Satire
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Tai Poutini finds new funding stream
Written By: - Date published: 5:10 pm, July 7th, 2011 - 4 comments
Te Tai Poutini Polytechnic is receiving an additional $750 million funding from Minister Steven Joyce after changing its name to the South Western Motorway.
Godwin the EQC
Written By: - Date published: 4:43 pm, June 24th, 2011 - 12 comments
Sometimes you have to simply start from 1.0 for Godwin’s Law. This pretty much applies to anything re-subtitled from the movie “Der Untergang”. The latest one that I have seen is this side splitting rendition of exactly what has been going on inside the EQC operation in Christchurch.
Who is David Henderson?
Written By: - Date published: 10:51 am, June 15th, 2011 - 63 comments
Randian superhero David Henderson has withdrawn his genius from New Zealand in protest at the collectivist government that has persecuted him and attempted to distribute the fruits of his talent to parasites. In a short statement after leaving the country, Henderson said other Atlases would join him in strike and “stop the motor of New Zealand”.
Dimpost: reality TV concept
Written By: - Date published: 9:59 am, June 11th, 2011 - 12 comments
More incisive hilarity from Danyl: “It works like this: Paul Holmes gets to live in a state house for a year with a one year old baby, surviving on only the $288 dollars/week allocated to beneficiaries on the DPB, and at the end of the year Paul gets to decide whether he chooses to ‘breed for cash’….”
Quick friday funnies
Written By: - Date published: 4:16 pm, June 10th, 2011 - 3 comments
A few overlooked videos from plumedekiwi. The short and potty history of the pavlova going to its awful conclusion and a similar look at the Wellywood sign.
On supporting the Rugby World Cup
Written By: - Date published: 1:16 pm, June 2nd, 2011 - 113 comments
In my sleep deprived state I have to confess that I don’t like rugby supporters, especially drunken ones who argue about teams at 2am in the morning on the street. I suspect that will be the enduring memory I will carry away from this years Rugby World Cup. But I do like Dead Cat Bounce’s video about rugby.
On the crotch-clutcher Bob Clarkson
Written By: - Date published: 4:26 pm, June 1st, 2011 - 33 comments
Bob Clarkson is back into public politics. This time generously helping the Act Party. Long may this continue!
Wellington airport to donate $200K to city’s poor
Written By: - Date published: 11:24 am, May 22nd, 2011 - 17 comments
No. Really, they’re wasting it on corporate tagging of no value to anyone whatsoever. You can make your own parody sign, like the one below here and join the 7K strong Facebook group.
A nursery rhyme
Written By: - Date published: 8:56 am, May 1st, 2011 - 14 comments
Pussy Key, pussy Key, where have you been?
I’ve been down to London to visit the Queen.
Pussy Key, pussy Key, what did you there?
Sweet fuck all, but thanks for paying for my holiday
We are not amused
Written By: - Date published: 1:42 pm, April 29th, 2011 - 14 comments
The Royal family have banned humorous comment on the royal wedding. Clarence House has banned a satirical sketch from ABC’s programme “The Chaser”. Reminds one of Victoria’s classic oft-quoted line – “We are not amused”. Charles has got a lot more pompous since his days at University when he was known as a bit of […]
Blanket Man to make bid for ACT leadership
Written By: - Date published: 7:09 am, April 28th, 2011 - 15 comments
Ben ‘Blanket Man’ Hana has thrown his loin cloth into the contest for ACT’s leadership. Despite not having any political experience, Blanket Man says he is the man for the job due to his firm commitment to laissez-faire economics, his excellent face recognition, and the virtue that he is not a tired, old, has-been, racist arsehole.
Dim-Post: Electoral Commission to offer suicide voting booths
Written By: - Date published: 9:00 am, April 17th, 2011 - 4 comments
The Electoral Commission will give New Zealanders voting in the November General Election the option to take their own lives rather than live in a country run by any of the possible governing coalitions, the chair of the Commission Sir Hugh Williams announced today.
