humour

Imperator Fish: In the Beehive today

Written By: notices and features - Date published: 12:14 pm, July 7th, 2014 - 5 comments

This post was put up at Imperator Fish on Sunday evening. It looks like Hekia Parata was following Scott’s script today. 🙂

Sure we need a better class of wingnut commenter, as is frequently suggested here. However surely it is more important that we get a better quality of government minister than ones who think that evidence based policies means only the evidence about how well their party is doing in the polls?

Caption contest

Written By: notices and features - Date published: 2:53 pm, June 28th, 2014 - 79 comments

You know the rules …

Imperator Fish: My statement to the New Zealand Herald

Written By: notices and features - Date published: 2:35 pm, June 26th, 2014 - 14 comments

Scott Yorke writes a statement for Jared Savage at the NZ Herald to conceal while attacking Labour with. As we know Jared will treat this with his usual journalistic caution and therefore briefly read it before publishing. Some of it might be true!!! Labour should be able to prove a negative with no information. That works for that paragon of journalism Cameron Slater, so why should the NZ Herald miss out on the joys of getting headlines out of nothing being verified. In fact the only thing wrong is that the source isn’t National dirty tricks (John Key’s top drawer).

The police must investigate the alleged Liu donations because…

Written By: notices and features - Date published: 5:05 pm, June 22nd, 2014 - 24 comments

Scott Yorke makes some excellent arguments in favour of a full police investigation into the Liu saga.

Imperator Fish: ACT’s new employment relations policy

Written By: notices and features - Date published: 8:30 am, June 13th, 2014 - 20 comments

The ACT Party today released its employment relations policy, which focuses on providing both employees and employers with flexibility in how they arrange their workplaces. “People may think they know how slavery works, but do they really? It’s an idea that has had some bad publicity over the years, but only because the right model hasn’t been tried. We believe we have developed the right model. A model that gives employees genuine choice about whether or not to become slaves.”

Imperator Fish: Move along please, sir

Written By: notices and features - Date published: 10:20 pm, June 7th, 2014 - 8 comments

As a senior member of the New Zealand Police, I would like to respond to allegations that the police were remiss in not prosecuting ACT Party MP the Hon John Banks. There is no police corruption here.  We may have been disgracefully, eye-wateringly incompetent, but we are not dirty. Now please move along, as we wish to put this entire incident behind us as quickly as we can, before too many questions are asked.

Imperator Fish: Let’s shut down the internet

Written By: notices and features - Date published: 1:40 pm, May 22nd, 2014 - 18 comments

There appears to have been a hiatus in the flood of posts today. Perhaps it is because of the wise words of Imperator Fish pausing the world as they consider his wise words… And those of Speaker Carter (who appears to have a problem with most current culture).

Sausagegate

Written By: mickysavage - Date published: 12:27 pm, May 12th, 2014 - 76 comments

It just goes to show how National’s luck is running. John Key has arguably committed the offence of treating by handing out free sausages and has sabotaged the fundraising attempts of a couple of Queenstown kids. Now imagine if Cameron Slater had his hands on this story …

Collins resigns: Twitter becomes safer

Written By: lprent - Date published: 7:44 am, May 7th, 2014 - 8 comments

Yesterday Judith Collins announced that she was quitting Twitter. Some mischief makers may mourn the passing of this well-known troll from Twitter, including an awful lot of journalists and their bottom feeder golem wannabes. But there will be many in NZ who currently tend to avoid Twitter may begin to cautiously test the platform again now that at least one blowhard has retired from it.

Right thinking: Just looking after the investor

Written By: notices and features - Date published: 10:31 am, May 2nd, 2014 - 10 comments

Imperator Fish nails the essential relationship of a National/Act caucus with donations. “Why should a good hard-working minister have to resign over such a minor thing? All he did was put a little pressure on the police. Where’s the harm in that? Isn’t that what we pay our MPs for? To look after our interests and help us when we get into bother?” “Mr Liu invested a lot of money with the National Party. Isn’t he entitled to see a return on his investment?”

LocalBodies: King Luddite and the Green Wave

Written By: notices and features - Date published: 11:41 am, April 28th, 2014 - 31 comments

King Luddite was resolute in his belief in the power of black gold and he decided to make a public stand against the green tidal wave that was rapidly approaching his small kingdom. On September the 20th he decided would place his throne on the nearest beach and, with his ministers standing behind him, command that the wave come no further. He had once heard a story of another king who had done something similar and thought it sounded like a good idea. Of course he had never been a good history scholar and he had never bothered to consult his wise men.

ImperatorFish: Judith Collins explains

Written By: notices and features - Date published: 8:14 am, April 18th, 2014 - 30 comments

Judith can’t believe she has to explain this all again

Winning song urges Key to leave politics

Written By: susannact - Date published: 10:30 am, April 7th, 2014 - 7 comments

Tracy Whatshite, Cadet Reporter, attended the “Bellies” (held at Bellamy’s) and found out who the winners were in this year’s competition for the Best Political Song of 2014. She spoke with the judge Frankie Stevens.

“Competition was particularly intense this year and the top entries included some old favourites, but also some surprizing new comers,” he said.

IF: A day in the life of Matthew Hooton

Written By: notices and features - Date published: 7:39 am, March 25th, 2014 - 32 comments

[Satire]  I has a dream… Winston retired from politics and went on to set up a bird rescue centre in a remote spot in the Raukumura Range, but the centre was burned down after two teenagers high on glue broke in and set it alight. The delicious smells of hundreds of roasted native birds attracted the attentions of the poor for miles around… desperate and hungry people tore at each other to get into the still-burning sanctuary…  I awoke in a fever and ran to my computer, and in seconds flat I had my NBR column finished.