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ImperatorFish: Joyce catches Labour leader buying coffee
Written By: - Date published: 2:04 pm, April 22nd, 2013 - 11 comments
Energy Minister Steven Joyce has condemned the “socialist lunacy” of both Labour and the Greens, after Labour Party leader David Shearer was spotted buying coffee for two fellow MPs.
ImperatorFish: PM vows to work on his lying
Written By: - Date published: 11:58 am, April 12th, 2013 - 2 comments
John Key is promising to work on his lying, after a series of scandals rocked his government. “These blunders threaten to do real damage to his reputation”, said one insider. “The credibility he established as a result of four years of careful and considered lying is now under threat”.
Plus a poem from Seaweed.
ImperatorFish: A statement from the Prime Minister
Written By: - Date published: 11:55 am, April 11th, 2013 - 2 comments
The Government Security (Doing As They Please) Bill will be introduced next week, and this important piece of legislation will make it clear that our security and law enforcement agencies must operate within the framework of doing anything they want.
ImperatorFish: Arrest of The Environment ends campaign of terror against businesses
Written By: - Date published: 11:57 am, April 4th, 2013 - 9 comments
ImperatorFish: DOC sheds 140 jobs, but new owner remains committed
Written By: - Date published: 12:50 pm, March 27th, 2013 - 9 comments
DOC’s new owners, Warner Bros, are reportedly concerned that too much emphasis has been placed on preserving uninteresting animals, like native parrots and snails. The restructure will see a renewed focus on wolf-breeding, resurrecting Haast’s Eagles and fire-breathing dragons.
ImperatorFish: David Shearer suspends rule-breaking Labour MP
Written By: - Date published: 8:02 am, March 19th, 2013 - 114 comments
Scott at Imperator Fish has kindly given us permission to syndicate posts from his blog – the original of this post is here.
ImperatorFish: Bennett announces drought relief get-tough measures
Written By: - Date published: 12:56 pm, March 7th, 2013 - 9 comments
Will farmers be required to take mandatory drug tests, show evidence of looking for alternate sources of income and have their drought relief money docked if they fail to answer phone calls from Work and Income?
ImperatorFish: Poor, sick, and unemployed looking forward to MRP share offer
Written By: - Date published: 11:42 am, March 6th, 2013 - 19 comments
John Armstrong may think that “the question now – as far as most people are concerned – is whether Mighty River Power shares will be a good investment,” but Scott’s been out there to find out what ‘most’ people really think…
Brilliant policy
Written By: - Date published: 1:27 pm, March 2nd, 2013 - 47 comments
I’ve got to stay that I stand in awe of this latest tax policy suggestion from the IRD. Simple, fair, easy to implement, it will be wildly popular. I think the Nats should adopt it at once.
John Key: High dollar works for me
Written By: - Date published: 10:43 am, February 28th, 2013 - 24 comments
As a Canadian currency dealer dubs the NZ$ the “new gold”, John Key sings the praises of a high dollar
Leaked: draft blueprint for future recruitment to ACC sensitive claims unit
Written By: - Date published: 7:00 pm, February 20th, 2013 - 10 comments
An accidentally-mis-addressed email from ACC’s HR department reveals much-needed changes are going to be made to their sensitive claims unit.
Imperatorfish: The post I never posted
Written By: - Date published: 12:01 pm, January 9th, 2013 - 26 comments
… And even if I was wrong on that point, I went on to write, David Shearer was still not the best man for the job, because he had failed to demonstrate an ability to walk on water or bring the dead back to life. But I didn’t push the “publish” button, because I came up with an even better idea for a post…
It’s the market, baby
Written By: - Date published: 7:35 am, January 9th, 2013 - 319 comments
I went to the supermarket and said “I want your best meat for $9 a kg”. They said I could have pre-cooked sausages or the cheapest mince for that. But I wanted good meat! So I went to other supermarkets and butchers. Some wouldn’t sell me anything for that much, none would supply the quality I wanted. They say I’m mad. But, when this business does it, they’re the victims.
The enemy is still not your friend
Written By: - Date published: 10:37 am, December 8th, 2012 - 95 comments
It’s pretty clear: the Greens have managed to hold on to the massive gain they made during the last election campaign, largely at Labour’s expense as it imploded. Labour’s back to its pre-campaign level, at National’s expense. Lab+Green=Nat or thereabouts but the Left needs a good 5% more from the Right to feel confident. So, this is not the time to be listening to John Armstrong’s advice.
