Satire

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McCully does have vision..

Written By: - Date published: 7:52 am, August 24th, 2010 - 17 comments

There have been a lot of complaints that Murray McCully is useless as our offshore representative and shows a complete lack of vision. Stop complaining.

John Black shows you what the alternatives could be…

Government NACTered

Written By: - Date published: 2:11 pm, August 19th, 2010 - 35 comments

Kingmaker Winston Peters today dashed the second term chances of the troubled National-ACT coalition government. Political commentator Q Werty describes this as a risky but gutsy move by the principled Peters.

Massive series of blasts to close gap with Australia

Written By: - Date published: 1:08 pm, August 19th, 2010 - 5 comments

Prime Minister John Key today outlined a plan to close the gap with Australia using his skills as a money trader and a stockpile of ex-Soviet nukes.

Boscawen new ACT deputy

Written By: - Date published: 1:55 pm, August 17th, 2010 - 38 comments

Clad in traditional climate change denier headwear, John Boscawen today assumed the role of ACT Deputy Leader, vowing to use his new powers to launch a crusade against NIWA. Standing beside him, Rodney Hide told reporters “Don’t give me that look. At least he’s not David Garrett”

All hail honourable leader’s birthday

Written By: - Date published: 10:25 am, August 10th, 2010 - 30 comments

Rapturous crowds of workers from the People’s Information Services spontaneously gathered in the Beehive theatrette yesterday to praise Beloved Leader of People’s Constitutional Monarchy of New Zealand, Honourable John Key, on the anniversary of his birth. “Comrades! I thank you!” said Honourable Key to the sighs of the crowd. One young cadre presented Beloved Leader with a birthday card.

National’s Economic Plan Found

Written By: - Date published: 2:38 pm, August 7th, 2010 - 10 comments

After half a government term of insisting that NACT had an economic plan, it has been ‘misplaced’. The full plan, said by informed sources to have been found in a brief case (along with a pie and a men’s magazine) and written on the back of an old rental expenses claim form, reveals that the government expects significant economic development will be lead by the construction of a single national transport infrastructure, namely a National Cycleway.

PM punts for growth

Written By: - Date published: 11:39 am, July 15th, 2010 - 16 comments

Prime Minister John Key today conceded that growth remains too weak, unemployment is too high, and that it is unacceptable that workers’ wages are going backwards when he promised they would match Australia’s in just 15 years. Speaking to a rapturous crowd of schoolchildren and journalists, Key announced a bold new economic agenda.

Mum & Dad investors keen to put a few mil in privatised assets

Written By: - Date published: 10:47 pm, July 10th, 2010 - 12 comments

Kiwi Dad Michael Fay and his wife Sarah announced today that they would be keen to invest in any SOEs the government privatises. “My old mate David Richwhite and myself made $500 million off the last round privatisation.” said Fay, “It was a great success. We used other people’s money to buy public assets. Asset-stripped, flogged them off and walked away”

If real life were more like the internet…

Written By: - Date published: 12:14 pm, June 30th, 2010 - 7 comments

  Ring any bells? Tom Tommorrow at Salon is a great satirical cartoonist, for more of his work have a look at This Modern World.

Key bullish on Kiwi, bearish on pandas

Written By: - Date published: 1:01 pm, June 28th, 2010 - 27 comments

Itching to get back into the markets, and having solved all New Zealand’s economic and social woes in 18 short months, John Key has announced he is putting aside his Prime Ministierial duties to become the country’s head trader in exotic animals.

Numbers I pulled out of my arse show Brown unhurt by Nat smears

Written By: - Date published: 1:40 pm, June 19th, 2010 - 24 comments

My new poll shows Len Brown will get 90% of the vote. Even though the survey is unscientific and consisted of a self-selected group most of whom think like me, it provides an interesting take on the two weeks of intense political and media scrutiny of Mr Brown’s credit card expenses.

Canterbury government in exile

Written By: - Date published: 12:51 pm, June 16th, 2010 - 21 comments

Since the fall of Canterbury to the newly installed dictatorial regime, a few of the deposed representatives have escaped the closing net and set up a local government in exile. Vowing to “continue to serve you in your region”, this ragged band will fight to keep the flame of democracy alive.

Labour concedes 2011 election

Written By: - Date published: 10:00 am, June 13th, 2010 - 56 comments

In a short statement outside the Beehive today Labour leader Phil Goff conceded the 2011 election to National.

Boston Globe leads on tailored content

Written By: - Date published: 12:18 pm, June 11th, 2010 - 2 comments

Did you know Editing the Herald is back? It is and James is as incisive and witty as ever.

This isn’t about one of his posts though, sampling them doesn’t do them justice. Instead, it’s a hilarious clip from The Onion that his blog put me on to.

Tax ‘swap’ needed to keep National MPs in NZ

Written By: - Date published: 1:00 pm, May 20th, 2010 - 18 comments

Finance Minister Bill English today announced tax cuts worth $340,000 for National MPs on their Parliamentary salaries alone. “I’m very pleased we could announce this gift, ah, fair alteration of the tax system. There was a real danger that New Zealand could have lost the services of such valuable, highly-skilled workers as Paula Bennett, Kanwaljit Singh Bakshi, Paul Quinn, and Melissa Lee

Grateful poor to thank rich for trickle down wealth

Written By: - Date published: 1:09 pm, May 19th, 2010 - 29 comments

It is befitting that the 27st of May – just one week after the Budget – marks Thank The Rich Day, which sees poor people the length of the country gearing up to offer their gratitude to the rich for their contribution to the welfare of the poor through making themselves richer. Thank The Rich Day is, in fact, the brainchild of grocery packer Joe Brown…

Murdering thieves ‘joke’ clouds Treaty talks

Written By: - Date published: 10:40 pm, May 13th, 2010 - 51 comments

Embroiled in fraught Treaty talks, Tuhoe negotiator Tamati Kruger has made things worse with an inopportune joke: “The good news tonight is that I was having dinner with my whanau as opposed to with the representatives of the Crown in which case I would be lucky to get away without having my land stolen and my family murdered”.

