tory for any reason during that period, please remember that you were the fool who voted him in.
Imperator Fish: Why CGT will kill us all
Written By: - Date published: 12:55 pm, July 17th, 2011 - 33 comments
The 90% of New Zealanders who don’t trade shares or own a second property suddenly wake up to the horror of a capital gains tax
Is Nicolson right for ACT?
Written By: - Date published: 10:41 am, July 13th, 2011 - 24 comments
There are murmurings in ACT today over their new ‘high profile’ candidate, ex-farming guy who’s on the telly sometimes ranting about climate change Don Nicolson. The party’s current policy priorities are lower wages for young people, weakening student unions, and beating up on Maori and there’s concern Nicolson isn’t the right face for the job.
- Damascus and Gaza prisoners: Syrians and Palestinians search for ‘disappeared’ loved ones
Democracy Now! AMY GOODMAN: We begin today’s show in Syria, where tens of thousands of people gathered at the Great Mosque of Damascus for the first Friday prayers since longtime authoritarian President Bashar al-Assad was toppled by opposition fighters. DAMASCUS RESIDENT: [translated] Hopefully this Friday is the Friday of ...5 days ago - The Secret Diary of .. Xmas songs
CHRIS HIPKINSIt was Christmas Eve, babeIn the Beehive bar.An old man said to me,“What’s your name, son?”And then he sank his glassOf cold clear Mountain Dew.I looked him in the eyeAnd sank a glass too.Had a quiet yearWithout a single care.I’ve got a feelingNext year’s much the same.So happy Christmas,Old ...6 days ago - Our report to you – Newsroom in 2024
We want to thank you for the support you’ve given us to continue delivering groundbreaking, robust and independent journalism of public importance. That support is through your subscriptions and donations – and critically, it’s also through you sharing and championing our work to friends, family and colleagues. We’re grateful.We owe it to you to ...6 days ago
- The Treaty principles bill – bad execution of a good idea?
Comment: To anyone genuinely interested in resolving the role of the Treaty of Waitangi in modern New Zealand, the arrival of the Treaty principles bill must be deeply disappointing.Part circus, part political stunt. Part farce, part tragedy.A ‘phantom’ bill that will never be enacted, Act and Te Pāti Māori politicking ...6 days ago
- This year’s sports superstars and triumphs – and who’ll be big in 2025
The Paris Olympics, a cricketing marvel, a shooting star in tennis and coaches who pulled off wonders: some of the LockerRoom highlights of a super year for NZ women’s sport.Best individual sports achievementKristy Havill: Lydia Ko’s Olympic gold followed quickly by her Women’s Open win at St Andrews a fortnight ...6 days ago
- The Weekend: The phrase of the year is ‘gingle malt’
Madeleine Chapman reflects on the week that was. This is my final weekend editorial for the year and I was struggling to think of how I could sum up the year in a clever, succinct way. At our Spinoff Year in Review event in Auckland on Wednesday, host Anna Rawhiti-Connell ...6 days ago - I see hundreds of ads for togs so why is it so hard to find a decent pair?
Togs, togs, everywhere and not a pair I want to wear. A few years ago, during another round of Cranium, my dad announced that as he only had a certain number of “good summers left”, he would not be spending them playing board games with his family. He has no ...6 days ago
- ‘I’m very happy about that’: Frankie Stevens on being the voice of Christmas
New Zealand’s ‘Godfather of Christmas’ looks back on his life in TV and music. When The Spinoff reaches Frankie Stevens, he’s in a festive mood. Christmas is barely two weeks away, and he’s riding the high of having emceed his local Waverley Summer Christmas Jam last Sunday while also looking ...6 days ago
- ‘A great song is one you can dance and cry to’: Elliott Dawson’s perfect weekend playlist
Art rock singer-songwriter Elliott Dawson shares his perfect weekend playlist. It’s nighttime in the world of Pōneke-based musician Elliott Dawson, the perfect period for introspection, stargazing and letting the singer serenade you in dim light. “I’m talking about that 20-30 minute period after the sun has gone below the horizon ...6 days ago
- Wasteland: A response to a university restructure
This essay is the joint winner of this year’s Landfall Essay Competition and was first published in Landfall 248: Spring 2024. “What is most distinctive, and perhaps distinctively valuable, about what universities do is precisely what cannot be captured by the metrics societies increasingly use to measure value.” – Stefan ...6 days ago
- A love letter to my five friends
After nearly 50 years of friendship, Venetia Sherson thanks her inner circle. Over a decade ago, when British anthropologist Robin Dunbar deduced humans typically have 150 friends, of whom just five are intimate, I did a head count. My inner circle aced the test. I have five close women friends ...6 days ago
- RSF says global attacks on journalists ‘alarming’, Gaza ‘most dangerous’ and seeks ‘urgent...