An apology to David Cunliffe
Written By: - Date published: 6:00 pm, November 19th, 2012 - 121 comments
I’m sorry, David Cunliffe, for the part I have played in your downfall. Wait a minute, what?
Queen of Thorns makes a move for Labour leadership
Written By: - Date published: 12:00 pm, November 18th, 2012 - 15 comments
The truth is out. Under Patrick Gower’s incredibly cunning questioning, I have confessed that I will challenge Shearer in February.
Pagani to lead Labour to victory!
Written By: - Date published: 1:20 pm, November 14th, 2012 - 20 comments
In a bold and exciting move Labour MP David Shearer stood down at today’s Labour conference and handed the reins to mild mannered media commentator Josie Pagani. Shearer said it became clear he had too much parliamentary experience for the role and the public was calling for someone ‘less like a politician’ than he was.
ImperatorFish: A Statement From Hekia Parata
Written By: - Date published: 1:01 pm, November 14th, 2012 - 4 comments
A statement from Education Minister Hekia Parata to concerned parents, teachers and children in the Christchurch area.
ImperatorFish: In Praise Of John Key
Written By: - Date published: 9:49 pm, November 12th, 2012 - 8 comments
I am filled with admiration for our Prime Minister. The latest employment figures are a disaster, and appear to show that this government does not know how to grow the economy. But our Mr Key is made of sterner stuff. He knows in his heart that these figures aren’t to be relied upon, because everything else tells him that things are getting better.
Make your own “Shearer Says”!
Written By: - Date published: 6:00 pm, November 3rd, 2012 - 49 comments
Every week or so another gripping read is emailed out from the Labour leader’s office. Find out how you too can inspire a nation!
Shane Jones: now pimping for Sealords
Written By: - Date published: 11:34 am, October 3rd, 2012 - 26 comments
As Shane Jones makes a complete dick of himself in public yet again in a traditional display of Labour party backbench egotism. I’m left shaking my head at the apparent complete inability of the Labour caucus to settle down to the task of being an effective opposition.
ImperatorFish: Next Week’s Q&A
Written By: - Date published: 11:05 am, September 19th, 2012 - 7 comments
Shane: …he revealed a meat cleaver from beneath his suit jacket and charged into the front row of the audience yelling “die, you meddlesome crones!” Had he not tripped and fallen over there could have been a bloodbath. Isn’t that a serious incident?
John: That may be the view of some people. But I’ve sought an assurance from Gerry, and he has told me he did nothing wrong. If a minister tells me, “This is my position, and this is what I’ve done,” I accept their word in good faith, unless it’s proven otherwise.
Crackdown on Working for Families children
Written By: - Date published: 10:49 am, September 12th, 2012 - 13 comments
Families will lose half their Working for Families payments if they don’t put their kids in ECE or make sure they have the Well Child checks, under reforms to be announced by Paula Bennett the next time National needs a distraction from its failed economic management. ‘When you’re getting public money, the government can demand anything of you: even if it isn’t compulsory and even if you can’t afford it,’ said Bennett.
ImperatorFish: Bennett Announces Welfare Crackdown
Written By: - Date published: 12:57 pm, September 6th, 2012 - 17 comments
People of Swedish descent who engage in acts of treason while dressed as nuns will no longer be eligible to receive welfare, Social Development Minister Paula Bennett announced today.
Imperator Fish Exclusive: Leaked Government Poverty Plan
Written By: - Date published: 1:57 pm, August 30th, 2012 - 20 comments
Scott at Imperator Fish has managed to get his hands on a top-secret document that sets out in detail National’s plan to tackle the child poverty issue.
Alcohol to be banned
Written By: - Date published: 1:40 pm, July 15th, 2012 - 15 comments
The Government announced that it was withdrawing its Alcohol Reform Bill today and introducing prohibition after it realised that alcohol was used by the ‘Beast of Blenheim’ to stupefy young girls. “It’s what we’d do if it was any other drug, particularly as it’s associated with the ‘Beast of Blenheim’,” said Justice Minister Judith Collins.
Key’s press release on exodus to Australia
Written By: - Date published: 10:25 am, July 8th, 2012 - 29 comments
With news that there are now more Kiwis living in Australia than either Christchurch or Wellington, here’s “John Key’s” latest press release on the topic.
Frogblog: Greens call for inquiry into inquiries
Written By: - Date published: 12:07 pm, July 6th, 2012 - 12 comments
A very funny response from the Greens to Key’s complaint that they’re always asking for inquiries: “The Greens have been criticised by Prime Minister John Key, who said, ‘The Greens call for an inquiry on virtually anything.’ The remark prompted immediate calls from the Green Party for an inquiry, which would focus on why the Greens call for so many inquiries.”