Key ‘not sure’ which Bennett he appointed

Written By: - Date published: 10:42 pm, May 6th, 2010 - 82 comments

Prime Minister John Key explained today that there are two Paula Bennetts and he is unsure which one is Minister of Social Development. The two are easily confused. The first Bennett is a solo mum who relied on the DPB. The second Bennett attacks DPB mums, forcing them to seek work.

Octagon Mine Plans Announced

Written By: - Date published: 11:58 am, April 22nd, 2010 - 12 comments

The Great National Mining Corporation has chosen Earth Day to announce its plans to seek government approval to mine in Dunedin’s Octagon. Commenting on the irony of the timing of the release of their plans, GNMC spokesman Doug de Houlle said “What better day than Earth Day? The government wants mining and we can move the earth to do it.”

Lee eyeing up Wigram?

Written By: - Date published: 11:21 am, April 21st, 2010 - 18 comments

Odds are good Jim Anderton is standing for mayor of Christchurch. By-election will be a chance to rev up the Labour machine again. Safe seat: Labour+Progressive had over 20,000 candidate votes. Also gives Progressives and Labour time to combine their assets, activists, and systems well before the general election. But it looks like Labour isn’t the only one seeing an opportunity:

If smiles equaled FTAs Key wouldn’t be a do nothing PM

Written By: - Date published: 12:20 pm, April 18th, 2010 - 7 comments

Journos. Obama didn’t meet Key before dinner on a big stage in front of the media because it was just practical. The leaders didn’t stand with awkward grins for the group photo because it was a crucial step in the diplomatic process. This is being done for you. Only you. It is meaningless apart from the fact they know the media will lap it up. They think you’re saps. And you keep proving them right.

Humour of the week

Written By: - Date published: 9:01 pm, April 6th, 2010 - 10 comments

David Slack says..

“Qantas passenger threatened to bring down flight with the power of his mind. Ten bucks says he’s wearing an ACT T-shirt”

But it made me laugh after a hard weekend. as it perfectly reflects that way I feel about the breed.

11/10

Written By: - Date published: 9:37 am, March 31st, 2010 - 15 comments

Managed 11/10 in this week’s stuff politics quiz.

Just under 0 seconds.

No guesses.

Try your luck, if you think you can do better!

Sadistics office backs National Standards

Written By: - Date published: 3:55 pm, March 19th, 2010 - 19 comments

New instalment from John Key impersonater “Plumedekiwi”, in which the PM gets his linguistic knickers in a twist over national standards….
If you haven’t seen the other vids by Plumedekiwi, check him out here

Glorious school building opened by honourable leader

Written By: - Date published: 10:20 am, March 4th, 2010 - 62 comments

Beloved Leader of People’s Constitutional Monarchy of New Zealand, Honourable John Key, attended glorious opening of school building on Tuesday.
Several youths were overcome by the glory of Honourable Leader’s appearance as were several members of the press corps.

Why not a Maori minimum wage too?

Written By: - Date published: 12:59 pm, February 24th, 2010 - 58 comments

The faulty logic behind Roger Douglas’ bill to cut the wages of young workers could just as easily be applied to any number of groups hit hard by the recession – Maori, students, men, dropouts, singles, people in Northland. What if we were to change a couple of key words in his bill?

John Key discovers new word. Country celebrates.

Written By: - Date published: 12:09 pm, February 23rd, 2010 - 17 comments

This morning the DomPost ran an article by Tracy Watkins about several ministers misusing their ministerial credit cards for personal entertainment. They obtained the information by doing OIAs (Official Information Act requests). Now I’ve come to expect that NACT ministers will do (in John Keys words) “stupid” things in office. But what I found significant was that John Key appears to have discovered the use of a new word “disappointment”. This is a major advance for the NACT political vocabulary.

All that glitters

Written By: - Date published: 12:00 pm, December 18th, 2009 - 15 comments

Brilliant piece from Stephen Colbert on the nutty American Right’s new obsession with gold. Sure, it’s billed as a survivalist thing – preparing for the collapse of society brought on by Obama’s socialist agenda – but the truth is it’s dumb rednecks getting ripped off by immoral capitalists, again.

Scientific conspiracy on a global scale

Written By: - Date published: 1:54 pm, December 15th, 2009 - 40 comments

In a recent post my good friend and fellow concern troll DPF covered the Associated Press review of the leaked “climategate” materials. The review concluded that the science of global warming was genuine. But DPF had some concerns: “My worry is that there is now a mindset where only data that fits the thesis is […]

Capitalism in its wonderful natural form.

Written By: - Date published: 7:55 pm, December 7th, 2009 - 29 comments

Following on from our report earlier this year about ideal places for libertarians to go, it appears that we are now seeing capitalism in its wonderful Ayn Rand style libertarian idealized form. Somali ‘maritime companies” have setup a stock exchange to help incubate free enterprise in its natural form. From Reuters we have this report. […]

CCDs. Worms perhaps?

Written By: - Date published: 2:15 pm, November 24th, 2009 - 73 comments

It has been fascinating over the last few days watching the CCDs (Climate Change Deniers) make an another attempt to scale the bastion of scientific thinking and language. In this case someone hacked a copy of decade of e-mails at the Climate Research Unit (CRU) at a insecure University of East Anglia webmail server. There […]

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