Pacific Media Watch The global media freedom watchdog Reporters Without Borders (RSF) has revealed an “alarming intensification of attacks on journalists” in its 2024 annual roundup — especially in conflict zones such as Gaza. Gaza stands out as the “most dangerous” region in the world, with the highest number of ...6 days ago
- Report card shows some mental health services hit targets, others fall short
There is "still work to do" around getting people timely treatment when they go to ED for mental health. ...6 days ago - Eugene Doyle: The dismemberment of Syria is a crime
Report by Dr David Robie – Café Pacific. – COMMENTARY: By Eugene Doyle What we are witnessing is not just the end of a regime but quite possibly the destruction of the Syrian state. We are being told by the Western media that we should join Benjamin Netanyahu, Joe ...6 days ago
- No plans for scaling back of Whangārei’s hospital redevelopment
Health Minister Shane Reti says stage one is still on budget and on track to be completed by 2031. ...6 days ago
- The Coalition reveals the cost of its nuclear power plan – but the devil is in the missing detail
Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Thomas Longden, Senior Researcher, Urban Transformations Research Centre, Western Sydney University The Coalition has released long-awaited detail on its nuclear energy policy, claiming its plan to build seven nuclear power stations would be A$263 billion cheaper than Labor’s renewables-only approach. The figures ...6 days ago
- What is the drug captagon and how is it linked to Syria’s fallen Assad regime?
Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Nicole Lee, Adjunct Professor at the National Drug Research Institute (Melbourne based), Curtin University After the fall of the al-Assad regime in Syria, large stockpiles of the illicit drug captagon have reportedly been uncovered. The stockpiles, found by Syrian rebels, are ...6 days ago
- Te Tiriti: The history and implications of the Treaty Principles Bill
By Te Aniwaniwa Paterson of Te Ao Māori News Activist/educator Tina Ngata (Ngati Porou) has warned proposed changes to Aotearoa New Zealand’s Treaty of Waitangi principles would undermine indigenous Māori sovereignty, rights, and protections, and risk corporate exploitation and environmental harm. Ngata is a member of Koekoeā, a tāngata whenua ...6 days ago
- Govt’s cuts to contractor and consultant spending ahead of schedule
The government says it is well ahead of its target to cut contractor and consultant spending. ...6 days ago
- Fair Digital News Bargaining Bill officially put on hold
The government has put legislation that would force tech giants to pay media companies for journalism on hold. ...6 days ago
- Teenage prodigy Gukesh D defeats Ding Liren to become youngest world chess champion
Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By David Smerdon, Assistant Professor, School of Economics, The University of Queensland Eighteen-year-old Indian prodigy Gukesh Dommaraju has become the new world chess champion, winning the final game of the title match after a dramatic blunder from the reigning champ, China’s Ding Liren. ...6 days ago
- Naughty, often naked, deeply wild: F Christmas is a joyous gift at the time we need it most
Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Sarah Austin, Senior Lecturer in Theatre, The University of Melbourne Gregory Lorenzutti/Malthouse Theatre There are many great traditions of Christmas performances, mostly European and American in origin, where the occurrence of Christmas in deep winter means it is more likely that ...6 days ago
- A new treaty could prevent some misappropriation of Māori and Indigenous design – and shouldn’t...
Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Jessica C Lai, Professor of Commercial Law, Te Herenga Waka — Victoria University of Wellington From patents relating to mānuka, fake Māori souvenirs being sold in Aotearoa New Zealand, or the use of Māori designs on bedspreads sold online, the misappropriation and ...6 days ago
- Health New Zealand cuts: 569 staff take voluntary redundancy
Almost 600 staff have taken voluntary redundancy in job cut proposals laid out to staff today, it has been confirmed. ...6 days ago
- New three-strikes regime passed into law
The Sentencing (Reinstating Three Strikes) Amendment Bill was among a raft of legislation debated under urgency on Thursday. ...6 days ago
- The Friday Poem: ‘Cash register ding’ by Eliana Gray
A new poem by Eliana Gray. Cash register ding If the price of rigidity is fracture The price of flexibility is bent over backwards sleeping on couches seeding twice a day paracetamol The price of pressure to leave an imprint like the price of new mountains is the destruction of ...6 days ago
- The Unity Books bestseller chart for the week ending December 13
The only published and available best-selling indie book chart in New Zealand is the top 10 sales list recorded every week at Unity Books’ stores in High St, Auckland, and Willis St, Wellington. AUCKLAND 1 Understanding Te Tiriti by Roimata Smail (Wai Ako Press, $25) The little book that made ...6 days ago
- New laws to protect ground-based space infrastructure from foreign spies
Laws will be introduced to stop foreign military or intelligence interference in radar and other space infrastructure being built here. ...6 days ago
- Industry supportive of government’s planned KiwiSaver changes
The government wants to loosen the rules to allow KiwiSaver funds to invest in private assets, housing and infrastructure projects. ...6 days ago
- Tech companies claim AI can recognise human emotions. But the science doesn’t stack up
Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Natalie Sheard, Researcher and Lawyer, La Trobe University Master1305/Shutterstock Can artificial intelligence (AI) tell whether you’re happy, sad, angry or frustrated? According to technology companies that offer AI-enabled emotion recognition software, the answer to this question is yes. But ...6 days ago
- How is the Big Bash League faring after 14 years of ups and downs – and what’s next?
Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Tim Harcourt, Industry Professor and Chief Economist, University of Technology Sydney The 14th season of Australia’s major domestic men’s Twenty20 (T20) cricket competition, the Big Bash League (BBL), starts on Sunday. Its rise is probably the biggest change in Australian cricket ...6 days ago
- New Mental Health Act a ‘potentially wasted opportunity’ – healthcare professional...
A group of mental health professionals say the new bill is just "the old act, with some new lipstick". ...6 days ago
- Fungal cream wins full funding from Pharmac
Pharmac will next year fully fund a cream to treat fungal skin infections which it says will benefit almost 800 people. ...6 days ago
- Government agrees to toll three new highways being built in the North Island
The new highways in the North Island will become the first new toll roads in years. ...6 days ago
- Been drinking and your heart’s fluttering? You may have ‘holiday heart’
Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Caleb Ferguson, Professor of Nursing and Director of Health Innovations, University of Wollongong Drazen Zigic/Shutterstock It’s the time of year for workplace Christmas parties, and gatherings with family and friends. Maybe you’ll drink a lot in one go. Then you feel ...6 days ago
- The work of Chinese artist Cao Fei explores our brave new human condition in a technological world
Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Shuxia Chen, Lecturer, School of Art & Design, UNSW Sydney Installation view of the ‘Cao Fei: My City is Yours 曹斐: 欢迎登陆’ exhibition at the Art Gallery of New South Wales, 30 November 2024 – 13 April 2025, artworks © Cao Fei. ...6 days ago
- Money link to illegal Israeli settlements ignites divestment battle in NZ city
By Craig Ashworth, Local Democracy Reporter New Plymouth has admitted it has investments in companies active in illegal Israeli settlements on occupied Palestinian land, contrary to New Zealand government foreign policy and United Nations rulings. The revelation comes a week after Mayor Neil Holdom refused a request from Parihaka Pā ...6 days ago
- Cook Islands govt fends off cyberattacks, passes bill to strengthen financial transparency
Significant attempts were made from overseas to hack into the government’s central network a few weeks ago, Prime Minister Mark Brown has revealed. However, the Prime Minister said that the government’s robust firewall security systems were able to fend off these attempts. Brown revealed this while speaking in support of ...6 days ago
- Conan O’Brien just gave us the weirdest two minutes of Shortland Street ever
For the past three decades, there’s only been room for one Dr Love in Ferndale. Until now. This is an excerpt from our weekly pop culture newsletter Rec Room. Sign up here. In its 32 glorious years, Shortland Street has given us a cornucopia of memorable celebrity cameos. We’ve had Ed Sheeran ...6 days ago
- Hairdressers say they didn’t know some salon rules David Seymour seeks to cut existed at all
David Seymour is spearheading a review of the hairdressing industry to address what he views as "unnecessary" regulations. ...6 days ago
The server will be getting hardware changes this evening starting at 10pm NZDT.
The site will be off line for some hours.
Recent Comments