Without ambition…
Written By: - Date published: 8:04 am, April 13th, 2011 - 3 comments
A classic cover with updated lyrics of the 1980’s classic. Now we have “We have no ambition for New Zealand”. Give a big hand to the artists and start asking the radio stations and TV channels when they will be playing it.
Now we know what John Key was so depressed about in this image?
Brownlee promises inflatable, plastic Christchurch
Written By: - Date published: 12:19 am, April 7th, 2011 - 20 comments
Earthquake Recovery Minister Gerry Brownlee has unveiled plans for a giant inflatable plastic CBD and inflatable plastic suburbs to replace buildings damaged in the Christchurch earthquake. The inflatable CBD will include a number of office buildings and a bouncy castle. To save costs, the government has rejected making the buildings here and will buy them from China.
Key pledges: a photo-op a week for Chch
Written By: - Date published: 12:05 am, March 14th, 2011 - 83 comments
Stung by Earthquake Recovery Minister Gerry Brownlee’s admission that the eastern suburbs were neglected after the Christchurch Earthquake, John Key is redoubling his efforts: “For the first few days, I stuck my head down and got on with designing the emergency benefit policy but, winter’s approaching, so the people need me to return to my strengths.”
Truly Stranded
Written By: - Date published: 11:30 am, March 4th, 2011 - 21 comments
One of the names that the self-inflated blogs who consider themselves to be the “taste police” give us is the unimaginative juvenile name of The Stranded. Typically this is when they are writing a silly post trying to tell us why we should think like them (I guess everyone is entitled to a unrealistic dream). Anyway I thought I’d give them some real bad taste to moan about in a Friday Fun post (warning – written in the Cactus Kate style).
Nats impose media ban on selves
Written By: - Date published: 9:15 am, February 18th, 2011 - 11 comments
In a surprise move, John Key has announced the National Party is imposing a media ban on itself until the BMW limo affair dies down. “We got the idea from the Maori Party. Every time they open their mouths over Hone Harawira, things get worse. Shut their mouths and the issue goes away. Brilliant. There’s so much we can learn from our Maori friends”
Minister vs Minister – deathmatch
Written By: - Date published: 2:37 pm, February 17th, 2011 - 18 comments
Rodney Hide has accepted Tariana Turia and Pita Sharples’ challenge to a street race to settle the Supercity Maori Advisory Board dispute. Standing beside his customised Crown limo, the Kupapa II, Sharples said “we called on Rodney to resign as he promised but he won’t. So we’re taking this battle to the streets”.
Tackling the big issues
Written By: - Date published: 9:53 am, February 12th, 2011 - 60 comments
Key: So, Gillard’s coming. Are we talking about a single economic zone?
Groser: Umm. No. Mobile roaming charges.
Key: Christ, Tim. We’re really racking up wins for Kiwi exporters here, aren’t we?
Captain Panicpants: Your numbers with women are down over Hurley. They say you sounded disloyal and they empathise with Bronagh.
Key: Shit now that’s serious. Call the missus. We’ll do something cutsie and distracting.
Guest post: Beware Food Police!
Written By: - Date published: 1:30 pm, December 10th, 2010 - 51 comments
To arms! To arms! The Food Police are coming! Remember how I led you in the battle to get junk food back into schools? It was a near-run thing. If we hadn’t acted, the days of the 12 year-old who can’t climb a flight of stairs without wheezing and going red in the face might have been numbered. Now, National has hypocritically betrayed us.
SAS inspires money-making scheme
Written By: - Date published: 9:30 am, November 9th, 2010 - 23 comments
I’m a nurse at a public hospital. Our social fund is looking a bit thin this year so we thought would invite school groups to come along to the hospital, charge $25 a head, and let them play around with the equipment like X-ray machines and bandages to get a sense of how we work as a team. I’m sure Mr Key will say it’s a “good idea“.