ImperatorFish: Treasury Report On Sunlight Levels
Written By: - Date published: 1:48 pm, June 11th, 2012 - 9 comments
New Zealand has been enjoying a long period of uninterrupted sunlight, and this looks likely to continue until at least 2014. The abundance of light can be attributed to prudent and sensible economic management by government, and the implementation of sound fiscal and monetary policies.
ImperatorFish: Take Your Medicine
Written By: - Date published: 6:54 pm, May 22nd, 2012 - Comments Off on ImperatorFish: Take Your Medicine
Scott at Imperator Fish has kindly given us permission to syndicate posts from his blog – the original of this post is here.
You’ve probably heard a lot about the National government’s austerity measures, and I know you’re probably worrying whether this belt-tightening is really worth it.
- Many more men are dying on Australian roads than women. It’s time we addressed it
Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Margaret Brown, Adjunct Research Fellow, UniSA Justice and Society, University of South Australia Shutterstock Men are killing themselves on the roads in large numbers. Currently, policymakers fail to recognise the different ways men and women use roads, and the resulting ways ...3 days ago - Holidays help us rest and recover. But Greeks and Romans weren’t always convinced
Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Konstantine Panegyres, McKenzie Postdoctoral Fellow, researching Greco-Roman antiquity, The University of Melbourne Roman Samborskyi/Shutterstock The Greek philosopher Plutarch of Chaeronea (1st-2nd century AD) observed that our lives are divided between relaxation and exertion. For example, there are times when we ...3 days ago
- Shrinking wings, bigger beaks: birds are reshaping themselves in a warming world
Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Sara Ryding, Postdoctoral research fellow, Deakin University The Common Bronzewing is one of the birds that has increased beak size in response to climate change Ryan Barnaby. For wildlife, climate change is a bit like the “final boss” the protagonist faces in ...3 days ago
- You’ve just got your Year 12 results. What do you do now?
Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Kellie Tobin, Lecturer in Education – Applied Learning, Deakin University Cottonbro Studio/Pexels, CC BY The wait is finally over. Year 12 students around Australia are receiving their Year 12 results. Victorian and Queensland students got their ATARs last week, with other ...3 days ago
- Being carers costs women more than $500,000 over a lifetime, leaving them with less in retirement th...
Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Myra Hamilton, Associate Professor, gender, ageing and care, University of Sydney Pikselstock/Shutterstock This article is part of The Conversation’s “Retirement” series where experts examine issues including how much money we need to retire, retiring with debt, the psychological impact of retiring ...3 days ago
- NZ police officers’ China trip had all the hallmarks of foreign influence operation – ex...
The SIS has IDed China as the major source of foreign interference activities - and the police should take heed, Anne-Marie Brady says. ...3 days ago - What’s left on the parliament agenda for 2024?
Get ready for the pre-Christmas push, writes The Bulletin’s Stewart Sowman-Lund. To receive The Bulletin in full each weekday, sign up here. ...3 days ago - Auckland foodbanks face closure, reducing services as funding to stop
"I'm worried. I know hundreds of thousands of Aucklanders rely on the mission for food," City Missioner Helen Robinson says. ...3 days ago
- Family violence funding review could see services lose out – critics
Labour and the Greens are concerned the government is "pulling away" from existing services, but minister says that's not the case. ...3 days ago
- Conservation staffer fired after tampering with jobs system
Details of a malicious privacy breach at the Department of Conservation have been released following the Ombudsman’s intervention The post Conservation staffer fired after tampering with jobs system appeared first on Newsroom. ...3 days ago - Polytechnics losing foreign enrolments due to study visa wait times, Te Pūkenga warns
NZ is in a "global market" for international students, Te Pūkenga boss says, and those facing delays will often opt to go to other countries. ...3 days ago
- To all the TV news we lost in 2024
Bulletins and beloved current affairs programmes fell like flies in an agonising year for screen journalism. You don’t know what you don’t know. The great vanishing of news and current affairs from New Zealand television is a tragedy not simply, or even principally, because of the many hours of compelling ...3 days ago
- Carbon credits, fish poo and the push to discover the secrets of the sea floor