Cthulhu’s hold on Espom threatened
Written By: - Date published: 3:15 pm, October 15th, 2010 - 29 comments
This might just be Danyl’s best satire piece ever:
National to stand Spider God in Epsom
‘All hail the Spider God,’ said a press release issued by the National Party. ‘The new National candidate for Epsom in 2011.’
More ACT identity theft?
Written By: - Date published: 3:30 pm, October 13th, 2010 - 20 comments
In recent days, David Garrett has been spotted hanging around Parliament. Now, The Standard has acquired a picture of ACT’s new MP, ‘Hilary Calvert’, arriving at Parliament. It raises further identity theft questions within the party.
Evidence suggests that the real Calvert was brain-dead at least two weeks ago.
New ‘no darkies’ party to form
Written By: - Date published: 12:40 pm, October 10th, 2010 - 45 comments
Paul ‘dickshit’ Henry, Maurice ‘no shi’ite’ Williamson, John ‘I wish South Aucklanders hadn’t voted’ Banks, Melissa ‘South Aucklanders are all crims’ Lee, Paul ‘cheekie darkie’ Holmes, and Michael ‘brown slug’ Laws have joined forces to create a new political party for ‘real New Zealanders’ standing up to ‘the Brown-skinned elite’.
Paul Henry’s jokes about women, deaf people and infant deaths, proudly brought to you by TVNZ
Written By: - Date published: 7:15 am, October 9th, 2010 - 59 comments
Here’s a compilation from TV7’s Russell Brown from April this year, highlighting the value for money taxpayers get from paying Breakfast Bigot Paul Henry $300,000+ per year: ridiculing the appearance of guests whose opinions he disagrees with, ridiculing deaf people, women, and the disproportionate rate of infant deaths in developing countries – “but they’ve got […]
Friday funny: Paul Henry
Written By: - Date published: 11:55 am, October 8th, 2010 - 3 comments
Due to widespread demand (ie BLiP), I’m going to try to find a Friday funny each week. This particular video is a pretty good spoof on Paul Henry. The only problem is that for comedic effect you’d normally need to go further than the origional. However going further than Henry requires more international incidents. TVNZ needs to fire him.
NZ’s biggest welfare beneficiary revealed in shock horror Herald exclusive expose’
Written By: - Date published: 11:45 am, September 2nd, 2010 - 22 comments
To find out who it is, click here.
Will this individual’s personal file be read out in Parliament by Paula Bennett?
Will this beneficiary’s sex life be investigated by WINZ as grounds for disqualification?
Key: Obama’s my pen pal
Written By: - Date published: 12:33 pm, September 1st, 2010 - 14 comments
Key says his personal relationship with Obama (met the guy twice) means he can call him. Don’t think it’s your winning grin mate. Think it’s because you’re PM of New Zealand. Anyway, this ain’t a game of collecting phone numbers, John. You’ve got to deliver something concrete. How’s that free trade deal coming?
Kiwi jester to play for Queen
Written By: - Date published: 9:15 pm, August 30th, 2010 - 15 comments
Self-styled ‘Jokemeister-in-chief’ John Key has been selected from a host of eager clowns, buffoons, and slapstick artists (known as the National Party) to perform for Queen Elizabeth the Second for a weekend next month. Asked if he has any nerves ahead of the big show, Key whipped out his old catchphrase saying “nah, I’m pretty relaxed”.
- The politics of saying sorry
Comment: Christopher Luxon had the least baggage of almost anyone in senior positions in Parliament, going into his national apology for the abuse of children in state care.He just hadn’t been there. He only came into Parliament in 2020, became National’s leader in 2021 and Prime Minister in late 2023.The ...5 days ago - A lot of talk but little help for Fijians facing rising sea levels
At the Commonwealth Heads of Government Meeting in Samoa this year, climate change was high on the agenda, the big talking point for politicians and NGOs.After spending a week there, hearing how Pacific Island nations were worst affected, The Detail’s Sharon Brettkelly went to Fiji to see what was being ...5 days ago
- Xero hits record high on hopes of boost from pro-business Trump
Xero has its sights set on the large, but more competitive, US market The post Xero hits record high on hopes of boost from pro-business Trump appeared first on Newsroom. ...5 days ago
- Face-off against surveillance
Opinion: We are constantly being watched and recorded. Thanks to the proliferation of AI facial recognition technologies we are being watched even more: on the street, in the bank, in shopping malls, on public transport, at the supermarket check-out, even our phones are likely watching us. Are AI facial recognition ...5 days ago
- Where are we all going? Our population trends in 10 charts
Opinion: The shape of NZ’s changing regional population profile is always a popular point of discussion. Since we wrote on it last year, population growth has peaked and turned rapidly lower. Here, we take another tour of the regions to see how this slowing has been experienced, and what the impacts ...5 days ago
- Is there a worse way of discussing one of NZ’s founding documents?
Opinion: The select committee needs to call for submissions from people who have constitutional, legal and Indigenous rights expertise The post Is there a worse way of discussing one of NZ’s founding documents? appeared first on Newsroom. ...5 days ago
- Where is the global leadership fighting climate change now?
Opinion: World leaders from more than 100 countries are gathering this week at the United Nations climate conference in Baku, Azerbaijan, at COP29, to discuss the threats of a rapidly warming world.Under the 2015 Paris Climate Accord, which has been signed by almost every country in the world, there is a requirement ...5 days ago
- Trump has won, but are there any winners in the Middle East?
A week after the ‘shock’ re-election of Donald Trump to the Whitehouse and over a year into one of the most blood-soaked periods of the Middle East’s tortured modern history, the question is, what has been lost and has anything been won, and what impact might Trump II have on ...5 days ago
- Majority of landlords reject Government’s no-cause evictions
Though a majority of landlords oppose no-cause evictions, their return will be celebrated by the few large property investors who called for them The post Majority of landlords reject Government’s no-cause evictions appeared first on Newsroom. ...5 days ago
- Newsroom daily quiz, Wednesday 13 November
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- The last voyage of the Rainbow Warrior – Rongelap podcast series
ABC Radio Australia and RNZ You probably know about the last moments of the Greenpeace flagship Rainbow Warrior in 1985. But what do you know about the environmental campaign ship’s last voyage before it was bombed by French secret agents in New Zealand on 10 July 1985? Where had it ...5 days ago - Jim Chalmers to announce $900 million fund for states to boost competition and productivity
Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Michelle Grattan, Professorial Fellow, University of Canberra Treasurer Jim Chalmers will announce a fund of up to $900 million for states and territories to improve productivity and competition, in a Wednesday speech urging an all-out effort to tackle one of Australia’s biggest ...5 days ago
- Despite the national apology, abuse in state care is still happening – only systemic change wi...
Tuesday marks a long-awaited milestone for survivors of the state care system, writes Jennifer Montgomery of Victoria University of Wellington. ...5 days ago - View from The Hill: Albanese plays ‘captain’s pick’ to maximise Labor’s election prospects i...
Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Michelle Grattan, Professorial Fellow, University of Canberra Anthony Albanese prides himself on his eye for a good candidate. In 2020, when he was opposition leader, he drafted Kristy McBain to run for a byelection in the marginal NSW seat of Eden-Monaro. If ...5 days ago
- The Treaty Principles Bill
Human Rights Commission’s Tino Rangatiratanga leaderJulia Whaipooti explains what has been happening. ...5 days ago - Wellington Airport sale still possible – council’s chief financial officer
But Andrea Reeves stressed it is not their preferred option. ...5 days ago
- Predictably, domestic airfares surged after the collapse of Rex. There aren’t many good solutions
Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Doug Drury, Professor/Head of Aviation, CQUniversity Australia Australia’s airline industry is famously duopolistic. Just two companies – Qantas and Virgin Australia – service 98% of the domestic passenger market. That’s not for a lack of other companies having tried to secure a ...5 days ago
- NZ abuse in care apology called PR stunt,’tokenistic’ by some survivors
By Lillian Hanly, RNZ News political reporter Survivors of abuse in care arrived at Parliament today to hear the formal apology from the state which oversaw and inflicted harm on children. Public sector leaders from Oranga Tamariki, the Ministry of Health, New Zealand Police, and Ministry of Education also apologised, ...5 days ago
- Our new study shows teen vaping is linked to childhood trauma. Here’s why it might be harder to qu...
Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Amy-Leigh Rowe, Postdoctoral Researcher in Mental Health and Substance Abuse, University of Sydney sergey koleskinov/Shutterstock If you experience trauma during childhood, there’s a greater chance you’ll use substances such as alcohol, tobacco and other drugs later. But what does the evidence ...6 days ago
- Survivors Must Receive Redress To Have The Opportunity To Heal: Save The Children
Today’s vision shared of New Zealand is of an Aotearoa where every child has their rights understood, respected and upheld ensuring they live good lives now and have a bright future to look forward to. ...6 days ago
- How the federal government’s misinformation bill might impede freedom of speech
Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Anne Twomey, Professor Emerita in Constitutional Law, University of Sydney The federal government’s proposed legislation on misinformation and disinformation has passed the House of Representatives, but faces a rocky time in the Senate. Opponents have dubbed it the MAD Bill, and ...6 days ago
- As it happened: Hīkoi mō te Tiriti leaves Dargaville, headed for Auckland
Kaipara Māori Ward councillor Pera Paniora urged locals to join the hikoi and take the fight for their rights to Parliament.. ...6 days ago
- Govt Axes Specialist Māori Body Advising Pharmac Without Consulting Māori
"This is another sad indictment of the priority the National-led Government places on improving the health of Māori," said Fleur Fitzsimons, Assistant Secretary for Te Pūkenga Here Tikanga Mahi Public Service Association. ...6 days ago
- An Apology For The Apology? Blind Survivor Deplores Use Of Ableist Slur By Prime Minister At Histori...
“The phrase "turn a blind eye" is an inherently ableist expression that wrongly equates blindness with ignorance, neglect, or deliberate stupidity. This phrase reinforces the dangerous & outdated stereotype that blind people are less perceptive, capable, ...6 days ago
- Care Experienced Young People Say Apology Means Nothing Without Action
The apologies seemed sincere, but amongst those listening there was disappointment that there is still no redress system; and a sense that unless the apology is followed by action the words will seem hollow. ...6 days ago
- A day when sorry seemed to be the easiest word
A historic day and national apology left survivors wanting more The post A day when sorry seemed to be the easiest word appeared first on Newsroom. ...6 days ago
- Ara Taiohi Calls For Abuse Apology To Be Backed Up By Rangatahi-centred Policies
We must build back better, build a system with rangatahi at its very centre. The legacy of this government will be measured by their ability to respond appropriately, to create a physically safe and emotionally nurturing environment for children and ...6 days ago
- Right now, the Sun is far more active than predicted – and small satellites are paying the price
Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Kyle McMullan, PhD Candidate in Aerospace Engineering, Curtin University Last week, three tiny Australian satellites from Curtin University’s Binar Space Program burned up in Earth’s atmosphere. That was always going to happen. In fact, Binar means “fireball” in the Noongar language of ...6 days ago
- Despite the national apology, abuse in state care is still happening – only systemic change will w...
Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Jennifer Montgomery, Faculty of Health Research Associate, Te Herenga Waka — Victoria University of Wellington Getty Images Today marks a long-awaited milestone for survivors of the state care system, with the formal apology by Prime Minister Christopher Luxon acknowledging the catastrophic ...6 days ago
- ‘The room was aching’: Survivors in Wellington, Auckland and Christchurch gather for apology
Joel MacManus reports from parliament as the prime minister delivers the national apology for abuse in state care, while Lyric Waiwiri-Smith in Auckland and Alex Casey in Christchurch join survivors watching the livestream. As Andrew Bridgman, the acting chief executive of Oranga Tamariki, began the speeches at the national apology ...6 days ago - Three rooms, one apology: Survivors gather across the motu for abuse in care reckoning
Joel MacManus reports from parliament as the prime minister delivers the national apology for abuse in state care, while Lyric Waiwiri-Smith in Auckland and Alex Casey in Christchurch join survivors watching the livestream. ‘It’s not enough’ – Wellington As Andrew Bridgman, the acting chief executive of Oranga Tamariki, began the ...6 days ago
- Hollow Apology Fails To Resonate With Survivors
Today, the Government had an historic and monumental opportunity to start righting decades of wrongs against survivors. Unfortunately, the Government has yet again let down survivors who placed their trust in it. ...6 days ago
- How could Donald Trump target the LGBTQ+ community? Project 2025 is a ready blueprint for discrimina...
Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Justin Ellis, Lecturer in Criminology at the University of Newcastle, University of Newcastle Donald Trump’s victory in last week’s US election has sent shockwaves through the LGBTQ+ community, given the president-elect’s divisive rhetoric and demonisation of the trans community in particular. ...6 days ago
- Vale Leon Paroissien: the first director of the Museum of Contemporary Art who shaped how Australian...
Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Joanna Mendelssohn, Honorary Senior Fellow, School of Culture and Communication. Editor in chief, Design and Art of Australia Online, The University of Melbourne Graeme Andrews ‘Working Harbour’ Collection/City of Sydney Archives, CC BY-NC-ND In 1975 when Gough Whitlam opened the Manet ...6 days ago
- Trump win, 1.5 C warming breach weigh on UN climate ‘finance COP’
By Sera Sefeti of Benar News Pacific delegates fear the implications of a Trump presidency and breach of the 1.5 degree Celsius warming target will overshadow negotiations on climate finance at the UN’s annual COP talks that have started in Azerbaijan this week. At the COP29 summit — dubbed the ...6 days ago
- Anticipation in sports: why do some athletes seem to be one step ahead of their opponents?
Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Andrew Kennedy, Casual Academic Performance Psychology and Sports Coaching, The University of Queensland With less than 30 seconds remaining in the Australia-Belgium women’s basketball bronze medal game at the Paris Olympics, Belgium was trailing by three points and on the attack, advancing ...6 days ago
- Fetal monitoring can be essential during labour – but many women don’t realise they have choices
Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Kate Levett, Research Fellow University of Notre Dame Australia; Adjunct Fellow (National Institute of Complementary Medicine), Western Sydney University, University of Notre Dame Australia ravipatt/Shutterstock So, you’re about to have a baby. You’ve been to the birth classes – you learned ...6 days ago
- 5 fun podcasts for when you need a break from the news
Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Siobhan McHugh, Honorary Associate Professor, Journalism, Consulting Producer, The Greatest Menace, Walkley-winning podcast, University of Wollongong Katie Lyke/Unsplash So-called “comedy” podcasts have huge followings, but who gets to say they’re actually funny? Stellar “comedy” hosts such as Joe Rogan have ...6 days ago
- TOAH-NNEST Rejects Choice Of Parliament For State Apology – True Reckoning Is Concrete Reform &...
The national network says the government should have chosen direct engagement at the flaxroots outlining concrete, meaningful actions for survivor restoration and systemic prevention to ensure this never happens again. ...6 days ago
- Home Education: The Baker whānau
Home Education follows the everyday lives of six families in Aotearoa educating their children at home. Today, education among whales and horses with the Baker whānau. The new docuseries Home Education is filmed across Aotearoa, in and around the homes of six families who have taken schooling outside ...6 days ago
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