Shanti Mathias spends a day in the Hauraki Gulf with a group of British scientists investigating the links between carbon and biodiversity in the seafloor mud. The ocean swell is tilting the boat as the metal tube hovers above the water. “A-Frame out,” calls a marine scientist helping to operate ...3 days ago
- Somewhere along the line someone always pays
Opinion: Govt thinks if they stop funding something in favour of private provision, then the cost disappears The post Somewhere along the line someone always pays appeared first on Newsroom. ...3 days ago
- Daily crossword, Monday 16 December
The post Daily crossword, Monday 16 December appeared first on Newsroom. ...3 days ago
- Student allowance recipient numbers drop 40% in a decade
The number of people in tertiary study receiving the student allowance has dropped almost 40 percent since 2013 amid a freeze on eligibility income thresholds and falling enrolments. The allowance is available if your parents earn under a certain threshold or you’re at least 24 and have an eligible income. It ...3 days ago
- Newsroom daily quiz, Monday 16 December
Loading…(function(i,s,o,g,r,a,m){var ql=document.querySelectorAll('A[data-quiz],DIV[data-quiz]'); if(ql){if(ql.length){for(var k=0;k<ql.length;k++){ql[k].id='quiz-embed-'+k;ql[k].href="javascript:var i=document.getElementById('quiz-embed-"+k+"');try{qz.startQuiz(i)}catch(e){i.start=1;i.style.cursor='wait';i.style.opacity='0.5'};void(0);"}}};i['QP']=r;i[r]=i[r]||function(){(i[r].q=i[r].q||[]).push(arguments)},i[r].l=1*new Date();a=s.createElement(o),m=s.getElementsByTagName(o)[0];a.async=1;a.src=g;m.parentNode.insertBefore(a,m)})(window,document,'script','https://take.quiz-maker.com/3012/CDN/quiz-embed-v1.js','qp');Got a good quiz question? Send Newsroom your questions.The post Newsroom daily quiz, Monday 16 December appeared first on Newsroom. ...3 days ago
- Book of the Year: Delirious, by Damien Wilkins
The best novel of the year is also the best book of any kind of 2024, a moving story of a retired couple who downsize, reluctantly, to a retirement village somewhere or other on the Kāpiti Coast – Kāpiti Island looms and broods in the background of the book – just ...3 days ago
- NZ swims against Pacific currents at global climate case
NZ’s arguments before the ‘World’s Court’ look progressive but ultimately align with polluters and developed nations, a law lecturer says The post NZ swims against Pacific currents at global climate case appeared first on Newsroom. ...3 days ago
- Much at stake for a New Caledonia on the brink
The New Caledonian riots which began on May 13 this year, triggered by French President Emmanuel Macron’s attempt to change the New Caledonian provincial electoral roll, have left the French territory in economic despair. Around 800 businesses have been destroyed with the loss of more than 20,000 jobs. The economic ...3 days ago
- NZ forestry holds up as China’s property crisis drags on
Low prices and reliable supply has helped to weather the worst of China’s downturn for NZ forestry The post NZ forestry holds up as China’s property crisis drags on appeared first on Newsroom. ...3 days ago
- As 2024 ends, central banks take victory lap as interest rate relief buoys sentiment
Inflation returns to within its target band faster than predicted but 2025 could see Trump’s import tariffs derail that The post As 2024 ends, central banks take victory lap as interest rate relief buoys sentiment appeared first on Newsroom. ...3 days ago
- More spending and weaker revenue hits budget bottom line in some years: Chalmers
Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Michelle Grattan, Professorial Fellow, University of Canberra Wednesday’s mid-year budget update will downgrade company tax receipts by $8.5 billion over the four years to 2027-28, and show “slippage’ in the bottom line in some years of the forward estimates, Treasurer Jim Chalmers ...4 days ago
- Seven foreigners in Fiji suspected alcohol poisoning case now in Lautoka hospital
By Anish Chand in Lautoka Fiji’s Ministry of Health has confirmed all seven foreigners who had consumed a cocktail at the Warwick Resort on the Coral Coast and became sick have now been transferred to Lautoka hospital. The ministry said out of the seven, four were Australians, one American, and ...4 days ago
- Bali five return to Australia, and don’t have to serve more prison time
Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Michelle Grattan, Professorial Fellow, University of Canberra The remaining five members of the Bali Nine – Matthew Norman, Scott Rush, Martin Stephens, Si Yi Chen, and Michael Czugaj – arrived back in Australia from Indonesia on Sunday. Despite earlier suggestions, and ...4 days ago
- New Zealand Far-Right Government’s Anti-Democratic “Law And Order” Agenda
The legislation is part of the far-right government’s sweeping “law and order” agenda targeting the most alienated and vulnerable layers of society, including impoverished youth and welfare beneficiaries. Sooner rather than later, the crackdown will extend ...4 days ago - RNZ Mediawatch: Under the sinking lid from offshore tech companies
By Colin Peacock, RNZ Mediawatch presenter This week, Minister of Racing Winston Peters announced the end of greyhound racing in the interests of animal welfare. Soon after, a law to criminalise killing of redundant racing dogs was passed under urgency in Parliament. The next day, the minister introduced the Racing ...4 days ago
- Government launches new plan for reducing family and sexual violence
The second Te Aorerekura - the National Strategy to Eliminate Family Violence and Sexual Violence - has been launched. ...4 days ago
- Parliament on the home stretch, but first, a 30-hour sitting week
The bills ...4 days ago
- An Ode to .. Nicola Willis
The Horror! The Horror!“Now Captain,” says Admiraless Willis,Striding onto the bridgeOf the antique ferry Roi des BelgesAs it winds up the endless brown riverThrough a steaming jungle.“I expect you to follow my commandsTo the letter. Do you understand?”The Captain is silentAs he steers between treacherous sandbars.“We’ve entrusted you with this ...4 days ago
- Mental Health Bill: ‘No place for compulsory care’ in new law, academic says
The legislation is "completely inconsistent with expert advice and international law and best practice", associate professor says. ...4 days ago
- Why is Israel bombing Syria? – ‘because it can get away with it’, says Bishara
Asia Pacific Report Marwan Bishara, Al Jazeera’s senior political analyst, has condemned Israel’s extensive airstrikes on Syrian installations — reportedly 500 times in 72 hours, comparing them to historic Israeli actions justified as “security measures”. He criticised the hypocrisy of Israel’s security pretext endorsed by Western powers. Asked why Israel ...5 days ago
- Ōtaki highway tolls to reach vital services unfair – mayor
Ōtaki and surrounding communities could be split off from vital resources they depend on - or hit in the pocket - if a planned toll goes ahead on State Highway 1, a mayor says. ...5 days ago
- Damascus and Gaza prisoners: Syrians and Palestinians search for ‘disappeared’ loved ones
Democracy Now! AMY GOODMAN: We begin today’s show in Syria, where tens of thousands of people gathered at the Great Mosque of Damascus for the first Friday prayers since longtime authoritarian President Bashar al-Assad was toppled by opposition fighters. DAMASCUS RESIDENT: [translated] Hopefully this Friday is the Friday of ...5 days ago
- This year’s sports superstars and triumphs – and who’ll be big in 2025
The Paris Olympics, a cricketing marvel, a shooting star in tennis and coaches who pulled off wonders: some of the LockerRoom highlights of a super year for NZ women’s sport.Best individual sports achievementKristy Havill: Lydia Ko’s Olympic gold followed quickly by her Women’s Open win at St Andrews a fortnight ...5 days ago
- The Secret Diary of .. Xmas songs
CHRIS HIPKINSIt was Christmas Eve, babeIn the Beehive bar.An old man said to me,“What’s your name, son?”And then he sank his glassOf cold clear Mountain Dew.I looked him in the eyeAnd sank a glass too.Had a quiet yearWithout a single care.I’ve got a feelingNext year’s much the same.So happy Christmas,Old ...5 days ago
- Our report to you – Newsroom in 2024
We want to thank you for the support you’ve given us to continue delivering groundbreaking, robust and independent journalism of public importance. That support is through your subscriptions and donations – and critically, it’s also through you sharing and championing our work to friends, family and colleagues. We’re grateful.We owe it to you to ...5 days ago
- The Treaty principles bill – bad execution of a good idea?
Comment: To anyone genuinely interested in resolving the role of the Treaty of Waitangi in modern New Zealand, the arrival of the Treaty principles bill must be deeply disappointing.Part circus, part political stunt. Part farce, part tragedy.A ‘phantom’ bill that will never be enacted, Act and Te Pāti Māori politicking ...5 days ago
- The Weekend: The phrase of the year is ‘gingle malt’
Madeleine Chapman reflects on the week that was. This is my final weekend editorial for the year and I was struggling to think of how I could sum up the year in a clever, succinct way. At our Spinoff Year in Review event in Auckland on Wednesday, host Anna Rawhiti-Connell ...5 days ago
- I see hundreds of ads for togs so why is it so hard to find a decent pair?
Togs, togs, everywhere and not a pair I want to wear. A few years ago, during another round of Cranium, my dad announced that as he only had a certain number of “good summers left”, he would not be spending them playing board games with his family. He has no ...5 days ago
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